Diary of a Meditator

By Quyen Ngo

He's meditated for years. But a silent retreat will take his mind on a life-changing journey...

Quyen Ngo balances his busy professional world with consistent meditation. Looking to tap deeper into his mind, he embarks on a silent retreat to Myanmar in an effort to take his calming practice even further.

Through 43 days under the watchful eye of meditation masters, he teeters on the edge of enlightened introspection. But when he returns to the demanding modern world, can he somehow carry on the lessons he's learned?

In this intimate look at the pilgrimage of his soul, Buddhist studies scholar Quyen Ngo presents insights and moments of clarity from his life-changing retreat. In this behind-the-scenes look, you'll discover your silent inner power and how to turn the mundane into a source of reflection and joy, no matter what your experience level.

Diary of a Meditator is a memoir-style account of one man's contemplative journey. If you like thought-provoking ideas, transformative practices, and realizing your full potential, then you'll love Quyen Ngo's inner chronicle.

Buy Diary of a Meditator to explore the universe within today!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Quyen Ngo
• Release date: Apr 12, 2019
• ISBN: 9780648517108

Book preview

Dedication

To Dad

Idam me ñātinaṃ hotu-sukhitā hontu ñātayo

Quotation

Though one may conquer a thousand times a thousand men in battle, yet he indeed is the noblest victor who conquers himself

-The Buddha-¹

About the author

Quyen Ngo is an optometrist based in Australia. He has been practicing meditation since 1992 and has participated in numerous meditation retreats in the UK, New Zealand, Australia, and Myanmar. He completed a master’s degree in Buddhist Studies with a UK-based university in 2007, and since then, he has published a number of articles on meditation and Buddhism.

Acknowledgments

I would like to express my sincere gratitude to the following people, in chronological order:

Mr. David Cha, who introduced me to the meditation centers in Myanmar. I am grateful to David for his guidance and motivation.

Sayadaw Venerable Eikdi Bala, my meditation teacher at the retreat. My sincere gratitude for his generous teaching, which gave rise to my insight detailed in this book. Sayadaw was a remarkable meditation master, not just for his profound knowledge of the mind and meditation, but also for his kindness and patience.

I remain greatly indebted to Mr. Soemin, now known as Venerable Jharnote Kansa, and his family. Without these saintly people, who ran the center, the retreat would not have been possible. Thank you for teaching me humility, generosity, and selflessness by the way you live. Mr. Soemin was also my mentor and interpreter during the retreat.

Special thanks to Dewi Hong for creating the beautiful cover for this book.

My sincere gratitude to my family for their boundless love and support in all my endeavors.

Introduction

Some years ago, I met Mr. David Cha at a meditation center in Australia. At the end of the retreat, David told me he saw lights when he meditated. From my previous Buddhist studies, I knew the light was called the nimitta, and was a sign of a very concentrated mind. Hitherto, I hadn’t met a layperson who had experienced it. Subsequently, he introduced me to a couple of meditation centers in Myanmar. I was really excited and decided to set aside a few months of work to immerse myself in the same experience. Off to Myanmar I went.

This book is taken directly from the diary I kept at the second retreat center. It is not a meditation manual; for serious meditation practice, I think you should be under the close supervision of an experienced teacher. Also, meditation instruction and theory would go beyond the scope of this book. If you seriously want to learn, please feel free to contact me.

I debated for some years whether to publish my diary or not. On the one hand, if I published it, most people would probably find its contents hard to believe. On the other hand, when I was at the meditation center, I was determined to let others know about my experience so that they, too, can rouse. We are much more than most people realize, and it is a shame to go through life not knowing your own nature.

My teacher’s decision to break from his tradition and start teaching laypeople was for the benefit of many. He wanted to share his knowledge with many people instead of keeping it in the monastic order. In the same vein, I finally decided to publish this diary. Firstly, I wanted to share my experiences in the hope of inspiring others to take up the same experience, as no doubt it would change their lives for the better, as it did mine.

Secondly, I think this book would be helpful for those who are new to meditation, as they can get a better idea of what is involved in meditation and what goes through the mind of a meditator. This open and honest revelation, hopefully, will support their practice.

As evinced in my own experiences, meditation is full of ups and downs; like my mentor, Mr. Soemin, said, Meditation is like a bird flying: sometimes high, sometimes low. However, I would say that the trend is definitely up. If you are persistent, you will make progress, even if you don’t think you are.

At the very least, I hope my book will stimulate enough curiosity to encourage introspection and open-mindedness.

Lastly, just a note to bear in mind when you are reading the diary: Most days, I wrote it in sections, adding a paragraph now and then throughout the day. This explains why some paragraphs do not flow and seem disconnected in some places.

Quyen Ngo, Author, 2019.

https://www.DiaryOfaMeditator.com

Email: [e-mail]

Day 1 – Meeting Sayadaw

The taxi came to a stop in the middle of a small courtyard. I stepped out of the car and stretched. It was scorching under the midday sun.

Welcome! Welcome!

I looked in the direction of the deep, resonant voice. A slim man in his early fifties with a salt-and-pepper cropped haircut stepped out from one of the buildings.

Thank you, Mr. Soemin. It’s nice to see you again, I said, smiling as I reached out to shake his hand.

I’d come here nearly a month ago, but the course hadn’t started, so Mr. Soemin sent me to Pa-Auk Monastery to meditate in the meantime. He’d told me to return today to begin the forty-three day retreat.

Please let the boys help you. He waved to the two teenage boys standing on the other side of the courtyard. They rushed over. One boy grabbed my suitcase from the boot, while the other picked up the yoga mat.

I paid and thanked the taxi driver, who turned the car around and left swiftly through the wooden gates.

Come, I’ll show you your room, Mr. Soemin said, turning away and leading the way toward one of the buildings. The two boys and I followed him.

He stopped at the second room from the end, unlocked the padlock, and swung the door wide open. You can leave your things here, and then we’ll go to meet the teacher, he said. The two boys dropped my belongings in one corner and left.

I scanned the small room. There was a single wooden bed on the concrete floor, a small Buddha print on the wall above the headboard, and a couple of strings running parallel to the bed for tying the mosquito net. At the end of the room was an iron-barred window that looked out onto a neighbor’s bamboo.

I followed Mr. Soemin out of the room toward the main hall, which was the largest building in the compound. It had a high ceiling and polished teak flooring. The hall could easily sit over a hundred people.

The shrine, which stood at one end of the hall, consisted of a raised platform with a big Buddha statue cloaked in golden cloth and surrounded by vases of fresh flowers. On the wall behind were four large, framed photos of elderly monks—the lineage ancestors. At the front of the shrine was a large mahogany throne-like armchair with elaborate carvings etched on its back and sides.

Mr. Soemin knocked on the door of one of the rooms inside the hall before gently easing it open. Inside, an old monk cloaked in a saffron robe sat on an armchair facing the door. His smooth, oval face melted into a broad, congenial smile. I was struck by his golden complexion.

Mr. Soemin kneeled and bowed to the monk. He glanced up at me and whispered, Bow to the teacher three times, and continued to bow. I quickly followed suit.

Now you take the vows. Just repeat after Sayadaw, he said.²

Okay. I nodded.

The monk uttered several sentences in Burmese, with long pauses in between for me to repeat them. Then he gave me a meditation subject, Araham, to focus on for the next three days, telling me that I needed to keep it in mind continuously.

Sayadaw wants you to keep a log of your sittings in a notebook. You will also need to do a summary at the end of the retreat and hand it to him, Mr. Soemin added.³

I clasped my hands and nodded.

We bowed to the monk three more times before getting up to leave. Outside the hall, Mr. Soemin ran through the schedule of the retreat.

We start at four a.m., he said. You’ll be working on your own most of the time. There are two group sittings between three and four and seven and eight p.m. The one in the evening is optional for you. I will take you to have an interview with Sayadaw at three p.m. every day. There is a discourse given by Sayadaw at seven a.m. every day, but you don’t have to attend because it is in Burmese.

What about breakfast and lunch? I asked.

Breakfast is at five thirty a.m. and lunch is at ten thirty. At five p.m., you can have a sugary drink. You will hear a bell about five minutes before.

Okay. I nodded and turned away, heading toward a flowered garden path.

Oh, don’t cross over there! he called out. That’s the women’s side. He drew an imaginary line in the air.

I looked around for signs of the boundary but couldn’t find one. Shrugging, I returned to my room to unpack.

I laid out the yoga mat over the wooden bed, took out a small pillow and a light blanket, and hung up my mosquito net. I’d managed to find a yoga mat at a supermarket the day before; it wasn’t the best quality, but it would be much better than lying on a