Full

By A.J. Llewellyn

Barney loves food. He loves to love food, but food doesn't love him. It has ruled his life and wrecked his relationships. Will he ever feel...full?

Barney Calloway is a super-successful voice-over actor in Hollywood. He is, however, extremely overweight. He has struggled with his weight his entire life. Things come to a head when he demolishes half of his sister's birthday cake before she can even set eyes on it.

Leaving her house after her party is over, he finds a business card tucked under his windshield wiper with only one word:

Full.

On the reverse side of the card is a toll-free number which, out of curiosity, he finally calls. A woman's voice tells him his order has been processed. Order? What order? He awakens the next morning to find he's lost one hundred and three pounds. Overnight, he's gone from being a lard ass to a hot ass and nothing will be the same again...and unbelievably, all the changes aren't necessarily for the better. His family members' reactions are weird and his old love, Diego, really struggles with the new Barney.

Will Barney ever have the life and the love he craves? And will he ever really feel...full?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pride Publishing
• Release date: Dec 11, 2012
• ISBN: 9781781841242

A.J. Llewellyn

A.J. Llewellyn lives in California, but dreams of living in Hawaii. Frequent trips to all the islands, bags of Kona coffee in the fridge and a healthy collection of Hawaiian records keep this writer refueled. A.J. never lacks inspiration for male/male erotic romances and on the rare occasions this happens, pursues other passions such as collecting books on Hawaiiana, surfing and spending time with friends and animal companions. A.J. Llewellyn believes that love is a song best sung out loud.

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A Total-E-Bound Publication

www.total-e-bound.com

Full

ISBN # 978-1-78184-124-2

©Copyright A.J. Llewellyn 2012

Cover Art by Posh Gosh ©Copyright October 2012

Edited by Stacey Birkel

Total-E-Bound Publishing

This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher, Total-E-Bound Publishing.

Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Total-E-Bound Publishing. Unauthorised or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.

The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator of the artwork.

Published in 2012 by Total-E-Bound Publishing, Think Tank, Ruston Way, Lincoln, LN6 7FL, United Kingdom.

Warning:

This book contains sexually explicit content which is only suitable for mature readers. This story has a heat rating of Total-e-burning and a sexometer of 2.

This story contains 75 pages, additionally there is also a free excerpt at the end of the book containing 6 pages.

FULL

A.J. Llewellyn

Barney loves food. He loves to love food, but food doesn’t love him. It has ruled his life and wrecked his relationships. Will he ever feel…full?

Barney Calloway is a super-successful voice-over actor in Hollywood. He is, however, extremely overweight. He has struggled with his weight his entire life. Things come to a head when he demolishes half of his sister’s birthday cake before she can even set eyes on it.

Leaving her house after her party is over, he finds a business card tucked under his windshield wiper with only one word:

Full.

On the reverse side of the card is a toll-free number which, out of curiosity, he finally calls. A woman’s voice tells him his order has been processed. Order? What order? He awakens the next morning to find he’s lost one hundred and three pounds. Overnight, he’s gone from being a lard ass to a hot ass and nothing will be the same again…and unbelievably, all the changes aren’t necessarily for the better. His family members’ reactions are weird and his old love, Diego, really struggles with the new Barney.

Will Barney ever have the life and the love he craves? And will he ever really feel…full?

Dedication

To anyone who has struggled with weight and food issues. May you always feel…full!

Trademarks Acknowledgement

The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:

Weight Watchers: Weight Watchers International, Inc.

Zumba: Zumba Fitness LLC

I Love Lucy: Desilu Productions

Sweet Lady Jane bakery: SLJ Desserts

Sweatin’ to the Oldies: Richard Simmons

Chanel: Chanel S.A.

Academy Awards: Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences

I Am Short, Fat, and Proud of That, Winnie the Pooh & the Blustery Day: Walt Disney Productions

Baskin-Robbins Love Potion #31 Ice Cream: Dunkin’ Brands

Universal Studios: NBCUniversal

Friends: Warner Brothers Television

Healthy Choice: ConAgra Foods, Inc.

Hold Tight: The Andrews Sisters

iPod: Apple Computer, Inc.

Thinner: Conair Corporation

Escalade: General Motors, Inc.

Ken doll: Mattel Corporation

Diesel: Diesel S.p.A.

Joe’s jeans: Joe’s Jeans, Inc.

Abercrombie and Fitch: Abercrombie & Fitch, Co.

Jimmy Choos: Jimmy Choo Ltd.

Thanaz: Diesel S.p.A.

Alternative: Alternative Apparel

Macy’s: Macy’s Inc.

Bloomingdale’s: Bloomingdale’s Inc.

59th and Lex Cafe: Bloomingdale’s Inc.

CVS: CVS Caremark Corporation

BevMo: BevMo!

Iced VoVos: Arnott’s Biscuits Ltd.

Yes: Yes

You Will Always Find Me in the Kitchen at Parties: Jona Lewie

Smoke on the Water: Deep Purple

Prius: Toyota Motor Corporation

Old Spice: Procter & Gamble

The Red Hot Chili Peppers: The Red Hot Chili Peppers

eBay: eBay Inc.

Krispy Kreme: Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc.

Hot Tamales: Just Born

Mars Bar: Mars Incorporated

Coppola: Francis Ford Coppola Presents

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir: 20th Century Fox

Goodwill: Goodwill Industries, International, Inc.

Levi’s: Levi Strauss & Co.

Taco Bell: Yum! Brands, Inc.

Tums: GlaxoSmithKlein

Chapter One

It started with me stuffing my face with somebody else’s birthday cake, and ended with my finding a mysterious business card that sent me on a bizarre, life-altering journey with just one word—Full.

Yeah, I know. Weird, right?

Full.

I’d been the one delegated to pick up my sister Cyan’s birthday cake that fateful Friday night. What did they think they were doing asking the fat guy to pick up a cake and head clear across the San Fernando Valley in peak-hour traffic? What did they think would happen?

It started with just one rose.

I’d lifted the lid just to check on Cyan’s creamy, two hundred dollar creation from Sweet Lady Jane bakery. I’d been so good up until now. As I waited on the 101 freeway- turned-parking-lot near the 405 interchange, I got antsy. It was hot. Fall was always hotter in Los Angeles than the actual summer.

On the radio, local blowhards John and Ken were discussing the outrage of a pizzeria in the Los Angeles suburb of Maywood that only accepted pesos for pizza. Whilst they gnashed their teeth over this and the whole illegal immigration issue, all I could think of was how much I’d like a pizza right now. Since I didn’t have one, cake seemed like a pretty good substitute.

I really did open the box just to check on that expensive cake. Honest.

The delicious scent of rose-infused icing tickled my nose and shot straight through to my taste buds without my permission. Just one icing rose. I could do it. I could cover up the space. At the age of thirty-two, I’ve been hiding my eating habits for years. What was one single rose?

Mmm…so tasty. I ate it in one gulp, my starved senses wallowing in all that butter cream. For three days I’d been on my new Weight Watchers diet and my body had no idea what had happened to it. Dare I eat a second one? I looked around. Cars on either side of me, the drivers in varying degrees of stress.

But I had a cake.

Yeah…I did dare.

That’s when my problems started. The cake didn’t look right. I had to even things up a little and pick a rose from the other side. Uh-oh. Now it looked like it was missing something.

On the radio, John and Ken screamed at some hapless guy from the pizzeria who could barely speak English.

You no want to order pizza? he kept asking. Is nice!

This isn’t Mexico, amigo! the radio hosts shouted in unison.

I turned down the radio as I peered inside the box. The cake looked weird. Okay. I’d gone too far. Maybe…okay, maybe if I ate a couple of leaves that would make things look better. I checked the dashboard clock. Ten minutes to six. I had ten minutes to make it to my sister’s Encino house in time for her pre-dinner drinks.

I ate a rose from the middle edge of the cake, twisting the box around on the passenger seat. I took a credit card from my wallet and used it to smooth down the icing. I began to worry about bacteria from the card. Hell, I’d welcome death by bacteria if my sister saw the cake in this condition and freaked out. She’d murder me for sure, but in a slow and painful way. She’d make me watch Zumba DVDs or something. She was an exercise freak.

Blinking, I wondered what the hell had come over me. I was on a strict eating plan of twenty-nine points a day on Weight Watchers. How many points were in a single rose? How many had I eaten? Two, three…nine?

Now, I did feel a bit guilty. It sort of looked…bare. It was like that episode of I Love Lucy…you know, the one where Lucy and Ethel wear the same dress and rip the flowers from each other’s bodices live on camera.

Each time I tried to fix my problem, I made another one. I began to panic, especially when the traffic started to move. I drove with the cake perched on my knee. It got all mushed up in the box. Maybe that would be my excuse.

Once I exited the freeway, I pulled over to do some damage control. I drove the few short blocks to Cyan’s house then checked my face in the