Santa Claus, Are You F**king Crazy? Or How to Become an Actor and What Is Improvisation? Actors Secrets and Directors Tricks!

By Roman Fedosov

This phrase about "Santa Claus" is absolutely authentic and historically reliable. She sounded at the very moment when the life of a novice artist literally hung in the balance. However, miraculously having gotten out of that scrape at the end of the “troubled 90s”, I realized the main thing about the artist’s profession is that it’s the most beautiful, most difficult, most dangerous, monstrously unfair and fantastically interesting path. And once having drunk this “actor’s cocktail”, you will no longer be able to live a normal human life.
I hope that reading will bring you not only benefit, but also pleasure. Because the stage is an endless source of anecdotes and comedies, tragedies and farces, life experiences and stupid absurdities. I hope that this book will save someone time, insure someone from disappointment, and give someone wings!
About the Author — Fedosov Roman —director, screenwriter of TNT TV channels ("Battle of psychics" and "Forbidden Zone" programs) and STS ("Dinner Party" program), theater actor of Mossovet Theatre, Sovremennik, Satyricon (from 1999 to 2007), head of the School-TV, graduate of RATI (GITIS), author of the idea of the Blindspot TV series (Warner Bros. Television 2016).

• Language: English
• Publisher: Roman Fedosov
• Release date: Jun 5, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463572344

Roman Fedosov

Fedosov Roman —director, screenwriter of TNT TV channels ("Battle of psychics" and "Forbidden Zone" programs) and STS ("Dinner Party" program), theater actor of Mossovet Theatre, Sovremennik, Satyricon (from 1999 to 2007), head of the School-TV, graduate of RATI (GITIS), author of the idea of the Blindspot TV series (Warner Bros. Television 2016).

Book preview

Santa Claus, are you f**king crazy?

(Or how to become an actor and what is improvisation?

Actors secrets and directors tricks!)

Roman Fedosov

Copyright Roman Fedosov

Smashwords Edition

License notes - Thank you for downloading this book. This book remains the property of the author, and may not be transferred to other persons for commercial or non-commercial use goals. If you liked this book, please ask your friends to upload their own copy from their favorite authorized seller. Thank you for your support!

Translation by Igor Stepashkin

Editor - Stephen Beet

Foto - Anton Veselov

Cover design - Denis Obuhov

Prologue

Before I knew it, I had almost spent half a century in this wonderful world. And suddenly it turned out that I had devoted almost 33 years, one way or another, to the stage (first as an artist, then as a director, and finally as a teacher). The numbers are beautiful, which means there is a reason to sum up the interim results. The book contains everything that I managed to find out, spy and declassify, working in several theaters and on TV.

This phrase about Santa Claus is absolutely authentic and historically reliable. It sounded at the very moment when the life of a novice artist literally hung in the balance. However, miraculously having gotten out of that scrape at the end of the troubled 90s, I realized the main thing about the artist’s profession is that it’s the most beautiful, most difficult, most dangerous, monstrously unfair and fantastically interesting path. And once having drunk this actor’s cocktail, you will no longer be able to live a normal human life.

I hope that reading will bring you not only benefit, but also pleasure. Because the stage is an endless source of anecdotes and comedies, tragedies and farces, life experiences and stupid absurdities. I hope that this book will save someone time, insure someone from disappointment, and give someone wings!

About the Author — Fedosov Roman — author of the idea of the Blindspot TV series (Warner Bros. Television 2016), director, screenwriter of TNT TV channels (Battle of psychics and Forbidden Zone programs) , theater actor of Mossovet Theatre, Sovremennik, Satyricon (from 1999 to 2007), head of the School-TV, graduate of RATI (GITIS).

CHAPTER 1. ACTOR. Why is this necessary?

Let's start with what I've been doing in acting for the past eleven years, with the main question: What are you doing this for? For what purpose did you decide to do acting? This is the most important question. Below I will try to explain why this is so.

There is a very common view that the artistic profession is extremely interesting-bright-extraordinary and in general, they say, amazing in all senses. This is partly true, of course, and at the same time quite the opposite. On the other side of the coin everything is not quite as it seems at first glance.

There are a lot of nuances. I will focus only on the most important thing. The profession of an artist is not for everyone. Not everyone needs it. Well, think about it: why do you need it? Endlessly entertain people you don't know, and do it for years. For tens of years. At the same time — almost free of charge. (Money alas, in show biz are not earned by artists. And not even by directors. And not even always by producers. In a word, believe that artists in this food chain are the last people.) Only those who are passionate about the process itself become good artists. Those who don't care about the fame and the fee. Alas — this is the recipe and call it quits.

But it's not even about this artistic altruism. This is even more fun: unlike any other profession, the artist is both a commodity and an instrument — a violin and a violinist in one person. Everything in the artist goes to work — his face and body, emotions and nerves, all the highest and lowest, every cell and every neuron in the skull — everything is involved in show production, everything goes to the creative stove, everything is fuel for this eternal creative engine. So, what's the point? Before you enter this slippery artistic path, you need to understand exactly why you need it? Is it necessary to go mad for years in the agonizing search for novelty? Do you need to turn yourself inside out knowing that after a stormy ovation, the audience forgets about your, God willing, talented show-performance-concert-movie in 15 minutes? Do you need to bring yourself to nervous exhaustion, realizing that all your creative joys-sorrows-inspirations-shocks-tantrums and genius insights are just a commodity in this market? Only resource for this endless showmustgoon?!

Putting aside poetry, all artists on the way out are either psychos, alcoholics, or schizophrenics. Well, on the edge — clinical egoists. And most often both, and the other, and the third at the same time. And do you need it? No, think carefully — is it really necessary?

This is true — this path will not give you money, health, comfort, or peace of mind. And most likely you will become neither wiser, nor more beautiful, nor deeper. And how many destinies have been ground up in this creative meat grinder, how many good boys and girls have perished in this stormy ocean of show business…

And if all this is necessary, then let's continue to communicate. No, not really. Before we begin — another Chapter.

CHAPTER 2. The best profession

I will be brief here. There is not much good in the acting profession. In professional theater, it’s touring that is good — it's a cheap way to travel for free. Provincial artists like to fly to both capitals. Well, abroad of course, how can we do without it? Metropolitan artists are more bored — abroad is usually limited to the Baltic States. And do not believe the rave reviews about the excellent tour of any Sovremennik in London — these articles are usually vanity pieces.

(Sovremennik theater is one of the popular Moscow theaters. Located on the famous Chistye Prudy. The theater was founded in 1956. In 2007, the theater performed on Broadway , in 2011-in London.)

In reality, everything is banal there — a couple of performances for nostalgic refugees. Unfortunately, abroad, people are quite indifferent to Russian theaters. The advantages of our acting school also seem to have been invented by us. (Yes, you can honestly watch any good European TV series — even minor artists there will give a head start to any of our homegrown stars). In short, the capital tours more often in our Uryupinsk cities and villages, and they console themselves mainly with alcoholic corner gatherings. So maybe I shouldn't have put the tour in the pros. (Rather, this is also in the first Chapter). So, what about the pros?

Perhaps, to be honest, you can admire people. Actors' parties are not boring. There you can really find a large number of very colorful characters. No, for the most part, the actors are really very good people. In part, this is also a consequence of the profession — the artists behind the scenes almost do not play and do not lie, having made up their faces and jumped up at endless rehearsals. This is probably true — artists are very sensitive to sincerity and authenticity. Almost all artists are quite sensitive and subtle people. This is probably the same result of one production feature — the artist's dependence on the mass, various kinds of talent and directors. There aren't many good directors. Why? Yes, God knows it again. Not enough of them, that's all. That's why artists have to serve the painful creative twists of all sorts of ambitious loonies. And that doesn't make your nerves any healthier. (Oops, sorry, again, I digress from the pros: sorry. I'll be right back.")

Point taken. But something still has to be definitely awesome?! It is not for nothing that thousands of applicants storm the gates of creative forges?

Mmm ... Perhaps one unambiguous pleasantness is still there — it is the concentration of emotions! Perhaps in any other profession there is no such density of experiences-nerves-stress-delights-disappointments-hopes-ups and downs. Most often, however, downs. But the density is high. You can't take that away. And about the popular opinion that, they say, actors live a large number of some unusual lives — that's all bullshit. First of all, everyone is playing a character of themselves now. (Well, more precisely, the usual mask found once). There were always few who would live. And now, probably, there is not at all. (The point is that this was no longer necessary for the theater. Why bring up one diverse actor and then depend on him or her? When you can find a lot of mediocre and change them more often. This model of creative production is more practical. Yes, in principle, it is difficult with a talented actor — his or her character is malign. And he or she is obsessed with a talented director, too. And they, as we have indicated above, are almost absent.)

In total, to sum up the idea — you need to become a professional artist only in one case — when you do not know how to make a living anymore. On the edge of boredom — if life is quite bland and you need thrills in the form of bdsm. Then in the theater you will be like... (I wanted to write as in paradise, but I realized that the picture