The Seven Windows To A Blissful Marriage Despite The Spikes

By Francis Wambua Mulwa

This book is a humble reflection on lessons learnt from personal experience in a marital journey of forty years. It is meant to celebrate our forty years of marital anniversary that was attained in December 2019. Basically, the book is intended to benefit both the young couples, the not-so-young couples and especially those who enter into wedlock imagining they will simply live happily thereafter. Our informed argument here is that couples must work for the success of their marriage. They must be determined to overcome spikes which are sure to be on the way which could easily puncture and deflate the union bringing it to a sudden halt. In the same vein, we are arguing that marriages do not just fail. They are often ‘allowed’ to fail when we lose the alertness to anticipate and act on dangers as they rear their ugly heads. This is the only way we can counteract the hazards before they attack our marriages. The Seven Windows to Enjoying Blissful Marriage is meant to erect the warning signs. Failing to discuss and plan on how to react to such potential threats is already tantamount to planning to fail. We do wish you success.

Professor Francis Wambua Mulwa is a prolific motivational writer and life coach. He is the author of the popular book Dare Chase That Dream which targets the youth to whom the book is issued for free. It is intended to stir up their untested dreams and jerk them out of their comfort zones provided by their aging parents. Professor Mulwa has also authored and published numerous academic books and journals, and is a renowned investor in the education sector.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Francis Wambua Mulwa
• Release date: Jul 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781005008246

Book preview

The Seven Windows to

A Blissful Marriage

Despite the Spikes

Copyright © 2020 Francis Wambua Mulwa

Published by Francis Wambua Mulwa Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

ISBN 978-9966-138-86-6

Published by Francis Wambua Mulwa using Reach Publishers’ services,

Edited by Lorna King for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

FRANCIS WAMBUA MULWA

Dedicated to McKenna Makena (our granddaughter)

"Happy 40th anniversary Tata and Masa. Your union is one of love, patience, perseverance, real with each other, through ups and downs ... the type of marriage that lasts a lifetime. May God grant you both long lives filled with laughter, joy, peace and favour" – Monica Mwende (daughter), December 15, 2019.

Books and Journals by Francis W. Mulwa

Mulwa, FW, The Glamour Of Harmony – Alone You Go Faster, But Together We Go Further, Kijabe Printing Press, Nairobi, Kenya, 2018.

Mulwa, FW, Legacy Of Persistence – Desert Winds Shape Rocks Through Persistence, Kijabe Printing Press, Nairobi, Kenya, 2018.

Mulwa, FW, Dare Chase That Dream: If You Can Dream It, You Can Make (Motivational), Kijabe Printing Press, Nairobi, Kenya, 2015.

Mulwa, FW, Demystifying Participatory Community Development: Beginning From The People, Ending At The People, Paulines Publications Africa, Daughters of St Paul, Nairobi, 2010.

Mulwa, FW, Participatory Monitoring And Evaluation Of Community Projects: Community Based Project Monitoring; Qualitative Impact Assessment; And People Friendly Evaluation Methods, Paulines Publications Africa, Daughters of St Paul, Nairobi, 2009.

Mulwa, F, Changing The Poor People’s Vision Of Reality And The Role Of The Church, 3rd Edition, AMECEA-Gaba Publications, Eldoret, 1987 (Reprinted 2000).

Journals

Mulwa, F, The Practice Of Community Development In Kenya: A Contribution To A Debate On The Challenges And Issues For Professionalization Of Community Development In South Africa. Africanus Journal of Development Studies, University of South Africa (UNISA), Vol. 42 No. 2, 2012.

Mulwa, F, Paulo Freire’s Development Education Methodology (a 20-year experience), WAJIBU: A Journal of Social and Religious Concern, Vol. 13 No. 2, 1998.

Mulwa, F, Grassroots Participation In Development, Journal of Social Development In Africa – School of Social Work – University of Zimbabwe, Vol. 3 No. 2, 1988.

Mulwa, F, Participation Of The Grassroots In Rural Development, Coady International Institute Newsletter, St F.X. University, Canada, Vol. 8 No. 1, 1988.

Mulwa, F, Participation Of The Grassroots In Rural Development, Development: Seeds of Change, Journal of the Society for International Development, Global Village, Geneva (Switzerland), Vol. 2/3, 1987.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE KEY TO A CHRISTIAN LIFE.

IF YOU DON’T LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR

YOU DON’T LOVE GOD.

YOUR FIRST NEIGHBOUR IS YOUR SPOUSE.

Prayer of St Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, let me sow pardon;

Where there is doubt, let me sow faith;

Where there is despair, let me sow hope;

Where there is darkness, let me sow light;

And where there is sadness, let me sow joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Contents

Books and Journals by Francis W. Mulwa

Introduction

WINDOW ONE

WINDOW TWO

WINDOW THREE

WINDOW FOUR

WINDOW FIVE

WINDOW SIX

WINDOW SEVEN

CONCLUSION – Executive Insights

Annex 1: Premese Schools In Pictorial

Introduction

A sincere friend will praise you both in private and in public, but a malicious friend will only praise you in private but tarnish you in public

Global Social Context Of Family Life

As I prepared an introduction to this book, I silently agonised when observing the frequent phenomenon of hatred and bad relationships between people within communities, families and among employees. These sour relations seem to be rooted in negative pride and perhaps some sort of jealousy, yet all were sugar-coated as normal and harmless life competition. Sometimes it appears as though the negative relationships are driven by unexplained fear and anxiety over our economic and social security. The desire to gain and sustain public respect and popularity above others cannot be delinked from strong concerns for economic security in both the short- and long-term.

It is my belief that to change such undesirable attitudes, we need bold social activists to stir up people’s conscience and consciousness by challenging the status quo. A university lecturer from the past once said: If you did the same thing the same way for ten years without the boldness to take initiative for innovation and creativity, you will end up bragging about ten years’ experience, while in actual fact it is one year of experience, repeated ten times. Come to think of it, those of us who happen to be classroom teachers and trainers run the risk of recycling the same lesson plans year in year out without attempting to incorporate the latest information from scientific research and technological advancement.

People seem deeply worried about their future welfare as life conditions continue to be hostile. The cost of living keeps escalating with inflation biting deep, and government taxation rendering many small and medium businesses untenable. The result? Incomes are shrinking in value by the day. Many educated young people remain unemployed, food insecurity remains a threat as a result of the effects of climate change. Drought remains a reality, with grazing fields and watering points dry in many parts of the country. When rains finally set in, floods wreak havoc with loss of lives and livestock, not to mention massive destruction of property. Many families survive on one meal a day (exactly what I experienced in my early childhood over 60 years ago). Crime in cities is growing to unprecedented proportions, with recent reports from Nairobi of women being robbed in daylight in the city centre as passers-by looked on without helping.

I believe it is these challenges among many others that trigger and exacerbate poor relationships between individuals, families and neighbours. These worsening relationships at community level translate into party politics of rivalry and vendetta at national level. There is often little love left where people – whether relatives or neighbours – are locked in interpersonal brawls every day. As national values are gradually weakened, children rise up against their parents and vice versa. Traditional societal values are at stake and mistrust overshadows community and family life.

The Theory Of Limited Good

Unfortunately, some people believe they can only prosper when their neighbour loses, when their neighbour is permanently blocked from making progress. This kind of mentality is founded on the theory of limited good – a belief that whatever is good in this world is limited, and therefore it is only the smartest, the strongest and the best-connected who will have their way and get enough of what they want. According to academia sources, this is a theory advanced in anthropology, a belief commonly associated with traditional societies that there is a limited amount of good to go around. In other words, the amount of resources – including money and land – are limited, and therefore not everyone has access. Hence, every time one person profits, another loses. In this theory, it is also believed that we lose when we co-operate with others. This disposition leads to human rivalry and greed, and degrades and lowers our dignity. Keep away from such!

This theory is perfectly captured in Kamba culture in two distinct expressions: Euthua Otuilea, which translated literally means the fellow keeps prospering against our will; and another unfortunate Kamba expression that fans hatred within extended families and neighbourhoods is: Nyumba iyukila, itulaa ingi, which translates to for one family to prosper, another family must go down to give way. Traditionally, Kamba people believed that no two families or neighbours could prosper at the same time, believing one can only gain when the other loses. Obviously, such belief breeds discord and hatred. These toxic belief systems serve to explain the sour relationships that for ages have predominantly simmered within African extended families and their neighbourhoods. Yet, good life itself can only be attained by perfecting relationships with people.

The opposite of the theory of limited good is what we may call the theory of unlimited opportunities founded on altruistic values. This condition is created through co-operation and healthy (as opposed to cut-throat) competition. The overriding principle here is that two hands are better and stronger than one. It is the synergy generated through co-operation that will enable people to generate more than enough good for all.

Your Dream Is Given To You, They Have Their Own

It is a truly daring act to resolve to pursue our dreams relentlessly. Some dreams experience still-birth, while others are buried alive out of fear. That’s life. The challenge is to recognise prayerfully which dreams must be pursued as a priority and which ones can wait or be allowed to fade away. For instance, we only built our village home when we were in our mid-60s (and by the way business mogul, Chris Kirubi, famed among few billionaires in Kenya, is said to have built his dream house at the age of 79). Before this, friends and relatives had talked to us in vain about developing a village home for ourselves.

However, over the years we had other priorities which we considered more urgent. This reminds me of a story told in 2002 by a senior lecturer from Daystar University. He was imploring us on the importance of setting priorities for our goals in life. The story was about a professor who presented a bucket full of stones to his students and challenged them to describe it. They all referred to it as a bucket full of stones. Then he asked them to substantiate why they thought it was full. After this dialogue, he added some small stones (pebbles) and asked them whether it was now full. They said it was for sure. Then he added sand, and they thought it was now extremely full. Then he added water. The professor then asked his students the significance of that demonstration in relation to planning and setting life priorities. What would your reaction be? Suppose the professor filled the bucket with water first, would the stones have had a share in the bucket? If we are not careful enough to set our priorities right, all our valuable time may end up being consumed by untimely engagements. That way, we may end up missing out on the bigger picture, and possibly the bigger opportunities in life.

There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important things. If we don’t prioritise we may end up doing nothing about everything

Brian Tracy.

On the flipside, the truth is that the moment you embark on pursuing your dreams and vision, there will be hundreds of voices of discouragement around you. Such voices come from weak souls who are scared stiff when they hear what your dreams are. They know the