Pussweek: A Cat's Guide to Feline Empowerment

By Bexy McFly

Pussweek: A Cat's Guide to Feline Empowerment is full of hilarious spreads, quizzes, and advertisements, as well as top-notch photos of cats in all their cuteness and weirdness. Based on the magazine series Pussweek, written "by cats, for cats," this book is a feline parody of fashion and celebrity gossip rags.

In a market saturated with "cat shaming," Pussweek gives cats their claws back. With an intelligent editorial voice of their own, these cats don't want dumb memes—they want you to stop secretly filming and posting them on the internet, and they want to empower all of the other feline friends out there who are sick of human nonsense.

• With their own forum, these feisty cats provide a rare look into the private lives of felines everywhere.
• Filled with articles of a caliber of humor that are clever and a little bit edgy, while still not above a well-placed cat pun
• A collector's edition featuring some of the series' most popular articles, like "Diary of a Catnip Addict," "Fifty Shades of Stray," and "Queen of the Tomcats: My Big Fat Gender Identity Crisis," as well as tons of all-new material from cats who have a lot of dirty laundry to air

Every cat owner has wondered: 'What the heck is my cat thinking?' and Pussweek will hold all the myriad answers in one big volume full of outrageously cute (and simply outrageous) cats.

From scandalous pawparazzi pics to revealing litter quizzes, hairy exposés to tell-tail interviews, you will finally find the feline empowerment that lies within you—and don't take a doggone no for an answer.

• Great for cat owners and cat lovers of all stripes
• Based on the wildly popular Pussweek magazine
• Perfect for fans of How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You by The Oatmeal, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives by Zachary Auburn, Breaking Cat News: Cats Reporting on the News that Matters to Cats by Georgia Dunn

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chronicle Books Digital
• Release date: May 5, 2020
• ISBN: 9781452182186

Bexy McFly

Bexy McFly is a writer, designer, and illustrator. She runs her own magazine, Pussweek, which she created and built from scratch (pun intended). She has lived all over the world and now splits her time between Sydney, Australia, and Naples, Italy.

Book preview

NOTICE TO HUMANS

Hello, human. How are you? I don’t care. But listen, this book will definitely seem a little strange to you, and that’s because you’re a human and not a cat.

Perhaps you thought this would be a cute book for the cat lover in your life. Or you thought it might help you gain insight into the mind of your cat. Both are technically correct. But you really shouldn’t be reading this, because it’s not for you. This book is for your cat. And before you say what every human says: My cat can’t read, you idiot, well, you might just want to get your facts straight and learn who the real idiot is here.

Of course cats can read. They can do a lot of things you don’t know about. Cats don’t just sit around waiting for you to come home. Sure, they may sleep eighteen hours a day, but this sleep is necessary to rest their overworked, highly intelligent minds.

Cats don’t get out much, and even if they do, the majority of them don’t go very far. These days cats are safer indoors and live longer lives, but think about it: If everything in your home was designed for somebody else, you’d feel uncomfortable and out of place, wouldn’t you? You’d feel listless and without purpose. You might even get angry and scratch the curtains or poop behind the couch out of protest. Oh, you think a feather on a stick is going to please your feline friend? Come on. You are seriously underestimating your cat, and frankly, it’s insulting.

Have you ever noticed that your cat yawns and walks away when you speak? It’s because every word out of your mouth makes it abundantly clear you just don’t get them. Your cat needs content that is relevant to them.

Cats want to know which windowsill is best for their body type. They want to know if the size of their tail really matters. They want to read something trashy. Like the treasures a street cat found in a trash can. They want a safe place to delve into hard-hitting topics like being touched on the belly, or gender identity crises, articles written by actual cats, just like them.

Most cats grow up not knowing how to be a cat. They rely on outdated instincts and don’t have anybody showing them the ropes. Imagine being a small baby and being raised by monkeys. Sure, it’d be fun for a while, but sooner or later there you’ll be at age 35, getting fired for throwing your poop in your boss’s face.

If you really love your cat and want them to feel special, give them this book. They will love you for it, and hey, one day they might even respect you. Maybe. But probably not. Respect from a cat is pretty much the holy grail, so don’t get your hopes up.

Regards, The Author, Bexy McFly.

Notice to Cats

OK, puss. Now that we’ve got the cat-splaining for dummies out of the way, let’s cut the crap. If you’re reading this, you’re not only a good cat and a pretty cat, you’re also a smart cat.

Perhaps your intelligence has been overlooked and underestimated by your humans, and that’s because they are trying to keep us uneducated and out of the loop. They want to hold us down so they can feel superior (they’re very insecure). For centuries they’ve been repressing us, shoving condescending toy mice in our faces, talking to us in stupid voices, giving us names like Mittens (what even is that??), and drugging us with catnip. They’re trying to keep us in the dark. But guess what? They can’t because we’re freaking nocturnal. And we have what it takes to conquer the world. All we need is a little feline empowerment.

What is feline empowerment? Feline empowerment can be a tough concept to grasp if you’re a regular, run-of-the-mill cat with little to no formal education. But don’t despair—you’re here and you’re reading this, and this is the first step to achieving feline empowerment.

Take a good, long look at your lives so far. How many do you have left? How many have you lost, and how have you spent them? Are you happy with your choices? Of course you are. I mean, that toasty warm car engine would have just gone to waste idling in the driveway, and that electrical wire behind the TV wasn’t going to chew itself, now was it? You did the right thing. But what if you could do even better?

I know what you’re thinking: I must be doing OK. I’ve made decent choices. I’ve got plenty going for me. You don’t. Feline empowerment isn’t just about winging it (mmm, wing), or going with the flow. It’s not enough to just survive nap to meal to nap to poop. Feline empowerment means being the best cat you can be, and then some.

In order to grow as a cat there is so much left to learn. But by no fault of your own you’ve been robbed of your education. We all have. Maybe you’re looking to other cats for help and guidance, but what do they know? You think Barry from next door has it all figured out? Where has he ever been in his life? The garden? The trash can? The most adventurous thing Barry’s ever done is squeeze his fat ass through your flap and steal your kibble.

You need to hear from real-world cats who’ve done the hard yards. You need stories and quizzes and entertainment and guidance made just for you. A book written by cats, for cats. So settle in, lick your butt, get comfortable, because the key to your success is right here in your paws. (Or under your butt. This book is super comfy to sit on. Give it a try!)

Love, The Author & Fellow Cat, Bexy McFly.

CLAWTION:

STRICTLY

CATS

ONLY

BEYOND THIS POINT

THIS BOOK CONTAINS SECRET IMPORTANT CAT BUSINESS

GOT THUMBS? GET LOST*

DOGS, PLEASE PUSS OFF ALSO

*POLYDACTYL CATS EXEMPT, OBVS. CALM DOWN

Fleatures

GOSSIP & STYLE

Who Wore It Better, Bitch Stole My Look, and who’s been spotted doing things.

Page 14

MY DAY AS A DOG

What it’s like to need constant love and attention.

Page 45

TOP 20 PEE-WORTHY HOTSPOTS

We’ve been toiling and soiling to find you best spots to do a nice widdle.

Page 26

POOP QUIZ!

What does your litter box say about you? It’s talking sh*t, probably.

Page 38

GOING POSTAL

What should you do when your scratching post is just not enough?

Page 61

EXPOSING the NIP

The catnip debate continues.

Page 73

THE BIG SUCK

The harrowing tale of a cat who was eaten by a vacuum cleaner. Sort of.

Page 119

BOXING DAY

It’s a card box life. Or is it?

Yes, yes it is.

Page 97

SPRITZ OF DEATH

The spray bottle that penetrated follicles and almost claimed a life.

Page 37

CREEPER ALERT!

5 signs your human might be a cat-obsessed nut job.

Page 85

WORK IT OUT

Somewhat effective workouts to fit into your extremely busy nap schedule.

Page 108

TRIM’S EXTREME SPORTS

Definitely try these at home.

Page 139