Denial...

By Heather Mar-Gerrison

San Antonio:
Seth and I weren’t friends. We’d never been friends and we weren’t likely to ever be friends.
We were, however, lovers. It was a business arrangement of sorts...
I was convinced that Seth was only interested in having regular sex and I was always a willing participant, enjoying what it was he offered me. Only problem with our arrangement was that I was beginning to get attached - and that had never been part of the agreement.
He’d run a mile if I told him that I thought I was falling for him...

Seth:
I’d been attracted to San Antonio for as long as I could remember and I’m not gonna lie, I’d pursued him relentlessly until he’d decided that I would be a good stud for him whenever he wanted servicing. Well, if it was all that was on offer, I’d take it...
Only trouble was, that I’d gotten emotionally involved, which was totally stupid because a) he had a girlfriend, b) was totally in the closet and c) had never really liked me....
How on earth was I supposed to tell him that I’d fallen in love with him?
This is the second book in the 'The Marina' series

• Language: English
• Publisher: Heather Mar-Gerrison
• Release date: Jun 30, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463571132

Heather Mar-Gerrison

I love to write M/M romance and as a sucker for a HEA, you're guaranteed one in my books. #happyheatherafters

Book preview

Prologue

San Antonio

What do you identify as?

I stared at the paper and then glanced around at the rest of my classmates to see how they were fairing with the ambiguous question.

My eyes settled on my best friend, Verity. She glanced across at me, grinned and winked and then, she started to write. I knew exactly what she was going to talk about. Her budding relationship with Samantha Yeomans from our rival school was going very well. I wondered if she’d write about the fact that she hid her sexuality from her parents – that was something we had in common – but I sure as hell didn’t dare have an out-and-proud relationship with anyone from the same sex as I around school or anywhere else out in the open.

I looked back at the question and sighed. What do you identify yourself as?

Well, if I was going to assume that it meant sexually, I was going to have to downright lie about it.

To the outside world, I identified as straight, because to identify as anything else in my community would be a fucking disaster. I couldn’t come out to my friends – well, I’d totally come out to Verity as bisexual, because she was mine and my twin sister, Virginia’s, best friend, so there was no way I could get away with those two not knowing that I had at least some interest in guys. But there was no way on this earth that I could come out to my parents. They had enough on their plates with both Houston and now El both showing signs of being gay. I think they thought they’d nipped any of the rest of us being gay in the bud when they banished Dallas, our eldest brother, from the family a few years back. Things had gotten better between the olds and Dallas since, but it had been a long and rocky path to tread to get where they were with each other again now, and for us younger kids, it had really made Dallas a stranger to us. We were only just getting to know him and his husband and kids again, now. They’d have a blue fit and go up in smoke if I came out, too…

The biggest problem of all was the fact that I’d managed to land myself with a girlfriend that I didn’t order. I know. How stupid? Biggest problem of all – how was I supposed to explain the fact that I was actually gay to her? We hadn’t been together all that long – only a couple of months but I was certain that she’d be horrified and I just couldn’t do it. She had no idea that Seth Bond and I had sex on a pretty much daily basis (and, thank God, neither did my sister or my best friend) and had done for the last year or so, since that scout camp when we’d ‘discovered’ each other. She would never understand why I agreed to dating her and that I’d only agreed to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay…

I liked dick. Correction, I liked Seth Bond’s dick and it so wasn’t a big deal for either of us. Seth wasn’t gay, either – he identified as bisexual as far as I knew, with a preference towards girls but really, he just liked fucking and he was between girlfriends at the moment…

I hated it when he had a girlfriend, not least because it meant that I had to resort to my dildo and my hand – not nearly as satisfying… But it was more his bragging afterwards about far he’d got with them that I really couldn’t bear. I wasn’t jealous. I wasn’t… Oh, God. I so was.

Anyway… I looked at the question again. What if it wasn’t only about liking dick? What if I truly was gay?

I couldn’t deny that I’d been ignoring the fluttery feeling I got in my chest every time I ran into that older guy, Nicholas, down at the marina. I would be a fool to do anything about it, though. It would be a total disaster, since Nicholas was very masculine, not to mention a good ten years older than I was. My mouth went dry and I felt a little light-headed as I pictured him working on his boat, his golden-brown skin glistening with sweat. Mm-mmm. I sighed. I had no chance with him and it was more a fantasy than anything else in any case. The only one I really wanted was Seth, and besides, Nicholas was very straight…

Picking up my pen, I swallowed hard and started to write. Not the truth, of course not – I wasn’t that stupid. I decided to go down the ‘position in the family’ route, instead. Far easier to explain than my ambiguous sexuality…

Chapter 1 – Explorer Camp…

San Antonio

Verity was actually more Virginia’s best friend than mine, but I’d been roped into their escapades far more often than I wasn’t when we were smaller and up until recently, with my penchant for disappearing off with Seth for some really filthy sex sessions, we’d been pretty much inseparable – and united in our dislike for Seth as well...

Seth was my brother’s best friend’s younger sibling. He’d been in the year above me all through school and we’d never been what you could call friends.

We knew each other, of course we did – because Kem was always at the marina with Houston, and of course, he had to bring Seth with him on occasion, but Seth had been so unfriendly in the beginning, I’d taken a bit of an instant dislike and therefore, I avoided him as much as I could at school.

Things changed a little (or rather, a lot) when I went on Explorer Camp. Dad had insisted that we all join the scouts and I’d gone along, grumbling the whole way, until that camp. It was my final year before I had to decide whether or not to continue into the Scout Network. Dad, of course, wanted me to continue but I wasn’t so sure I wanted to…

It was June and I’d just turned seventeen. All I really wanted to do was to learn to drive so I could take myself off anywhere I wanted to go as soon as I got my wheels. It was a given that I’d get a car for my eighteenth birthday – everyone in the family did – and I wanted to be a good driver by then.

Anyway, I digress. Suffice to say, I wasn’t enamoured to be going on my Explorer camp but I’d swallowed back my complaints and had decided to suck it up. Everyone else in the family had to do it, too. Virginia and Verity were going along as well – not that I’d see either of them for the whole time. The girls still always congregated together and the boys always managed to get themselves stuck in all sorts of scrapes…

The day my life changed was a perfect summer day. I’d been partnered with Seth Bond of all people to go on a trek. He was part of the scout group, but being eighteen already, he was training in the Scout Network and was the leader of our party.

There were twenty of us altogether and Seth had arranged everyone into walking parties. I fell into step beside him and we were walking in silence to begin with. I don’t remember which one of us spoke first, but as soon as we did start talking to each other, things started to flow.

With our older brothers being BFFs, we got chatting and actually bonded pretty well. He wasn’t as bad as I’d always thought and was actually quite a good laugh – once he forgot to be the arrogant twat I’d always thought I knew and loathed.

In the end, we had a really fun day. There were activities along the way, including building our own raft, erecting a tent each (I was easily the best at that, since we hired a field every year for the local tent show and I’d been drafted in to help build them for as long as I could remember) and building a fire in order to make a simple meal. Seth and I joined forces on that one and had a very decent sausage sandwich each.

We got back to our tents, all hot and sweaty, and a bit worn out. As we approached the camp, he slowed down a little and asked me if I wanted to go back to his tent, for a while, We can just chill and listen to some music or something before we have to turn in. he said, looking at me with his eyebrows raised, like he hoped I would but was trying to look as if he really wasn’t bothered one way or the other.

I’d got a feeling he was interested in me as more than a friend while we’d been doing the trek and, being more than interested in him by now, I agreed eagerly. I wasn’t wrong.

Are you gay or straight? he asked as he peeled off his tee shirt to show his perfect six pack. He wasn’t backwards at coming forwards, Seth…

Gay. Obviously. I think I must have stared at his gorgeous body quite openly (and probably drooled in the process) before I remembered that I was supposed to be answering him. I finally opened my mouth but nothing came out.

Or maybe you’re in the closet? he prompted.

I nodded. My brain had finally caught up with my mouth and I was able to respond, Kind of, yeah. I admitted, I can’t come out at home. The olds, you know? I rolled my eyes, expecting him to nod along with me and agree that he had terrible parents, too but he surprised me with his response.

He just shrugged his shoulders and let out a little sigh, My parents are pretty cool about it. Kem came out years ago, so it was kind of just, ‘Oh, right, next’ when I came out as bisexual.

I nodded, a little bit of envy creeping in that he’d had it so easy, That’s really cool. I said.

He grinned at me, lying back on his air bed, So, go on then. He prompted, what’s your thing?

I bit my lip. I couldn’t tell him that I’d never had a thing with anyone before…

He cocked his head to one side and studied me. I could almost see his brain concluding that I was as green as green could be in the gay sex department… You like kissing, thought. Right? he asked.

My heart leapt. He wanted to kiss me? I nodded again, Sure. I said with what I hoped was a casual shrug. It probably looked like I had a nervous tic, I was so excited and so damned ready for this…

He grinned, his beautiful face lighting up and making my mouth water with pure want. He looked at my mouth, Wanna try kissing me? he asked.

My heart started to beat very loudly in my chest. There was no way I was fucking up this monumental moment in my life. Throwing caution to the wind and thinking about nothing but staying in the moment and enjoying it for whatever it was, I nodded my head, Yes. I managed to whisper.

I can’t explain to you what it felt like to kiss someone for the very first time. I’m sure you remember your first kiss like it was yesterday – and so do I, because it was perfect. His lips against mine felt so soft and so firm and so damned right.

I don’t even know how I got from sitting on the floor, feeling as awkward as anything, to being on his airbed with him, rutting against him and snogging him senseless, but I will say that it felt as natural as breathing.

When his tongue invaded my mouth for the very first time, I gasped in surprise, making him smile but he never broke contact and he didn’t stop licking into my mouth and exploring every last inch of it.

I tentatively did the same to him – you can’t say I’m not a fast learner – and the groan that came from his throat was a major turn on. I pressed myself closer to him, as if I was trying to make us one person. I wanted to crawl all over him…

Anyway… It was a perfect kiss and it awakened something in me that I’ve never been