Lies Inside

By Lindsey Gray

After graduating from a high school for gifted musicians, Finn O'Malley is back home with more than a few secrets. Four years spent away from his best friends and family was hell in more ways than one. He doesn't know where he fits anymore and how to get over the pain he experienced while he was away.

Finn's childhood sweetheart, Lucy, knows there is something very wrong with the Finn she finds back in their hometown. One look at him and Lucy gets pulled under his spell once again. She needs to find out what happened those years he was away and help him in any way she can.

All the lies Finn hides inside of him threaten his hopes of a fresh start. Can he protect those he loves from his personal hell as he relieves his worst fears?

Trigger warning: This story is about a young man who has been sexually abused by an adult man. Conversations about the abuse are depicted, but not actual acts of abuse.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lindsey Gray
• Release date: Jun 11, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386378662

Lindsey Gray

Lindsey Gray spends her days and most of her nights creating characters, over thinking everything, and trying to remember all the things on her massive to-do list. One thing that is always at the top of her list is writing something she hopes others will enjoy. Her journey into authordom began when her first novel was published in 2010. Through trials, tribulations, and learning how to work well with others in the author sandbox, she has found a joy she never thought she would know. Her many lists also include mothering her two children, devoting time to her handsome hubby, formatting novels for other authors, and hosting her weekly radio show, Gray Matters, on TMV Cafe Internet Radio.

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Lies Inside

by

Lindsey Gray

Copyright © Lindsey Gray 2019

Second Edition Published by Lindsey Gray

First Edition Published by The Writer’s Coffee Shop Publishing House, 2010

The right of Lindsey Gray to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.

This work is copyrighted. All rights are reserved. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

All characters and events in this book – even those sharing the same name as (or based upon) real people – are entirely fictional. Any Resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No person, brand, or corporation mentioned in this book should be taken to have endorsed this book nor should the events surrounding them be considered in any way factual.

This book is a work of Fiction and should be read as such.

Cover and Interior Design by Lindsey Gray

Cover Image: © Adobe Stock Photos / Artem

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Title

Copyright

Dedication

Summary

Author’s Note

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-one

Chapter Twenty-two

Chapter Twenty-three

Epilogue

Also by Lindsey Gray

About the Author

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For Finn and all the men like him.

Never give up hope.

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After graduating from a high school for gifted musicians, Finn O’Malley is back home with more than a few secrets. Four years spent away from his best friends and family was hell in more ways than one. He doesn’t know where he fits anymore and how to get over the pain he experienced while he was away.

Finn’s childhood sweetheart, Lucy, knows there is something very wrong with the Finn she finds back in their hometown. One look at him and Lucy gets pulled under his spell once again. She needs to find out what happened those years he was away and help him in any way she can.

All the lies Finn hides inside of him threaten his hopes of a fresh start. Can he protect those he loves from his personal hell as he relieves his worst fears?

Trigger warning: This story is about a young man who has been sexually abused by an adult man. Conversations about the abuse are depicted, but not actual acts of abuse.

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My dear readers,

Lies Inside is my first book baby that I’m re-releasing several years after I got the rights back from my former publisher. I’ve changed some things and rewritten scenes that differ from the original, but the story is the same. It is about a young man who has been sexually abused and his road to recovery.

Through family, friends, and the love of his life, Finn forges a path to a future his abuser can’t control. There are depictions of conversations about the abuse, but no scenes of the actual abuse taking place. If any of this is a trigger for any reason, I will understand if you don’t want to continue reading. My hope from the early stages of creating this story was it to be a story of hope and survival. While horrible acts happen in Finn’s life, I wanted to show how not letting the villain win and creating a wonderful life could be possible. As with all of my stories, I promise a happily ever after.

Thank you,

Lindsey

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Finn O’Malley’s life revolved around two things; his ability to play several instruments like a seasoned professional and his best friend, Lucy Butler. At fourteen, the lanky adolescent had to make the hardest decision of his life. Which one of them was more important?

His music was his future, his career; he knew that. His parents wanted to help him secure his future by enrolling him at Two Roads School of Music, an elite music academy for high school students. The problem he faced was it was on the other side of the country, thousands of miles away from Lucy.

He knew they would both find other friends. He knew they would both be fine without each other. He also knew he didn’t want to.

It came down to the day he was to leave his home in Clarkstown, New York for his new school in central California. He sat on his front porch, tangled his fingers through his shaggy brown hair, and watched as his parents loaded his bags in the car. He still wasn’t sure he could do it or when he’d ever come back home. He continued his inner struggle until the moment he felt her hand on his shoulder.

Finn. Lucy sat down next to him, her fingers twisted in the ends of her long auburn locks.

Hey, Luce.

Guess this is it.

He turned to her and noticed the tear in her eye. I don’t have to go.

Finn, she whispered. You do. You know it.

He put his hand on her back and took in the familiar feel of her silky hair threaded between his fingertips.

E-mail, text, and video chat with me as much as possible.

Yes. He nodded. Of course, I will.

Lucy couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. She buried her face in her hands as Finn wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

Don’t cry, Luce.

I can’t help it. It’s what’s best, but you’re leaving me with your sister and my annoying brother.

It won’t be that bad. He took her tiny hand in his and tapped a steady beat in her palm. Rylan, well...she’s a little unique.

He had to laugh at the thought of his slightly older, adopted sister. His parents brought Rylan home and finalized the adoption when his mother found out she was pregnant. They were almost seven months apart.

Rylan was well ahead of the rest of the class, but he knew she would keep Lucy busy. He hoped that she wouldn’t have time to dwell on the fact that he wasn’t there.

You still have Jack and your dad, and your friends from school can help you keep Rylan in check. I’m sure you’ll have your hands full while Rylan’s chasing after Jack like she always does. You won’t have time to miss me.

You mean, she croaked with a sniffle, you’re not going to miss me?

Of course, I will. He smiled as they laced their fingers together. Every day. I’m trying to make this a little easier on both of us.

Come on, Finn. You’re gonna miss your flight.

They looked up from where they were sitting to see his mother, Claire, calling for him. Finn could see that his guitar, saxophone cases, and his complete set of drums were loaded into the car.

He knew this was harder on her than it was on him. Not seeing his own mother in person every day or even every month was still not something he was ready to face.

Finn stood and brought Lucy up with him. I can’t believe this is it.

You’ll text all the time? Promise? Lucy clutched his hand as they started to walk to the car.

I promise.

One last picture of the two of you for the album? Claire had always been a little camera happy. Finn and Lucy were always the willing subjects.

Claire, sweetheart, you have thousands of pictures of the two of them. It’s like Lucy’s your daughter, too. Finn’s father, Murphy, came up behind his wife.

One more can’t hurt. We don’t know when they’ll be together again. She turned back to the kids with their hands still firmly clasped together. Come on, kids. Give me your favorite pose.

Lucy grinned at Finn before he gave her the nod. She jumped up on his back, her arms loosely draped around his neck, her chin rested on his shoulder.

Perfect. Claire snapped the picture. Claire lowered the camera and watched as her son took his best friend in for one last hug.

I won’t ever forget this.

Forget what? Lucy words came out in a breathy whisper.

Holding you.

Three years and nine months later...

Lucy and her twin brother, Jack, took a vacation after graduation with their late mother’s parents in Florida. Since their mother passed away when they were only seven, their dad never had time for vacations. Hence, their week-long summer vacations with their grandparents.

They flew back to New York the night before. They anxiously planned their summer so they would be ready to go on to NYU together in the fall. Jack was the biggest thorn in Lucy’s side and she was his, but they would throw themselves in front of a bus for each other. An unspoken kind of love that only twins shared.

Lucy never imagined that muggy June day would change the course of her life forever.

Guess you’re kind of excited to see Rylan. Have you talked to her? Their dad, Lane, kissed her on the forehead as she shoved a spoonful of cereal in her mouth.

Not since we got back. Why? Lucy had a bad habit of talking with her mouth full.

Close the trap door, Luce. Jack plopped down in the kitchen chair next to her. His footballer’s physique made the chair groan beneath him. He fiddled with the unruly dark auburn mess that lay on top of his head before he grabbed a box of cereal and making his own breakfast instead of Lucy doing it for him, as she was prone to do.

Lucy twisted the ends of her long auburn hair as she tried to decide whether to pull it up or not. At the same time, Jack messed with his floppy locks that hung down in his eyes. Both of them rubbed their gray-blue eyes in unison as Jack fixed his cereal. Their twin habits were apparent when they dug into their cereal and took a bite in sync.

Neither of you talked to her? Lane asked as he opened up his morning paper.

Lucy swallowed. She’s been busy with her lifeguard job this summer. She takes water safety seriously, Dad. Two days ago was the first time I talked to her all week and that was only for five minutes.

Lane shrugged his shoulders with a smirk as he sat down and picked up his paper. I thought you’d be meeting Finn since he’s back.

Jack and Lucy both spit bits of cereal across the table.

Finn’s back!? Lucy yelled.

Lane lowered his paper and shook off the cereal spit. I thought Rylan might have called or texted or whatever you kids do.

Lucy punched Jack hard in the shoulder. Did you know about this?

Shit, Luce. No. Their father glared at Jack. Their deep gray-blue eyes mirrored each other as Jack rubbed his injured arm. Sorry, Dad.

Let me know how it all turns out. Finn didn’t look very good the other day when I saw him. Maybe seeing you guys will cheer him up. I guess I shouldn’t expect you for dinner?

I’ve got a workout and I’m going to hang out with Rylan after that.

Sure that’s all?

Jack shot her a glare.

Lucy knew that her brother and his girlfriend never just hung out. Most of the time, she heard what they were doing. Rylan was also one of Lucy’s best friends, which made things awkward at times. Jack couldn’t help himself, though. He’d been smitten with Rylan since the day he knocked over her sandcastle and she kicked him in the shin. Now they seemed to have their faces locked together numerous times a day, and Lucy knew hearing her only brother moan like that should be illegal.

I’ve got court this afternoon, so I won’t be home until late anyway. Call me so I know you’re not in a ditch.

Lucy knew her father’s job as the county’s district attorney demanded his time, but he always made an effort for Jack and her. He was always going to be the overprotective father, which only made Lucy love him even more.

I always do, Dad. She kissed her father on the cheek.

Lucy and Jack drove through town in their Toyota Four Runner they affectionately called the Four. As Jack drove, Lucy decided the short drive was not nearly long enough to let one fact sink in.

Finn was home.

After their separate high school experiences, Lucy felt she would finally get her best friend back. Rylan was a good friend to her, but nothing could fill that place in her heart the way Finn had. For years, she felt a part of herself was missing. Lucy, Jack, Finn, and Rylan had been inseparable since the day they all met in a Mommy and Me class when they were four.

The last few years, Lucy existed with a huge hole in her chest. She talked, texted, and video chatted with Finn all the time, but it never seemed like enough. She knew he loved his classes, but he appeared unhappy most of the time. He would never talk about it and became a master at changing the subject.

Lucy jumped in her seat when Rylan tapped on her window. Lucy composed herself and got out of the car where a long overdue hug greeted her.

Rylan was a slim sandy blonde with deep brown eyes. It was helpful to Lucy that she didn’t look at all like Finn. It didn’t hurt so much to look at her.

Jack came around the car and gave Rylan a kiss. I’m hitting the weights. I’ll come to find you after.

The two girls shooed him away so they could talk in private.

Ry. Tell me. Is it true?

She let go of Lucy long enough to let her close the door. Then Rylan laced her arm with Lucy’s as they started walking from the parking lot of the Rockland County YMCA.

Yes. He’s in getting changed.

Why didn’t you tell me? Lucy smacked Rylan’s hand. He’s been back at least a couple of days. My dad said he’s seen him.

I wanted you to be surprised, but now I’m thinking it might not be such a good idea. He’s changed...I mean a lot.

What do you mean by a lot?

Lucy was sure he was much taller, his body a little more defined. It’s hard to see real changes on her phone or computer screen. Lucy thought if he looked anything like his father, she wouldn’t mind.

She knew his eyes hadn’t changed. That beautiful, deep cerulean blue she had always loved.

He’s barely said three words since he’s been home. Mom did a big homecoming for him, being his first time home in like forever. He hardly cracked a smile when Mom gave him a new laptop. She said he’d need it for school since his one from Two Roads somehow got destroyed on the flight home. If he’s not at the piano, he has those earbuds in and is either eating or sleeping. Yes, he has the damn things in even when he’s sleeping.

Lucy felt how torn Rylan must be feeling. Happy to have Finn home, but sad that she felt he was broken somehow.

What do you think happened? They walked through the front doors of the Y and into the lobby area.

I have no idea. When we went out there for his graduation, he told us he’d changed his mind about going to UCLA. Dad was a little upset since he’d paid some of the fees, but Finn had already talked to the school. He’d also confirmed with NYU that a spot was still available for him. He’s coming to NYU with us!

I knew he’s had problems, but he never wants to talk about it. Why wouldn’t he tell us sooner?

Lucy never imagined Finn having any trouble with actual schoolwork. He was always brilliant in every subject. Lucy had a little trouble herself in calculus. Since her study buddy had been gone for so long, she had turned to Dave Walters her freshman year. Their study sessions turned into a two year relationship, then went back to study sessions by the middle of their junior year. Dave never got over Lucy’s rejection and became a little obsessed with trying to make her jealous. He failed miserably.

When Lucy saw her future, it was always just her and Finn. Their parents had always said what a cute couple they were and how they’d have gorgeous kids someday. That was when they were six. Lucy wondered if there was any way that could actually happen.

There he is. Rylan released Lucy’s arm only to lace their fingers together.

Lucy looked up to see hardly any of the boy she knew walk toward her. The Finn before her was all man. He was much taller, at least six foot three. He had that same messy hairstyle as Jack, except it was a milk chocolate brown with scattered strands of blond throughout. His short-sleeved black tee shirt clung to his torso, accentuating the outline of his lean six-pack abs. His black and red swim trunks hung low on his v-shaped hips. He adjusted a red backpack on his shoulder and stuffed his iPhone in his pocket when he stopped in front of the girls.

You find everything okay? asked Rylan as Lucy released her hand and met Finn’s eyes.

Hey, Finn. His eyes were still the same brilliant shade of blue. Something was missing, though. No sparkle. They were hollowed and tired. If he hadn’t been squinting, Lucy might not have ever known that there was someone alive behind them.

It took Finn a moment to grasp who the person that stood next to his sister. At about five foot eight, she was a bit taller than Rylan. She slimmed and curved in all the right places since he’d last seen her in the flesh. Tiny blue swim shorts peeked out from under her navy t-shirt and curved around her thighs. The waves of auburn silk cascaded down her back and in front of her shoulders. The eyes that were somewhere between blue and gray tugged at his memory. Then he looked down and saw a pair of black and silver flip flops graced her feet. What stood before him was not his fourteen-year-old girlfriend, but a gorgeous eighteen-year-old woman.

Lucy? His Adam’s apple bobbed as he attempted to swallow the dryness in his throat.

Yep. She bit her lower lip.

Come on, Finn. Don’t be rude. Give your old friend a hug. Rylan pushed the two of them together.

Lucy slipped her arms around his waist as his hands rested on her back. It took a second for him to realize this was real, but he finally clasped his hands behind her and pulled her in close. A familiar comfort invaded his senses as he relaxed into her.

Lucy, Finn whispered as he rubbed his nose through her hair.

She lifted her head so her lips were dangerously close to his ear. I’m glad you’re home. She left a soft kiss on his jaw.

The light scruff on his jaw scratched along her cheek as he spoke. It’s good to know someone missed me.

One of the other lifeguards called out to Rylan, which broke the spell Lucy had him under. Finn released Lucy then adjusted the strap at his shoulder as she nervously stroked her fingers through her hair.

Are you guys going to swim or what? Rylan asked and looped her arm through Finn’s.

I was going to do some laps. You wanna join me? Finn gave Lucy a hopeful look, eyebrows raised with a slight grin.

Sure! Lucy seemed a little more excited than he’d anticipated.

Can you find where to lock up your stuff?

I’m sure Lucy can help me. Go to work. We’ll be fine. Finn shrugged his sister off and pushed her toward her co-worker.

‘Kay. Lucy, I will see you later then. Rylan gave Finn a pat on the stomach then jogged over to the inside pool area.

Once Rylan was around the corner, a slight awkwardness set in.

How about we race like we used to? Lucy asked as she led him towards the lockers.

I don’t know if you can beat me anymore. My arms and legs are a lot longer than they used to be. Finn grinned at the memory of Lucy trying to do the breaststroke in her little strawberry print swimsuit.

Loser buys pizza?

You’re on.

Finn improved his lap time significantly in the past few years. Lucy finished their race a full sixteen seconds behind him. She didn’t mind though. An afternoon with one of her best friends was the perfect way to start her summer. He even started a splash war with her and got themselves in trouble with a stern little lifeguard.

After they changed, Finn drove them to their favorite local pizza place.

They placed their order and sat down with their drinks. Lucy’s courage came through and she opened her mouth to ask about his decision to come back to New York when she noticed Dave Walters walking over to them.

Hey, Dave.

Hey, Lucy. Who’s your new friend? Dave’s green-eyed monster creeped out, literally. His deep green eyes were full of the jealousy he’d directed to every boy who looked twice at Lucy. He ruffled his shaggy black hair, awaiting her answer.

You remember Finn O’Malley. He’s just moved back.

Oh, sure. A large smiled spread across his face as he realized who Finn was. Rylan’s brother, right?

Yeah, Finn managed to utter.

Cool. We should all hang out sometime. He returned his gaze back to Lucy, his eyes drifted across her chest before he met her own. You finish that calc review I sent you?

Not yet. Jack and I only got back from vacation last night.

Finn held his head up by his hand as he raised an eyebrow.

Dave was my calc tutor. I’m doing this review course online so I make sure to pass my college courses the first time. I so suck at math.

Finn nodded in disbelief as Dave gasped and held his hand against his chest.

Luce, please. After everything, I thought I was a little bit more than just a calc tutor. Dave put his hand on Finn’s shoulder. I was Lucy’s first love.

Finn’s smile reached from ear to ear. I doubt that.

A lovely blush rose to Lucy’s cheeks. Lucy knew without a doubt that Finn was her first love.

What I mean is, we dated for a long time.

Two years, Lucy corrected. And now...we’re friends.

Always good to have good friends. Finn nodded while he lightly chuckled.

Dave’s mom called him back to his table and they were released from his lusty leer at Lucy. Well, at least up close. He still sent her strange glances every other minute or so.

They’d received their five meat pizza with a plethora of gooey cheese. The moan Finn let out after his first bite made Lucy’s insides clench, but she knew she couldn’t hold back her questions any longer.

I was wondering why, after all this time, you decided to come back home?

Finn took a deep breath before speaking only two words. Got homesick.

But you learned a lot in California?

Finn let out a soft laugh. Yeah, too much.

Lucy was a little confused and was about to ask what he meant when he distracted her with another moan.

God, I’ve missed this. It’s the sauce and the crust. I couldn’t get anything close to this in California. Finn smiled before taking another huge bite.

Once the leftovers were boxed up and they headed out to the car, Finn turned and grabbed Lucy’s arm.

You wanna come hang out at my house like old times?

Lucy’s smile matched his. I’d love to hear you play again. I’ve missed it.

I’d like that.

Finn’s home was two blocks away from the Lucy’s. It