Such a Beautiful Drug

By S.N. Garza

All her life, Harley knew love was nothing but a meaningless four letter word. Growing up with an abusive father, she never thought she'd settle down with any one man. One-night stands are her m.o. No morning after. No sweet endings.

JUST STRAIGHT UP F*CKING

Having sex until everything becomes numb and her mind clears. Until one night out with her best friend turns into a one-night stand that leaves her wanting more. As soon as Bryan had her in his sights, he wanted nothing more than to take what she so blatantly offered. But once he does, Bryan is determined to have her for keeps. Why is it that the one woman he wants more than a casual fuck is one that wants just that? And once he has her, he has to show her just how good they can be. That love isn't just a four letter word. It’s a drug, and once you have it you can't get enough. It's a living, breathing wildfire that can't be put out. But will it be enough?

Sometimes the scariest things in life are what makes it worth taking the risk.

• Language: English
• Publisher: S.N. Garza
• Release date: Aug 20, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463692509

S.N. Garza

I am a 37 year old wife and mother of two who lives in a small country town in southeast Texas. I work during the day at Chilis Bar and Grill. I write dark, deeply emotional stories weaved with erotic romance that leaves you wanting more. My debut novel is Love Came Back & my best selling book & series, is The Billionaire’s Baby, book one in my Nauti Billionaires of Houston series. It is all sexy passion with an alpha hero who’ll sweep you off your feet.

Book preview

Such Beautiful Drug

Love & Law series

Books Two

By: S.N. Garza

©2019 by Stephanie N. Garza

Cover Art by SNGarza

Cover Photos by Sara Eirew

Edited by: K. Bolt

All Rights Reserved

Smashwords Edition

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, duplicated, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior written consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the work of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, business establishments or locales is entirely coincidental.

OTHER TITLES

LOVE & LAW

A Double Shot of Heaven

Such a Beautiful Drug

CHUBBY CHASERS

Chasing Guinevere

NAUTI BILLIONAIRES OF HOUSTON

The Billionaire’s Baby

The Billionaire’s Mistress

A Very Mitchell Christmas

SOUTHERN INK

Bad Rep

MEN OF BEAUMONT PLACE

My Next Mistake

BOUND HEARTS

Bound

PYRO-PRINCESS DESIGN & STYLE

Love Came Back

HOT HOUSTON NIGHTS SERIALS

Graham & Isabelle 1-3

Grant & Pippah 1-3

Hot Houston Nights: Volume 1

SECOND CHANCES

His Second Chance

ALPHA DOUCHEBAGS OF GRIFTON FALLS UNIVERSITY

Gabriel & Willow duet

The Prince

The Virgin

Lochlan & Ragan trilogy

The Dom

The Princess

Their Happily Ever After (coming Fall 2022)

SINGLE TITLES

Cross My Heart

Served

X-Treme Measure

My Sweet Temptation

Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend

Santa Baby

Table of Contents

Copyright

Other titles

Playlist

Blurb

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2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

Back of Bk Sh*t

About the Author

PLAYLIST

Halo, Beyonce

Smoke, A Thousand Horses

Unbreakable, Fireflight

She’s My Kind of Rain, Tim McGraw

Shiver, Jamie O’Neal

I hate u, I love u, Gnash

Gangsta, Kehlani

Pillowtalk, Zayn

Fix, Chris Lane

Lies In the Dark, Tove Lo

Let You Love Me, Rita Ora

Helium, Sia

I’m a Ruin, Marina & The Diamonds

My Heart Is Open, Maroon 5

Hail Mary, Haley & Michaels

Dress, Taylor Swift

Craving You, Thomas Rhett

BLURB

All her life, Harley knew love was nothing but a meaningless four letter word. Growing up with an abusive father, she never thought she'd settle down with any one man. One-night stands are her m.o. No morning after. No sweet endings.

Just straight up f*cking.

Having sex until everything becomes numb and her mind clears. Until one night out with her best friend turns into a one-night stand that leaves her wanting more.

As soon as Bryan had her in his sights, he wanted nothing more than to take what she so blatantly offered. But once he does, Bryan is determined to have her for keeps.

Why is it that the one woman he wants more than a casual fuck is one that wants just that?

And once he has her, he has to show her just how good they can be. That love isn't just a four letter word. It’s a drug, and once you have it you can't get enough. It's a living, breathing wildfire that can't be put out. But will it be enough?

Sometimes the scariest things in life are what makes it worth taking the risk

CHAPTER 1

Harley

Damn, you got beautiful tits.

Ugh. It doesn’t matter how hard I try. I just can’t fuck this guy. Or the guy before him. Or the guy before that. I haven’t had sex in over a month. After that night with Bryan, I went out and screwed three separate guys and nothing. It did nothing for me. I ended up faking it to get it over with. That was several months ago. I’ve been celibate for way too long. That’s why I went out tonight. To get over my slump.

Fucking dickface, Bryan Castroy, screwed my brains out and fucked the background noise right out of me. I’ve never felt like that before in my entire life. I’m not even twenty-three. Yet the bastard gave it to me just the way I needed it. The way I wanted it. The way I craved it. Hard. Rough. Deep with a little bit dirty, nasty and wild.

Bryan has a nice, thick, long dick that blew every other dick right out of the ballpark.

I’m also living with him. After my father beat the shit out of my mom and me, then went through a plate-glass window with Synnah, both mom and I ‘moved in’ with Bryan. We’ve been here a month. Mother’s already in love with this place and Bryan’s given her free rein to do as she pleases. It’s hard for her, considering she’s never had the leisure to do whatever the hell she wanted under his roof. Sometimes she asks Bryan for permission and he’d get this kind, gentle look on his face and I’m pretty sure a healthy dose of pity— which I sure as hell don’t want pointed my way. Ever. Dickface. Before giving her the permission she so desperately needs.

Yeah I call him these names— one because he grates on my nerves and two… well he pretty much deserves it most of the time. He’s getting under my skin and I don’t like it.

It takes everything inside of me not to punch his handsome Yankee ass all over Houston but the way he treats my mother with kid gloves as if she’s a princess, burns that resolve quickly. My mother doesn’t know how to handle the freedom. I even gave her a project of making a flower garden in the back of Bryan’s yard and naturally the creep overhears me. The next day there had been several assorted flowers in pots, seeds, tools and he even purchased a small RTV, so she could drive to the back of the humongous yard instead of walking.

Come here, baby.

Ugh! Here I come back to reality at the grainy sound of the guy I decided to fuck tonight. Ugh. He’s hot, but he’s acting seriously fucking desperate and its grating on my nerves. The way he speaks, it’s like he think he’s hot shit and can have any girl he wants. As if I should be grateful he choose me for the night. Well, unfortunately, this guy is doing nothing for me. NOTHING!

It’s all that jackoff’s fault.

I was thinking about having sex with this guy, but Bryan’s sexy, regal, handsome face and drop-dead gorgeous body comes to mind and I just can’t go through with it.

I push myself away and grab my shirt sans bra. I need to get out of here.

Hey, what you doing? Where do you think you’re going?

After pushing my head through the crop top I tell him, I’m sorry, Chad, but it’s just not working for me. I can’t get into it.

Excuse me? There’s a hint of hostility in his tone I don’t like, which just proves I really shouldn’t have even bothered coming home with this douche.

Beside, I know, it sounds weird coming from my own lips. I’m the girl that has sex without thought. Ever since living with Bryan, it’s been… different. Right now, he’s been really busy with work and while I stayed busy editing, it hasn’t stopped the voices in my head.

The dark, sick, twisted voices that burn around my brain. Telling me how worthless, useless and stupid I am. A whore. A slut. I’m nothing and unlovable. Trust me, I’m more fucked up than famous book—you know the one. If you don’t, you’re lucky.

That’s only some of the things that bounce around in my brain. Naturally, every word voiced in my head belongs to my father. It only gets worse when I have sex with a guy. Trust me. I am dysfunctional with a capital D.

Except when I was with Bryan. He’s naturally a filthy talking bad boy and it fueled our passions to unconceivable heights. I never once heard my father’s voice in my head.

Looking at Chad, he doesn’t feel like he’s up to the task of fucking me into oblivion.

Sorry, pal. I just can’t. I’m gonna go and call a cab.

I grab my strapless bra, clutch and make my way out of this guy’s apartment. I get to the hallway and almost to the stairs when I’m slammed against the nearest wall. My face smashes against it, making me blackout for a second as I feel his hands lifting my skirt.

I don’t think so, bitch. You come to my house for fucking, you’re gonna get fucked. This shit was already a done deal. You’re not backing out now.

My entire body freezes.

I’ve never been raped before. Shouldn’t I be more afraid?

I’m not though. I’m pretty sure I deserve what he’s about to do to me. Because he’s right. I did come over to fuck and leave. I just can’t. I haven’t had sex since before the hospital and when Bryan told me the whole fucking other guys was going to stop, I rebelled. Took me a while to heal but when I did? Yeah, I went out and did the opposite of what he wanted. No one’s going to tell me what to do. I’m completely healed, so there’s no reason not do as I please.

It’s not like I was cheating. Ever since the hospital, Bryan hasn’t done anything but be sweet to my mother and me. I don’t like it. Not really. The man I met was fierce, sexy and strong.

A dirty talking, manhandling son of a bitch who fucked me so deliciously that everything in my mind blacked out, leaving behind nothing but erotic sensations traveling over my body like lightning.

I haven’t been able to replicate it with anyone. This isn’t the first time I’ve gone home with a guy, but if I ever changed my mind, normally the guy just called me a cocktease and told me to get the fuck out. Of course with some other derogatory names and words, but I was still able to leave with no problem.

Something ripped— my panties —and my hands just hang to my sides. What’s the point? Men are all the same.

Pigs. Sick fucks that take whatever they want without consequence.

That’s why I can’t handle Bryan’s sweetness. It’s like ever since he practically forced me to move in with him, he’s been this… chivalrous… gentleman. I don’t like it. I know I sound like a broken record, but I don’t know how to get through to him that I just don’t want him as more. I can never do more. Be more.

Now here I am, slammed up against an apartment wall being raped. Fucked. Whatever. I’m not saying no anymore. Besides, where the hell are all the other residents? Obviously no one cares enough to come out here and stop it.

Chad grips my hair and pulls it hard to the side almost cracking my neck.

Not saying anything now, are you, bitch? You gonna take what I got until I’m done.

Then without preamble, his hard dick shoves up inside me, tearing through my walls. I grit my teeth as tears burn my eyes. Why don’t I feel anything?

Isn’t that strange? My body is being roughly torn and I’m not screaming. Shouldn’t I be screaming? Fighting?

Honestly? What’s the use? He’d over power me quickly and then take what he wants anyway.

He grunts and groans until I hear his breath catch and heat surrounds my middle. I hope to God he’s wearing a condom at least. The sick fuck. I do not want to get a STD or something equally worse. I take birth control, so at least I’ll be protected that way. No way do I ever plan on having a baby. I would never be a good mother. I’d fuck up my child before it walked by simply existing. I’d fuck it up before I even had it.

I hope you used a condom, you shit.

My head gets knocked against the wall again and I swear I see white spots spark behind my eyelids.

Of course I am, you stupid whore.

He pulls out quickly and shoves me again none to gently against the wall as if making his point.

You’ll learn next time not to be a cocktease, you stupid little cunt.

You cunt. Take that dick up that dirty little hole.

A voice from my past breaks through the fog and tears prickle behind my eyes once again with more force. Don’t look back. This douche-wank isn’t worth it.

My eyes close tightly. Shut that shit out of your head, Harley. No good will come by bringing up the past. I haven’t had any flashbacks since I was a teen. Not even confronting my father had brought them back. Maybe because I had Synnah. She’s my best friend in the whole wide world. Although I’ve never told her how deep the abuse went— the sexual abuse to my mother and physical abuse to me, among other things —until recently, she always thought I was wild. Careless.

Having sex ever since I turned thirteen, put me in control. Anything to black out the noise. To make the bad shit disappear. Even for a few hours.

Sex did that for me. Blacked out reality. But nothing— nothing blacked it out like Bryan had. It was like an anesthetic. Cleared the shit out of my brain. Even though I would love to fuck him again, it’s out of the picture. He wants a future with me. That’s never going to happen. I’m not marriage material. Mother material. Any kind of material. Just a space with holes for men’s pleasure.

Why is it, that when I hear Chad’s door slam closed and I turn to see the emptiness of the stairway, the first person I want to call is Bryan. So I do. I have no one else right now. Synnah and Cain went on a vacation. They were in Hawaii. Celebrating the pregnancy news.

I slide down to the floor, my legs now Jell-O. There’s a hole inside of me that I know is screaming. Begging to be let loose. I deserve to be treated like this. I led him on. Hell, I initiated everything. Up until I couldn’t do it. I was right there… and I just couldn’t.

I look up Bryan’s name— since he put his info in my phone, without my knowledge at that too, but whatever —and dialed.

It doesn’t take him long to answer.

Sweetcheeks, you’re not at home. Where are you?

Bryan. Dammit, a guttural sob rips from my throat. I throw my hand over my mouth to hold it back, but he hears it anyway.

Harley? Where are you? I’m coming.

You don’t know where I am. Hell, I don’t know where I am. At some apartment complex.

I’ll locate you by your iPhone, just hold on for me. I’m coming.

Why does that sound like the best thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life? Another sob hiccups from my throat and I hear Bryan cursing. My dark knight coming to rescue the blackest sin.

I’m coming, darling. There. Got it. You’re close. It says it should take me ten minutes. I’ll be speeding like a motherfucker, so I’ll be there in five.

Then drive safely. I don’t want you to get in an accident, Bryan.

My darling Harley, don’t cry. Whatever happened, I’ll handle it.

Like you handle everything else?

Is there bitterness in my voice? Maybe. I don’t want to lean on anyone, but here I am. Depending on Bryan. I hate it.

Yes, Harley. Like I handle everything else.

He hangs up. His voice hadn’t been harsh, but it’s hard enough that I know I just annoyed him. Is he finally learning I’m not worth the trouble? That I’m not worth saving?

I’ve lived with him for a while now. He has a cook, so we’re always fed three meals a day. He pays his own bills. I only have a phone bill. Since being at his house, I’ve taken on two editing jobs with two more at the end of the month that gives me plenty to do. I get paid enough, so I don’t use or need his money. I can probably go live on my own, but my mother seems happy and I don’t want to leave her. It’s a hard adjustment for her in some ways. She constantly asks Bryan for permission to do this and do that. He’s told her she doesn’t have to but it’s been beaten into her for years to ask for permission. It’s instinct to ask. Second nature.

He also won’t hear of me or mom paying for anything. My mom finds solace in the garden. And me? I usually stay holed up in my room working on edits. I also had the biggest room. His room.

He didn’t tell me it was his at first. I figured that out all on my own. I made the mistake of walking into the closet to find it filled with suits. Like… seriously expensive suits with tags still on some of them. I knew he made bank being a lawyer but these suits… he had Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, Tom Ford and then Prada. A lot of those and then some of which I’ve never heard— Bironi Vanquish II, K-50, William Westmancott and they were called bespoke. I saw the tag of one and holy shit. I hurried out of the closet faster than a scared cockroach. Who pays almost a hundred thousand dollars for a suit? I thought he was crazy.

No way does he make that much. But he does. I also found out he’s a rich boy from a rich family. You see us side by side and know I will never be good enough.

Being in this room, though. It’s amazing. My favorite piece? His king size bed has the softest sheets I’ve ever felt. Made of pure heaven. It’s perfect. Just like the way he fucked. Perfect.

HARLEY!

I turn my head as I hear footsteps pounding, rushing up the steps. He really did find me. The other staircase is right next to me, so he can’t miss me sitting there.

I should loathe it, but my God, the relief that washes through me made my eyes spark with fresh tears.

Harley? Darling?

Darling. I hate it and love it at the same time. Only this time, it’s fear and concern lacing his tone.

Here, Bry. I squeak out, not wanting to be too loud. I try pushing up, but my legs feel… numb.

Fucking Christ.

His shadow comes over me but it doesn’t stay there long as he bends down on his haunches. Because I’m looking down, he gently brings his hand forward as if he thought I was a scared little doe. His pointer finger crooks under my chin and lifts it gently.

A soft gasp springs from his lips and his thumb swipes over my lips. Sweetcheeks, you got a shiner coming on. Who did this?

I shake my head, not wanting to say anything. I really just wanted to go home.

Take me home, please.

No. This time, I look up into his eyes to see his brown ones hard, his pupils dilated. Calculating. Demanding. Tell me. Which room.

It doesn’t matter. I try to say in my own harsh voice, but my jaw hurts and I end up wincing.

It does. Everything you do matters to me.

You don’t even know me.

Yes, I do. I know enough. I want all your deepest, darkest secrets, too Harley Rose. One day. This titanium heart you think is shriveled up like a prune is going to be mine. I’m not going to stop chasing it. I begin to protest because I hate it when he gets all lovey-dovey on me, but his finger goes to my lips, silencing me. Now tell me. Which room.

I know he won’t stop asking so I point to where Chad had disappeared.

Good. Stay h— what the fuck are those? He reaches to where my feet are and I turn to see my torn panties around my ankle. He lifts them, then drops them like they’re radioactive. His hands clench, and when I make my gaze finds his, they burn with a lethalness I’ve never seen before. Did that piece of shit rape you?

I just turn my head and look the other way. It’s obvious, isn’t it? But it wasn’t rape because I didn’t fight him. I took it like the stupid girl I am.

Stay here, darling. I’ll be right back.

Then he’s gone. Those tears I had been fighting finally gave me the finger because just that easily, they slide down my cheeks.

CHAPTER 2

Harley

It feels like he’s been in there forever, so I scoot to the stairwell and lift myself up. My legs are still a little wobbly, but I make it down one flight when there’s a slam from up above. Hopefully it’s not Chad the Douche. I don’t know if Bryan can best the guy in a fight. Bryan isn’t all big and bulky like Cain. I hope they’re not going at it like two dogs fighting over a bone.

Thankfully, Chad the Douche didn’t get the best out of Bryan the Dickface.

I turn slightly to see Bryan, in all his sexy bruised glory, at the top of the stairwell, his eyes burning into me. His face though, a savage bloodlust burns in his eyes. I look over his body and see his knuckles are busted up, stained with blood.

Oh, crap.

Is there anything left of the guy, Bryan?

I’m holding onto the railing when his hand smoothly crawls down the staircase as he descends to my level.

Only just, sweetcheeks. What part of stay here did you not understand?

I roll my eyes and wave him off. You were taking too long.

When he’s right above me, looking so big and bold in his three-piece suit, his tie now crooked, his hair mussed. There’s a cut just above his brow. His dark, chocolate eyes look deep into mine. His hand lifts up, cups my cheek and a smirk twists on his lips. He looks so fucking good like this. Makes me want to climb him like a tree.

Come on, Harley Rose. Time to take you home.

He bends, scooping me up into his arms. This time, I don’t mind if he calls me that. His voice is gentle yet firm. With ease, he takes me down the two other flights of stairs and out of the apartments to his Bugatti Chiron.

You hardly ever drive this car.

This car is his baby. He’s only driven it once since I’ve lived there and that’s because he was having his truck serviced. He has five cars in his garage and this one was his joy ride. The one car he babied and took meticulous care of.

Sweetcheeks, this is my fastest car. There was no way I wasn’t getting here as soon as I could. You needed me, Harley.

Tears burn my damn eyes again at his statement. I want to tell him that I didn’t need him. I would have gotten up eventually, but instead of arguing with him like I usually do, I don’t say anything. We get to his car and he puts me on my feet, keeping me in his arms with one wrapped around me under my breasts, keeping me from wobbling and falling down to my knees. He opens the passenger door.

Here, darling. He helps me in, reaching inside to belt me in. Before he moves away, his hand brushes back my hair and his lips press firmly against my temple. I got you. No more worries, Harley.

Closing the door, he walks around the front, takes off his jacket before getting in, and slings it towards the backseat.

Did you just get home from work?

Yes. I was just walking in when you called me.

I don’t say anything else when I lean my head against the window, not knowing what to say really. Bryan doesn’t say a word and just when I think he’s going to peel off down the road, he does the exact opposite. He drives away slowly. I close my eyes, hoping to ignore the twinges between my legs and the bruise on my face that hurts like hell. I just want to get back to his house, take a shower and sleep this off.

>><<

Harley? Wake up for me, darling.

Please, stop. Please.

Harley Rose, wake up. Now, baby.

Please.

HARLEY!

I jerk upward, throwing my arms up to protect my face. My breathing heavy and short. Where am I? I look around to find Bryan looking right at me, his hands have a tight, white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel.

I quickly put my hands back in my lap, this awkward as hell laugh stems from the back of my throat. I’m sorry. Sorry. Bad dream. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.

Yes, well, it was only a ten minute drive. You were exhausted, Harley. Were you dreaming about what happened? His voice is filled with concern and it’s not a quality I ever put with the opposite sex. I know the only thing they want and I use it, abuse it and move on. All this mushy stuff I don’t handle. Or I don’t handle it well.

My eyes flit to the side and I close them again, trying to sound normal enough as I lie, Yes. I’m sorry.

I can’t look over to him. Will he know I just lied? Some guy fucking me wouldn’t give me those kind of dreams. No. Those particular dreams come from my dark, sick, twisted past.

His hand slowly comes towards me, and I follow his hand until it cups my chin and he turns me to face him.

Look at me, Harley.

On demand, I open my eyes to see his eyes piercing me right to my soul. Something cracks inside me. He came to my rescue like so many book boyfriends do in the books I edit and read. And hate.

What, Bryan?

Why is it that I feel like you’re not telling me the truth?

I don’t know. You’re the lawyer, Bryan. You tell me.

With that I jerk away, open the door and slide out, ignoring the pain ricocheting my body.

He parked right in front of his house, so it’s an easy walk to the door. He lives in the gated River Oaks neighborhood, so his house is austere, yet it’s cozy too.

Fuck. I forgot my purse in his damn car. Unfortunately, he didn’t continue on to the garage like I thought he would.

I hear the driver’s door slam and it makes me flinch. I don’t want him mad, but it’s just a gut reaction. Instinct. I don’t like him being this sweet, caring guy. Where the hell’s the guy that fucked me ten ways to Sunday? Why is he acting as if I matter?

When he fucked me against the wall in that alley, he was rough, hard and dirty. The past few guys I tried fucking since Bryan well… they didn’t talk dirty. Or handle me with the same manhandling perfection Bryan did. I want that. I need that. I don’t want a relationship with him or anyone. The only one I need is with Synnah. She’s my sister soulmate.

When I confessed some of my past to her, I only told her the small minute details. She doesn’t know about the darker part of it.

That I didn’t sleep with guys my own age. It’s like I was a dirt-bag magnet. Some of dad’s friends that came over for barbecues or to just shoot the shit with him a few times a week. Men like that. Men he works with. Anyone he knew was fair fame is they wanted a tight, teenage pussy.

They would look at me with dark, needy desire in their eyes and for a price, I let them fuck me in our bathroom or gave them a blow job. They were sick, dirty men who loved tight little things to shove their dick up into. Mostly they just fucked me. A blow job wouldn’t cut it for those guys in the long run.

Something broiled in my stomach. It’s not like I want Bryan to know that shit either. I’m sure his opinion of me is low anyway, so it shouldn’t matter, but for the life of me, it mattered to me. Something is changing inside me and I don’t know if that’s Bryan’s influence or something in the air.

They would touch me, fuck me, call me dirty names until they shot their shit in the condom I gave them, unless they had one stuffed in the little condom pocket of their jeans. They thought they could have me bare? Yeah, right. Please. I wasn’t stupid.

Some of them were even married. Sick-o’s.

What’s even sicker? I liked it. Was that bad? Of course it was.

To a normal person