The Book of Humorous Verse

By Good Press

"The Book of Humorous Verse" by Various. Published by Good Press. Good Press publishes a wide range of titles that encompasses every genre. From well-known classics & literary fiction and non-fiction to forgotten−or yet undiscovered gems−of world literature, we issue the books that need to be read. Each Good Press edition has been meticulously edited and formatted to boost readability for all e-readers and devices. Our goal is to produce eBooks that are user-friendly and accessible to everyone in a high-quality digital format.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Good Press
• Release date: Nov 27, 2019
• ISBN: 4057664612601

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Various

The Book of Humorous Verse

Published by Good Press, 2022

[e-mail]

EAN 4057664612601

Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

THE BOOK OF HUMOROUS VERSE

I

BANTER

THE PLAYED-OUT HUMOURIST

THE PRACTICAL JOKER

TO PHŒBE

MALBROUCK

MARK TWAIN: A PIPE DREAM

FROM A FULL HEART

THE ULTIMATE JOY

OLD FASHIONED FUN

WHEN MOONLIKE ORE THE HAZURE SEAS

WHEN THE FROST IS ON THE PUNKIN

TWO MEN

A FAMILIAR LETTER TO SEVERAL CORRESPONDENTS

THE HEIGHT OF THE RIDICULOUS

SHAKE, MULLEARY AND GO-ETHE

A RONDELAY

WINTER DUSK

COMIC MISERIES

EARLY RISING

TO THE PLIOCENE SKULL

ODE TO WORK IN SPRINGTIME

OLD STUFF

TO MINERVA

THE LEGEND OF HEINZ VON STEIN

THE TRUTH ABOUT HORACE

PROPINQUITY NEEDED

IN THE CATACOMBS

OUR NATIVE BIRDS

THE PRAYER OF CYRUS BROWN

ERRING IN COMPANY

CUPID

IF WE DIDN'T HAVE TO EAT

TO MY EMPTY PURSE

THE BIRTH OF SAINT PATRICK

HER LITTLE FEET

SCHOOL

THE MILLENNIUM

EXACTLY SO

COMPANIONS

THE SCHOOLMASTER

A APPEAL FOR ARE TO THE SEXTANT OF THE OLD BRICK MEETINOUSE

CUPID'S DARTS

A PLEA FOR TRIGAMY

THE POPE

ALL AT SEA

BALLAD OF THE PRIMITIVE JEST

VILLANELLE OF THINGS AMUSING

HOW TO EAT WATERMELONS

A VAGUE STORY

HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW

ON A DEAF HOUSEKEEPER

HOMŒOPATHIC SOUP

SOME LITTLE BUG

ON THE DOWNTOWN SIDE OF AN UPTOWN STREET

WRITTEN AFTER SWIMMING FROM SESTOS TO ABYDOS

THE FISHERMAN'S CHANT

REPORT OF AN ADJUDGED CASE

PREHISTORIC SMITH

SONG

LYING

STRICTLY GERM-PROOF

THE LAY OF THE LOVER'S FRIEND

MAN'S PLACE IN NATURE

THE NEW VERSION

AMAZING FACTS ABOUT FOOD

TRANSCENDENTALISM

A CAUDAL LECTURE

SALAD

NEMESIS

MONA LISA

THE SIEGE OF DJKLXPRWBZ

RURAL BLISS

AN OLD BACHELOR

SONG

THE QUEST OF THE PURPLE COW

ST. PATRICK OF IRELAND, MY DEAR!

THE IRISH SCHOOLMASTER

REFLECTIONS ON CLEOPATHERA'S NEEDLE

THE ORIGIN OF IRELAND

AS TO THE WEATHER

THE TWINS

II

THE ETERNAL FEMININE

HE AND SHE

THE KISS

THE COURTIN'

HIRAM HOVER

BLOW ME EYES!

FIRST LOVE

WHAT IS A WOMAN LIKE?

MIS' SMITH

TRIOLET

BESSIE BROWN, M.D.

A SKETCH FROM THE LIFE

MINGUILLO'S KISS

A KISS IN THE RAIN

THE LOVE-KNOT

OVER THE WAY

CHORUS OF WOMEN

THE WIDOW MALONE

THE SMACK IN SCHOOL

'SPÄCIALLY JIM

KITTY OF COLERAINE

WHY DON'T THE MEN PROPOSE?

A PIN

THE WHISTLER

THE CLOUD

CONSTANCY

AIN'T IT AWFUL, MABEL?

WING TEE WEE

PHYLLIS LEE

THE SORROWS OF WERTHER

THE UNATTAINABLE

RORY O'MORE; OR, GOOD OMENS

A DIALOGUE FROM PLATO

DORA VERSUS ROSE

TU QUOQUE

NOTHING TO WEAR

MY MISTRESS'S BOOTS

MRS. SMITH

A TERRIBLE INFANT

SUSAN

I DIDN'T LIKE HIM

MY ANGELINE

NORA'S VOW

HUSBAND AND HEATHEN

THE LOST PLEIAD

THE NEW CHURCH ORGAN

LARRIE O'DEE

NO FAULT IN WOMEN

A COSMOPOLITAN WOMAN

COURTING IN KENTUCKY

ANY ONE WILL DO

A BIRD IN THE HAND

THE BELLE OF THE BALL

THE RETORT

BEHAVE YOURSEL' BEFORE FOLK

THE CHRONICLE: A BALLAD

BUXOM JOAN

OH, MY GERALDINE

THE PARTERRE

HOW TO ASK AND HAVE

SALLY IN OUR ALLEY

FALSE LOVE AND TRUE LOGIC

PET'S PUNISHMENT

AD CHLOEN, M.A.

CHLOE, M.A.

THE FAIR MILLINGER

TWO FISHERS

MAUD

ARE WOMEN FAIR?

THE PLAIDIE

FEMININE ARITHMETIC

LORD GUY

SARY FIXES UP THINGS

THE CONSTANT CANNIBAL MAIDEN

WIDOW BEDOTT TO ELDER SNIFFLES

UNDER THE MISTLETOE

THE BROKEN PITCHER

GIFTS RETURNED

III

LOVE AND COURTSHIP

NOUREDDIN, THE SON OF THE SHAH

THE USUAL WAY

THE WAY TO ARCADY

MY LOVE AND MY HEART

QUITE BY CHANCE

THE NUN

THE CHEMIST TO HIS LOVE

CATEGORICAL COURTSHIP

LANTY LEARY

THE SECRET COMBINATION

FORTY YEARS AFTER

CUPID

PARING-TIME ANTICIPATED

WHY

THE SABINE FARMER'S SERENADE

I HAE LAID A HERRING IN SAUT

THE CLOWN'S COURTSHIP

OUT UPON IT

LOVE IS LIKE A DIZZINESS

THE KITCHEN CLOCK

LADY MINE

BALLADE OF THE GOLFER IN LOVE

BALLADE OF FORGOTTEN LOVES

IV

SATIRE

A BALLADE OF SUICIDE

FINNIGIN TO FLANNIGAN

STUDY OF AN ELEVATION, IN INDIAN INK

THE V-A-S-E

MINIVER CHEEVY

THE RECRUIT

OFFICER BRADY

POST-IMPRESSIONISM

TO THE PORTRAIT OF A GENTLEMAN,

CACOËTHES SCRIBENDI

CONTENTMENT

A BOSTON LULLABY

A GRAIN OF SALT

SONG

A PHILOSOPHER

THE MEETING OF THE CLABBERHUSES

THE IDEAL HUSBAND TO HIS WIFE

DISTICHS

THE HEN-ROOST MAN

IF THEY MEANT ALL THEY SAID

THE MAN

A THOUGHT

THE MUSICAL ASS

THE KNIFE-GRINDER

ST. ANTHONY'S SERMON TO THE FISHES

THE BATTLE OF BLENHEIM

THE THREE BLACK CROWS

TO THE TERRESTRIAL GLOBE

ETIQUETTE

A MODEST WIT

THE LATEST DECALOGUE

A SIMILE

BY PARCELS POST

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

THE CONTRAST

THE DEVONSHIRE LANE

A SPLENDID FELLOW

IF

ACCEPTED AND WILL APPEAR

THE LITTLE VAGABOND

SYMPATHY

THE RELIGION OF HUDIBRAS

HOLY WILLIE'S PRAYER

THE LEARNED NEGRO

TRUE TO POLL

TRUST IN WOMEN

THE LITERARY LADY

TWELVE ARTICLES

ALL-SAINTS

HOW TO MAKE A MAN OF CONSEQUENCE

ON A MAGAZINE SONNET

PARADISE

THE FRIAR OF ORDERS GRAY

OF A CERTAIN MAN

CLEAN CLARA

CHRISTMAS CHIMES

THE RULING PASSION

THE POPE AND THE NET

AN ACTOR

THE LOST SPECTACLES

THAT TEXAN CATTLE MAN

FABLE

HOCH! DER KAISER

WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS

THE CANDIDATE'S CREED

THE RAZOR SELLER

THE DEVIL'S WALK ON EARTH

FATHER MOLLOY

THE OWL-CRITIC

WHAT WILL WE DO?

LIFE IN LACONICS

ON KNOWING WHEN TO STOP

REV. GABE TUCKER'S REMARKS

THURSDAY

SKY-MAKING

THE POSITIVISTS

MARTIAL IN LONDON

THE SPLENDID SHILLING

AFTER HORACE

OF A PRECISE TAILOR

MONEY

BOSTON NURSERY RHYMES

KENTUCKY PHILOSOPHY

JOHN GRUMLIE

A SONG OF IMPOSSIBILITIES

SONG

THE OUBIT

DOUBLE BALLADE OF PRIMITIVE MAN

PHILLIS'S AGE

V

CYNICISM

GOOD AND BAD LUCK

BANGKOLIDYE

PENSÉES DE NOËL

A BALLADE OF AN ANTI-PURITAN

PESSIMISM

CYNICAL ODE TO AN ULTRA-CYNICAL PUBLIC

YOUTH AND ART

THE BACHELOR'S DREAM

ALL THINGS EXCEPT MYSELF I KNOW

THE JOYS OF MARRIAGE

THE THIRD PROPOSITION

THE BALLAD OF CASSANDRA BROWN

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

TOO LATE

THE ANNUITY

K. K.—CAN'T CALCULATE

NORTHERN FARMER

FIN DE SIÉCLE

THEN AG'IN

THE PESSIMIST

WITHOUT AND WITHIN

SAME OLD STORY

VI

EPIGRAMS

WOMAN'S WILL

CYNICUS TO W. SHAKESPEARE

SENEX TO MATT. PRIOR

TO A BLOCKHEAD

THE FOOL AND THE POET

A RHYMESTER

GILES'S HOPE

COLOGNE

AN ETERNAL POEM

ON A BAD SINGER

JOB

REASONS FOR DRINKING

SMATTERERS

HYPOCRISY

TO DOCTOR EMPIRIC

A REMEDY WORSE THAN THE DISEASE

A WIFE

THE HONEY-MOON

DIDO

AN EPITAPH

ON TAKING A WIFE

UPON BEING OBLIGED TO LEAVE A PLEASANT PARTY FROM THE WANT OF A PAIR OF BREECHES TO DRESS FOR DINNER IN

SOME LADIES

ON A SENSE OF HUMOUR

ON HEARING A LADY PRAISE A CERTAIN REV. DOCTOR'S EYES

EPITAPH INTENDED FOR HIS WIFE

TO A CAPRICIOUS FRIEND

WHICH IS WHICH

ON A FULL-LENGTH PORTRAIT OF BEAU MARSH PLACED BETWEEN THE BUSTS OF NEWTON AND POPE

ON SCOTLAND

MENDAX

TO A SLOW WALKER AND QUICK EATER

WHAT'S MY THOUGHT LIKE?

OF ALL THE MEN

ON BUTLER'S MONUMENT

A CONJUGAL CONUNDRUM

VII

BURLESQUE

LOVERS AND A REFLECTION

OUR HYMN

SOLDIER, REST!

IMITATION

THE MIGHTY MUST

MIDSUMMER MADNESS

MAVRONE

LILIES

FOR I AM SAD

A LITTLE SWIRL OF VERS LIBRE

YOUNG LOCHINVAR

IMAGISTE LOVE LINES

BYGONES

JUSTICE TO SCOTLAND

LAMENT OF THE SCOTCH-IRISH EXILE

A SONG OF SORROW

THE REJECTED NATIONAL HYMNS

THE EDITOR'S WOOING

THE BABY'S DÉBUT

THE CANTELOPE

POPULAR BALLAD: NEVER FORGET YOUR PARENTS

HOW A GIRL WAS TOO RECKLESS OF GRAMMAR

BEHOLD THE DEEDS!

VILLON'S STRAIGHT TIP TO ALL CROSS COVES

CULTURE IN THE SLUMS

THE LAWYER'S INVOCATION TO SPRING

NORTH, EAST, SOUTH, AND WEST

MARTIN LUTHER AT POTSDAM

AN IDYLL OF PHATTE AND LEENE

THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT

PALABRAS GRANDIOSAS

A LOVE PLAYNT—1370

DARWINITY

SELECT PASSAGES FROM A COMING PORT

THE ROMAUNT OF HUMPTY DUMPTY

THE WEDDING

IN MEMORIAM TECHNICAM

SONGS WITHOUT WORDS

AT THE SIGN OF THE COCK

PRESTO FURIOSO

TO JULIA IN SHOOTING TOGS AND A HERRICKOSE VEIN

FAREWELL

HERE IS THE TALE

THE WILLOWS

A BALLAD

THE TRANSLATED WAY

COMMONPLACES

ANGELO ORDERS HIS DINNER

CAMERADOS

THE LAST RIDE TOGETHER

IMITATION OF WALT WHITMAN

SALAD

IF

THE JABBERWOCKY OF AUTHORS

THE TOWN OF NICE

THE WILLOW-TREE

A BALLADE OF BALLADE-MONGERS

VIII

BATHOS

THE CONFESSION

IF YOU HAVE SEEN

CIRCUMSTANCE

ELEGY

OUR TRAVELLER

OPTIMISM

THE DECLARATION

HE CAME TO PAY

THE FORLORN ONE

RURAL RAPTURES

A FRAGMENT

THE BITER BIT

COMFORT IN AFFLICTION

THE HUSBAND'S PETITION

LINES WRITTEN AFTER A BATTLE

LINES

THE IMAGINATIVE CRISIS

IX

PARODY

THE HIGHER PANTHEISM IN A NUTSHELL

NEPHELIDIA

UP THE SPOUT

IN IMMEMORIAM

LUCY LAKE

THE COCK AND THE BULL

BALLAD

DISASTER

WORDSWORTHIAN REMINISCENCE

INSPECT US

THE MESSED DAMOZEL

A MELTON MOWBRAY PORK-PIE

ISRAFIDDLESTRINGS

AFTER DILETTANTE CONCETTI

WHENCENESS OF THE WHICH

THE LITTLE STAR

THE ORIGINAL LAMB

SAINTE MARGÉRIE

ROBERT FROST

OWEN SEAMAN

THE MODERN HIAWATHA

SOMEWHERE-IN-EUROPE-WOCKY

RIGID BODY SINGS

A BALLAD OF HIGH ENDEAVOR

FATHER WILLIAM

THE POETS AT TEA

HOW OFTEN

IF I SHOULD DIE TO-NIGHT

THE DAY IS DONE

JACOB

BALLAD OF THE CANAL

THERE'S A BOWER OF BEAN-VINES

REUBEN

THE WIFE

WHEN LOVELY WOMAN

JOHN THOMPSON'S DAUGHTER

A PORTRAIT

ANNABEL LEE

HOME SWEET HOME WITH VARIATIONS

AN OLD SONG BY NEW SINGERS

MORE IMPRESSIONS

NURSERY RHYMES À LA MODE

A MAUDLE-IN BALLAD

GILLIAN

EXTRACTS FKOM THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE

DIVERSIONS OF THE RE-ECHO CLUB

STYX RIVER ANTHOLOGY

ANSWER TO MASTER WITHER'S SONG, SHALL I, WASTING IN DESPAIR?

SONG OF THE SPRINGTIDE

THE VILLAGE CHOIR

MY FOE

NURSERY SONG IN PIDGIN ENGLISH

FATHER WILLIAM

A POE-'EM OF PASSION

HOW THE DAUGHTERS COME DOWN AT DUNOON

TO AN IMPORTUNATE HOST

CREMATION

AN IMITATION OF WORDSWORTH

THE LAY OF THE LOVE-LORN

ONLY SEVEN

'TWAS EVER THUS

FOAM AND FANGS

X

NARRATIVE

LITTLE BILLEE

THE CRYSTAL PALACE

THE WOFLE NEW BALLAD OF JANE RONEY AND MARY BROWN

KING JOHN AND THE ABBOT

ON THE DEATH OF A FAVORITE CAT,

MISADVENTURES AT MARGATE

THE GOUTY MERCHANT AND THE STRANGER

THE DIVERTING HISTORY OF JOHN GILPIN

PADDY O'RAFTHER

HERE SHE GOES, AND THERE SHE GOES

THE QUAKER'S MEETING

THE JESTER CONDEMNED TO DEATH

THE DEACON'S MASTERPIECE;

THE BALLAD OF THE OYSTERMAN

THE WELL OF ST. KEYNE

THE JACKDAW OF RHEIMS

THE KNIGHT AND THE LADY

AN EASTERN QUESTION

MY AUNT'S SPECTRE

CASEY AT THE BAT

THE PIED PIPER OF HAMELIN

THE GOOSE

THE BALLAD OF CHARITY

THE POST CAPTAIN

ROBINSON CRUSOE'S STORY

BEN BLUFF

THE PILGRIMS AND THE PEAS

TAM O'SHANTER

THAT GENTLE MAN FROM BOSTON TOWN

THE YARN OF THE NANCY BELL

FERDINANDO AND ELVIRA

GENTLE ALICE BROWN

THE STORY OF PRINCE AGIB

SIR GUY THE CRUSADER

KITTY WANTS TO WRITE

DIGHTON IS ENGAGED!

PLAIN LANGUAGE FROM TRUTHFUL JAMES

THE SOCIETY UPON THE STANISLAUS

JIM

WILLIAM BROWN OF OREGON

LITTLE BREECHES

THE ENCHANTED SHIRT

JIM BLUDSO

WRECK OF THE JULIE PLANTE

THE ALARMED SKIPPER

THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN

SAYING NOT MEANING

HANS BREITMANN'S PARTY

BALLAD BY HANS BREITMANN

GRAMPY SINGS A SONG

THE FIRST BANJO

THE ROMANCE OF THE CARPET

THE HUNTING OF THE SNARK

THE OLD MAN AND JIM

A SAILOR'S YARN

THE CONVERTED CANNIBALS

THE RETIRED PORK-BUTCHER AND THE SPOOK

SKIPPER IRESON'S RIDE

DARIUS GREEN AND HIS FLYING-MACHINE

A GREAT FIGHT

THE DONNYBROOK JIG

UNFORTUNATE MISS BAILEY

THE LAIRD O' COCKPEN

A WEDDING

XI

TRIBUTE

THE AHKOND OF SWAT

THE AHKOOND OF SWAT

DIRGE OF THE MOOLLA OF KOTAL,

THE BALLAD OF BOUILLABAISSE

OULD DOCTOR MACK

FATHER O'FLYNN

THE BALD-HEADED TYRANT

BARNEY McGEE

ADDRESS TO THE TOOTHACHE

A FAREWELL TO TOBACCO

JOHN BARLEYCORN

STANZAS TO PALE ALE

ODE TO TOBACCO

SONNET TO A CLAM

TO A FLY

ODE TO A BOBTAILED CAT

A DIRGE

XII

WHIMSEY

AN ELEGY

PARSON GRAY

THE IRISHMAN AND THE LADY

THE CATARACT OF LODORE

LAY OF THE DESERTED INFLUENZAED

BELAGCHOLLY DAYS

RHYME OF THE RAIL

ECHO

SONG

A GENTLE ECHO ON WOMAN

LAY OF ANCIENT ROME

A NEW SONG

THE AMERICAN TRAVELLER

THE ZEALLESS XYLOGRAPHER

THE OLD LINE FENCE

O-U-G-H

ENIGMA ON THE LETTER H

TRAVESTY OF MISS FANSHAWE'S ENIGMA

AN ELEGY ON THE DEATH OF A MAD DOG

AN EPITAPH

OLD GRIMES

THE ENDLESS SONG

THE HUNDRED BEST BOOKS

THE COSMIC EGG

FIVE WINES

A RHYME FOR MUSICIANS

MY MADELINE

SUSAN SIMPSON

THE MARCH TO MOSCOW

HALF HOURS WITH THE CLASSICS

ON THE OXFORD CARRIER

NINETY-NINE IN THE SHADE

THE TRIOLET

THE RONDEAU

LIFE [1]

ODE TO THE HUMAN HEART

A STRIKE AMONG THE POETS

WHATEVER IS, IS RIGHT

NOTHING

DIRGE

O D V

A MAN OF WORDS

SIMILES

NO!

FAITHLESS SALLY BROWN

TIM TURPIN

FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY

SALLY SIMPKIN'S LAMENT

DEATH'S RAMBLE

PANEGYRIC ON THE LADIES

AMBIGUOUS LINES

SURNAMES

A TERNARY OF LITTLES, UPON A PIPKIN OF JELLY SENT TO A LADY

A CARMAN'S ACCOUNT OF A LAW-SUIT

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND

NONGTONGPAW

LOGICAL ENGLISH

LOGIC

THE CAREFUL PENMAN

QUESTIONS WITH ANSWERS

CONJUGAL CONJUGATIONS

LOVE'S MOODS AND SENSES

THE SIEGE OF BELGRADE

THE HAPPY MAN

THE BELLS

TAKINGS

A BACHELOR'S MONO-RHYME

THE ART OF BOOK-KEEPING

AN INVITATION TO THE ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS

A NOCTURNAL SKETCH

LOVELILTS

JOCOSA LYRA

TO A THESAURUS

THE FUTURE OF THE CLASSICS

CAUTIONARY VERSES

THE WAR: A-Z

LINES TO MISS FLORENCE HUNTINGDON

TO MY NOSE

A POLKA LYRIC

A CAT ALECTIC MONODY!

ODE FOR A SOCIAL MEETING

THE JOVIAL PRIEST'S CONFESSION

LIMERICKS

XIII

NONSENSE

LUNAR STANZAS

THE WHANGO TREE

THREE CHILDREN

'TIS MIDNIGHT

COSSIMBAZAR

AN UNSUSPECTED FACT

THE CUMBERBUNCE

MR. FINNEY'S TURNIP

NONSENSE VERSES

LIKE TO THE THUNDERING TONE

ÆSTIVATION

UNCLE SIMON AND UNCLE JIM

A TRAGIC STORY

SONNET FOUND IN A DESERTED MAD HOUSE

THE JIM-JAM KING OF THE JOU-JOUS

TO MARIE

MY DREAM

THE ROLLICKING MASTODON

THE INVISIBLE BRIDGE

THE LAZY ROOF

MY FEET

SPIRK TROLL-DERISIVE

THE MAN IN THE MOON

THE LUGUBRIOUS WHING-WHANG

THE YONGHY-BONGHY-BO

THE JUMBLIES

THE POBBLE WHO HAS NO TOES

THE NEW VESTMENTS

THE TWO OLD BACHELORS

JABBERWOCKY

WAYS AND MEANS

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S RECITATION

SOME HALLUCINATIONS

SING FOR THE GARISH EYE

THE SHIPWRECK

UFFIA

'TIS SWEET TO ROAM

THREE JOVIAL HUNTSMEN

KING ARTHUR

HYDER IDDLE

THE OCEAN WANDERER

SCIENTIFIC PROOF

THE THINGUMBOB

WONDERS OF NATURE

LINES BY AN OLD FOGY

A COUNTRY SUMMER PASTORAL

TURVEY TOP

A BALLAD OF BEDLAM

XIV

NATURAL HISTORY

THE FASTIDIOUS SERPENT

THE LEGEND OF THE FIRST CAM-U-EL

UNSATISFIED YEARNING

KINDLY ADVICE

KINDNESS TO ANIMALS

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

THE HEN

OF BAITING THE LION

THE FLAMINGO

WHY DOTH A PUSSY CAT?

THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER

NIRVANA

THE CATFISH

WAR RELIEF

THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT

MEXICAN SERENADE

ORPHAN BORN

DIVIDED DESTINIES

THE VIPER

THE LLAMA

THE YAK

THE FROG

THE MICROBE

THE GREAT BLACK CROW

THE COLUBRIAD

THE RETIRED CAT

A DARWINIAN BALLAD

THE PIG

A FISH STORY

THE CAMERONIAN CAT

THE YOUNG GAZELLE

THE BALLAD OF THE EMEU

THE TURTLE AND FLAMINGO

XV

JUNIORS

PRIOR TO MISS BELLE'S APPEARANCE

THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL

THE NAUGHTY DARKEY BOY

DUTCH LULLABY

THE DINKEY-BIRD

THE LITTLE PEACH

COUNSEL TO THOSE THAT EAT

HOME AND MOTHER

LITTLE ORPHANT ANNIE

A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS

A NURSERY LEGEND

A LITTLE GOOSE

LEEDLE YAWCOB STRAUSS

A PARENTAL ODE TO MY SON, AGED THREE YEARS AND FIVE MONTHS

LITTLE MAMMA

THE COMICAL GIRL

BUNCHES OF GRAPES

XVI

IMMORTAL STANZAS

THE PURPLE COW

THE YOUNG LADY OF NIGER

THE LAUGHING WILLOW

SAID OPIE READ

MANILA

ON THE ARISTOCRACY OF HARVARD

ON THE DEMOCRACY OF YALE

THE HERRING

IF THE MAN

THE KILKENNY CATS

POOR DEAR GRANDPAPA

MORE WALKS

INDIFFERENCE

MADAME SANS SOUCI

A RIDDLE

IF

THE END

INDICES

INDEX OF AUTHORS

INDEX OF FIRST LINES

INDEX OF TITLES

INTRODUCTION

Table of Contents

A hope of immortality and a sense of humor distinguish man from the beasts of the field.

A single exception may be made, perhaps, of the Laughing Hyena, and, on the other hand, not every one of the human race possesses the power of laughter. For those who do, this volume is intended.

And since there can be nothing humorous about an introduction, there can be small need of a lengthy one.

Merely a few explanations of conditions which may be censured by captious critics.

First, the limitations of space had to be recognized. Hence, the book is a compilation, not a collection. It is representative, but not exhaustive. My ambition was toward a volume to which everyone could go, with a surety of finding any one of his favorite humorous poems between these covers. But no covers of one book could insure that, so I reluctantly gave up the dream for a reality which I trust will make it possible for a majority of seekers to find their favorites here.

The compiler's course is a difficult one. The Scylla of Popularity lures him on the one hand, while the Charybdis of the Classical charms him on the other. He has nothing to steer by but his own good taste, and good taste, alack, is greatly a matter of opinion.

And no opinion seemeth good unto an honest compiler, save his own. Wherefore, the choice of these selections, like kissing, went by favor. As to the arrangement of them, every compiler will tell you that Classification is Vexation. And why not? When many a poem may be both Parody and Satire,—both Romance and Cynicism. Wherefore, the compiler sorted with loving care the selections here presented striving to do justice to the verses themselves, and taking a chance on the tolerant good nature of the reader.

For,

A jest's prosperity lies in the ear Of him that hears it. Never in the tongue Of him that makes it.

Which made me all the more careful to do my authors justice, leaving the prosperity of the jests to the hearers.

Carolyn Wells.

---

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Table of Contents

The compiler is indebted to the publisher or author, as noted below, for the use of copyright material included in this volume. Special arrangements have been made with the authorized publishers of those American poets, whose works in whole or in part have lapsed copyright. All rights of these poems have been reserved by the authorized publisher, author or holder of the copyright as indicated in the following:

Little, Brown & Company: For selections from the Poems and Limericks of Edward Lear.

The Macmillan Company: For selections from the Poems of Lewis Carroll and Verses from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass.

Harr Wagner Publishing Company: For permission to reprint from The Complete Poems of Joaquin Miller That Gentle Man From Boston Town, That Texan Cattle Man, William Brown of Oregon.

Frederick A. Stokes Company: Bessie Brown, M.D. and A Kiss in the Rain, by Samuel Minturn Peck.

Lothrop, Lee & Shepard Company: For the inclusion of the following Poems by Sam Walter Foss: The Meeting of the Clabberhuses, A Philosopher and The Prayer of Cyrus Brown from Dreams in Homespun, copyright, 1897. Then Agin— and Husband and Heathen, from Back Country Poems, copyright, 1894. The Ideal Husband to His Wife, from Whiffs from Wild Meadows, copyright, 1895.

Forbes & Company: How Often? If I Should Die To-night, and The Pessimist, by Ben King.

The Century Company: For permission to reprint from St. Nicholas Magazine the following poems by Ruth McEnery Stuart: The Endless Song and The Hen-Roost Man; and by Tudor Jenks: An Old Bachelor; and by Mary Mapes Dodge: Home and Mother, Life in Laconics, Over the Way and The Zealless Xylographer.

Thomas L. Masson: For permission to reprint The Kiss from Life.

E. P. Button & Company: The Converted Cannibals and The Retired Pork-Butcher and the Spook, by G. E. Farrow.

Houghton Mifflin Company: With their permission and by special arrangement, as authorized publishers of the following authors' works, are used: Selections from Nora Perry, John Townsend Trowbridge, Charles E. Carryl, Oliver Wendell Holmes, John Greenleaf Whittier, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Bret Harte, James Thomas Fields, John G. Saxe, James Russell Lowell and Bayard Taylor.

A. P. Watt & Son and Doubleday, Page & Company: For their permission to use Divided Destinies, Study of an Elevation, in Indian Ink, and Commonplaces, by Rudyard Kipling.

G. P. Putnam's Sons: Selections from the Poems of Eugene Fitch Ware and The Wreck of the 'Julie Plante,' by William Henry Drummond.

Henry Holt & Company: Two Parodies from — and Other Poets, by Louis Untermeyer.

Dodd, Mead & Company: The Constant Cannibal Maiden, Blow Me Eyes and A Grain of Salt, by Wallace Irwin.

John Lane Company: For Poems by Owen Seaman, Anthony C. Deane and G. K. Chesterton.

The Smart Set: Dighton is Engaged, and Kitty Wants to Write, by Gelett Burgess.

Small, Maynard & Company: For selections from Holman F. Day, Richard Hovey and Clinton Scollard.

The Bobbs-Merrill Company: For special permission to reprint from the Biographical Edition of the Complete Works of James Whitcomb Riley (copyright, 1913) the following Poems: Little Orphant Annie, The Lugubrious Whing-Whang, The Man in the Moon, The Old Man and Jim, Prior to Miss Belle's Appearance, Spirk Throll-Derisive, When the Frost is on the Punkin.

The Bobbs-Merrill Company: For permission to use the following Poems by Robert J. Burdette, from Smiles Yoked with Sighs (copyright, 1900), Orphan Born, The Romance of the Carpet, Soldier, Rest!, Songs without Words, What Will We Do?.

Charles Scribner's Sons: For permission to use The Dinkey-Bird, Dutch Lullaby, The Little Peach, The Truth About Horace, by Eugene Field.

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THE BOOK OF HUMOROUS VERSE

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I

BANTER

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THE PLAYED-OUT HUMOURIST

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THE PRACTICAL JOKER

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TO PHŒBE

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MALBROUCK

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MARK TWAIN: A PIPE DREAM

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FROM A FULL HEART

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THE ULTIMATE JOY

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