The No-See-Um of Dragonfly Creek: Terry's Garden, #5

By Jill Penrod

Colt: Fiona lost her dad to cancer. I didn't know her well, but I felt this urge to help. Turned out her family owns a nearby B&B, and her dad's dream had been to fix it up. Fiona and I decided we could do it. She needed to see her dad's dream happen. I needed to get out of my life. Mom has a new husband, and he's cool, but sometimes they forget me. He has another son, and they're about to have a new baby, and I know how this story ends. The old son gets lost in the mess. Fortunately, Fiona is great. I can't think of anything I'd rather do than spend time outside with her fixing their huge property.

 

Fiona: Colt saved my life. When I was sinking in sadness, he showed up and offered to help me make my dad's dream happen. He's fun and easygoing, and at the farm I see a side of him nobody at school gets to see. He's my best friend in the whole world.

 

Then tragedy hit Colt's family. I understand that, since I had one in mine, but Colt keeps things to himself. He let me be selfish. He let his family get away with it, too. While all of us floundered, he held on and kept us afloat. We never noticed he was slowly going down. We didn't realize just what a blessing Colt was in our lives until we risked losing him…

 

The No-See-Um is book five of the Terry's Garden series, stories about a huge family, an enchanting garden, and a love story that touches generations. Christian coming-of-age/romance novels for teens and anyone who remembers what it's like to take those first wobbling steps into adulthood.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jill Penrod
• Release date: Apr 30, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386088172

Jill Penrod

Jill Penrod wrote her first novel in high school. It was a space opera (she watched Star Wars A LOT), and it was not great literature. But she persevered, graduating college with top honors in writing. Since then, she’s published more than thirty novels. She writes in several  genres including Christian teen romance, sweet romance, Christian fantasy stories, and non-fiction. None of them are space operas. Jill lives in Kentucky with her husband and youngest son. She has three adult children out there doing adult things like work and marriage. When she isn’t writing, she gardens and spoils her long-haired Chihuahua Sparrow, along with a few other cats and dogs. Recently she fulfilled her dream of moving to the country, although it has yet to be seen if this city mouse can become a country mouse or not.  

Book preview

Chapter One

FIONA

When I was thirteen, my life changed. Not a good change, either. My dad got cancer, and six months later he died. He was so far gone when they diagnosed him that he never had treatments. I guess it was good that we got to say goodbye, but it sure wouldn’t feel good for a long time.

We hadn’t lived in town very long, just a couple years. Mom and Dad bought an old bed and breakfast named Dragonfly Creek, and they were fixing it up. The inside was ready, but the property—fifty acres on the outskirts of the small town—was a mess. Dad’s dream had been to put horses out there and have horse rides for guests and the community, and I was excited about that part because I loved to be outside. The acreage was my haven during the entire six months Dad was sick. I was out there even though it was cold and snowy. He died, you see, in February.

The day after the funeral, I went to school. Mom said I could stay home, but all I did at home was cry. I was ready to get back to the real world. For months everything had been about cancer. We’d continued to take guests through Christmas, but then we had to stop because Dad wanted to be home, and Mom took care of him. Right now, as much as I loved the B&B, I wanted to get away from it. The building was filled with memories of Dad dying and the grounds were filled with unrealized dreams. I desperately had to get away.

Unfortunately, school was worse. I’d not spent much time with friends since Christmas, and people didn’t know what to say to me. They avoided me or apologized for every word they said. Sara and Luna, the girls I sat with at lunch, talked mostly to each other, simply giving me sad faces every few seconds or interrupting themselves to ask if I was okay.

That was the first change. The horrible change. But that long, miserable day at school brought the second change. It was awesome, but I didn’t know that. If I’d known what a gift I’d been given that first day back, I’d have been so much more careful from that point on. I promise that. Try not to hate me for some of things that happened after that, because if God and Colt can forgive, I hope anyone who hears my story can forgive, too.

Hey.

I turned, startled to hear a male voice. This was eighth grade, when most of us talked about dating but secretly weren’t sure the opposite sex didn’t have cooties, or at least that’s how it was in my school. But I turned and found Colt Granbury standing behind me, and I froze.

Okay, maybe I need to say one more thing before this story goes forward. Colt Granbury was this great-looking guy who kept to himself. He had a few guy friends, but he never flirted with the girls. I’d heard that his mom had remarried over Christmas, and for years before that he and his mom had lived with his grandparents. And that was all I knew. I’d never talked to this guy in my life, and I hoped he wasn’t about to say something mean. I’d have shattered.

Um, hi, I said. I leaned my back against the locker. He took a step closer, and I tried to back up to match him but simply kicked the locker. The sound startled us both.

I heard about your dad, he said. He shook his head and looked around like he wanted to run. Then he looked right at me, right in my eyes. I wasn’t sure one other person had done that today. I’m sorry. I never lost a parent. But for the past few years my grandparents had two foster kids living with us. They lost their mom. And their dad beat one of them, but that doesn’t matter. I just know... I saw how hard it was. I’m sorry.

I nodded. I glanced around and stepped closer to him. Nobody knows what to say to me.

Colt smiled at that. The guy actually gave me a smile without apologizing for it. Finn said people were just like that when his mom died. But it got better. So I think it will get better.

I wanted to put my hand on him. I know it sounds crazy, but close to the end my dad stopped touching us, and Mom had never touched much. We all lived together but separately. Not on purpose—Mom and Dad did their best to love us and be close to us and help us till Dad’s last breath—but distance helped sometimes. Now, though, Colt was standing here, inches away, and he understood. He was the first person today who had even tried.

I guess I have to get the bus, he said.

And my mom will be here, I said. Um, thank you, Colt.

He shrugged. Not a problem. If you need anything, Fiona, just ask.

I nodded, and he walked down the hall in tired jeans and a t-shirt, his backpack slung over one shoulder. Suddenly I remembered his mom had just been married. I wished I had asked about that. I was so ready to hear about someone else’s life I could barely stand it. But he was gone.

And I thought about what he’d said. I had no idea what he could do to help me, but something in his face said he’d meant that.

I’d heard some of his story. All that stuff with the foster kids had happened before I’d moved here, and those kids were older, but the man beating his son had been the sheriff, so that story had traveled. I hadn’t realized Colt’s family was that family. I knew someone in that family taught in the high school, biology and botany, because my dad had considered contacting him for help when we’d planted the Christmas trees. The man who’d sold us the property had sold Christmas trees, and we’d planted a few more acres of them, thinking then we’d have some ready every year.

I didn’t know much else about his family. That, of course, was going to change, but not right away. Right away I had other concerns. Colt did, too, although I didn’t know it. The most embarrassing part of my story is how little of Colt’s story I knew and how much of mine he knew. It wasn’t fair.

But then, who said life was fair?

I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU about something, Mom said, cornering us in the kitchen one Saturday morning in April. She had finally gotten to the place where she could stop crying for a few hours at a time, and we had guests again. Since we were the only B&B for about fifty miles, and the big old house was pretty, and the land around it was pretty, attracting guests had never been a problem.

I was the oldest of three, and all of us were at the kitchen table finishing cereal. Mom was working on a big breakfast for the guests, all six of them, but usually Ariel, Harrison, and I ate cereal and headed to our rooms to do our own thing. A lot of the guests were old, and we didn’t interact with them often. Especially Harrison. He was shy.

Go ahead, Ariel said.

It’s Dragonfly Creek, she said. I think I might sell it.

To this day I’m amazed I didn’t vomit right there at the table. The thought of not being there made me feel dizzy.

No, Ariel said. Mom. We have guests all the time. You said yourself that we’re doing well financially. Why would we sell?

Ariel had a head for numbers. In fact, she helped Mom with the books. I took care of the grounds. Harrison was nine, so he didn’t do much but cause trouble, although sometimes he fixed broken things. Dad had said he had a knack for that.

It’s a lot of work for a single mom, Mom said. I know you all help as much as you can, but it’s exhausting. And the place has so many memories...

That’s why we have to stay, I said. I knew I sounded panicked, because I felt panicked. Mom, it’s only been a couple months. Please don’t make us move right now. Don’t you think we’ve had enough changes?

Um, yeah. I wasn’t above using guilt tactics, but I couldn’t let her sell. I couldn’t.

She sniffled, and all of us stared at her. Yes, we missed Dad. Yes, we all cried ourselves to sleep more often than we would admit to one another. But we were losing patience with Mom. Almost every conversation with Mom ended in tears. Whether we discussed Dad or needing bigger shoes for school, Mom never made it through a conversation without a Kleenex. She was exhausting.

I think we should sell, Harrison said. Ariel gave him laser eyes, and he shrugged. What? We work really hard. It’s no fun.

See? Mom said. Great. The youngest child was on her side. We were doomed.

Not yet, Ariel said. Mom, Fiona is right. It’s too early to do that. Please. We’ll help more, except for Harrison, I guess. But Fiona and I will work harder. Why don’t we hire someone to help? I’ve seen the numbers, and we can do it.

Mom shook her head. I don’t know. It feels wrong. It was supposed to be Stu and me. Family business.

It’s still a family business, I said. But until we’re a little older, why not get some help? Someone to help clean the rooms. All of us hate that job.

Mom broke into a watery smile. Dad had been the neat one of their couple, and the rest of us took after Mom. We had turned complaining about cleaning the house into an art form.

Cleaning. You know, if we didn’t have to clean as much... Her smile firmed up a little. This was an enormous victory, meaning this conversation might not end in tears. Ariel, I’ll look over the numbers, but maybe. For a while. I want this to be us. If it isn’t us, then I’ll sell it. Stu envisioned all of us doing this. If we don’t, then it’s not his dream any more, is it?

Change three happened right there. You might have missed it, because you hadn’t been in my head for the past two months, but when Mom said that, I hatched a plan. I knew it was too early to move on it, but it was a seed that settled into fertile ground in my head. Mom had no idea that what she’d said sounded like a threat more than a challenge, and that scared me. This had to become what Dad envisioned. Regardless of what she said, that was what I heard. We had to turn this into Dad’s dream or she would sell it away from us.

And Dad’s dream was a horse farm. That afternoon, my entire life shifted focus. Suddenly everything I did was going to have one single purpose: turning the acreage on our farm into a horse farm. I would do it or die trying.

Or maybe, as luck would have it, I would just about kill someone else trying.

Mom didn’t have trouble finding someone to clean for us. Her name was Elaina, and she was an older woman, a single woman in her fifties. She moved into a tiny attic room we didn’t use, and she loved it. Although she was a sweet white-haired lady, she couldn’t cook. That was good, because Mom was a little insane about her kitchen. It was the one room she would never let Elaina clean, and she certainly wouldn’t let her cook in it. But Elaina not only cleaned, she added decorative touches here and there, and sometimes she came out to the small, old barn where I dreamed about horses, and she talked to me.

Right there, I said one day in June when she entered the old building and sat beside me on a broken lawn chair. The previous owners had used this building as a place to store old furniture and decorations they no longer wanted in the house. We’d found a few treasures in here, but mostly it was garbage. I can imagine a small pen right out there, filled with goats. Baby goats. People would love that, to be able to watch baby goats.

So, goats and horses, Elaina said. She grinned. I like it. Anything else?

I looked around. Cats, of course. Maybe chickens? Mom said fresh eggs would be great. But she said this barn won’t last.

Elaina’s gaze slowly swept over the old building. She might be right.

No, she’s not, I said. This barn has history. Can’t you feel it? Smell it? This is a great place.

Still, great places get old, she said. They don’t last forever. Nothing does.

I had to give her that. I’d seen that firsthand in the worst way.

Do you ever have friends over? she asked. From school?

We’re really busy, I said. Summer is the busiest time.

Still. Invite some friends over. Swim in the water hole.

I laughed. We had a creek on the far edge of the property. Harrison and I had swum in it with Dad a few times, but Ariel had seen a snake and wouldn’t even walk out to see it. My best friends are Sara and Luna. I don’t think they’d swim in a water hole.

What do they like to do?

Go shopping. I don’t like shopping.

Sometimes, to be with friends, we do things we don’t love to do. It’s about loving the company, not just the activity.

I sighed. But we have too much to do to waste time doing boring things.

Elaina nodded. I suppose. Then go to the water hole with Harrison.

Harrison had been after me to walk him down there since Mom wouldn’t let him go alone.

Maybe, I said. He never helps.

Today he helped me dust, Elaina said.

He did? I smiled. That’s great. Mom said all of us have to be part of it. Maybe he wants to be part.

Elaina stood up and dusted off her pants. She was older, and she was plump, but she wore jeans and t-shirts. Her shirts usually had the names of old bands on them. She tied her long graying hair back with a pink ribbon and wore old-person shoes. She was a strange mixture of a lot of things.

I think he’ll come around. He’s young. All of you are young.

I don’t feel that young, I said.

Of that I am aware, she said. Your mom is making strawberry tarts this afternoon. I think we should distract her and steal a few.

I laughed. She teased a lot, and I liked that. Mom smiled a lot more now that she was here.

We have a full house, I said. She’d have a fit if we took the guests’ snacks.

Elaina grinned again, the look filled with mischief. I suppose. Think about taking Harrison out. Both of you need a break.

But not Ariel?

She shrugged. I don’t think anything in this world would get your sister back out there. I hear about that all the time, about the horrible snake that floated down the river so close she could touch it.

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, if she’d been holding a ten-foot pole. It was so far away we couldn’t even tell what color it was. She’s a big baby.

Anyway, no, I don’t think a trip to the water hole would be a good break for Ariel. But we’ll find something for her. And for your mom. All of us need a little rest every now and then, don’t you think?

I nodded. Like the Sabbath.

Elaina nodded. Exactly.

Mom and Dad had always taken us to church. Mom said Dad was in heaven, and we believed her. One of the reasons Mom had hired Elaina was because she believed in God, too. It was comforting that she, too, talked about Dad in heaven. I missed him, but I didn’t worry about him, and Elaina helped with that. It was hard to worry about anything with Elaina around.

Except, of course, for the barn falling down. It was a vital part of fulfilling my dad’s dream. It had to last forever.

You want a little tiny spoiler? The barn was going to be fine. A lot of stuff wouldn’t be, but that big old barn was tougher than anyone expected.

Chapter Two

COLT

My mom got married during Christmas break, and I liked my new stepdad Isaac. I want to say right now that I always liked him. I probably even loved him, but I was thirteen, and a boy, and I didn’t think a lot about love. But I knew he made Mom happy, and he treated me like I was really important, so when they got married, I was okay with it.

I was more excited about having a brother. I mean, I had a brother, but he was younger, and I never saw him. He lived with my dad, and my dad didn’t see me much because his new wife didn’t like me. I didn’t really like her, either, since my dad had left my mom to be with her. The result was two little half siblings I barely knew and seldom saw.

But Isaac’s son Sebastian was only one year younger than me. He had been coming for the summer for a few years, and he was great. He laughed all the time. My cousin Savannah, who lived a couple doors away, was his best friend. When Sebastian was around, Savvy smiled all the time. I know it’s sappy, but Savvy’s smile pretty much lit the world. She could be happier than anyone else in the universe.

After the wedding, Sebastian went home. He had a new stepdad, too. He liked his stepdad as much as I liked mine, I think. Unfortunately, he liked his new stepdad so much that he stayed with him over the summer. I had been excited about having a new brother, and then during his first summer as my brother he hadn’t shown up.

I’m not ashamed to say I was hurt. I’m a little bit ashamed that I took it out on everyone around me. You probably need to know this about me—when I get upset, I’m sort of a bear. I try to do better, but change is slow. And that summer, when I’d just turned fourteen, I had barely even tried to change yet.

A few big things happened in my life that summer. The first was scary. Finn, one of the boys who’d been living in Grandma Kenton’s house, the one whose dad had beaten his brother, was in an accident. For a couple days nobody was sure he would even survive. He did, but he was badly hurt, and he spent most of the summer in a wheelchair hating the world. He’d been in school on a baseball scholarship, and he would never play college ball again. He would walk and run and be normal in time, but college ball was out of the question. It hurt to watch him grieve like that, and it felt unfair. He’d lost his mom. His dad had been in jail for beating his brother. Now he was broken and sad again, sitting in his chair growling. He was a worse bear than even I could be.

I avoided him. He and I had been friends when we’d both lived in Grandma’s house, but he was older, and I wasn’t good at being around pain, so I stayed away. But I watched, and I was sad. I prayed for him, too, hoping God would let him be okay.

The second thing had to do with my family, and it wasn’t bad. Okay, I could say that later, but at the time, it wasn’t a good thing. It was another change. I’d experienced too many of those lately, and I didn’t handle any of them well.

You want me to go inside? Savvy asked one day late in the summer. You’re being evil.

I laughed. She was right. I’d come to her house today to hang out in the garden—they had this amazing garden that was like a park—and I had growled. For some reason, seeing Savvy sad just made me angry, and Savvy was really sad that Sebastian wasn’t here. She’d moped around the yards all summer.

Sorry, I said. What should we do today?

She looked around. The garden started at my grandparents’ house, the Kenton grandparents, and then it filled her yard and her Grandma Smith’s yard, and now that Mom and I lived with Isaac, the garden was creeping into his yard, too.

Probably it’s wise to explain my uncle Gus, Savannah’s dad, because he’s behind the gardens, and that’s where all the important stuff happens. He’s sort of a superhero to his family. My mom was one of a set of triplets. Grandma Kenton had Uncle Gus, and then she had one set of triplets, and then a few years later she had another set of triplets. My mom was in that second set. All of them were girls, so my uncle grew up with six sisters. He started the gardens when he was a kid, because the man who used to live in Gus’s giant, Victorian house taught him all about plants, and plants were easier to deal with than six sisters.

Anyway, Gus is really cool. His real name is Terry Kenton, but he likes nicknames, and he likes all the cousins to call him Gus, so we do. And Gus always plays roles in everyone’s stories. So. He’ll show up again, as will his gardens.

I’d been teasing Savvy today, because I was bored. Isaac worked second shift, so he was getting ready for work. Mom was with him. Isaac was trying to pretend he wasn’t hurt that Sebastian hadn’t come this summer, but Mom and I knew that was a lie. He missed his son. Sebastian’s mom wasn’t a good mom, so everyone worried about him when he was gone, but this summer he was touring with his stepdad, who was a mixed martial artist, so he was probably fine.

But Isaac was driving me crazy, talking about him, worrying about him, always going on and on about him. On top of that he and Mom had been funny, spending a lot of extra time together. They slept in most mornings, and I wandered outside alone, getting grumpy.

Have you heard from him? I asked. Savvy simply looked at me.

Is that why you’re so mean? You miss him?

No, I lied. I don’t miss him. I’m sure he’s having a great summer.

He doesn’t email much, she said. During the winter, when he was away, he emailed her all the time. When he does, he’s happy.

Of course he was. Because he was on tour with his great new dad. And I didn’t want to miss him. It made me angry that I’d looked forward to having a brother.

Will you see your dad this summer? Savvy asked. For a minute I didn’t understand the question. I’d been thinking about Isaac, and I saw him every day. But she meant my other dad. My real dad.

I don’t think so.

Does that make him sad?

I laughed. It sounded a little bit crazy, but thinking about Jeff Granbury always made me feel a little bit crazy.

No. It does not.

She leaned back. I hadn’t said that very nicely. Okay, then.

He has his new family. Mom doesn’t usually say bad things about him, but once I heard her tell Grandma Smith my dad was immature. I think she’s right. He can’t seem to handle two families. His little kids and his wife are important, and he doesn’t know what to do with me.

She nodded. That must be hard. But Isaac is good?

I like Isaac, I said. I didn’t say any more than that. I pretended sometimes that Isaac was my real dad. Mom talked about him like he was my real dad. He was smart, and he loved Mom—he would never find someone else and hurt her like my dad had—and he loved God. Mom said she would never again be with someone who didn’t love God. So it was good, except Isaac really missed Sebastian, and that made me feel jealous.

Yeah. I was jealous. I can say it now. At the time I refused to think it at all. But be patient with me. I was a kid, and life was changing. Takes a while sometimes to catch up when life changes.

When I got home that evening, Mom was on the sofa looking strange. She didn’t look happy, and I felt sick. Isaac wouldn’t hurt her, but that was where my mind went first. Isaac had told Mom he was tired of her, six months after they got married.

Mom? I asked. My voice sounded high and funny. What’s wrong?

She looked startled, probably because I was using a ridiculous and scared voice.

Nothing. I mean, I feel sick. My stomach is rolling tonight.

Can I get you something? I asked. Soda? Toast?

She smiled at me, but her face was almost green. That would be great, Colt. Thank you.

When she was sipping and nibbling, I sat on the end of the sofa with her. I didn’t remember seeing Mom sick before, not like this. Colds, yes, but right now she looked awful, and it scared me. Should you call a doctor?

She laughed. Colt. My stomach is upset. It’s fine.

Will I get it, too? I asked. Maybe I should go. But I don’t want to leave you alone.

She shook her head. You won’t catch this. It’s not contagious.

How do you know? Stomach bugs are contagious. They go around school all the time.

She sighed and scooted closer to me. Colt, I think Isaac wanted to be here for this, but maybe it’s best to hear it from me first.

Okay, now I was really scared. Something made her sick that wasn’t contagious, and it made her wear her serious face. Mom wasn’t serious that often, so this meant something bad. Cancer? That was where my mind went next. I would lose Mom, and I didn’t know what would happen to me after that. And selfishly, that what my first thought. What would happen to me?

Isaac and I love you. We love Sebastian. But we both wanted more children. We want children together. And God seems to agree, because we’re going to have a baby.

I blinked. A baby. When my dad had had a baby, he’d stopped wanting me around, and his wife had always wanted her babies and not me. What if this baby was born, and it was cute and sweet, and Isaac decided he only wanted his own kids around? Already he worried and talked about Sebastian all the time. I would disappear here just like I’d disappeared with my dad.

Colt, Mom said firmly. She must have seen all those thoughts on my face. It’s not like your dad’s kids.

How do you know? I said. Isaac is all about Sebastian. He worries about him and talks about him, and it makes him crazy that he’s not here. Now there will be two of them. And this one will be cute. I remember that about dad’s kids. They were so cute, and I had to sit on the sofa and stay out of the way and watch TV so I wouldn’t upset them or something. They didn’t want me there.

Mom pulled me close. I thought of pulling away, but my days for this were numbered. Once the baby came, and it fit in her arms, she wouldn’t want to hold me close any more. I knew that. I’d seen it before.

Colt, I promise you none of that will happen.

I don’t know why we aren’t enough, I said. I was angry. I was scared. Having a new dad was a big enough change. But babies changed things like crazy. I wanted to run away, but where would I go?

It’s not that. Mom squeezed me. It felt wonderful, even though I was furious with her. We love you and Sebastian. I guess we just want even more of that feeling. Look at Terry. He has five kids. He loves all of them.

They’re all his. Isaac will have two kids of his own.

And he loves you just as much. He gets to be with you every day, and he loves that. One thing that makes Sebastian’s absence so hard is that you’re here, and he loves that, and he knows he would love it with Sebastian, too.

I didn’t listen to her. I went to bed angry, and I left angry in the morning, heading to the garden. I wanted to escape, but I was fourteen and couldn’t exactly walk away from the world.

Uncle Gus had been tearing a few dying bushes out in the back of the garden, and that morning I grabbed the machete and decided I would take them out myself. A little destruction felt good. I saw Mom and Isaac leave, heading out to shop, since they were still newlyweds and they did everything together, even buy groceries. Just seeing them together made the dark feelings in my head worse, and I slammed the machete into the woody trunk of the shrub over and over, sweat rolling down my back and into my eyes, wood chipping and flying all around me. Savvy was in the garden this morning, too, and she tried to talk to me, but I definitely didn’t want to see her. Yet another person pining after Sebastian. I was sick to death of thinking about my siblings, both step and half. I never saw any of them, and yet somehow I didn’t measure up. Nobody ever missed me like people missed all of them. Dad didn’t even bother to call me any more.

And then I let my temper get away from me completely, and I swung the machete in an arc and managed to clock it into my other hand. Blood spewed. It was a bad cut, but I didn’t want to admit that. I felt ridiculous.

Let me see, Savvy said, her eyes widening when she saw me standing there with both hands covered in blood. Since she’d come running, I wondered if I’d screamed.

No, I growled. Like I thought I could growl and make this go away. It’s fine.

Colt, she said. Don’t be an idiot. It looks bad.

She was right, and eventually I held out my hand, which sported a gash along the palm. It was a mess, and it was starting to hurt. A lot.

Um, we need help, she said.

No, we don’t. That was pure lie, but I said it like I believed it.

She dragged me to Grandma Smith’s house, and Grandma Smith took one look at me and grabbed her keys. She wasn’t really my grandmother, but that didn’t matter. She was Savvy’s grandma, my Aunt Molly’s mom, and she always treated me like she was mine, too, ever since Mom and I had moved in with my real grandma, Grandma Kenton, when I had been younger.

What? I asked, pulling back when she wrapped my hand in a clean kitchen towel.

This needs stitches, Grandma said. The sooner the better. We’ll call your mom while Savvy gets you a shirt.

I climbed into the back of the car, sulking the whole way. I was being a baby, and I knew it. Bleeding to death wasn’t going to help anything. In fact, now Isaac would just think of me as his problem child, the one who caused trouble. Savvy came back and tossed me a shirt, and I wrestled into it, grumbling, smearing blood all over the thing. Great. Now I had a ruined shirt and not just a ruined hand.

You’re sure I should come? Savvy asked.

I don’t want to be alone with him when he’s being a bear, Grandma said.

And you think I want to be here? Savvy asked.

Hey, I growled. I don’t want to go, so let’s just forget it.

I knew that wasn’t an option. There were no options here. Seemed like that happened a lot.

Grandma Smith went back with me to get stitches. I was starting to feel dizzy from the blood and the gore and my own shame here. I’d been careless. Worse, I’d been trying to kill a bush to make myself feel better. Not too mature.

Eventually the doctor came and put a bunch of stitches in my hand. The bleeding slowed and stopped, and the nurse said friendly things and ran her hand over my hair. Grandma Smith held my hand, the one I hadn’t hurt. Yet none of it made me feel better. What if Isaac was angry with me? I liked him. I