Breathe Again: How to Live Well When Life Falls Apart
By Niki Hardy
()
About this ebook
Life might not be fair, but through loss, grief, and cancer, Niki discovered life doesn't have to be pain-free to be full. With sensitivity and without Christianese or stock answers she invites women to replace the lies they believe about themselves and God with sound biblical teaching and his unwavering promises. Through 7 practical steps, with hands-on questions, actions, and prayers, she equips readers to grasp the full life Jesus came to give them, right where they are.
No matter how broken a life might seem, the abundant life Jesus promised is available--now and always. Let Niki show you the way.
Niki Hardy
Niki Hardy is more than just a rectal (yes, rectal) cancer survivor. She is a thriver. Niki is the author of Breathe Again: How to Live Well When Life Falls Apart. When she’s not writing, speaking, or telling terrible jokes at Bible study, you can probably find her out on a trail with her trusty running partner, Doodles. A native Brit, Niki and her family live in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Read more from Niki Hardy
Break Free from Survival Mode: 7 Ways to Thrive through Hard Times Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsOne-Minute Prayers for Women with Cancer Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to Breathe Again
Related ebooks
Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Confessions of a Proverbs 32 Woman: How I Went from Messed Up to Blessed Up Without Changing a Single Thing Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWhat's Here Now?: How to Stop Rehashing the Past and Rehearsing the Future--and Start Receiving the Present Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5And Yet, Undaunted: Embraced by the Goodness of God in the Chaos of Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Undone: A Story of Making Peace With an Unexpected Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Spirit-Led Heart: Living a Life of Love and Faith without Borders Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsStart Where You Are: How God Meets You in Your Mess, Loves You through It, and Leads You Out of It Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Never Alone - Women's Bible Study Leader Guide: 6 Encounters with Jesus to Heal Your Deepest Hurts Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBegin Again: The Brave Practice of Releasing Hurt and Receiving Rest Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Rise of the Truth Teller: Own Your Story, Tell It Like It Is, and Live with Holy Gumption Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWhere Is God in This?: Looking for God's Goodness in Our Struggles Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTrue You: Letting Go of Your False Self to Uncover the Person God Created Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Unsinkable Faith: God-Filled Strategies to Transform the Way You Think, Feel, and Live Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Still Waiting: Hope for When God Doesn’t Give You What You Want Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5An Untroubled Heart: Finding a Faith That Is Stronger Than All My Fears Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSoul Care to Save Your Life: How Radical Honesty Leads to Real Healing Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Always Enough, Never Too Much: 100 Devotions to Quit Comparing, Stop Hiding, and Start Living Wild and Free Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Encouragement Project (Ebook Shorts): 21 Heart-to-Heart Ways to Show You Care Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPlaydates with God: Having a Childlike Faith in a Grownup World Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThis Book Is for You: Loving God’s Words in Your Actual Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTightropes and Teeter-Totters: Finding Balance in the Ups and Downs of Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBraving Sorrow Together: The Transformative Power of Faith and Community When Life is Hard Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow's Your Soul? Bible Study Guide: Why Everything that Matters Starts with the Inside You Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSet Free to Live Free: Breaking Through the 7 Lies Women Tell Themselves Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSweet Like Jasmine: Finding Identity in a Culture of Loneliness Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Ruth: Redeeming the Darkness: Hope Rising Bible Series, #1 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Live the Life You Long For: Healing your family, work and relationship issues Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSpeak Love: Making Your Words Matter Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Renewed - Women's Bible Study Participant Workbook with Leader Helps: Finding Hope When You Dont Like Your Story Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Christianity For You
Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Screwtape Letters Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mere Christianity Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Decluttering at the Speed of Life: Winning Your Never-Ending Battle with Stuff Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Four Loves Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Bible Recap: A One-Year Guide to Reading and Understanding the Entire Bible Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Law of Connection: Lesson 10 from The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Stories We Tell: Every Piece of Your Story Matters Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Changes That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Wild at Heart Expanded Edition: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Less Fret, More Faith: An 11-Week Action Plan to Overcome Anxiety Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5NIV, Holy Bible Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Winning the War in Your Mind: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Warrior of the Light: A Manual Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Book of Enoch Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Undistracted: Capture Your Purpose. Rediscover Your Joy. Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
Reviews for Breathe Again
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
Breathe Again - Niki Hardy
If you are struggling with what your life looks like right now, this book offers real help and tangible hope. Niki writes with empathy, humor, and gut-level honesty. You’ll find a friend within these pages.
Sheila Walsh, cohost of Life Today and author of It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
Where is God in the midst of your pain? What happens when you’re too tired and exhausted to pray? Whatever you’re going through (the death of a loved one, an illness, a divorce, etc.), it’s comforting to know that you’re not alone. Niki Hardy has been through the valley of the shadow of death and eloquently unfolds her powerful story with raw, vulnerable honesty that cuts to the heart of the human condition. I would recommend this book to anyone going through a health crisis and to anyone struggling with the issue of real, active faith in the midst of a silent, raging tempest.
JD Chandler, national media personality, K-LOVE Radio Network
"Filled with life-giving hope, practical help, and the perfect blend of real-life humor we need when life falls apart! This book holds the truth we need and the companionship of the friend we want to walk through days that leave us gasping for air and seasons that make us wonder how we’ll ever survive. Through the death of loved ones, her own battle with cancer, and one hard thing after another, Niki asked God tough questions and fought to find the answers we all need. I highly recommend Breathe Again! I’m getting a copy to keep and a few to give away, and you should too!"
Renee Swope, bestselling author of A Confident Heart and former radio cohost, Proverbs 31 Ministries
"Niki Hardy is the voice you need to hear when life goes the opposite of what you imagined. I’m buying Breathe Again in bulk to stock our arsenal of books that we keep around to give away to friends and family. This book is a gift."
Myquillyn Smith, Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Cozy Minimalist Home
This is a gem of a book—just as its author is a gem of a person. Niki is vulnerable and real about pain and suffering, whether her own or others’, but she doesn’t leave us there. She points us back to God and gives us spiritual encouragement and some down-to-earth practices that we can engage in if we want to thrive and not just survive the tough times. A must-read for anyone who feels they are in a pit of any kind right now—or anyone who ever has been or will be, which just about covers us all, I think.
John Peters, rector of St. Mary’s, Bryanston Square, London, England
My friend Niki knows firsthand what it’s like to feel like everything is falling apart, and somehow, in the midst of it all, draw closer to God. Niki leads us on a journey that will take each one of us straight to the feet of Jesus. And she does it with stunning vulnerability, biblical truth, and even humor. (Reading along, I couldn’t help but laugh as I imagined her, with her British accent, talking about her
bum,
the loo, and
rubbish.) I would recommend this beautiful book to anyone who doesn’t simply want to survive but to rise up and thrive.
Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of It’s All Under Control and The Happiness Dare
"We never expect hard times to happen. But they do. And sometimes those times get really hard! And then we don’t like it. We struggle. We wrestle with God. We wonder where he is. Niki has been there. She has struggled and wrestled and wondered. And God showed up. He found her. She found him. And she not only survived . . . she thrived. In a realistic way and without relying on clichés, Breathe Again points us to find God in life’s toughest places. If you are struggling, you can tell that Niki ‘gets it.’ And then you can tell that God showed up in down-to-earth ways that grounded her and gave her life. Breathe Again shares in concrete ways how God showed up and what Niki did in that journey. Her honesty and practicality are refreshing. If you are in a ‘hole,’ God can speak to you through Breathe Again."
Palmer Trice, founder and former director of The Barnabas Center in Charlotte, NC
"Breathe Again is a healing salve for life-weary readers. With a unique combination of practicality and beauty, Niki travels with us . . . addressing the hard questions we have . . . helping us get to a place of greater understanding, acceptance, freedom, and joy. This book is important. It is an evergreen resource I will keep close to recommend often."
Lisa Whittle, author, Bible teacher, podcast host of Jesus Over Everything
"Maybe you’re walking through a hard place in your life right now. Niki Hardy’s Breathe Again is like holding the hand of a trusted friend who guides you through the tough stuff. She doesn’t flinch from the lonely and soul-kicking moments when you can barely take the next breath. Why? Because she has been there herself and come out on the other side. Niki reminds us that no matter how deep our sorrow, Jesus is deeper still. But she doesn’t leave us with platitudes. She seasons her story with prayer, Scripture, and practical tools to keep us moving so we don’t get stuck in our pain."
Marilynn Chadwick, author of Sometimes He Whispers, Eight Great Ways to Honor Your Husband, and Woman of Valor
"Delivered with transparency, honesty, and vulnerability, Breathe Again provides practical, interactive tools that will equip you to live well when your life is shattered. Don’t read this book merely for information; instead, read this book with a commitment to apply those tools to your own life."
Anna LeBaron, author of The Polygamist’s Daughter: A Memoir
Niki Hardy will have you laughing and crying your way to healing. Perhaps the healing won’t occur physically or relationally or circumstantially. Maybe nothing will change at all except you . . . as you learn to breathe again.
Wendy Speake, author of multiple books, including The 40-Day Sugar Fast and Triggers
"If you’re drowning in overwhelming anxiety or fear because of a life-altering crisis or change, Niki is the friend steering toward you in the lifeboat that is this book. With warmth, humor, and tell-it-like-it-is honesty, Niki’s words are a kind companion within your circumstances. Breathe Again is the place where your unanswered questions and unresolved emotions meet God’s abundant presence. Read this book and know you’re not alone."
Kristen Strong, author of Back Roads to Belonging and Girl Meets Change
"Everyone loves a good story, and Niki Hardy is a wonderful storyteller. Weaving real-life dramatic accounts of bravehearted souls who put the pieces back together in the midst of their pain, Niki shines light on the difficulties and rewards of resilience. And she does this brilliantly from a well-balanced biblical perspective. In Breathe Again Niki inspires us to believe our shattering losses are not our final chapters and in the process helps us to embrace our suffering. Sadly, a lot of people don’t come back after loss because the journey is too daunting. Niki Hardy has personally climbed out of the pit of despair. Breathe Again is her story of the road out."
Aaron Früh, author of Bounce
"When life knocks you down, you don’t need platitudes, you need straightforward practices to help you through. Breathe Again provides needed empathy from and for those acquainted with pain. With wit and candor, Hardy equips those who are hurting to face each day as a Thriver."
Katie M. Reid, national speaker and author of Made Like Martha: Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done
Niki’s encouragement to literally breathe again is a call to intention. As believers, it’s easy to stumble and then attempt to thrive, but Niki offers permission-giving practices to truly live again. And again. A humble, witty read that compels us toward truth and offers gulps of grace-air.
Bekah Pogue, author of Choosing REAL, Pasture founder, spiritual director-in-training, soul listener at bekahpogue.com
© 2019 by Niki Hardy
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com
Printed in the United States of America
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-1788-9
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV
and New International Version
are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2016
Scripture quotations labeled MSG are from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Scripture quotations labeled TLB are from The Living Bible, copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
The author is represented by MacGregor & Luedeke Literary
To Mum and Jo
You led the way.
You showed me how.
I miss you.
Every day.
To Al
My best friend, my hubby, my partner in crime, my HB.
No matter what life chucks our way,
you’re the man I want to live it with.
Thank you for believing in me.
I love you.
To my beans—James, Sophie, and Emma
Remember these three things, always:
God loves you desperately.
So do I.
And wherever life takes you,
the flapjack tin will always be waiting, full.
I love you . . . more.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4 ESV
Contents
Cover 1
Endorsements 2
Title Page 5
Copyright Page 6
Dedication 7
Epigraph 8
I’m Sorry You’re Here . . . No Wait, I Take That Back 11
Part 1: Finding Solid Ground 21
1. Rubbish We Believe When the Poop Hits the Fan 23
It’s all my fault, God’s angry, and now he’s vanished
2. The Truth We Need When Our World Is Rocked 37
Life doesn’t have to be pain-free to be full
3. Practice Makes Better, Not Perfect 57
Part 2: Learning to Breathe Again 67
4. Choose Brave 69
It doesn’t have to be big
5. Trust God 87
He’s got impeccable credentials
6. Find Community 107
Thriving is a team sport
7. Be Vulnerable 123
Stiff upper lips need ChapStick
8. Embrace the Journey 139
Even the detours, diversions, and dead ends
9. Practice Gratitude 157
For the rubble, not just the rubies
10. Reach Out 175
It might just save you
Part 3: Keep Calm and Breathe On 193
11. Now What? 195
Have tools, will travel
The Thriver’s Manifesto 205
Gifts 207
From me to you, with love
Resources 209
Where can I find help with . . . ?
Acknowledgments 211
Because I can’t fit a hundred names on the cover
Notes 215
Who said what, where
About the Author 219
Niki’s sensible(ish) bio
Back Cover 223
I’m Sorry You’re Here . . .
No Wait, I Take That Back
In this world you will have trouble.
John 16:33
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10
I’d been home less than twenty-four hours when I got the call from my sister, Claire. It was time. I’d hardly been back home in Oxford, England, long enough to throw anything in the wash or put my suitcase back in the attic, but it was time. Time to head back to Vancouver, Canada, to my mum’s house, where she’d lived since marrying my stepfather nearly twenty years earlier. She’d been battling aggressive, small-cell lung cancer for the last year, and I’d just spent two precious weeks visiting her. How could it be time? Had things deteriorated that fast?
I chucked some mismatched clothes and my wash bag back into my suitcase, landed a firm but quick oh-my-goodness-I’ve-got-to-go peck on Al’s cheek followed by one for each of the kids, and then dashed back to the majestic coast of the Pacific Northwest.
Mum was barely conscious by the time I arrived at the hospital, yet she appeared to have been waiting for me, the last of her kids, to arrive. Turning her head as I perched on the edge of the bed, she smiled weakly, the corners of her mouth curling slightly upward, relief filling her eyes.
You made it,
she mumbled.
As her breathing became labored and she slipped unconscious, we held her hands and prayed. She passed away as we—my sisters Claire and Jo, and our stepfather with his grown children—looked on helplessly.
In this world you will have trouble . . .
Six short years later, Claire had to make another call. It was time. Again.
With an ominous sense of déjà vu, I went through the motions as if acting in a play I’d rehearsed only once before. Once again it seemed like just a few hours that I’d been home. By then Al and I had moved with our three small kids to Charlotte, North Carolina, to plant CityChurch, and I’d been back in England for a week visiting my sister Jo in Torquay. It was now Jo’s turn to be fighting that same terrifying disease: aggressive small-cell lung cancer. When I’d hugged her goodbye, stroking her soft, fuzzy, chemo-bald head, my bubbly, vivacious chef of a sister may have been a shadow of herself physically, but she’d still been the same old feisty, belligerent girl I knew and loved who could crack a joke like a stand-up comic. How could it be time? Had things deteriorated that quickly?
It was just after Christmas, and we were having a brilliant time sightseeing and freezing our butts off in DC when the international number flashed up on my phone. My stomach lurched. I just knew. I’d thrown my passport into my bag just in case this happened, but it had felt like a betrayal to Jo’s strength to fight on, so I’d studiously ignored the fear warning me to pack my little