Secrets and Surrender

By Xarth

A new boy at school and a trans girl struggling to fit in kinda fall for each other. High school can be lonely, but shared secrets can help.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xarth
• Release date: May 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463713006

Xarth

I've been writing dirty stories since the spring of 2011. My tastes lean heavily toward sibling relationships and most, but not all, of my stories are in the incest genre. I decided to try out self-publishing on Smashwords by submitting my first novel, Ambition, and I'm very slowly adding more, trying to be faster about it. So far I'm pretty happy with how it's been going, and I just want to say thanks to anyone who checks out my stories. Hope you like them!Also if you like my stuff, dropping a nice review here and there would be greatly appreciated too :)

Book preview

Secrets and Surrender

By Xarth

Copyright 2020 by Xarth

Smashwords Edition

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All characters eighteen or older.

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Going to a new school for my last year of high school pretty much sucked. It was all the tribulation of switching schools, which was never great at the best of time, plus the knowledge that any friends or acquaintances I might happen to make would all be going off in different directions at the end of the year anyway.

Admittedly, it wasn't all bad. Not what I'd call good either, but not as terrible as it could possibly have been. Within a few months I'd somehow insinuated myself into a circle of people who at least tolerated my presence, and maybe occasionally enjoyed it. Toward the end of the year, a couple of them were practically friends. Not close friends, not like I used to have, but enough to keep loneliness at bay.

There was also a girl. Not a girl in the sense of being someone I really liked, or who was into me, or indeed who was even aware I existed. She was more an 'across the room' kind of crush. A 'we shared one class and worked together on an assignment that one time' kind of relationship. I wouldn't put money on her even remembering my name.

For my part, her name was one of the few things I knew. Kylie. I wasn't even sure about her last name.

There were a few small things other than that. I thought she was cute. Superficial of me, maybe, but it was true. I liked her outfits that always looked slightly more complicated than necessary for day to day life, and the way she did her makeup to echo that. She seemed to read a lot when not in class, and I even recognized a few of her books.

Also, maybe the main thing in a weird way, she seemed to be even lonelier than me. Which might not have been fair to either of us. I didn't know her well enough to judge, and I was technically doing alright as far as having people to hang out with at school. It made for an imaginary bond between us in my head, regardless of what the truth was. Two people who didn't quite belong.

I watched Kylie from afar when I caught sight of her sometimes, not yet having made up my mind to do anything more than that. Apparently I wasn't quite as subtle about it as I thought. People in the group started to notice. Little jokes got made about it. I assumed it was playful teasing because I was crushing on a girl. Slowly, I began to suspect it was something else.

I dared to bring it up one day at lunch. The group at our table was only about half the size it sometimes was, which made it a bit easier.

My question brought a brief silence, and I almost thought I'd fucked up even broaching the subject, but I still had no idea why.

Has no one told you yet? Jess asked. She was across the table from me and looked at me rather intently as though searching for clues that I was making a joke of my own.

Told me what? I asked.

I really don't think Carter knows, Ben smirked from the end of the table. Probably one of the people I was least happy to be having the conversation with. He always smiled the widest at any little joke about Kylie. He made my lack of understanding that much worse. He still stares.

Well can someone please tell the poor boy? Jess asked.

Why don't you? Andrea retorted. S'not like you don't know as well as any of us.

Jess sighed. I just... it's not my place.

As much yours as anybody's.

The bickering went on a bit. Rob, sitting beside me, nudged me with his elbow. I raised an eyebrow at him, tuning out the other voices.

She's outside, he said. I saw her. Maybe just go talk to her, hm?

He had such a mixture of earnestness and amusement on his face that I honestly couldn't figure out what the right answer was.

You think? I asked carefully.

Why not? What's the worst that could happen?

Until I figure out what you all keep going on about, I honestly don't know.

It's... probably not as bad as you think. Well, depending on how you feel about certain things, I guess.

I rolled my eyes. Way to not clear anything up at all.

Just saying. Worst case, you probably get teased some.

And that's already happening. I stood up, my mind momentarily settled. Might as well find out why, I guess.

That's the spirit!

I had to wander a bit to find Kylie. She was sitting on an old picnic table outside, perched on the top with her shoes on one of the benches. She was hunched over with a book in her hands, reading in the warm, late spring sun. She'd picked a spot with no one else in the immediate vicinity, which only made me more self-conscious about deliberately approaching her. I knew she saw me coming, but she didn't react even when I was right next to her.

Uh, hey, I said.

Hey.

I'm, uh, Carter. We have history together? We--

I know. I remember.

There was no venom in her terse words, but neither was there any warmth. There wasn't really anything.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably. Can I sit?

Maybe.

Maybe?

She looked at me, finally. You're new, right?

This year, yeah.

Thought so. Don't remember you from before that.

Is that a problem?

Have people told you about me?

I sighed heavily. I know there's something, 'cause people won't shut up about it, but damned if I know what.

So you're curious, Kylie said, with a tone of some finality about it.

Kinda. But, like, if you don't want to tell me, that's fine. No one else does either, so I'm kinda used to it.

Isn't that what you came over for?

Partly. I shifted uncomfortably. Partly I also just wanted to.

Wanted to what?

Introduce myself. Talk. I don't know. Something. I kicked at the ground miserably. I almost kinda made some friends, sort of, but that's not really what they are. Not like what I used to have.

So you're lonely?

Yeah.

And you think I am too?

Aren't you?

Sure. Who isn't, underneath it all? Kylie inserted a bookmark and laid her book aside, taking a moment to study me properly. I'm not a good choice if you want to make friends.

You're not?

It'll just make everyone else pick on you. You don't need that.

Everyone? But--

Ok, ok. Not everyone. Enough of them, though.

I thought of Ben's smug grin. I can see that. I shrugged. But they already pick on me for it, so whatever.

Kylie arched an eyebrow. Over me? Why?

I looked away, anywhere but her for a moment, then bit the bullet. 'Cause I think you're cute, I think.

She stared a moment, then broke out giggling.

Yeah, I said, face getting warmer. Kinda like that.

Sorry, it's not really funny. Kylie let out another little giggle. But honestly, you transfer to this school, and I'm the one you crush on? Some god has it in for you.

You know I don't know what that means, right?

I do. Kylie patted the table top beside her. Stay if you want. I think you're right, it's not going to get much worse for you.

But you're not going to tell me why, are you?

Nope.

Thought not.

I grumbled a little as I sat down, but I was honestly feeling ok about things so far. I was still apprehensive about what Kylie's goddamn irritating secret was, but that was