Behind Closed Doors

By Brenda Ford

I've been fantasizing about her! 

She's so tempting. 

But is she worth risking my career for?

I moved to California to start afresh after dumping my cheating ex.  

A huge mess is not what I need right now. 

I should have stayed away from her. 

Until I didn't. 

Her piercing eyes make me forget that she's younger. 

I'm obsessed with her curves… her sweet smile.

Being reckless means losing my job. 

But losing her?

That would crush me. 

And what would crush me even more?

Never seeing my baby that's growing inside her.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brenda Ford
• Release date: Nov 28, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393803447

Book preview

Chapter 1 – Leo

S o, have you finally moved into your new apartment, Leo? Noah asks while lifting his beer glass, high in celebration. I return the gesture, even though I’m not totally sure this is something that should be joyful.

Just about, yes. I nod. It’s much smaller than what I’m used to, but it isn’t bad.

Well, you’re living on your own now, aren’t you? And without all of that stuff everywhere. Plus, you have to admit that California is a whole lot more picturesque than New York. The views make up for the space.

I know that Noah feels that way about the stuff. He is dead against being materialistic unnecessarily. He also loves the air of his state. He thinks that he has picked the best place in the world to live. I hope that he’s right because I’ve been forced to follow him here. I don’t know if this is what I would have chosen by myself, but I’m here now and I’m determined to make the absolute best of it no matter what.

The job helps. I have been a teacher my whole career, just like Noah who I met at college, but I haven’t ever been offered a position as good as the one at Stansford University, so I’m eternally grateful to my friend for that.

Who did you live with before? another voice pops up. And why aren’t they here with you?

Me and Noah exchange a look before he wraps his arm around the shoulder of the younger man beside him and ruffles up his hair. You will have to forgive my assistant, James, he says with a laugh. He is only twenty nine years old and post grad. Not nearly thirty like the pair of us with life experience and tact. He doesn’t understand life just yet. And by that, I mean asking questions that definitely shouldn’t be asked because they are way too personal. He growls at James who looks a little freaked out. Keep your mouth shut, boy.

I don’t mind. I sigh. James, I moved away from New York alone because the woman that I was supposed to marry was sleeping with my best friend and colleague. When I found them, I basically lost everything...

And I stepped up to save my friend. Noah grins. I have got you the Stansford job and the apartment, which you are going to love, and the fresh start that you need here. It’s going to be great. You will get on much better here than New York. Emma and her stuff didn’t ever deserve you anyway. You are so much better off.

I force a smile on my face even though I don’t know if I feel it. I’m more nervous than anything else, but definitely glad to be away from Emma and Rex. Seeing them together was killing me, destroying me, tearing me apart from the inside out. I don’t know how much longer I could have handled it for without losing it.

The door to the bar swings open and a group of people come in. Mostly women with the sort of dresses that suggest a night-out. My immediate worry is that the atmosphere of the bar is going to change dramatically.

Oh look. James nudges me playfully in the side and wiggles his brows. Talk about a fresh start...

What are you trying to suggest? I demand, acting like I’m annoyed by this statement, just to wind him up a bit. That I chat with one of them? For what? A one night stand? I’m twenty nine years old. Too old for that.

James looks horrified, but Noah gets the joke and laughs loudly. James. He’s winding you up. But, Leo, I think that James might be right. You do need to get that bitch out of your system. She really fucked you up.

I’ll get over it, I insist. In my own time. But we were together for three and a half years. It won’t just happen overnight. Especially when I didn’t exactly expect that to happen. I was planning the wedding...

And now you have had a lucky escape. Noah offers me a one shouldered shrug. If you had married Emma, then this still would have happened. You can’t beat yourself up over that. It wasn’t you; it was her. She had an unhealthy attitude towards your relationship and no respect for you. If she did respect you, she would have talked to you about whatever was ‘missing’ – or whatever excuse she gave – but she didn’t. She fucked someone else and wrecked things with the best man that she ever could have had. So, don’t you waste any more of your life on her. You have come to another state to escape her, which makes you free as a freaking bird.

Wow, his impassioned speech actually gets to me. I’m surprised with how much his words affect me and give me the strength. I do want to move on and have a life. I don’t want to be burdened by this forever. So, with Noah’s words in my mind, I twist my neck around to see the group of women, just out of interest more than anything else. There are a few of them, some of them looking interestedly in our direction as well, but only one catches my eye. A petite curvy young woman with beautiful ashy blonde hair, a sweet heart shaped face framing a pair of gorgeous piercing green eyes that seems to see right into my soul. She’s stunning, pretty, the loveliest looking angel that I have ever seen in my life... she becomes even more gorgeous when she smiles sweetly at me.

I almost feel uplifted by this moment. It almost makes me want to change everything and to really give this place a try... but then I remember that I am broken, I come with baggage, and I know that I can’t drag another woman in to this. I need to get myself sorted first. So, I force myself to drag my eyes away...

Can we talk about something else? I demand to Noah and James. I didn’t come to the bar tonight to talk about me and my bullshit problems. I came here to have a good night before life begins again. Tell me about the University. Let me know what I’m in for, how it’s going to be for me.

This sets Noah and James off which fills me with relief. I’m so glad to talk about anything other than my failed engagement. I came here to look forward not back, and Stansford is the way to do that. This conversation also keeps my attention off the group of women who are definitely here to enjoy themselves, in particular the stunning blonde who the urge to keep looking at is getting stronger by the moment... but I’m not here for that. I’m not.

WELL, I SUPPOSE I BETTER get going, James declares wearily, barely able to lift his ass off the seat. I’m shattered. I don’t know how I have managed to stay up this late. I need to get some sleep.

Yeah, you better. Noah pats him hard on the back. I need you on top form in the morning. He shakes his head at me, completely bemused. Honestly, these youngsters have no stamina, do they?

Are you not going home as well? James asks. Because you have all of that marking to do.

He rolls his eyes and nods. Yes, I suppose I best do. Work has to come first, doesn’t it?

I laugh and agree. True that. But that’s the life of a teacher, isn’t it? Always on the go. I hold on to my beer glass noting how much drink is still in it. But since I haven’t quite started yet, I think I might stay and finish this drink. I don’t live too far anyway, so it won’t be a long walk home alone. Or an even shorter cab ride.

Are you sure? Noah cocks his head to one side. You won’t be drunk dialing anyone, will you?

No, definitely not. I don’t even have her number anymore, so I don’t have a chance. Not that I want to.

I can’t imagine anything worse than speaking to Emma again. I have nothing left to say. The moment that she betrayed me and slept with my friend was the moment I knew that we were done talking. There aren’t any excuses, there isn’t anything to say about what happened, it was done and over. Like us.

Good, because I don’t want you going back to someone who doesn’t deserve you.

I nod and smile gratefully at my friend, silently thanking him for everything that he has done for me, that I’m sure he will still do for me now that I’m here. I’m so lucky not to be suffering this alone. But as I wave goodbye to Noah and James, I know that I’m alone at least for the time being. At least for tonight.

But being alone is better than being lied to, I remember. There are always ways in which life could be worse.

I huff and take another swig of my drink, just taking stock of everything. I also think that I might be avoiding going back to my new apartment for as long as possible because I’m not quite as unpacked as I told Noah I was. Things are still in boxes everywhere and I don’t want to face it today. I’m too exhausted. So, instead of making any effort to leave, even when I have finished my drink, I head up to the bar for another one.

Just one more, I tell myself, as if I think I’m actually going to listen. One more then home.

But it takes a while to get served. Not because it is particularly busy or anything, but because the bar maid is distracted by the group of people including the beautiful blonde, and I can’t blame her. There is something incredibly distracting about them. I’m in no hurry to get a drink anyway. The more I drink, the quicker I will have to go home and struggle through all of those boxes to find my bed.

But finally, she spots me waiting and she heads in my direction to take my order. I offer her my glass and ask for the same again, giving her no more conversation than that as I wait for the next round.

Oh, sorry... All of a sudden, I feel a hip bashing against me which drags me from my thoughts back into the present moment. As I meet the eyes of that person, my heart stops beating. It’s her, the beautiful blonde who I have been trying to ignore all night long, but now I can’t.

Er, that’s okay. I feel all wooden and strange as I answer. Like I have completely forgotten how to talk to women at all. I will move up and give you some room.

Urgh, what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I such an idiot? I turn my eyes away from her because I don’t want to make a massive fool of myself. More than I already have anyway. I can feel a deep heat coursing through my body and making its way up to my cheeks, just letting the world know how embarrassed I am.

I don’t need that much room, she giggles. But thank you. I appreciate it.

She has me all nervous, feeling all weird and filled with butterflies. Unlike anything I can ever remember feeling before. I don’t know how to even look at her because it’s too much. I feel like I have double what I’ve actually drunk, I’m dizzy, I’m almost falling off my feet. I probably should have just left with Noah and James because who the hell knows what is going to happen now?

Chapter 2 – Lauren

D oes it feel weird being back? Marnie asks me as she hands me yet another cocktail drink. Back to work at the sandwich stand and soon back to Stansford University as well. Pretty crazy, huh?

It sure is. I nod emphatically. To be honest, when I went back home, I didn’t think I would ever return.

Actually, I wasn’t really thinking about anything when I left. Learning that my father needed me because he was sick overtook everything else. It was always just me and him, he raised me alone, so of course I was going to rush and help him, to repay the favor. He might have fought with me and said that he didn’t need me, but that was only because he didn’t want to get in the way of my life. He wanted me to finish my qualification.

But as I got back, I saw how much he did need me, how little he could do by himself, so I became Nurse Lauren. I did everything that I could to keep him going, to keep him healthy, and then in the end to keep him comfortable. Him passing away destroyed me, it took so much from me, but now I can carry the grief with me and use it to help me. Dad wanted me to finish my education and to pursue my law dream, so that’s what I am back to do. I still want to make him proud, even if he isn’t here anymore.

Wee, we’re all glad that you’re back. She rests her hand on top of mine. We missed you.

Much as it has been good to walk back into my old life here in Stansford, it’s a little unnerving as well. Just a stark reminder that even if my world has been turned upside down, it keeps on spinning, nothing changes.

How long do you think you will be at university until you are done? It’s just one credit, right?

I’m hoping only a few months at most. One semester. I’m keen to start on the next chapter of my life now. I’m not even going to get a place on campus this time around, I have my own apartment to move in because I’m so ready for getting into the real world and working my ass off to make it.

You better not forget me! Stuck in the sandwich shop forever.

You won’t be, Marnie. But even if you are, I definitely won’t forget you. Any of you guys.

I glance around at my friends and colleagues, but accidently find my eyes drifting over their heads yet again at one of the guys sitting at the bar. He’s clearly a little older than me, but he’s very handsome. Light brown hair which looks good with his hazel eyes, incredible cheek bones, and a tall, muscular body to go with it. He’s really gorgeous in a way that gets me tingling all over. But I’m really supposed to be sworn off men for the moment so I can focus. Breaking up with my ex just before Dad got sick felt like a sign because he definitely didn’t treat me right. The next person I want to be with is someone who my father would have liked too. And that isn’t someone I will meet in university. It may well be one of my law co-workers, when I get there.

Who is that you keep looking at? Marnie teases, picking up on my gaze. He’s hot.

I’m not looking at anyone, I insist much too quickly. I was just wondering when to go to the bar.

Oh, well that hottie is going up there now, so I think that now would be a good time.

I immediately shake my head. No way. I can’t just go up there. What would I even say to him? I don’t know him at all, and he might assume that I’m after a one night stand or something.

And what would be so wrong with that? Marnie shrugs. I know that you’re a good girl, one who is more for relationships than just a fun fling, but your relationships haven’t exactly worked out, have they?

I know! And they have been with guys who were my friends first, so I always knew what to say...

So, why not try something new? She wiggles her eyebrows at me. Go and have a flirt. No one is telling you to marry the guy. No one can even tell you to sleep with the guy. Just go and talk to him.

I suppose, in a way, it could be like practice, couldn’t it? Me trying out something new. I am single now and I don’t exactly want to be forever, so there isn’t anything wrong with a little bit of flirting rehearsal.  It absolutely terrifies me and brings butterflies flooding to the surface, but I have a little bit of Dutch courage to get me up.

Okay, I’m going, I whisper to Marnie. But just for a moment. I’m just going to say hi.

I try and hold my head up high as I make the journey over to the bar, shaking the entire time. The trembling runs all the way from my shoulders down to my knees. I can feel the prick of Marnie’s eyes upon me, pushing me forwards, piling the pressure on. I’m about ready to give up, to run away and head to the bathroom instead because the fear is starting to claim me, but just as I’m about to twist, I stumble, my ankle slides and I have to grip on to the bar just to keep myself upright which is how I end bashing up against him.

Oh, sorry... I stammer, feeling like the biggest idiot ever. Talk about bad first impressions!

Er, that’s okay. I will move up and give you some room. As he slides away I feel even worse.

I don’t need that much room. But thank you. I appreciate it. I can’t stop giggling like a fool, even as he looks at me as if I have lost my damn mind. I think this floor might be slippery, that’s all.

Or it might be the sky high heels you are wearing. They don’t look fun.

Is it that obvious that I don’t usually wear heels? I ask sadly. My friend forced me into them.

I’m not saying that they don’t look good. He holds up his hands in a surrendering gesture. They do, they just don’t look comfortable, that’s all. I don’t think that I would particularly like to wear them.

I toss my head back and laugh. It’s actually surprisingly easy to talk to this stranger. I don’t know if this would count as flirting or not, but it’s better than having no conversation at all. Marnie is proud, I’m sure. I dare not turn around to look at her because the sight of my friend has the ability to crack the magic of the moment.

I can’t imagine you in them, to be honest. I don’t think you need them anyway. You’re tall enough.

Ah, so it’s all about height? Not looking sexy? I never knew that about heels...

I glance down at them and twist my leg around playfully. You think they look sexy?

Oh very. He wiggles his eyebrows. They look incredibly sexy on you.

He has literally stripped the air away from my lungs. I’m totally blown away by him right now. He has me tingling with space dust all the way through my body right to my core where I have started pulsing and throbbing for him. That must be the booze though, because like Marnie said, I am a good girl. The relationship girl who always does things in a right way. I’m not the girl who flirts with strangers at the bar...

But perhaps at the age of twenty two, that’s who I have become, and it feels okay.

Thank you very much. It’s nice to know that a good looking man like you finds me sexy.

Well, why doesn’t this good looking man buy you a drink?

Oh really? This feels nice. I can’t remember the last time that I was bought a drink. Yes, please.

His hand strokes against mine and I get an electrical buzz tearing up my arm. My pulse is racing at the speed of light, I feel like I’m floating on air. There is something about the way that he’s looking at me which is so intense that puts us in a bubble of just me and him. The only place I want to be in the world right now.

He buys me a drink and hands it to me. As I take it from him a spike of disappointment rocks through me. He’s going to leave me now, to head back to his friends, and I just know that I will miss the connection between us. This tiny little conversation has been the most exciting thing to happen to me for ages...

But a little glance over to where he was sitting before shows me that the table is empty. He’s alone. Ooh that sends a shiver of thrill up and down my spine. He might well be all mine for a bit longer. I finally brave glancing back to see if Marnie is okay with me staying over here and she gives me a thumbs up, encouraging me.

So, your friends have left you all alone. What did you do to offend them?

He laughs, getting that I’m joking which is good. I need someone who will understand my sense of humor. I don’t know. It might just be because I smell, who knows? They just upped and left me.

Oh, well good job that I’m here then, isn’t it? I will make sure that you aren’t alone.

Right, well if you are going to stick around then I suppose I better know your name.

Lauren. I hold out my hand for him to shake which he does. And what is yours?

Leo. He smiles so beautifully that my heart thunders against my chest. Nice to meet you.

He has a strong hand which makes me tremor. It’s damn near impossible not to feel all little and feminine in his presence. I almost want to bounce around like a little glittering fairy.

But, Lauren, don’t your friends want you back? I wouldn’t want to steal you.

They see me all the time. I wave my hand dismissively. They get sick of me.

Oh, well, that’s good then because I can’t imagine ever getting sick of you.

Oh my God, what is happening here? What is going on? This was supposed to be a small chat to give me a little flirting practice and a much needed confidence boost but I can already feel it becoming so much more. I hop on the bar stool next to him and focus only him as he is turning me into jelly.

So, what brings you to this bar tonight then? I ask while sipping my drink. You here for a reason?

Kind of a celebration. I have just moved to the area. Not that my friends stayed out late enough for it to be a celebration. He rolls his eyes. So, it looks like I’m here having fun on my own.

With me. I cock an eyebrow. And I’m kind of celebrating as well because I’m back here.

He doesn’t ask me what brought me back here and I don’t ask him why he’s moved either, which is probably for the best because we don’t need to learn about out one another. This isn’t the start of a relationship, it’s just some fun. Just a little flirt between me and the incredibly sexy Leo to make me feel great about being here all over again. But it’s fun that could go anywhere and I’m looking forward to finding it out.

Chapter 3 – Leo

Lauren is so lovely