Jakes: A dark comedy about a detective's quest to sleep off a hangover

By Nick James

From the twisted and ridiculous mind of Nick James comes a comedically dark film-noir inspired play involving liquor, love, murder, betrayal, and the ultimate quest to sleep off a hangover. Jakes is a combination of TV's Sawyer from LOST and Chandler from Friends. He doesn't care what you think of him. All he cares about is drinking, sleeping off his hangover, and then drinking some more. Evita is a stereotypical femme fatale, who uses men and looks good doing it. Harold is a world class boxer, who doesn't understand a lot of things, but understands how hard his fist can hit.

Jakes meets Evita and Harold while he was drinking way too much after closing a big case. The next morning, Jakes wakes up with a massive hangover, but Evita comes by the office and just won't leave. She wants him to kill her husband and thinks seducing Jakes is the way to convince him to do it. Jakes obliges – partially. Harold comes by and wants Jakes to find out if his wife is cheating on him. Jakes tells him yes, she is, he slept with her 30 minutes ago and she wants him to kill Harold. The naive boxer laughs and hires Jakes anyway. Buy the book to see how it ends.

Now is your chance to read the first published play from Nick James. He doesn't see things the way you and I see things. He sees them weird, twisted, and hilarious. Now he is translating his unique vision of the world into stories that will make people think, but mostly laugh.  

If you've never read a play before, then let's break it down for you. It's like a novel without all of the exposition. It's straight to the point. Straight to the comedy. Forget the Shakespeare you read when you were a kid. This is a Nick James comedy and it is made for the adult. No kids allowed.

If you have 30-45 minutes, then you have time to read and enjoy Jakes.

And remember – it's Jakes, not Jacks. Jacks is a game you can play, Jakes is a man you can never play!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nick James
• Release date: Jul 18, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393950264

Nick James

Inspired by the big drama and snappy dialogue of comic books and graphic novels by Brian K. Vaughan and Brian Michael Bendis, Nick James began writing at a young age. His love of fast-paced storytelling led to his action-packed science fiction series for young adults, Skyship Academy. James grew up in the small island town of Anacortes, Washington. He graduated from Western Washington University in 2006 and currently works as a substitute teacher in Bellingham.

Book preview

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

I wish to acknowledge liquor in how great it is. It serves as one of the best things about humanity. I would further like to acknowledge some great quotes about liquor.

I drink to make other people more interesting. —Ernest Hemingway

Beer, if drunk in moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health. —Thomas Jefferson

The more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink. —Phoebe Buffay, Friends

They say as soon as you have to cut down on your drinking, you have a drinking problem. —Don Draper, Mad Men

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. —Arnold Schwarzenegger

Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems. —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. —Oscar Wilde

INTRODUCTION

Jakes came to me in a dream one night. I woke with the image of a story in my mind. It was fuzzy, as all dreams are, but there were some elements that made their way into the story. I knew he had to care about his watch and I knew he wanted to sleep. There was a sense of danger. I remember a woman and who he wanted nothing to do with, but mainly there was the watch. He just wanted to find that watch. It was important and was previously his grandfather’s. At that point, I only assume I began to dream about the grandfather and World War II. Still the framework was there. A detective, a woman, a watch, and WWII. They all made it in the story—except WWII. So not all of it made it into the story.

I was in college and I was taking a stage writing course. I had just finished a reworking of Romeo & Juliet making it into a modern parody and was ready to learn more about stage writing. The teacher, the late great Gretchen Icenogle, taught me the basics of conflict resolution in each scene and creating an arc in each scene that fit within the bigger narrative. I worked on the script all semester and then submitted it to be produced by the college as part of their One Act Series. It was selected, and the first production of the play began.

We filmed it and put it on YouTube in 2006. As of this writing there are a total of 67 views. (It’s hard to get views when you don’t promote the work.) I loved the performances of the actors. None of them were my first choice when we were casting, but to be honest, I couldn’t even remember who I wanted to play those roles. But the actors we cast were perfect. They brought a different aspect to the characters that I never saw, and I witnessed the characters I created become real and alive before my eyes. I will forever cherish everyone involved in that first production.