Crushing

By Ada Stone

Since their early teens, Dixon has lived in pursuit of romance. But they are now in their mid-twenties, and their efforts have yet to lead to a single long-term relationship. This lack of results, however, tells Dixon that they just need to try harder. We drop into their life in the middle of yet another romantic leap of faith turned disappointing. It’s only been a few months since Dixon has picked up their life in Portland to follow Becca to the location of her new job, but the relationship has fizzled out much quicker than they’d ever suspected.
In the wake of their breakup, Dixon decides to move right back to Portland and hit refresh. Once there, they find much-needed romantic hope in Jaime. The pair’s budding connection soars to new heights in bed, but it’s not long before Dixon runs into yet another impasse. With help from their friend and roommate, Colin, Dixon begins to understand the negative impacts of their tightly held romantic beliefs and assumptions. With this blooming new perspective, Dixon looks forward to forming healthier relationships — platonic and romantic alike.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bryant Street Shorts
• Release date: Jun 24, 2020
• ISBN: 9781094411637

Ada Stone

Ada Stone is a queer and trans book-obsessed human from the Pacific Northwest, where they live now. They love spending quiet time among trees and mountains, listening to their favorite albums on repeat, and receiving “your holds are ready for pickup” alerts from the library.

Book preview

Prologue

Come on, Roxanne, you gotta sing along, too! Carissa pulled on Dixon’s arm until they pushed themself up to standing. Dixon didn’t recognize the song, but they’d already heard the chorus twice through by this point. When it came around again, they joined in with the ten girls in attendance at Bonnie’s slumber party. You belong with me! You belong with meeeee! they all sing-yelled together. Dixon felt bad for Bonnie’s parents, who were probably jamming their fingers in their ears downstairs.

After repeating the song twice more at Bonnie’s request, the group pulled their sleeping bags into a circle. Alright. Carissa raised her voice over the chatter. It’s time to go around the circle and say who we like. And no lying. Everyone will be able to tell. Your punishment would be sitting in the bathroom alone — she pointed dramatically down the hall — for… fifteen minutes!

Also, no chickening out! Tessa chimed in.

Right! Carissa affirmed. No chickening out. If you refuse to say, you have to go hang out with Bonnie’s parents for the rest of the night.

Dixon pulled at their voluminous curls, a nervous habit that, in this case, only served to make them more self-conscious. They always envied their friends’ stick-straight hair, the way it cooperates sensibly under their fingers in contrast to their own unruly locks. But it was hardly the time to be fretting over their hair, when Dixon was in the middle of a much more urgent situation. They pressed themself to come up with a believable lie. They didn’t have a crush on anyone — hadn’t, really, since first grade. They were only eleven years old — what was the hurry? But Carissa and company clearly didn’t see it that way, and Dixon did want to have friends. Friends are important at all ages. Mercifully, John Potter’s face popped into their head. He was weird but cute, which Dixon guessed would make him a reasonable choice for themself.

Four girls had already revealed their crushes — no banishments yet — when it was Dixon’s turn. Okay, Roxanne, let’s hear it, Carissa prodded. She was sitting up on her knees while the rest of the circle lay on their stomachs.

Dixon bit their lip and looked around nervously. It was all part of the act, of course. Um, John Potter, they murmured shyly.

I knew it! Bonnie yelled and pointed. A few others giggled and nodded in agreement, and then everyone’s eyes were on the next girl. Dixon breathed again. All eleven attendees followed the rules, and no one had to sit in the bathroom or with Bonnie’s parents. The circle broke down into a few whispering groups.

Oh, wait! We almost forgot, Bonnie called out to Carissa. Love calculator!

Oh, my god, how could I let it slip my mind? Carissa looked ashamed and hurried over to the desktop computer set up at the desk in the corner of the bonus room. After expertly logging into Bonnie’s account, Carissa loaded lovecalculator.com, and everyone had to restate their crushes so Carissa could enter the names into the blanks and calculate their compatibility.

John Potter and Roxanne Henderson… okay, here it goes, Carissa announced as she finished typing. Hot damn, 92 percent!

A flurry of screams rose from the floor. "You have to ask him out, Roxanne, Hannah said, and everyone nodded in agreement. That kind of percentage is no accident. It’s a clear message from Cupid himself." Dixon nodded in agreement, pretending to buy in.

Soon, all the percentages had been tabulated, and it was time to put on a movie. She’s the Man played as the time passed from eleven to midnight and toward one a.m. Dixon could relate to wanting to play on the boys’ soccer team, so they got invested in the story and stayed up longer than most of the girls, but just over an hour into the movie, Dixon’s eyes fluttered closed. As they drifted down into sleep, though, their brain still registered an occasional piece of dialogue. The last words Dixon heard were the new couple professing their long-suppressed feelings for each other.

Chapter One

Easing their aching body down onto the ground, Dixon began unlacing their cleats. They pulled off one shoe and then the other, the rancid scent of their sweaty feet already reaching their nostrils. They decided to save the task of removing their socks for when they’d returned to the privacy of their own home. Dixon was sliding their feet into a worn-out pair of running shoes when a figure stepped between their face and the Sun, casting a shadow over most of their body.

Hey, a voice addressed Dixon. They peered up at the stranger’s backlit face. You were great out there. I came to watch my brother, but I ended up mostly keeping my eyes on you. Don’t usually see many other black folks on the field in this part of town. She pauses. But I can’t say that was the only reason you held my attention.

This stranger intrigued Dixon. With their hair buzzed short and skin especially fair after the gray Portland winter, they weren’t used to having their blackness recognized, so she already established a feeling of belonging between them. Dixon stood up to get a better view of the stranger’s face. Long black braids framed her deep brown skin. She wore no makeup, her face only embellished by a shiny silver stud on the left side of her nose. She was a few inches taller than Dixon, though this probably put her around 5’10 at the most. They resisted looking down to check out her body, but they could recall the brief glimpse they saw of her curvaceous silhouette.

Oh, really? Dixon replied, unable to think of anything more clever. Too bad I couldn’t impress you with actually winning the game, then. Is your brother on my team or…?

No, the other team.

Well, at least he’ll be happy, then.

Yeah… I suppose. The stranger swiveled her shoulders, indicating a nervous energy. In the interest of cheering you up, would you maybe want to go for a drink?

Dixon glanced down at their smelly, sticky