Priest Baby Daddy: Baby Daddy Romance Series, #9

By Lexi Banks

I thought I was an expert at resisting temptation, but she proved me wrong. What we did goes against every vow I made, but I don't regret it for a second. When she left, she taught me the true meaning of devastation. Over the years, I've become an expert in dealing with grief, loss, and longing, helping others find the redemption I so desperately crave. When she appeared in my life again, it was like an angel sent to heal me. But she's been keeping a secret that will change everything. Is the connection between us really heaven sent, or will the world get the better of us? How can I face seeing her again after it's taken me so long to get over her? Of course, even I knew the truth. I was never over her.

• Language: English
• Publisher: DM
• Release date: Aug 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393859499

Book preview

Chapter One

Alex

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There was something special about this moment. I had always been relatively shy, but that changed when I stood up I front of my congregation. I’d been nervous the first time, but now I saw them all as friends, and the fear had gone away. Of course, it wasn’t just me who had gotten rid of that fear. I’d always had a helping hand. With God by my side, I knew I never had to be fearful again. Most people thought God looked down on them from Heaven, but that wasn’t the case. He was always beside me, right next to me in everything I did. My life had changed once I had realized this. I was never alone. This feeling was something that would never leave me. For the rest of my life, I would know I was being looked after. I wished I had known it as a child, but I would carry the knowledge with me for the rest of my adult life.

The crowd looked hopefully up at me now, hanging onto my every word. I used to feel a great deal of pressure, but I reminded myself that it wasn’t me they were listening to. It was God. I didn’t have to be perfect, and it was probably these very imperfections that made them want to listen to me. At the end of the day, I was as human as they were. Just like them, all I could do was try. They wanted me to be myself, and I would never pretend to be anything that I wasn’t. They were my ilk. My tribe. My people.

I looked at the first few rows of people and smiled. I recognized their faces. Even though the crowd was big and new people came in all the time, there were some who were there every week without fail. Barely anything could keep them away, and I had come to rely on seeing their smiling faces each time.

There was Angela, whom I referred to as Angel. She was old, just shy of ninety, and with a mop of stark white hair. She put most of the young folk to shame as she walked without assistance and still spoke with the clarity of a much younger person. Her smile could light up the darkest room. She had been one of the first people who had come up to me on my first day as a priest to tell me that she believed in me. I had been worried that she would see me as being too young and inexperienced, but instead, she had instantly put her faith in me and gave me the confidence I needed. She smiled at me now, and I smiled back.

Next to Angel was Rodney, her son, who was just as sweet and kind as his mother. He was perhaps not as devout, but still impressive in his dedication. I often wondered if he came most weeks to listen to me or to support his mother. Perhaps it was a little of both. He, too, smiled at me. I appreciated these people more than they realized. They thought they needed me, but it was I who needed them.

Thank you once again for taking the time out of your evening to be here today. We live in a busy world, with busy lives and crazy schedules, so I know what a sacrifice this can be. Just know, it wasn’t gone unnoticed. If you make the time for your faith, it will make the time for you. I want you to remember that when you leave today and to carry those words with you everywhere you go. Thanks be to God, I said as I smiled at the crowd. I always ended my sermons off in this way. It was their signal that it was over and a good way to end it. I wanted them to always know that I was not the one to thank. There was a higher power who was always with us.

Thanks be to God, everyone said in unison. I wasn’t sure who had started this – probably Angel – but now the entire congregation said it back to me each week and the sound always filled me with joy. It was incredibly powerful to hear all these people saying the same thing at the same time, and it put an instant smile on everyone’s faces. Including my own.

The congregation slowly began to shuffle out, and I watched as the crowd got smaller and smaller. I had enjoyed today’s talk, and I was sure they had enjoyed it, too. I always planned what I wanted to say, but sometimes, like today, I went in a different and unplanned direction. I loved it when that happened because I knew it was God working through me. Whenever this happened, I knew that I had reached more people. I gathered my things and made my way to my office, but a lone figure made me stop. I blinked at the familiar face, and tried to gather my composure. It couldn’t be her. Could it? No, surely not, I thought.

But I knew it was her. I knew because this was a face I could never forget. That familiar blonde hair, those soulful hazel eyes which could see right into my soul in a way that nobody had ever done before. My heart thumped loudly in my chest as the realization dawned on me. I wasn’t imagining it. I used to see her everywhere I went, but not like this. I always knew that I was only seeing her because it was what I wanted to see. But here she was.

Ada was back.

Ada was back.

Ada.

My mind flashed back to three years ago. To the night when my whole world had changed forever. Even though three years had passed, I could remember it as if it had happened only yesterday. It was more than remembering. I could feel it. I could feel her. The way her lips had felt pressed against mine. The softness of her skin as I explored every part of her. I could remember the conflict I had felt as I gave into my desires, while at the same time feeling guilty for what I had done. How could I forget something like that? How could I forget her? If she had planned on me forgetting it all, then she didn’t know me as well as she had seemed to. I could never forget, and right now it broke my heart to look at her. How could she be back? How could she have left in the first place? With Ada, there were always a million questions and not enough answers.

I heard someone say my name and forced myself out of the memories. I had to stop thinking about what had happened. I couldn’t run away and hide out in my office, even if that was all I wanted to do. I had to face my congregation. They liked me because I was a real person, with real emotions, but there were still certain things that I didn’t want to share with them. Things I had never shared with many people before. We all had secrets, and this was my biggest one.

I took a deep breath. I had people to speak to and hands to shake. I forced myself to smile and walked out to face the crowd. I never rushed away after a service. I always made the time to talk to people. I wanted to hear their stories. And perhaps I needed this right now, because I had to find a way to stop thinking about her. I also needed a way to compose myself before I eventually came to face-to-face with my past.

Thank you, Father Alex, said a young man I didn’t recognize. I almost didn’t come today, but I’m so glad I did now. You have no idea how much your words meant to me today. It felt like you were speaking directly to me. I mean, you’re always great, and I always enjoy service, but today was special. It was...necessary for me to be here, he said. Yes, necessary... that’s the right word.

I’m glad you came, I said. And, I’m glad my words could help. I hope I’ll see you again next week.

You certainly will, Father, he said with a grin as he walked out.

Father Alex, you did well today. Then again, you always do. But today was something special, wasn’t it? We both know that today was something sent from above.

I smiled at the sound of Angel’s voice. Even at ninety, she was beautiful, and I wondered yet again what she had looked like when she was younger. She must’ve been a heartbreaker. It wasn’t just the looks that she had. She was kind, funny, and incredibly easy to be around. I always loved having her there. Sometimes, all I had to do was look at her when I was nervous and all my fear would melt away. Thank you so much for coming. You’re right, today was special.

You don’t have to thank me for coming. You know I will always be here. There must be a reason why today’s sermon was so special. There’s always a reason, she said with confidence.

Only time will tell, I guess, I said.

She winked at me. You’ve come a long way, Father Alex. I always knew you had it in you. 

Thank you, Angela. You’ve always had confidence in me.

Of course. I know a good thing when I see one. You have yourself a good night, okay? I’m going to go home and pour myself a glass of wine. Everything in moderation, you know. It’s how I’ve lived for so long. A glass of wine a night and a piece of chocolate. It’s good to enjoy life.

I laughed. If only all of us could live our lives the way she did. People got into trouble because they lived a life of extremes, but Angel had learned how to live with equilibrium. I like the way you think. See you next week.

I lost myself in the handshakes and conversations. There were plenty. Everyone seemed to have something to say to me, and everyone wanted to share something with me. People were always very nice to me after one of my sermons, but today certainly felt different. It seemed as if I had touched more people than I realized. It was heart-warming. It always amazed me at how open everyone was with me and how much they trusted me. It was a far cry from the life I had growing up, and never in a million years would I have imagined myself in this position. I didn’t mind making the time for them. It was good to feel like I belonged. Wasn’t that what everyone wanted in life?

But, eventually, most of the congregants left. I nodded to those remaining, wished them all a pleasant night, and headed back to my office. I hadn’t seen Ada in the crowd again, so I figured she’d snuck out. What was she doing there in the first place? Would she be back? I wasn’t sure. So, I was surprised to find her in the alcove, lighting a candle with a solemn look on her face.

She knelt in prayer as I watched her. I seemed unable to look away. It was hard to breathe and even harder to move. I couldn’t believe it was her. Had she been there for my entire sermon? Had she heard everything I had to say? Would I have said anything differently if I had known she was there? I was glad I hadn’t known about her being there.

Only three years ago, I had succumbed to temptation and broken my priestly vows. I had been ready to leave the church for her, ready to start a new life at her side. It had been a hard decision, but one I had believed in. I simply loved her too much. Ada had felt like my reason for living, and I had thought that she had been put on earth for me and nobody else. I truly believed it, which was why I had made the decision to be with her, rather than stay at the church.

But then, as quickly as she had come into my life, Ada had disappeared, leaving only a note saying that we had made a mistake. And that was it. One minute she was there, and the next minute, she was gone. I could still remember the way I had felt after reading that note, how I had waited for her to come back every day to say that she had been wrong. The loss of her in my life had depressed me. Not only did I miss her, but I also felt an even bigger sense of loss for what I had done to my faith and my promise to God.

After that, I had thrown myself back into my beliefs, working hard to support my congregation. I had done everything in my power to get over her. For a while, I thought I had. But seeing her again, I was reminded of how much I still ached for her and how much I missed her. Three years had passed, but my feelings for her had not diminished. Not even in the slightest. There had been no closure. No understanding. I knew that I couldn’t walk away from this opportunity. She was there for a reason, and I had to finally find out what had happened. It was time to make my peace with it – and that meant talking to her again and getting the answers that I had craved for so long.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what was about to happen, and said a prayer of my own. It was time to face my past. I had to do this for myself, for my sanity, and for the sake of my church and my own future. I inhaled deeply and exhaled. I closed my eyes in case I was imagining her, but when I opened them, she was still there.

Chapter Two

Ada

The air had stilled, just as it always had when I’d come to this place in the past. The feeling returned to me now, just as if I had never left. There was something about this church that calmed me, centered me, and made me feel whole, and I felt as if I was home for the first time in a long time. I felt like myself again. Then again, was it the place or the person inside? I had come for one reason and one reason only, and I was silly if I was to fool myself otherwise.

I often wondered how I was going to react when I saw Father Alex again. He was just Alex to me, but I still liked to refer to him as Father Alex. It was who he was and who I wanted him to be. It was the reason I had left in the first place. It hadn’t made leaving him any easier, though.

Today,  when I watched him talking in front of the crowd, I was reminded of the sort of person he was and how important it was for him to do what he was doing. I had been enraptured by the mass he had given, just as I had been all those years ago. Although, today felt different. I could tell that he hadn’t planned this sermon and that the words had simply flown out of him. He used to tell me how he didn’t like speaking in front of a crowd, but he clearly knew he had a calling for it. He was amazing up there, and the congregation had loved him, just as I knew they would.

Watching him and listening to him and reminded me how much I had needed him back then, but it also made me realize how much I needed him now. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the prayers I had been neglecting lately. The prayers I so desperately needed to say.

Dear God, I said to myself. I know I haven’t been good with keeping in touch. I... I never know what to say. What to think. What to do. But...I need you. I need you now more than ever. Please keep my daughter safe.

I mouthed the words so that I didn’t say them out loud. They were my innermost thoughts and were for me and God alone. I had tried to keep up with my prayers, but it wasn’t always easy. It seemed easier here. My prayers didn’t seem so stifled. I felt for the first time in a long time that they were being listened to. A lone tear fell down my face.

When had my life got so complicated? I wondered.

At least I felt a bit safer here. I had left under the cover of darkness, fleeing the place that had always felt like home to me. It had been a bold move, and a scary one, but also the most necessary thing I had ever done. It wasn’t just me that I was thinking of now. I had a daughter to think of, and I loved Lizzy more than life itself.

I had never truly understood that sort of love before, but she had changed the way I saw the world. She was everything to me. She was my world and my rock and I would do anything to protect her. Moving back to Milwaukee now was the first step in giving my child a better life. A life that she deserved. Up until now, I hadn’t been able to offer that to her. It took a leap of faith and a huge step in the right direction, but I had eventually done the right thing. At least, I hoped it was the right thing. The doubts crept in no matter how much I tried to stop them.

A shiver passed down my spine, and I knew why. I could feel his eyes on me. I knew that throughout the mass that he hadn’t seen me. I’d stayed at the back to make sure that I hadn’t been in his line of sight. I didn’t want to break his concentration, and I didn’t want to interrupt his words. Luckily, the crowd had been big enough for me to easily hide amongst the people. I could feel him throughout the sermon, even though he wasn’t near me, but now he was so close, I could actually hear him breathe.

He was waiting for me to turn around, waiting for the chance to speak to me. I was still staring at the statue in the alcove, too scared of what I might do if I turned around and looked him in the eyes. There was something about him that I simply couldn’t resist, and I knew he felt the same about me.

I hadn’t seen him in three years. That was a long time not to see someone who meant so much to me, but seeing him again was almost as if we had never been apart. I wondered if he was going to feel the same about me.

I knew that coming back would mean that I would have to speak to him and finally face up to what I had done. I had hurt him, and nothing could change that, even though I had done it for a good reason. Perhaps leaving him a note after the most incredible night together was not the right way to handle things, but it was the only way I knew how. If I had spoken to him face-to-face, I would never have found my voice. Would he have let me go or would have he have begged me to stay? If he had asked me to stay, I wasn’t sure I would’ve been able to say no. It was why I left the way I had. I didn’t do it for myself, I did it for him.

I had never forgotten that night. Even now, I could still feel his body pressed against mine. I could still hear his words whispered in my ear. He had chosen me. He had promised to forsake his vows to give me what I had practically begged him for. He would’ve changed his entire life for me, and even though it was what I wanted, I also knew it wouldn’t have been right. How could I take him away from his calling? I could’ve told him to leave. I could’ve chosen to spend the rest of my life with him, but I would never have forgiven myself. And so, I left.

I had doubted myself over the years, and I had considered coming back more than once. Today, however, while I watched the congregation come to life around me, I knew I had made the right decision. People needed Father Alex more than I did. I wanted him, and I needed him, but I was only one person. I had sacrificed a life with him so that everyone else could have him in their lives. He was important to them. I could see by the way they watched and hung onto his every word that he had changed so many of their lives. I would’ve been selfish to try and keep him for myself.

But then, on the other hand, there was another side to it. There was the little voice that constantly reminded me that Lizzy needed a father. Surely I should do everything to make sure she got what she needed in life?

With a sad sigh, I stood up and made the sign of the cross. I then inhaled deeply, aware that Alex was doing the same behind me. I turned around, taking a few steps away from the alcove. He was there, watching me, just as I knew he would be. His gray eyes seemed to shine with an inner light, and just as before, he seemed to see inside me, right to my heart.

Being so close to him again transported me right back to the night when everything changed. I hadn’t meant to get so close to him. I had been on my knees with him, praying for guidance, when I suddenly knew I wanted more from him. I could remember how it felt to be so close to him, how I couldn’t help but lean in closer and closer until I had pressed my lips to his. I stared at his lips now, finding myself unable to breathe.

I forced myself back to the present, pushing the memories away and focusing on the man standing in front of me. From the first time I had met him, I had felt as if I couldn’t keep any secrets from him. It hadn’t bothered me as much before, but now I hoped I wasn’t as transparent as that. There were certain things I didn’t want him to know. Not yet, at least. I still had no idea what I was going to say to him or why I was really there. But now that I was there, I knew that there was no turning back.

Ada, he whispered.

The moment he said my name, I wanted to hear him whisper it again and again and again. I wanted him to never stop. I had forgotten how good it felt to be so near him. I smiled at him now, unsure of what to say, and he smiled back. But his smile