The Duck: How to Make Them Pay

By J.D. McKay

There is a great war coming. The Duck has been waiting, watching and preparing to once again rise and crush humanity. Milennia ago they pushed us to the edge of extinction, now they bide their time until it is time to finish what their ancestors began...the complete duckstruction of humanity. How will you prepare? Which members of the animal kingdom will stand against us, and which must fall? Use this book to educate yourself and prepare for what may be our species' most perilous days.

• Language: English
• Publisher: J.D. McKay
• Release date: Jul 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781999188726

Book preview

THE DUCK: HOW TO MAKE THEM PAY

A Survivalists Guide to the

Coming Duckpocalypse

J.D. McKay

The Duck: How to Make THEM Pay © 2019 by J.D. McKay. All Rights Reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

J.D. McKay asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. This book was previously published by J.D. McKay under the pen name Mr. Yoyothrower.

Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademarks and registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publishers and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book.

Cover designed by Andra McKay.

J.D. McKay is not responsible for any unexpected laughter, spitting of coffee, or missing of bus stops due to inability to look up from the page. Please do not walk and read unless you are like J.D. and able to do so mostly without walking into telephone poles.

Visit my website at www.jdmckay.com

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN – 978-1-9991887-2-6

This book is dedicated to Amazon.ca user eoin and anyone else who has gone looking for a Duck Specific Revenge Guide and found themselves tragically disappointed.

Contents

INTRODUCKTION

CHAPTER ONE: THE TRUE DUCK MENACE

CHAPTER TWO: THE COMING WAR

CHAPTER THREE: THE DUCK ALLIANCE

CHAPTER FOUR: THE ANTI-DUCK RESISTANCE

CHAPTER FIVE: NEUTRAL PARTIES?

CHAPTER SIX: OVERALL STRATEGY

CONCLUSION

INTRODUCKTION

It's tax time for mother nature, time to make a deDucktion.

-General E.N. Opacla

THE DUCK. COMMON WATERFOWL. Ubiquitous to the point of invisibility. Webbed feet, waterproof coat, a sharp bill, and aggressively flappy wings. Calm on the surface, but inside boiling with rage. The most violent and relentless enemy humanity has ever faced.

The Duck is evil incarnate. It wants nothing short of the complete extermination of all humanity. It eats everything, defecates everywhere, attacks children on a whim, and is the epitome of untrustworthy.

You may find yourself bamboozled by pictures of fuzzy Ducklings on the internet. This is one of many traps lain by The Duck, part of its long campaign of misdirection. Look around the homes of friends and relatives; you see the trappings of a society severed from its ancient history. Duck-feathered pillows, romanticized paintings of The Duck on their walls, and that most insidious of artifacts: The Rubber Ducky. I shudder to think of these bloodthirsty monsters presented as harmless squeaky toys.

Even our duck-descriptive language has lost its edge. The commonly known collective noun for groups of The Duck varies. One calls a small gathering a flock. Such a harmless sounding word. It’s time to re-learn the older, more accurate words. When 100 or more of The Duck congregate, it’s called a Horror. A group greater than 1000 together (an unheard-of event in recent history) is called a Carnage. When the entire nation of The Duck takes flight alongside its ancient allies, it's known by a much older term; A Genocide of The Duck. This term comes from a time in our history when The Duck nearly exterminated humanity.

Most humans aren't aware of the great threat The Duck presents. They go about their lives either unaware or uncaring, ignoring the evidence in plain sight. Some families maintain traditions of watching, studying, and hunting The Duck at every opportunity. My yo-yoing comrades have been training for years. Anyone who rises to sufficient stature in the community is faced with a rite of passage called the AMA, wherein they are charged with an impossible dilemma - Would it be better to battle 100 Duck sized Andre Boulays, or 1 Andre Boulay sized Duck? In either case, the correct answer is flee in terror.

The fact that you are holding this book means you have seen the signs. The blood stains beside Duck infested lakes, hunters gone missing, dogs found torn to pieces. The growing indications that the inevitable final conflict will soon begin. The war between The Duck and all of Humanity. My hope is that you are ready to start preparing in the hopes that we may survive the onslaught

✽✽✽

What follows is a window into humanity's terrible History with The Duck, the Great Duck War, and its aftermath. Once finished, you too will decry them for the would-be tyrants they are. This guide provides a recipe for how to prepare for the inevitable uprising of The Duck, as well as a blueprint to prevent it from exterminating us all.

CHAPTER ONE: THE TRUE DUCK MENACE

"You can't trust a Duck.  Those shifty eyes are always looking