Elementary Science 201

By P.G. Henck

This sequel to Elementary Science 101 takes up were we left the Elementaries and the Professor, attempting to fix all of the harm the dreaded Shadowers have done to human development. As it turned out, the dreaded Shadowers they had come to oppose and defend the Earth from were actually just replicates of one twisted original. This eleventh one had departed long ago from ten other Shadowers who followed their original path to the moon of Europa. These remaining ten Shadowers were pretty good beings, and fit in well to the Elementaries’ thinking and mission on Earth. So they were allowed to inhabit a small dog, but at least for the time being, would be under the close eye and control of the Professor.

Because of the promising future that lie ahead for Earth and the human race, the Elementaries tried to repair a previous mistake. Three of their own, originally created to help combat the Shadowers, had malfunctioned and were now in a mechanical coma of sorts. They were revived by the Professor and things looked pretty promising, until they tried to kill him and his beloved and Molly. The ensuing battles took a lot of time and attention away from other mysteries happening at the same time, not to mention the Professor and Molly’s upcoming wedding.
But again, just when that crisis was being resolved, another potential threat to Earth, perhaps greater than anything the Elementaries had faced before, started lurking in the shadows of the Solar System. Luckily for the Elementaries, this potential threat only wished to reveal itself in its own sweet time, and in between, the wedding and all the normally associated events were able to take place. Well, about as normal as any such things could be when the Elementaries are running the show. They may have been children of Earth too, but when it came to human behavior, they were not close cousins yet.
Join the Professor and Elementaries again on a trip of discovery and quest to save the human race from everything that just seems to have it against us for some reason. Revisit their spectacular base of operations far below the Earth, discover what happened on the dark side of the Moon, journey deep below the Pacific Ocean, and finally, take a Solar System tour of Mars, Jupiter, and its tiny moon Europa, the other safe harbor for life. And oh yes, you are invited to the wedding. Casual dress please, and gifts are not necessary. They have everything they need.

• Language: English
• Publisher: P.G. Henck
• Release date: Aug 13, 2020
• ISBN: 9781951251116

P.G. Henck

About P.G. HenckP.G. Henck has written several science fiction and fantasy stories with more on the way. His first novel, ‘Beyond The Providers’, was self published in 2019 after many years in development. His next two novels, ‘Elementary Science 101’ and ‘Elementary Science 201’, entered the humorous side of science fiction, where many of his works now reside. The ‘Deep Space Rescue 911’ series has begun with two novellas, and may end with a novel in order to complete the whole story. The ‘Captain Mike’ series will eventually consist of three novellas, each with a different set of circumstances and characters, except for Captain Mike of course. Both series are comedies and follow P.G.’s favorite storyline of an unusual group of individuals making their way through space. The published short stories ‘Distant Neighbors’ and ‘Alien Vacation Invasion’ had parts inspired by real events, which P.G. thinks can be pretty funny in themselves at times. The next short story, ‘Bigfoot Dance Party’, relies on characters from ‘Elementary Science 201’. Being published in the fall of 2021 are the fantasy / science fiction novellas ‘Bring it Alien B’ and ‘Super Absorption’. Both go for the funny bone as well as presenting new interesting characters. Additional short stories and novellas are planned in the next few years along with another novel called Time Minds, which is expected to give readers a heavy dose of fictionalized history made possible through science fiction.P.G. Henck was born in Michigan, and lived in the Great Lakes region for a good part of his life with his wife, the girl next door. The couple then moved to southern Utah to experience the spectacular scenery and endless trails it provides. Though he spent most of his career as an accountant and financial administrator, P.G. Henck’s outside interest lay heavily in the sciences, space exploration, and history. Also a lover of science fiction and fantasy over the years, he has gone out of his way to see every movie and TV show available, both good and bad. His many other interests besides writing include hiking, travel, photography, and website development, along with designing and producing his own book covers.Please go to the author’s website at www.pghenck.com for more information and special deals on purchasing his books.

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Elementary Science 201

By P.G. Henck

Copyright 2020 P.G. Henck Publishing

First Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

To my one and only everything.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Table of Contents

Element III - Obligation

Chapter One - The Rave of Paris

Chapter Two - Mountain Dreams

Chapter Three - Revival

Chapter Four - Friendly Skies

Chapter Five - Showdown at Silver Ridge

Chapter Six - Being the Brennans

Chapter Seven - Loose Ends

Chapter Eight - Wedding Plan Pains

Chapter Nine - Rebellion

Chapter Ten - Falling Apart

Element IV - Commitment

Chapter Eleven - Losing the Moon

Chapter Twelve - Collision Course

Chapter Thirteen - Autoton Assault

Chapter Fourteen - Family Pains

Chapter Fifteen - Humans on Mars

Chapter Sixteen - Completing the Path

Chapter Seventeen - Boys and Girls

Chapter Eighteen - Undersea Secrets

Chapter Nineteen - The Wedding Quest

Chapter Twenty - Their Day

Epilog - Benefactors

About P.G. Henck

Elementary Science 101

Beyond the Providers

Deep Space Rescue 911

Contact with P.G. Henck

Element III - Obligation

The winds of obligation swirled around them like a tornado. Decisions needed to be made, egos needed to be stroked, and conversations seemed to go on forever, sometimes ending just short of where they began. Everyone wanted something, until all their time, attention, and serenity, had been chipped away, and carried off with a smile.

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Chapter One - The Rave of Paris

The Professor was on his way to the Gare du Nord train station in Paris. This was the first time in over a year he had been on the surface without at least one of the Elementaries at his side. He didn’t feel unprotected, though, since Silicon was back at Home Base tracking his every move, and anything else that got close to him. If there was a sinister plot out there to capture or hurt any part of him, it would be detected and dealt with by the rest of his friends. But since the Shadowers, who had once almost destroyed the Earth, were now on a one-way trip to nowhere, it was unlikely the Professor was in any danger on the surface. Well, if you didn’t include his current taxi cab ride, which seemed intent on inflicting some sort of harm, either physical or mental.

As the cab got closer to its destination, the Professor turned his mind back to the task at hand. A small device installed into his head kept him in touch with all of the other Elementaries on this mission. They were all converging on the train station in perfect harmony with the movements of their unsuspecting chosen victims. The outside of the station looked more like a huge cathedral rather than a place of commerce, but religions can take many forms, the Professor thought to himself. He walked in, both hurrying or slowing his pace as directed by Silicon, who was orchestrating the whole operation.

Come on, pick it up dummy, another seven steps to your right should do it, came directly to the Professor’s mind from Silicon. O.K. twinkle toes, you’re in the right place, stay there but don’t look stupid, fit in with the rest.

Luckily, the Professor was used to Silicon’s terse and sometimes rude way of communicating, and took no offense to it. The only problem it caused for him when trying to fit in with the rest of the train travelers was not laughing at these stupid comments that no one else around him could hear. The Professor had always liked a good senseless banter of playful insults with his friends and family, much like the popular sitcoms on TV. Here, though, he did need to stay focused on the task at hand, and leave his clever retorts dormant for the time being. For the whole operation to go off as planned, a major diversion or disruption of normal terminal activities was needed. And, there was no one better at the disruption of normal activities than the Elementaries. The Professor just waited for his cue, reading a paper as the others took their positions around the terminal’s large central expanse. He listened to Silicon saying in his head and to all of the players, Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it, now!

Suddenly, almost like an explosion, music filled the huge hall as ten dancers in a row presented themselves by throwing off their overcoats. They were all dressed differently, and instantly began their dance routines to their own individual piece of music. At first it sounded more like a musical bombardment to the citizens of Paris as the songs began, but the human mind has the uncanny ability to focus on only one thing in a sea of others. As the assault evolved into entertainment for the onlookers, even the most hurried traveler could not help but pause for a few moments to take in the spectacle. Maybe spectacle was an understatement. Tin was dressed like a New York cop gyrating his hip-hop dance to Bad Boys. Titanium was dressed like an Indian chief and did the party favorite YMCA dance routine. Platinum was in an evening dress waltzing a Strauss melody alone, while Osmium was always near her, in a tuxedo, also waltzing, but to a different melody. Co (Cobalt) was in her white disco suit doing her own rendition of the Bee Gees’ Stayin’ Alive.

Now for the strange ones. Mer (Mercury) was dressed as a ballerina in a tutu, and was wildly spinning to the Russian Dance from the Nutcracker Suite. Her twitchy movements and jerky face expressions, normally making her look somewhat like a crazy person, actually fit in pretty well with this performance. Vana (Vanadium) was dressed like a gymnast, as she always was when not in public, but her dance was actually a set of non-impressive exercise routines done to Rob Zombie’s Never Gonna Stop. The general public wasn’t ready yet for the twelver backflip to a five revolution cartwheel dismount that she was routinely doing back in her own gym. Uranium seemed to be having way too much self-fun with his Bavarian slap dance, as he performed in his way too tight lederhosen. The equally huge Lead was dressed as a cowboy, doing a line dance to some country song that sounded like all the rest. Finally, more or less in the middle of all this mayhem, Iodine, or Nurse Dine as she was always called, had dumped her nurse uniform in favor of a sparkling dark blue show dress, and looked every bit of the Aretha Franklin she was going for. As she belted out Respect, that is just what she got. Nobody dared move when she was socking it to them.

That was just what they were counting on when she socked it to the money courier. He didn’t even notice the slight numbness in his fingers as Molly exchanged an exact duplicate in place of the briefcase he was holding in his hand. Molly made off with the original briefcase as the courier hesitated in front of Nurse Dine, just long enough for the switch to go smoothly and undetected by anyone. Instantly Molly changed her appearance as she passed the original briefcase on to the Professor, who was walking in the opposite direction. She then produced a new empty case, identical to the first, and left it next to a wastepaper basket. Almost as soon as he got it, the Professor stealthily passed the original briefcase to Silver, who again changed his appearance. Silver then gave the original case to a very fat looking Manganese, who was able to adsorb it, and the millions of dollars of cash it contained, into his new larger size without anyone in the train station being the wiser. He then left the building and got into a waiting taxi cab.

Back in the building, the rave was beginning to come apart. Security guards were shouting at the dancers to disperse, threatening to have them arrested, as the once appreciative crowd forgot them almost instantly, carrying on with why they were there. Luckily, none of the Elementaries were arrested, but of course they did have a plan in place for that possibility if needed. The money courier finally made his way as best he could to the designated rendezvous in an almost unused restroom. A terrorist was inside washing his hands, and gave a side look to the courier as he walked in and put the briefcase on the floor. The courier too began washing his hands. Another person was in a closed stall further down, but judging from the constant succession of grunts and farts coming from this stall, this person seemed to be well occupied with his own business, and posed no threat to their plans. The terrorist smoothly walked over to the case, picked it up, and then went into one of the open stalls.

The terrorist locked the stall door and sat down on the closed toilet seat. He quietly opened the case, but instead of finding the millions of Euros he was expecting, there were only stacks and stacks of brightly colored monopoly money laughing at him. He checked all of the case, hoping the play bills were covering the real currency. As his temper began to rise, it became apparent this was all he was going to get. He began to swear in Arabic as he rose to his feet and unlocked the door. His anger had possessed him so that he didn’t notice that the toilet in the other stall had been flushed. As the terrorist came bolting out of his stall shaking his free hand angrily at the courier, Nick (Nickel) came bolting out of the other stall and they almost collided.

Sorry partner, Nick said with a Texas accent and two-faced smile, as he patted the terrorist on the back to show his good intentions. Nick didn’t wait for a reply or reaction, and just proceeded out the exit door like the self-possessed Texan he was portraying, who rarely washed his hands when dealing with his own poop.

The other two waited until they were alone, and then got into an argument in Arabic that might have needed five translators to sort through. Their hands also entered into the argument, and before long the briefcase went flying, empting its contents out all over the bathroom floor. Both men didn’t know what to do next, and after a few more pointed insults, the terrorist stormed out of the bathroom leaving the courier to clean up his funny money mess.

Outside the bathroom, hidden by some fake plants, Iron and the Professor were watching the bathroom door with great intent. As the terrorist burst out, Iron, or Pig as everyone called him, whispered to the Professor, Now when he goes by, look at his back, this is really cool.

Knowing Pig like he did, the Professor figured it wasn’t going to be that cool, but his curiosity always got the better of him. So the Professor secretly positioned himself to get a good undetected look as the terrorist huffed by. On the back of the terrorist’s brown leather jacket was a yellow sign that said, I’m A Terrorist, Kick Me to Heaven.

Isn’t that sweet, Professor? Pig asked in a quiet giggly voice. Everyone who reads it will see it in their own language too. And when he tries to get rid of it, the sign will just dissolve before he can see what it said.

Well, the Professor said matter-of-factly, that certainly takes ethnic labeling to a new level.

Pig started to laugh saying, I knew you would get it. If you’re going to walk the walk, then you need to take the talk. That terrorist is going to be so embarrassed when he finds out people were laughing at him behind his back.

The Professor was doubtful that would be the terrorist’s exact reaction, but the Elementaries’ understanding of human emotions was still a work in progress. He just gave Pig a smile, and thumbs up for a good try.

Then Silicon’s squeaky voice filled the Professor’s mind with, Come on you two, stop horsing around. It’s time to meet everyone below at the Art Preserve for a debriefing, or bitchen party as I like to call them. Then Silicon broke into one of his best nerdy laughs that were hard enough for the Professor to listen to, let alone have it echo in his mind like this. And don’t forget to take separate cabs, everybody, Silicon continued. That’s the coolest part of this whole plan, Or at least that’s what Silicon thought. As most of the other Elementaries, he was one of a kind.

The Professor hailed a cab for the final part of this mission. As the cab dodged certain peril at every turn, he began to think maybe this was the most dangerous part of it. The Professor, or Dr. Andrew Miller as he was known on the surface, sat back tensely and reflected on his past year, which was certainly more pleasant than his present cab ride. His new family, the Elementaries, was a group that defied simple explanation. When he first met them, their bizarre and often times silly behavior was only overshadowed by the incredible scientific impossibilities his senses were witnessing. But time is the filter of confusion, and the more he invested, the more he came to appreciate their complexity and the righteousness of their mission. Which, simply put, was to protect the Earth from outside invasion, injury, and undue influence.

The Shadowers brought all of these threats with them when they multiplied on the Earth thousands of years ago. Their influence on human development was so profound, that even though they had been disposed of, it was hard for the Elementaries to ascertain just what human society would have looked like if it had been left to its own devices. Since the top items on the Shadowers’ bucket list were death, destruction, and turmoil, it was safe to assume that any groups or persons adhering to those goals had been damaged by the Shadowers’ influence, and needed some strong intervention. That was now the Elementaries’ top priority. They needed to undo all the harm that had been left behind by these beings. This task at times seemed almost harder than the initial struggle. The Shadowers’ influence had spread out and infected humankind almost like a virus. Hatred, violence, and unbridled revenge were now as prevalent as the higher aspirations humankind had been striving for since its evolution.

The current mission was why the Professor now found himself in a Paris cab facing terror. They were stripping a major terrorist group of its cash reserve slated for the death and destruction of their fellow human beings. It was originally decided that the best way for the Elementaries to cover their tracks, since no one on the surface knew they even existed, was to individually approach the train station from all directions, and leave that way. Little did the Professor know at the time that this plan was more Silicon’s idea of the coolest way to do it, rather than the best way. That was just the way it was at times with the Elementaries, taking all twenty-four of them to screw in one light bulb.

Each Elementary, though, was unique in their own way, especially when they put their own spin on both their element’s name, as well as how they should act in their fairly new solitary existence. Their minds had not been manufactured like their bodies, but evolved much like a human’s. Except in their case, they had been evolving on Earth for millions of years, longer than humankind itself. During this time, they were still all individuals, but dwelled together as one in a non-corporeal state of pure energy.

It was a fairly abrupt change for them when each individual consciousness was transferred into a new manufactured body to become an Elementary. For the first time they were all alone with just their own thoughts, which included how vulnerable they felt as an individual. Some of the earlier versions had severe problems coping with this transition, where some of the later versions still used behaviors to manage it that the average human would find quite bizarre. But regardless of which batch an Elementary came from, they were still guided by a common purpose and set of ethics that helped them act as one for the protection of Earth from outside influences.

Deep under the Earth, the Art Preserve, as everyone was now calling it, was filled with activity as always. Things pretty much looked like they did on the surface in Paris. Except instead of people, it was filled with Autotons, a humanoid robot the Elementaries had created initially to help them fight the Shadowers. Nowadays, the Autotons were stuffed here and there, mostly in the underground cultural preserves or the Elementaries’ base on the Moon. Most of them had a crash test dummy face, with attire designed to fit in with the preserve they were stationed in, but the ones here in the Art Preserve were very special. They were done up as as the traditional French mime. Most sported a black beret, white and black horizontally striped shirt, and black pants, along with white skin and heavy makeup to accentuate the eyes and mouth. A few, like the policemen directing traffic, broke the mold a little with their clothes, but the white skin and makeup kept the French clown persona going, which was the aim of these mimes.

As typical with the art of pantomime, these Autotons tried to use as few props as possible in order to get their portrayal across. This was most evident where Autoton motorists sped along the boulevards and traffic circles in their make believe cars. They would whiz by in a semi-sitting position, shuffling their feet as fast as they could to portray the movement of their imaginary car. Some cars would have a whole family in them while others would be solitary operators or cabbies with their fare in the back. Confrontations between the French motorists where common here too, but in keeping with the rules of mimery, no words could be spoken. Only hand gestures and the moving of lips were allowed. As the traffic flowed by and pedestrians walked in their own world along the streets, an occasional male Autoton would pee freely on the sides of buildings, while female Autotons posed nude for any passing artist. Pretty much like on the surface in Paris, well, at least in someone’s imagination.

This was not the Professor’s first visit to the Art Preserve, however, so this whole scene was not affecting him that much. It’s funny how bizarre behavior and looks all seem to have a natural life cycle with those outside of the center. Initial shock or startlement usually gives way to laughter or humorous thoughts, and eventually ends with them not giving a shit, one way or the other. That was probably the stage the Professor was coming into now. The poor Autotons were what they were, and would just keeping on doing what they were programmed to, until one of the more creative Elementaries came up with a new idea for doing the same thing differently. Pretty much like designers do with fashion, and social clique leaders do with handshakes and greetings, constantly reprograming their Autoton-like humans to conform to their vision. But when three Autotons surrounded the Professor and posed for a selfie, he got temporarily moved back to stage two, and laughed to himself while saying, I guess some things never get old. The Professor came to an outdoor restaurant where all the others were waiting for him.

Have a seat, Professor, Silver said with a warm smile. I think we are all here now and back to our old selves so to speak. Silver was referring to their appearances, which had all been changed for the operation. Even if they had been photographed by hundreds of smart phone paparazzi, they would have photographed people who would never be seen on the surface again. Only the Professor would be the same, and even he sported his fake facial hair, which was gone now too.

Of course the open chair waiting for the Professor was next to Molybdenum, and it seemed from the look on her face that she had missed him over their short separation, as much as he missed his beloved Molly. Thank you, he said as he sat down. Everybody seemed to be waiting for his next word, so he continued. It looks like you guys are celebrating something? Was this operation a success, or what?

All the Elementaries cheered back, raising their glasses and mugs into the air to accentuate their reply.

Well, that’s several million dollars of misery the surface doesn’t have to deal with now, he continued. While the Shadowers’ mess on top is far from being cleaned up, this is how we do it, one problem at a time, until we get them all put nicely on a shelf." The minute he finished that line, the Professor knew two things. First, it was a good thing they had just won the game, because that speech wouldn’t have inspired nuns to go to church on Sunday morning. Second, the Elementaries would have loved his pep talk no matter what he said, giving good and bad both their typical enthusiasm. Napkins went flying, tables and dishes rattled like they were in the middle of an earthquake, and the infamous Crew, which consisted of Pig, Nick, Co, and Manganese, got up and did a victory dance of some sort. It wasn’t very coordinated, but it sure was animated in typical Crew style, and well appreciated by the others.

As things finally began to settle down, Aunt B (Boron) got everyone’s attention by softly clearing her throat. I want you to know, Andy, that we have some very good plans for the currency that we just obtained. Now with everyone’s gaze on her, Aunt B stood up so they could all see her, at least her head, since she wasn’t very tall. She didn’t seem very comfortable with public speaking, and fumbled a while for something in her apron pocket before she began. Here it is, she said, as she began reading from the note card that was in her pocket. Miss Copper and Miss Zinc have agreed to help me distribute the funds to the needy.

Everyone clapped at this news, as did the Professor, while wondering why she needed a notecard for the names of two lifeforms she had known for over 65,000,000 years. Well, you can never predict what the fear of public speaking will do to you before you try it, the Professor mused to himself. For the whole mission he had kept his thought blocking device on to not interfere with the communications coming from Silicon. He had also left it on for this gathering, wanting to keep his thoughts private when he first saw Molly again after their brief separation. Surprisingly, he found it very pleasing to keep his own thoughts to himself. Constantly worrying about what he thought, let alone what he said, had become quite taxing.

Now inspired with the approval of the other Elementaries, Aunt B continued without her note card. We first plan to stuff donation boxes and canisters with the lower denomination bills. Then we will make more sizable contributions to orphanages and animal shelters by putting the money in a basket like you would with a baby.

Everyone went ooooh as if on cue, and gave a loving smile back to Aunt B. Everyone except for Titanium. He was too busy wiping the tears from his eyes.

And finally, Aunt B said with even more loving confidence, We plan to open over 500 bank accounts around the United States so we will have a good vehicle for making small contributions to deserving charities. Copper will be the one handling that part of the operation, and all of that electronic business going along with it that I don’t understand.

Most everyone started congratulating Copper, who in a very demure voice and strong Asian accent began saying, Thank you very much, to all of her well-wishers.

When that settled down, Aunt B continued. And when that money runs out, well, you never know when those rascals will decide to move some more money. We will be waiting. The crowd erupted into shouts of support. Luckily, the Crew didn’t decide to do another dance.

Even though the Professor’s past experience with the Elementaries told him that when they were this solidly behind something, just keep your mouth shut, his internal naysayer came up from the depths somewhere and began to work his mouth once again. I hope we can cover that much banking activity, since the government keeps a very close eye on cash transactions.

Copper alerted to attention in her chair, as she turned toward the Professor and said in her female Lieutenant Sulu radio announcer voice, Captain, our cross modulation and logarithms will create more paradoxical incursions than any system on the surface can handle. Our activities will be as cloaked as the Romulan high command, Captain.

Knowing that any reply to this would just make him look stupid, the Professor decided to embrace it, and go with the great equalizer, humor. Since most of that just confused the hell out of me, and I have a PhD, we shouldn’t have any problem with the government. Sounds like a good plan, Copper.

Everyone laughed, except for the Crew, who seemed to be discussing something amongst themselves. Then Pig quickly shot his arm into the air, as the other Crew members began to follow his lead. He began to knock down their hands with his other hand while saying, No, it was my idea, it was my idea first. When the others withdrew their hands from contention, Pig then started waving his hand proudly again, like he was going to explode if he couldn’t ask his question really soon.

Yes Pig, you have a question? the Professor asked without having an option.

Can I have the bank incentive gifts? Pig asked as politely as he could muster.

I’m very sorry, Pig, Aunt B said as she began to stand again. We already decided to give any such gifts to charity too.

Even the luggage? Pig asked with unbelievable disappointment.

Yes dear, even the luggage. Poor people need to travel in style like the rest of us.

Just as the Professor was thinking that he didn’t need to hear any more of that conversation, Silver stepped in to save the day. So, it sounds like we are pretty well set with this operation. It was a great success, all the way around. Thus far we have dealt with organized crime, ethnic hate groups, fraternities, and now a terrorist network. Are there any ideas of what part of the Shadower legacy we should go after next?

Everyone looked again to the Professor, since he had come up with the previous ones. Well, right now there seems to be an endless supply of these and other groups still following their Shadower ways, the Professor said, thinking as he went. So we need to keep on plugging away if we are going to ever get the mess cleaned up.

Nurse Dine, who was sitting on Molly’s other side, began to raise both her hands, signaling to everyone the floor was now hers. Sweetie, you can work the rest of us like Colonel Sanders’ slaves, but you are human and need to recover every now and then from changing the world to a nicer place. Nurse Dine is prescribing that you take one or two of your two days off to smell the roses, so to speak. We can continue like we have been just fine until you get back.

Sounds like I’m getting a Doctor’s orders for a couple of days off, the Professor said in jest to the rest of them.

Sweetie, please don’t use that term when referring to Nurse Dine. Surface Doctors don’t know diddly-runt compared to Nurse Dine.

Molly quickly leaned over to Nurse Dine and whispered to her, I believe the most common expression used is usually diddly-squat, or diddly-shit if you want a higher degree of crassness.

Dine gave Molly one of her best sideways stink eyes, before she announced to the rest with great pride, I just invented it, like I do with all of my medicine.

The group gave her a hand as Pig asked, Is that what the Dr. stands for Nurse Dine, Diddly runt?

I believe it does Pig, very insightful.

Charged by his very rare compliment from Nurse Dine, Pig just couldn’t let it rest and said to Nick, You don’t know diddly-runt, and then laughed.

No way, Nick replied defensively. I know more diddly-runt than you do.

Since somehow he created this, the Professor figured he better put an end to it before others fell into the intellectual hole that now seemed to be getting bigger.

O.K., it looks like it’s settled. I need to take at least two days off, and the rest of you continue cleaning up the Shadowers’ mess. Whatever you do, I suggest not doing something as public as our last operation. We knew coming into that operation that we might arouse some attention, but hopefully it will not be anything significant.

Somewhere on the surface above them, a human TV announcer’s voice came in after the ad with, And now back to World News Retort, with Charles N. Nonely and Sassi Fox.

Well Sassi, just when we thought the Rave was finally dead, the French have done it again. They came up with the Super Rave, and it was captured live as shown here being performed in a Paris train station yesterday. As you can see, while it’s still a bunch of dancers rudely interrupting people minding their own business, with this new rave, they are not just using one song like the older ones did, but incredibly a separate song for each of the ten dancers is being played at the same time. All ten songs and their matching dance styles went on until the police broke it up, to the disappointment of the entertained onlookers. One of those happened to be well-known Canadian rapper, Ice P, who you can now see being escorted away by his handlers from any potential harm, musical or otherwise. Ice P was not available for comment.

Well Charles, another celebrity was also there at the time, and he was available. After informing police that he thought maybe the rave was an attempt to abduct him to hold for ransom, British superstar, Ozzie, was also in the building, and kindly spoke to us in this interview.

"Yeh, I think it was a ******* attempt to snatch me knickers. A few weeks ago we told a Russian circus troop to bugger off, and you know how Putin holds grudges. Our tour is going to America now, so I hope the Yanks can keep us safe.

You can see the whole interview by going to our website at [e-mail], Sassi said with a very serious look. Later on, Federal agent Smith from Homeland Security then had this to say about Ozzie’s concerns.

Agent Smith was standing in front of the camera with sunglasses, no hat, dark trench coat, and a look every bit as serious as Sassi’s. We are ready and capable to protect all visiting dignitaries and rock stars coming into the United States of America. The United States is still one of the safest places around the world to be, and Homeland Security takes that reputation very seriously. Only in America will Ozzie get such a pledge.

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Chapter Two - Mountain Dreams

The Professor was in blissful sleep when his alarm went off, as it did each and every morning. Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work you go. As the whistling started he began to stir. His goal was to always raise a hand or head, or something to shut off the alarm before the next verse, which was just the same as the first, and the fiftieth if he let it go that far. As he rose, feeling