Job Be Damned: Work Less. Career Success.

By Rishi Piparaiya

From trainees to CXOs - the only career guide you will ever need

Do you think you're a hardworking professional who has a lot to offer? Are your ideas brighter than everyone else's in your team? Did you deserve a standing ovation after your last performance appraisal? Even if the answer to these questions is a resounding yes, do you still find yourself trailing behind corporate losers -- the devil boss who takes all the credit; the slimy politician who stole your promotion; the sweet-talking weasel whom everyone seems to love? Job Be Damned is the kick in the backside that you so desperately need. This book recognizes that you are an average employee and ensures that, by the time you're done reading it, you'll be the best average employee there can be. You will gain a unique perspective to help navigate every tricky workplace situation--and unmatched bullshit-doling and handling capabilities to wing it through your spectacularly unexciting job. After all, isn't that what corporate success is all about?

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins
• Release date: Jun 25, 2018
• ISBN: 9789352777686

Rishi Piparaiya

Rishi Piparaiya spent over fifteen years as a flunky, middle manager and senior executive in multinational corporations. He ran international strategy projects out of Citigroup's New York headquarters, built risk management models for Banco Santander in Spain, launched innovative products and services for Citi India, and led a national sales force and award-winning marketing team for Aviva. He did make concerted efforts to scuttle his career by regularly sending satirical memos at work and boycotting all meetings that started before 10 a.m. But he still stumbled up the corporate ladder, with designations such as AVP, VP, SVP and CXO before realizing that there must be more to life than accumulating letters of the alphabet. So he safely evacuated from his C-suite office to a journey where he does what he likes, whether mentoring entrepreneurs in makeshift offices or envisioning future books on blank pages. A dusty briefcase in his Mumbai home holds certificates from Cornell University, the University of Rochester, the University of Cambridge and the Cathedral & John Connon School. His first book Aisle Be Damned is a national bestseller.

Book preview

YOUR FOOT IN

THE DOOR

I

HOW TO PEDDLE HOPE

Cracking interviews and group discussions

The CV

The first step to getting a great job is either to ask your powerful papa or prepare a kick-ass Curriculum Vitae (CV). Now if you had a resourceful parent, you would be busy riding his or her coat-tails instead of reading this book. So let’s get to the more practical aspect of preparing CVs.

A CV summarizes your supposed skills and accomplishments and is designed to hoodwink prospective employers. You can include your photograph, marital status and vital statistics and call it a biodata; or give it an elegant Westernized touch by adding some accent marks and calling it a résumé. Irrespective, this brag sheet is nothing but your to-do list from the past—things that you should have accomplished in previous jobs but didn’t. But the future always holds hope so go ahead and inflate your achievements, using the helpful hints on this page, and pray that you get the interview call.

YOUR NAME

Contact details including a professional email ID; [e-mail] is not advisable

The Interview

An interview is essentially an opportunity for potential employers to evaluate whether you can lie as effectively in person as you do on paper. Don’t let them down.

You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. People take less than a minute to form their views and simply spend the rest of the time validating their initial instinct. So don’t mess it up. A firm handshake is critical and start extending your right hand as you walk in, lifting it a few degrees with each stride. Pace yourself such that it is perpendicular to your torso by the time you reach the interviewer. Grasp his hand, which is hopefully outstretched as well, and shake it firmly. In case he’s oblivious to your friendly intentions, don’t look silly with your extended palm and quickly raise it to brush imaginary gook off your hair, as if that was your original intent.

During the interrogation, you need to offer hope that you can accomplish whatever you have listed on your CV and they should be grinning with delight at your claims. Give yourself a point for each ‘Ooooh’ or ‘Aaaah’ that you can elicit from your interviewer and deduct a point for every eye roll. End with a positive