The Imitation of Kieran McConnell

By Clay Ferrill

Two young gay men fall in love before they even meet one another. Adam is 33, gorgeous, and way too wealthy and recognized to form relationships of any real substance. He’s already socially awkward in most situations, struggling with receptive social cues most of his life. If sexual interest in him is not based solely on his body and good looks, then it is always based on his fame, his money, or all three. It always seems to end up that way, so he is socially withdrawn. Longing for companionship and sexual passion, Adam orders Kieran, a human male reproductive clone, whose original was gay. Kieran is delivered, only a few hours old, looking just as Adam ordered. Born into an adult form, he is an Irish sex-god-of-a-man from the "human male companion clone" line of his preferred black-market clone farm. Kieran's arresting good looks and innocent, boyish charms, are enhanced with a densely intoxicating pheromone emission mixture that has Adam breaking his self-imposed rules, falling deeply, blissfully in love with his purchase.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Clay Ferrill
• Release date: Jul 8, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463876107

Clay Ferrill

The novels and short stories I have published on this platform are gay male erotica. My novels provide a more in depth view of the characters I construct and I only hope you, the reader, feel I do those characters justice by defining them as more than simply sexual objects. I've strived to add deeper and broader character dimension as I weave them into the storyline.My short stories are commonly called "bang-boy" books because they get right down to the nitty gritty and often spontaneity of consensual sex between men in various scenarios. Other readers have described them as just short enough to get them excited and worked up and in that way, very much like the former fiction stories published in the gay men's magazines of yesteryear.WARNING: If you live in or visit any countries where homosexuality is illegal, download my work at your own risk. Please take extra care and may peace always be with you.

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The Imitation of Kieran McConnell

by Clay Ferrill

Copywrite 2019. All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. All characters are 18 or older.

Neither this novel or any portion thereof may be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author.

Smashwords Edition, License notes:

Thank you for downloading this eBook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoy this book, please encourage desiring readers to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer.

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Additional books available or coming soon: clayferrill.com

Knights of Damascus

Forgiving Father Cole

Samuels, Elder

Moscow Mule

Geständnisse (Confessions)

Free book soundtrack available on Spotify: The Imitation

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. Names of characters are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons living or dead, or to any actual real-world events is purely coincidental.

All copyrighted and trademarked names, businesses, and products mentioned in this book remain the property of their perspective owners. The author is in no way attempting to claim any such ownership by their use. No infringement is intended.

This story contains adult language and material, including homosexual discussions and overtones, including references to both heterosexual and homosexual activities. This book is not recommended for minors, those who do not wish to read such material, or if it is illegal for you to own a copy.

Table of Contents

Title Page, copyright, and license notes

Disclaimer

Chapter 1: Adam Lange

Chapter 2: Danique

Chapter 3: The Big Sure

Chapter 4: The Five Human Senses

Chapter 5: Marathon Love

Chapter 6: Addicted to Vroom

Chapter 7: The Lesson of Swimmers

Chapter 8: Days of Fine Life

Chapter 9: Finding Normal

Chapter 10: Codyboy

Chapter 11: From the Ashes

Chapter 12: Le Maison Dune

Chapter 13: Siren Sound

Chapter 14: Boulder. Home.

Chapter 15: Are we ever really safe?

Chapter 16: Fuck No! This is Wyoming!

Chapter 17: Cowboy House

Chapter 18: Captain Ed

Chapter 19: Nowhere

Chapter 20: Bella Bella

Chapter 21: Bergrettung

Chapter 22: Trouble in Paradise

Chapter 23: A Calm Sea

Epilogue

Chapter 1 - Adam Lange

When it comes down to it, I’m lonely but seek non-complexity and non-competition in my closer personal relationships and especially sexual relationships. Because for me that’s a necessity and not merely a desire, I’m left with very few options. I have and still do form and enjoy personal relationships with people, but the more involved those relationships become the more complex they become and often, in my opinion and for me personally, don’t need to be any more complex than they’ve already become and started as. Every adult has emotional baggage. As regular people, we’re complex that way. Those complexities which manifest because we are individual human beings with different motivations and drivers, can coalesce into wonderful friendships and relationships often closer than just a good friendship. But most often those complexities tend to divide relationships apart rather than strengthen their bonds. My wealth and fleeting fame are my primary wedges for most relationships in general since I gained that wealth. In the eyes of the world, that wealth defines me to them.

Most people call those destructive complexities drifting apart, but for me it’s far simpler than even that because the fact is, nothing ‘drifted’, the people simply grew. Either circumstances changed or the people changed and that is both logical and guaranteed when humans engage with one another. We fuck stuff up. Intentional or not, it happens and that is assured.

I made a whole lot of money very quickly shortly after I turned 27 years old and that wealth has now taken on a life of its own and multiplied several times over and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I didn’t set out with a desire to make a lot of money fast for the sake of having the wealth, it just turns out that the technology I invented has really broad application potential and is being used in a wide variety of interfaces already with more applications being discovered every day.

What started as a simple software idea to help control your home and make it more resource - and cost-efficient, blossomed into a self-developing AI limited within a closed-loop task range. I know. You’re probably confused. Like this - a ‘smart house’ using my tech and software to control lighting, security, power consumption, water purification – all of that and way more, is the best example of what I designed. In this example, the house itself is the controlled closed-loop task range and within that task range it learns from itself and the house’s inhabitants to improve outcomes and maximize efficiencies. So, by definition it’s ‘intelligent’. It was created, by me, and is non-organic so it is technically ‘artificial’ when it begins to think for itself. Artificial Intelligence or AI. Oooooo right? No.

Over time the entire system learns through performing its various functions and tasks, then makes changes all by itself and therefore continuously improves based on even the subtlest of changes in patterns in behaviors of the inhabitants of the smart house. The industry description for this is AICL. Artificial Intelligence Closed-Loop or caged AI and my software is really the foremost user of this construct. AI has such ominous implications, so we in the industry try to avoid summarizing what we do as the development of ‘artificial intelligence’. When describing our systems specifically, we highlight that it is closed-loop, caged and can’t get out, so corporations and individual homeowners don’t think their home’s AI wants to ‘get out and take over the world’ like in the Terminator movies. People fear what they don’t understand and because Hollywood told them to be afraid of it.

It is smart and self-teaching software for everything that makes your house really smart and nothing can do what it does, better. What it doesn’t do is have evil intentions for world domination. It just makes sure your house is secure, that appliances are controlled, that you know when something needs replaced or something is malfunctioning. When someone approaches/arrives, and even to play your favorite sound mix through the house audio system automatically around the time you normally turn that on manually, if that behavior is regular and predictable in any way. It makes assumptions as well. It interfaces with humans using a fixed keypad or audible voice commands. It’s capable of conversation, but just about the house and its systems. It cannot be hacked if you’re hyper security-conscious, because it has settings for a locked cage that doesn’t even have a pathway into it with one exception – radio waves so it picks up on the world’s most accurate clock, the atomic clock in Boulder, Colorado, and any alerts from NOAA about severe weather warnings in the area where it’s located. Using AM radio waves, very old-fashioned.

Without the ability to reach out to the world, being a secured and fixed-centric system, it senses activity and movement through various sensors located throughout and around the property. It records and electronically stores image capture and video – think door camera you can see from your phone so you know your [slut!] daughter got home from school OK and didn’t bring that cute but nasty boy over again. You get it. It looks/sees/records, listens/records, learns/records and on top of that, it’s self-programming. It knows when you’re awake or asleep, when a storm is coming to deploy protections like automatic shutters and pool covers and the like, and when the grounds need attention and specifically what attention or task it needs a human to perform. It’s always watching and measuring in that way.

My systems come standard with a default female voice interface, but can be tuned to audible step-by-step (literally) instructions, or light flashes and blinked codes for the hearing impaired. Deaf or blind, the house will speak back to you. Working with it, especially in the beginning, is super easy and can be set-up using one of the six iPads it comes with standard, or your desktop, but has proven to be problematic if setting up initially with only a smartphone interface. iPad is best so we include them free. My software has since been fully patent-protected and really fast afterward, a lot of copycat Chinese and Russian products flooded the market. But the copycats are not as intelligent and do not self-educate like mine does. They only do what a human tells them to do again and again over and over, until a human tells it to do something else. In comparison to the elegance of a precision, thinking and learning software like mine, humans are fucking apes. But as the original developer it’s my tech sought by the largest construction companies in the world for large-scale deployments like commercial/residential skyscrapers and now most upper-scale homebuilders all over the world. We even signed a deal with Hilton Hotels worldwide and have hundreds of crew working on installs around the world, for the next five years at least. The very wealthy for their existing homes and even a few ancient castles now, are progressing this way. We don’t sell it cheap so it’s made me very, very wealthy.

If you sell a modern tract home with all the amenities and luxuries you can charge a lot as a builder, but if you make that same rapid-build house ‘smart’ with my system, you can almost double your asking price with plenty of people lining up to buy it because with my software, that house will never stop learning how to be a better home for them. Make more sense?

That’s why I’m here in Rotterdam. With all the sales apparatus in the world you could want or need, it still takes me personally engaging to close deals with entire governments. Today I close the deal with the country of The Netherlands and my software, or a cousin of it which is already finished and tested because it’s software, will be deployed to help them combat North Sea encroachment and managing, to the absolute optimum, their dam, levy and dyke systems. They’re trying to hold back an ocean that wants to swallow their land. Anyway, once this contract is signed, my company will be paid over $11 billion US dollars today for the product as-is and over a billion dollars per year for the next ten when a new cycle of that will start over again at even higher prices. The contract I’m here to sign is worth, at a minimum, 21 billion.

My personal share of that alone will triple my current wealth. Twice over if I didn’t earn another dollar from any other source for the next ten years. Once installed the software will never need to be replaced. Ever. Hardware will need to be replaced and updated/repaired because hardware breaks, but the dependability and product life of my software is infinite simply because we taught it how to think for itself and grow its own intelligence.

I am, just yesterday actually, 32 years old. Happy birthday to me. I’ve been here in Holland for over two weeks and leave to go home to Venice, California tomorrow. Venice is now my home, but I’m actually from Colorado originally. Boulder specifically. I have a lot of free time to do whatever I want to do in my life now, which was my goal once wealth blew up my fucking life, so I spend a lot of that time in physical activities. I exercise daily and work-out muscles a few times a week as a regimen for physical health, bike pretty much anywhere I need to go once I get to a city, and walk/jog/run a whole lot. I could own cars, nice ones, but I prefer my simple 2011 Jeep Wrangler soft top 2-door, sans the doors and top most of the time. Simple ride. Plus, living in metro LA it can crawl right over most annoying traffic jams with its 6-inch lift kit and oversized tires, if I had a mind to do that, which I don’t, but I like having that nuclear option. I live my life kind of on-the-sly and very low-key to the common eye. I don’t draw attention to myself aside from my physical appearance, and if I’m recognized, which I can’t help.

While I’ve been here I’ve enjoyed a flirtation with the beautiful young woman, Danique, that owns and operates, mostly alone with the odd duck pitching in, a small independent bakery that serves amazing African coffee. She makes a deliciously simple brioche’ seasoned with cinnamon and cardamom that I’ve enjoyed every day since arriving here. But truth told, it’s Danique that brings me back there every single morning now, just before 8 a.m. GMT. I’ve become so reliable that for the past few days she has my preference waiting at the same table every day. She’s got short black cropped hair that’s showing blonde roots, so she’s a natural blonde with a very sharp edge to her. She won my heart when I learned that she’s incredibly kind and generous to the less fortunate. She not only donates but also delivers her delicious unsold pastries from the day’s bake to a homeless shelter near the center of the city. Carts them over there in a little red wagon even. Very cute. She bakes twice as much as she can sell from what I can tell, so she’ll always have that contribution to give and doesn’t ever sell her day-old goods to the general public. What a wonderful way to give back. I should take a lesson.

She knows enough English to be awkward and totally fucking adorable, has a killer smile and a beautiful, slightly boyish body. This morning my flirting got more serious when I told her I was leaving to go home tomorrow and that news shocked her and she made a sad face. She actually teared when I told her, so I know she feels something for me too. We’re getting together later so I can tell her everything, because right now she sees me as just some random American businessman in a suit. First, though, she must close and set up my dough so she can start her daily baking routine at 4 a.m. sharp. We’re going to visit a new and hopping French wine bar that’s popular in the same plaza where her bistro is and my condo building’s pedestrian entrance is, which is also the plaza where the Department of Interior has their executive offices and where I’ve been spending a few hours in meetings every day that I’ve been here and most of the Saturdays.

It’s a date finally, plain and simple, and I really do like her a whole lot. There’s the rub, though. She’s wonderfully happy with her life just as it is, I can tell she enjoys her life, and it is a largely fulfilling and rich life for her. I truly envy that. When you try to pair that rich, if simple life with my own it becomes instantly way too complex to fathom. Knowing who I am and what I am worth will almost assuredly turn her away from me or turn her to me if her motivation is greed. Right now, she has no idea who I am other than my first name, Adam, but as true as it will rain here today, and it fucking always rains here everyday, the second she finds out how wealthy I am, our relationship will be forever changed. That is just unavoidable. It goes good or it goes bad. One side of the coin or the other. So I’m flipping the fucking coin.

If I lived a simpler life, I could fall in love and build a happy life with her. She’s indicated she’s receptive to sex with me, she touched my ass to see if it was as muscular as it looks or just fat, and indicated her desire today when we made plans for tonight by parting with a sweet kiss on my lips. Just a peck. A kiss with tongue would have given me wood, so I think we’re probably going to end up fucking. Hopefully, because I need to get laid in a bad way and can think of no other person on the planet I’d rather be with sexually right now. Has to be her.

Decision made, I initiate the donation of one million dollars from the LangeTech charitable trust to the local mission society that runs the 40-bed shelter in the city’s center where she donates her baked goods. Happy I did that, I think that if I ever learn she needed money or help personally, I’d gladly hand it over no-strings. But she is not struggling with money. Because of her local charity she has very loyal customers, a lot of them given to morning parades into her shop with their loud and happy greetings. They’ll see her through any money troubles that might befall a small independent business like hers by bringing her business. Plus, if I gave her money once she knows everything about me, it might appear I was trying to buy her. I do buy humans on occasion, for specific reasons and complicated real-world logistics challenges. But not her. She is unique and very special just the way she is.

I am, both in fact and in practice, polyamorous. I love women and having sex with them, but my first sexual experience was with another boy so I like sex with men too. Really not that picky about sex frankly, I just like it a lot. The intense intimacy of it. That’s why I’m writing this. I don’t know right now as I write this if Danique and I will hook-up and fuck or not. I can only hope we do and try to seduce her with my true desire for her sexually. What I do know for sure is that I am going back to LA and will once again be alone with no romantic interests to satisfy those basic and very real human needs. I am alone and I am lonely as a result. Oh, I fuck people. I just don’t connect with them romantically or emotionally. My dick connects with them.

I want you to know what motivates my actions and because I live a unique life by most standards, I know that while I’m not exempt from your judgment, I do deserve the right to explain myself. It’s not just about the sex. If ever the other person, man or woman, isn’t sexually attractive to me or me to him/her for whatever reason, then I’m open to exploring a friendship. I keep it just that simple and expect nothing so I’m not disappointed when it doesn’t happen, which is 99.9% of the time. Not everything has to be about fucking and there’s a lot to be said for good conversation without those sexual tensions.

This is about me meeting my own needs and relieving the emotional and sexual tension that seems to build in me pretty quickly. Left unsatisfied for too long, that combo makes me really reckless in my pursuit of sexual release. I seek out that intimacy, but demand that it be without all the normal emotional complexities. I fucking hate clingy people, for instance. Sometimes the sexual attraction isn’t about anything physical per se’ and while that’s rare for me, it has happened. It only happens when I’m drunk or stoned, mostly, but it happens to me. If there were a reckless sex for Adam drug, her name would be Molly.

I have woken up to find myself naked in the bed of a woman I didn’t find physically attractive, but it turned out to be a night of honest and really good fucking. Or like yesterday when I woke up in the cab of a big rig truck with my pants down around my ankles and some fat dude’s jaw and throat clamped down on my dick. I liked his drunken swagger (apparently, not really that clear) and obvious hunger to please me. Not one word could I understand from him, but that was enough for me to drop my pants for him. But in truth, it was the Molly again or I wouldn’t have done that. He was really hungry for it and that’s why I let him. Molly opened that fucking door. Because he wanted it so bad and it was something I could give him and enjoy too. There’s a lot to be said for the influence of a person’s desire for me sexually that just sends me over the edge of common reason. But see what I mean? Reckless. He could have bitten my dick off or worse (hard to imagine anything worse than my dick-death) murdered me.

Technically I have been diagnosed with anxiety-induced sexual aggression for which the only cure is regular sex with other humans and a low-stress lifestyle. For me though, when it comes to the pursuit of really great sex and a lot of it, and the companionship fostered by that kind of exchange with another one or more people, I prefer not to take such risks and chances frequently and have, as a result, fucked several sex gods and/or goddesses in my endless pursuit of high-quality sex. Like right now for instance. I’m going to order a man for sex. How you might wonder? With an app on my iPad behind several walls of privacy and financial exclusivity. Let me walk you through it and explain how I approach ordering a sex partner.

It’s easy when you’re as rich as I am, hence the financial exclusivity. I order human beings to meet those basic needs. I want the safety of making all the decisions when it comes to a partner where body fluids are usually exchanged, and the only way for me to insure my total security and remain completely free of sexually transmitted diseases is to order them myself, or if in a pinch and super fucking horny, take the risk. A custom-designed companion eliminates disease risk. A built-to-fuck buddy, which is my choice today. Should I feel guilty for being so indulgent? No. Fuck you. But that’s the point, isn’t it? I’m not fucking you and I need to fuck.

I am really lonely e.g. horny for something specific, so I plan to see to those needs when I get back to LA. I don’t have another trip like this one until Dubai late next month and if that deal closes and the contract gets signed, my wealth will actually double again. It’s actually taken on a life of its own at this point like I said. I’m just along for the ride now.

I ease back into the deep nesting chair that turns to face the skyline outside my penthouse apartment here, lounging in my oversized cotton terry bathrobe having just showered the imagined stinky fat trucker off, again, who felt compelled to frequently spit on me for some reason, kind of hot one time but 20-30 times? Fucking disgusting. I think back to Cole and my cock twitches. He was the third human clone I ever ordered about 3 years ago when I had so much money I didn’t know how to handle it, because that money was distancing me from having ready sex with ‘normal’ people and I was thinking and acting very recklessly.

Aside from the absolutely wonderful, kind and giving person he showed himself to be while he was with me, the incredible and totally fulfilling sex we shared, in the end it was agony for me. I learned a valuable lesson that third time because it broke my heart again, just like the first two did. You’d think I’d learn, right? I knew from the start that it couldn’t last but a week, but most often love defies such simple logic. Yes, he was a fully functioning human man with a mind and a soul, not a robot or cyborg or sex doll. A human man. Beautiful in every way because I ordered him to be that way. But the fact remains - he was ordered and delivered. Our meeting was not a meet-cute or serendipitous in any way. Cole was a product I purchased, mainly out of curiosity and wanting to get it right, on an impulse. Once I saw his picture my purchase of him was assured. Stunning man.

The adult pleasure companies make their highest profits this way – sending you a timid and shy woman or hyper-masculine man, both with a strong desire to please you in any way possible. Ultimately and largely because of this fact, you can fall in love with him or her pretty easily. Fucking is magical that way. Cole even pouted and whimpered when he didn’t get his way, which was just too fucking cute for words. He used his sexuality to tease me or as leverage and was very talented at making sure that teasing or leverage resulted in my total pleasure. Clone farms are counting on the probability you’ll fall in love so you order the same clone model again and again. At several million dollars each minimum, that adds up to multi-billion dollars in revenue pretty quickly so that’s what they pursue. Money money money.

Bottom line warning for anyone reading this and considering ordering a clone, don’t invest too much emotion into a relationship with what is essentially a temporary play time and sex binge. They’re only allowed to be alive for seven days. That’s it. If you somehow manage to keep them alive any time beyond that 168 hours, it is breaking the law and trust me, they’re watching and waiting for that law to be broken and will pounce down with stealth, but hard. The law very rarely is violated, but it’s even more rare to hear about it or know for a fact that it happened – the clone’s life extended – or how it was done. So closely guarded is that secret, if it even can be done.

Not ashamed of it in the least, I honestly have to say that I was in love with Cole by day two. He accidentally elbowed me in the eye, smacked me pretty fucking hard, hard enough to see stars and leave a big black eye. Strange to think that’s when I fell for him, but like I said already, love often defies simple logic. He was totally adorable trying to relieve the pain with a bag of frozen berries from the freezer I sent him to get for me. He held the opposite side of my face in his open palm while pressing the bag to my left eye gently with his other and he breathed into my face as he studied it closely. His breath did it. Incredibly human reaction to another human being. Instant boner, too, so we continued fucking black eye throbbing or not.

I had been the first person to ever have formed any kind of bond with him, first to show him sex and teach him, and would be the last, too. Experiences I will remember for the rest of my life because they were so honest and innocent for both of us. A co-dependency developed almost instantly when he first walked in the door and that was my inexperienced fault. Again, that time with Cole was the third time I ordered a companion clone so I didn’t fully know what to expect after the first two left me feeling unfulfilled. He was everything I wanted then. Everything I needed then. So, I ordered him. Everything I want and need still to this day truth be known, but he’s gone. He terminated after 7 days of life as a beautiful young man and my loving companion.

I know that’s when it hit me that I was in love with him. His breath in my face and his beautiful eyes studying me with such devotion and care. All you could see in his expression was caring. I spent the rest of my time with him after the black eye, foolishly trying to find a way to keep him alive and with me. That folly cost me over $3 million, recklessly entangling me with a sketchy clone trafficker bitch, a Belgian (unconfirmed) person going by the moniker Siren. All for nothing. That was the agonizing part. It was impossible. I could have paid my entire worth and the outcome would still have been the same. Life termination is genetically programmed and it’s never the same cause of death or combination of death causes for the same model or series of human clone twice. He terminated while he watched me sleep.

We’d been laying there for a few hours, both exhausted from a long day walking the streets of Venice, California, my village as it were, just talking, holding hands, kissing … but I was also closely watching the clock as the termination time approached and felt utterly powerless. That last day was agony for both of us so staying distracted lessened the intensity of those feelings of impending doom. I knew we were quickly running out of time and it looked like Siren just took the money and made off with it. I couldn’t ever get a bead on her location or track her down, so it was a total loss. I am not a criminal and didn’t know what to expect from one. Well explained in the ordering process and described as simply falling asleep, clone death upon expiration is virtually guaranteed. Done. Lights out. Never waking up again. They strongly caution against any attempts to extend that terminating life. I should have heeded the warnings.

So now I know better. I accept that I’ll only be with them for a short time and make the absolute most of that time. It helps to simply consider them as a visiting friend. Unlike my time with Cole, now I always plan an excursion away from my personal home for the entire time they’re with me. I learned to keep my home space sacrosanct because being there with me and interacting with me where I live my regular life, touching my stuff – undoes me because then they become part of that stuff. Their memory attaches to it. Do you understand? I end up pitying them and myself and that’s wrong of me. I lose too much control over my emotions when they are among my personal things and so close to my life. Since Cole, I usually choose a secluded place where we can be alone and out of public view so I don’t have to explain anything to anyone. That way when they’re delivered and picked up, I don’t have to explain my new visitor or the resulting body bag that leaves, to anyone.

Finished now renting the private and secluded smart house about 3 hours north of L.A. on the coast above Santa Barbara, I page through the options, which in this higher priced app are all actual photographs of women and men. This is the top of the menu where you choose male or female, ethnicity, general age, etc. Considering each carefully and trusting my first impressions of them, I swipe through pretty slowly because it’s not just a physical or sexual thing. It’s more my initial impression of what they’ll be like to be with and talk to. And sure, what they will fuck like. Seven days can be a long time if you get it wrong, which I have. I’ve learned to be patient for the type of woman or man to strike me inside, not just give me a boner. Something has to stir inside for me and usually in a big way because, well, this is a huge amount of money to spend for something that will only last a week.

Today this is perfect for me because number one, I’m all alone and have been for the past nine weeks, and number two, I’ve never looked better physically. I had a biking accident 5 months ago and since then, not being able to exercise daily has been a real struggle. As a result, I’ve added seven pounds. After 12 weeks from injury to healing, most of that in a full leg cast to heal a compound-fractured and surgically corrected left femur, I’m now back to traveling and doing business. While I had the cast on I could and did have sex, but it was awkward. I’m horny and anxious about being this sex-starved and also need to get home and just be there in California for a while. I’m sick of being away and tied down to a set of tasks like executing this contract. I’m going home and want some unique, untethered and uncomplicated sexual companionship.

I swipe right again and bam, there he is in the top menu. All the bells and whistles went off when that man filled the screen of my iPad. This is the part we’re all guilty of at some point. Abject sexual desire. Lust. I look at the man on the screen and can easily imagine myself entwined with him. And, because I am vain, I’m actually anxious about whether or not he too will desire what he sees in me. With the cast gone and my leg fully healed, while I’ve kept on some of the weight, I have stepped-up my crunches and squats pretty brutally and now, what was a rather withered looking skin-sloughing (gross!) formerly powerful left leg, has returned to its former strength and finally matches the other leg in muscular density and symmetry. A little UV sun bed time to win back its normal tanned skin tone and it now looks totally normal. Except for the scar from surgery which I can have addressed cosmetically in about a year, if I choose to be that vain. Because I continued to work on my pecs, abs, ass and the unbroken leg, I’m looking pretty fucking buff even if I am carrying an additional 7 pounds of body weight. More bounce per ounce, am I right?

Three pages in is where I’ll see how expensive he is and have my first chance to back out and keep looking. It’s not a situation where you can just push them out the door when you’re done fucking. They’re there for a full 7 days unless you order them picked up early at an extra cost, so if you don’t get it right in design you’re not in for the best of times.

I expand the image of his face so I can see it more closely, wondering if it’s his face setting off all these internal alarms for me. Sometimes it is as simple as that. His nose is perfectly straight and broad and prominent. It’s large but doesn’t look out of place on his face. His profile, which is the statistics of his physical appearance like height, weight, strength, etc. says he’s of Irish origin, which you can see by his pale skin and reddish-brown hair. He actually looks Celtic. Almost warrior like. His lips are just full enough and his cheekbones give his face a broad appearance. His eyes are hazel and they turn down a bit at the outside corners just a little, giving him a puppy-dog look. Not sure how else to describe that, but it’s a fucking turn-on for me – how a man looks when he looks at me.

In this picture, which is basically how he’ll look when delivered, he’s got a medium-short beard, fuller than I would normally like on a guy but it honestly looks good on him so I don’t adjust it. In this photograph he’s tattooed pretty heavily and has a right shoulder and arm sleeve in greens and reds. Now that’s neither bad or good, don’t get me wrong tats can look way hot, I just know it wasn’t his choice to get inked like that and it’s painful so I will leave him natural and without the ink stains on his beautiful skin. This guy is ticking every single fucking box for me though, and there is definitely some stirring going on. My asshole twitches. He is so fucking beautiful just the way he is!

The first body modification selection is frame & physique with two choices for this clone model. First, I select the stockier of the two profiles offered because I don’t normally prefer thinner skinny guys if I choose to be with a man. I assumed I was already looking at the stockier option. Not the case. While still as beautiful in the face, the stockier version looks, I don’t know - excessive to me at 270 pounds. My impression is lumbering Hulk. Arms too big, thighs too big. Just too big. The clone model is quite tall at 6’3 for either and the 215 pounds of the thinner physique is downright hunky. This guy is just big and bigger it appears. The slimmer of the two versions shows excellent chest and torso muscle definition all dusted with the same dark auburn hair in both, so I switch my selection back to slimmer. It’s only showing him from the waist up at this point, but I am most definitely smitten. I tap agree" and in the background somewhere still unseen, millions of dollars accumulated in my tab.

His lower half will be followed by these first 3 selection screens for the upper body and usually where I’ll adjust and augment. I tap the bicep and the view enlarges. Using two expertly trained fingers I enlarge the muscle and lengthen it slightly and consider it. As I release, the body image adjusts and viola, a great result. I have good instincts when it comes to muscle structure, or so I’ve been told by admirers. I tap accept and the opposite arm’s muscles swell and lengthen to match and the hands enlarge to match and maintain overall physical symmetry. His pecs are perfect as-is and so are his gorgeously defined abs. No changes. That’s face, torso and arms – done. I tap accept again and the first of three lower-body selection screens appears, but now there’s a price up in the right corner of the screen showing the breakdown of costs so far. Hold the fucking phone batman. Jesus fucking Christ that’s a lot of money this early into ordering.

Base model for Kieran is $2,750,000. Having made no changes to the face there were no additional costs there, but the bigger biceps, triceps, forearms and hands added $310,000. Tapping that selection again it shows two images – before and after. Before is pretty fucking gorgeous, but the after version wins because of those powerful arms. Money well spent. I fucking dig strength in a man versus skinny-wimpy guys.

I contemplate my options before I go any further because this next screen is where they lock you in and take the money. The easy option is that I can just hook-up with my fuck-buddy Beck since I seem to be in the mood for sex with a man. He mercifully sucked me off and rode my cock a few times right after I got home from the hospital post-surgery with my leg throbbing inside a huge and very heavy cast all drugged up. He’s always fun, he’s just better at being totally submissive and I’m just feeling anxious enough with my restored body to spend some time in that role myself. Beck’s nicely equipped for that but his heart just isn’t in it. He has fucked me before, but it lacked that … I don’t know if hunger is the right word, but the devouring drive of a man on a mission to stick his dick into a hole and fuck as if in rut with wild abandon, who not only wants you, but needs you so he takes you. With Beck it was slow and gentle and thoughtful. Too slow, too gentle, and way too thoughtful. Fuck that. Just let go dude and fuck already!

So that means Beck is out. It’s a lot of money, but I’ve got plenty of it so I look back down at the iPad, at Kieran and his adjusted image so far, his face and bare upper body showing, and my mind is made up. Kieran. I tap accept and a charge of $3,060,000 processes within seconds and the first of three screens for his lower body appear to view, but I could have sworn I just saw the word siren pass quickly on a transaction confirmation flash and did a double-take. Too late. It went away before I could make sure that’s what I saw. I clicked in a few layers and looked around, but nothing about siren anything. Weird though. The charge cleared and I don’t really care where the money goes or to whom so I shrug and move on. That’s someone else’s battle if they want to fight it. I’m not giving the bitch another fucking dime. I make more than this in a typical day, so it’s no skin off my ass.

Without being able to see the changes occur in the app’s background, the muscles of his lower abdomen and legs automatically resized and augmented to match the muscle size and density of the upper body so perfect physical symmetry would be maintained. I prefer naturally hairy humans of either sex, so I sweep my finger over the image of his thigh and three gradient selections of body hair appear as smooth, light, or dense with a small square showing a close-up of the density of each on the thigh as the example. I select light and a preview pane appears showing his thighs with a light dusting of hair. I tap accept and $60,000 is added to the total cost above and cleared to payment. Hairless legs are free, but on this guy that would be really weird and just off. If I were to choose smooth, all of his body hair would vanish, so that’s out. Doll-like and artificial looking. First clone mistake. Yuck.

The next screen appears and it is penis and testicles, or the good part. If this were a female clone, the extra charges would have been in the previous three screens for breast size and waist size. But this to me is the good part and when you’re ordering a male, this is where they rack up price-wise. They literally stick it to you with dick. I chuckle out loud. The base model is nice, which is shown fully erect. Nice balls, though they could stand to be a bit larger so tapping the image only two options appear. Normal, which is shown, or hefty and lower hanging. With natural hair it looks fucking great larger, so I tap accept and note the price hasn’t changed. I tap the image of the penis and three selection screens appear, length, girth and definition and each with their own sub-menus.

From my past orders I know this is the most expensive part of the order because they give you so many options, so I think carefully of each selection, from which augmentation options can be chosen. I tap Length and a sliding scale appears showing a profile view of the base model’s cock at just over 8. I tap the image and slowly drag it back and forth and play with that for a minute, still chuckling out loud as I shrink it and then make it monstrously large. I end up lengthening it and fix the scale to 8.5. Happy with that length as most anyone would be, I know that to be just perfect as I myself am 8.5 so I tap accept and the next selection Girth" comes into view.

Just like previously, this screen always disturbs me a bit because they show a simulated bisection image in real size so the circumference can be clearly seen. While the image doesn’t show blood and meat and veins, it may as well show them because no matter which way you cut it, pun intended, it’s a view of a sliced-in-half penis. With two fingers I expand the circumference from 6.5 inches to 7 inches. That’s damn thick. I think about that for a minute and just the thought of it makes my sphincter muscle contract and twitch. Perhaps just a bit too thick for me because I rarely get fucked, but if he’s as much of a machine as he appears, a larger girth on a nice length of cock is awesome for getting fucked. I tap accept and shudder in excitement and anticipation as the lower body image appears and his ‘junk’ swells and lengthens as adjusted. I love this app and have shrunken them before to micro size to see what it looks like for giggles. As I watch the scrotum and testicles slowly enlarge with the adjusted image, I’m stirring again. Bathrobe, naked underneath, looking at images of junk. I’m hard. I’m human.

There’s that stirring again deep in my gut, but in fairness I just watched a guy’s junk grow. Fuck is this man ever beautiful! I just designed the perfect fuck with those few selections. The total for those changes alone appears in the upper right corner and clears another $570,000 so the enhanced cock and balls were an additional $510,000. Half a mil for good dick. Worth every fucking cent if you’ve got it.

For the last of the lower body selections a screen showing his ass appears. I do like to bite a good butt, but I don’t worship ass like most do. I like it muscled and fuzzy on a man and slender and smooth on women. The base model has a nice symmetry as it’s been automatically augmented to match muscle size and density of his thighs, also lightly dusted with hair and natural looking. Hmmm. I look at the image of that fine ass and I am here to testify, the ass of a god. Done. Looking at it I want to fuck him right now. So perfect physically. With no changes made, I tap accept and the $570,000 is processed while the next screen populates showing his entire body. I rotate the image so he appears to turn around and really like what I’m looking at. Familiar stirrings and twitches abound.

The total cost of Kieran, including delivery and pick-up, is $3.69 million. I just spent almost four million dollars in less than half an hour, on one purchase, and that startling fact is not lost on me one bit. But having done this before it seems weird to look at it that way. That too diminishes the total value more than the money itself. It cheapens the whole thing to look at ordering a living, breathing, human being, clone or not, as a monetary transaction. If I look at it as an indulgence, sexual or otherwise, it cheapens it the same way. To tamp down the moral wrestling going on in my Catholic-raised brain, I look at it for what it brings in personal satisfaction value to me. Sure, there’s gonna be sex involved, but there will also be other stuff like teaching, sharing, laughing, talking, embracing … and more than anything right now, I recognize that I really do not want complexities that automatically come with the same type of encounter with a normal human being. Because of who I am and what I’m worth.

Every normal person has emotional baggage and often, physical battle scars. My baggage, which took me years of therapy to work through this far, is a fear of not being desired for who I am, not just what I am or how much I’m worth in money to a partner I want to love and spend my life with. For almost my whole life, well from puberty until now anyway, other normal people have usually only wanted me because of one thing. The way I look. I just don’t want to play that typical game, for a while anyway, so I win this moral wrestling match by paying $3.69 million to ensure that I don’t have to carry the load of anyone else’s fucking baggage and enjoy a flawless body with no blemishes or scars of any kind, emotional or otherwise.

The rest is free. Personality type and some sub-categories for interaction types and general uses. They start with ten temperament options. From 10 = extremely aggressive down to 0 = extremely passive, with descriptions of each number. This is also the stage of the ordering process where you have to describe, in simple truthful terms, why you’re ordering a cloned human being. To avoid phone calls or held orders which has happened to me twice, I’ve learned to just tell the truth up front and avoid those conflicts and my potential embarrassment, though that’s hard since I’m not embarrassed easily, so here’s what I wrote:

Kieran is for companionship and non-violent sex. He will be the dominant. He needs to demonstrate a strong desire for me sexually, but be gentle otherwise. I want him to have a deep voice and the standard English language vocabulary so charge me extra if that costs. NO hair trimming or shaving, please. As far as demeanor fine points, not shy – I don’t want him shy or timid at all. Aggressive, but non-violent.

I think that summed it up well enough, not that it matters because even if I said I was ordering him to brutally slaughter him and render his flesh into book covers, they’d still provide him as long as they think it’s the true reason. The law strictly prohibits using clones as weapons, assassins, or tools for murder; as soldiers and the like, but I know for a fact that all happens. All of the ‘do-not’ laws are in fact regularly broken and with alarming frequency. We just don’t hear about them. Disposable humans are abused and misused. Not a big surprise.

When it comes down to it, I like sex a lot, duh, and while I am pretty aggressive as a top normally, a man that always loves a well-timed finger or tongue up my ass during sex with another man, I don’t usually favor getting fucked by that man. I’d rather fuck him. I’ve developed skills over the years and am really quite good at it. Compared to guys like Beck anyway, who seem to live to have guys stick things up his ass, and according to him he’s even been fisted a few times. Getting fucked? Not very often for me. In fact, it’s been over a year since I let a guy fuck me and I regretted it afterward. He was way too rough, which was totally hot in the moment, but ultimately too large to be that rough without doing some damage and it fucking hurt for days. You’d be surprised how many times a minute the body uses the anal sphincter muscle. Take a step – ouch. Take a breath even – ouch. Walk, sit or stand up – ouch. Turn while standing up or sitting down – fucking agony.

Kieran, I do love that name and now it’s burned into my brain … and my crotch, is going to be fucking me. I select 9.0 in the red-colored aggressive zone of the scale. Plenty aggressive. I know I’ll be able to easily persuade him to take my cock if getting fucked by him turns out to not be what I want after all, then tap agree and the Congratulations screen appears with a countdown clock and full photobook of Kieran, as modified, for me to browse through if I want. I swipe a few times and linger on an image of him squatting naked with his large arms resting on his thighs and his sizable cock is actually dragging the floor. Fucking yum. Very hot.

Now all I have to do is wait the 4 days it takes to prepare and then deliver Kieran to that secluded house I just rented. This waiting period is the hardest part – knowing a hunk is on the way and not jacking off too much so I’m all cum-spent and sore when he arrives. The first time I ordered I spent the entire time waiting at home anticipating the arrival, getting hornier and hornier looking at the photobook and the more I stared at his pictures the more I beat my meat. I masturbated too many times to count and my cock was still sore the first few times I fucked the perfect bubble butt I’d been jacking off to.

In the background behind this app, all of my selections are being edited into place and somewhere secret but not too far away from that house, a template human male 6’3" clone is being prepared to my exact specifications. Science is so amazing. Of course, the sex trade capitalized on the medical cloning market by adding the abilities to edit appearance and physical traits and attributes, enlargements and other augmentations, etc. Strict adherence to the law their ‘primary mandate’, every clone created for this purpose or for organ harvesting – the original intention of human cloning, were genetically modified to automatically terminate physical life at exactly 167 hours 59 minutes and 45 seconds. It takes about 15 seconds to complete the termination but 168 hours or 7 days is it. There are no death throws or death rattles. They just lay down, sit down, or fall down when they begin to lose consciousness at the end and in a few seconds of what looks like sleep, they stop breathing and it’s over. Within only a few minutes from termination, the collection crew of 3 uniformed people will arrive to remove the body right on time.

I have fairly sedate tastes when it comes to ordering another human being. I do not ever harm them physically or mentally. I’m a nurturer by nature and physical violence is foreign to me and can actually make me sick to my stomach. I’m not a mean-spirited or vindictive man. To coin the old phrase, I’m a lover, not a fighter. There are tales in circles of the very rich about this person or that person that orders clones only to hunt them or kill them brutally like animals, or worse, sadistically and cruelly torture them to death and all while starving them of all normal human interaction and emotion. All legally. Very cruel, still.

But I know this because of my interactions with the clones I’ve ordered - they are human beings. They have a soul and feelings just like all other people. They are genetically engineered to not be self-curious because they have no past to remember and no future to contemplate, but they are self-aware enough and know they’re a clone. In that regard they are very simple. Common defense instincts have been edited out so there’s no fight-or-flight or self-protection instincts. By virtue of this genetic editing, for lack of a better term, they do not value their own life and this fact isn’t at all disturbing to them. They’re given a persona to adopt, a purpose, and a general demeanor and predictable temperament. Devotion to the buyer is standard as long as you follow their protocols during the initial bonding steps carefully and complete them fully. These steps, in essence, copy you onto them and they begin mimicking and mirroring, which they fully explain as normal and to be expected so not to be alarmed by mimicked or mirrored actions.

As the person who ordered them, they instantly bond to you when you speak your name and touch them and they recognize you as