Insights from the Rooms: Inspiring Daily Thoughts of Recovery

By Moshe K.

The perfect daily companion to jumpstart your day.

Every day profound sharing takes place at Twelve Step meetings. Sometimes, in sharing, a phrase is coined which people immediately identify with.

"Insights from the Rooms" has collected 366 of these "phrases" for every day of the year. Each is followed by a series of observations on how you can apply that "phrase" to your life in a very practical way.

Whether you're in AA, NA, OA or any other fellowship; or you just want to learn more about recovery, "Insights from the Rooms" is a wonderful resource.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 21, 2019
• ISBN: 9781732994218

Book preview

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This book is dedicated to all those who have found recovery

and for those who have not yet had a spiritual awakening.

Copyright © 2018 Moshe K.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review.

ISBN 978-1-7329942-0-1 (Paperback Edition)

ISBN 978-1-7329942-1-8 (Kindle Edition)

Library of Congress Control Number 2018915196

Printed and Bound in USA

Published by Raise the Sparks Press

6806 141 Street

Flushing, New York 11367

Cover Design by Harvey Appelbaum

For Nechama Tzipporah

My guiding light

Table of Contents

Introduction

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Appendix – The Twelve Steps

Introduction

On May 11, 1935, Bill Wilson had an uncontrollable urge to drink. That was nothing out of the ordinary, because Bill was an alcoholic. He had been drinking to excess since his early twenties. Like many alcoholics, Bill found that alcohol removed his feelings of discomfort in social situations. After a social gathering in 1917, when Bill was about twenty-two, he is purported to have said, I have found the elixir of life.

Over the next decade and a half, Bill drank daily. He failed to graduate from law school because he was too drunk to pick up his diploma. Between 1933 and 1934 Wilson was committed to The Towns Hospital for Drug and Alcohol Addiction in New York City four times. Over the years he had repeatedly relapsed. By the time of his last commitment, Wilson was already exhibiting delirium tremors. It was during that last hospital stay that Bill Wilson had a profound spiritual experience, and his desire to drink was temporarily lifted from him.

But on that day—May 11, 1935—he wanted a drink, and he wanted it badly. He was staying at the Mayflower Hotel in Akron, Ohio. He was pursuing one of his oft-failed business ventures. As he walked past the bar, he felt it beckon to him, as it had a thousand times before.

But, at that point, Bill Wilson took a momentous step.

Instead of stopping off at the bar, he headed for a phone booth. He made a series of telephone calls. One of these calls led him to a man he had never met; a man named Dr. Robert Smith.

Dr. Smith (now better known to AA members as Doctor Bob) had also struggled with alcoholism. In medical school his compulsion to drink alcohol began interfering with his studies. He almost flunked out in his second year and graduated two semesters later than the rest of his class. His school would not graduate him unless he remained sober during his final year.

After setting up a practice in Akron in 1915, over the next twenty years Dr. Bob continued struggling with alcoholism, repeatedly entering hospitals and sanitariums to stop drinking, to no avail.

Both Wilson and Smith were members of the Oxford Group, an international Christian movement centered on personal change, with chapters across the United States. The six main ideas of the Oxford Group were a sense of powerlessness over their lives, personal honesty, sharing of feelings with others, making amends to anyone a member had wronged, helping others, and prayer to a personal concept of God.

On that day in Akron, Ohio, Bill Wilson contacted one of the leaders of the Akron Oxford Group. She put him in touch with Dr. Smith.

The next day, Bill Wilson met with Dr. Bob, and they talked for the next five hours. We’ll never know the details of that long conversation, though we can guess at some of the items they discussed. It is safe to say they touched on their powerlessness over alcohol and a need to have a Higher Power in their lives.

Bill Wilson and Dr. Robert Smith had discovered that, by meeting and working with another alcoholic, both could remain sober. They shortly thereafter began recruiting other alcoholics by visiting hospitals, sanitariums and any place a drunk without hope might be found. Word of mouth of their work and success in rescuing apparently hopeless cases began to spread.

The eventual result of that fateful meeting was the creation of Alcoholics Anonymous, or AA. As the organization grew, and the benefits to alcoholics of the AA approach became increasingly clear, both Bill and Dr. Bob realized that a written manual was needed to provide both inspiration and guidance for alcoholics everywhere. Their personal experiences and those of other alcoholics made up much of the content. The six concepts of the Oxford Group were expanded to Twelve Steps (see the Appendix). These steps provided a framework for sobriety and personal transformation. In 1939 the book Alcoholics Anonymous was published, and over the following decades it has become the bible of every Twelve Step fellowship in the world. It is both a written record of the struggles of the first members of AA and their roadmap to recovery.

Something else grew out of that first encounter between Bill and Dr. Bob. On that day the power of two alcoholics getting together to mutually support one another was displayed. The birth of the AA meeting took place then as well. As mentioned, we don’t know exactly what was said at that first meeting. What we do know is that since that time there have been literally tens of thousands of AA meetings around the world.

Other fellowships, based on the same principles and targeting forms of self-destructive behavior similar to alcoholism, have evolved over time. Issues like drug addiction, compulsive overeating, sex addiction and compulsive gambling now are also addressed through the Twelve Steps.. Because there was a recognition that alcoholism affects the entire family structure, groups like Alanon for family members of alcoholics evolved as well.

The level of sharing from people in attendance at all of these meetings has often been quite profound. Newcomers have frequently been astonished at the honesty and depth of the sharing they witness.

Over time an oral record of the wisdom from these meetings has grown. That wisdom has been synthesized into a series of slogans, sayings, aphorisms, homilies and quotes. These are in addition to the slogans from the Big Book often quoted at meetings. This much larger body of knowledge has been passed down from member to member. When a new slogan resonates, it is repeatedly shared until it becomes a well-known saying within the program.

These sayings and slogans have also crossed fellowship boundaries. You will probably hear the same slogans used whether you are in a meeting of alcoholics, drug addicts or compulsive overeaters. Not only have these ideas crossed fellowship lines, they have crossed geographic ones as well. You will find variations of these sayings in meetings across the world. Whether spoken in English, Spanish, French, Hebrew, Chinese, Hindi or Swahili, once translated they are almost identical.

This oral body of knowledge has grown from the words of the AA preamble read at the beginning of each meeting to express the experience, strength and hope of the millions of members of Twelve Step programs. The sayings have been passed on from meeting to meeting because they have helped people stay sober. The list of expressions is constantly growing and evolving.

These sayings are the springboard for the daily entries listed in this book.

All of the aphorisms and slogans quoted and discussed in Insights from the Rooms evolved from the rooms of AA and its many sister organizations. They bring a degree of authenticity to the reader. Who better to quote and comment on alcoholism or addiction than an alcoholic or addict in recovery? These are not theoretical homilies. They grew out of the real life experiences and revelations of members.

There are, of course, other books of daily readings and reflections on the market, and many of them are excellent. They are usually based on quotes from philosophers, historical figures, authors, painters, inventors, politicians and other well-known experts in their respective fields. Now, although these leaders of government, business and culture have much good advice to offer, the majority were not alcoholics or addicts of other substances. Unlike those books of daily readings, every saying referred to in Insights from the Rooms emerged from the authentic life experience of a Twelve Step member.

If, as a member, you haven’t heard one of these sayings in a meeting, then chances are someone else in your home group or program has. The book itself is divided into 366 entries (we need to maintain our sobriety on Leap Day – February 29 – too). Each day of the year has a slogan with a short commentary and a personal reflection for further contemplation and meditation. The majority of the sayings are from Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous. These are probably the three largest fellowships at present. However, the principles detailed in this book are certainly applicable to any member of any Twelve Step fellowship.

May this work provide you with another resource for your personal recovery.

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January 1

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Addiction Is Like an Elevator: You Can Get Off at Any Floor

People are perpetually making resolutions. Probably the most common are New Year resolutions. As January 1st approaches, many people commit to change their behavior with the new year. Some common resolutions are to stop smoking, to make more money, or to begin an exercise program. The new year is also used by alcoholics and drug and food addicts as a projected turning point for their behavior.

Unfortunately what often happens for the alcoholic or addict is quite different from the intent of the person who made the pledge to change. Some will begin their program of change and then within a day or a week throw in the towel and renew their old behavior. Others have a few months of success, but then think that, because of it, they can now engage in controlled use. In most cases this does not turn out well. For many people the first day of the new year has no significance because they have already forgotten about their resolution.

In the program, we do not adhere to a timeline for cessation of being active in our addiction. It is not necessary to wait for a calendar date to change our actions. All we need is a desire to stop using alcohol or drugs or binging on food. If we have such a desire, we are ready to embark on our journey of recovery. Putting it off to a certain date is just a symptom of our disease.

Personal Reflection: Have I fully gotten off the elevator?

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January 2

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I Lost the Person I Had Never Found to Begin With

When we first joined the program, we were dazed and confused, but then, as we began practicing the program’s principles, our minds began to clear. At that point, we came to realize that we barely had a clue as to who we truly were.

While we were active in our addictions, we often exhibited a persona that was fueled by drugs and alcohol and other substances. Now that we were sober, we wanted to connect with who we really were—our original self, the person we were before we began acting out. We were beyond blaming our parents, spouses, teachers, employers or friends for our situation. Our interest now was to connect with that beautiful person who had been lost so many years before. But, for many of us, that was a person we had never found to begin with, and we had to dig deep to reunite with that higher self. As we began to gain glimpses of that person, it helped us to move forward and connect on a deeper level to our authentic self until, at long last, we were truly found.

Personal Reflection: What parts of you still need to be found?

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January 3

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God Gave Me a Big Toolbox, Not Just a Hammer

Many of us have gone through life acting as if we had few or no options. When we make a mistake, we claim we have always done it that way, and that we know of no other. And to a large extent, this has been true. We have not always grown up with particularly good role models. Some of us have modeled the my way or the highway approach; others the victim or the people pleaser. At the time, we didn’t realize our tool box often had only one tool in it, and a broken one at that. In recovery, we come to see that a problem often has more than one solution.

We also learn that certain responses are appropriate, and others are not. Through practice and with the guidance of others and our Higher Power, we acquire new tools and learn which ones are best suited for each situation. Do we need to be firm or flexible? Does it require an immediate or delayed response? The best thing we can do for ourselves is to open our toolbox and examine our options.

Personal Reflection: Have I looked in my toolbox lately?

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January 4

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Dirty Laundry—A Recovery Parable

A man and his wife moved into their new home. On awakening in the morning, they looked out their living room window. They were distressed to see the dirtiest load of wash they had ever seen hanging on their neighbor’s clothes line. Perhaps there is something wrong with her washing machine,» the wife said. The next morning they looked out their window, and once again there was a new load of dirty, grimy clothes hanging. I can’t stand it. It just looks so horrible, the wife exclaimed. She looked at her husband and said, Maybe you should go and speak with her about her disgusting wash. The husband shook his head and told her no, because he felt uncomfortable about approaching the neighbor about it. The next morning, when they looked out their windows, they saw a spotless load of wash hanging on the line. Did you speak to our neighbor about the laundry? asked the wife. No, replied the husband. I cleaned the windows in our living room."

Personal Reflection: Have you cleaned your windows today?

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January 5

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If You Keep Cutting Corners, You’ll End up a Circle

On a daily basis, life presents us with challenges. Some people have the attitude that I’ll just do enough to get by. On a certain level, this may work for them. What often happens, though, is that, as time goes by, they find themselves doing less and less. And finally, the day comes where they do so little that, in effect, nothing gets done.

Other people are constantly looking to solve life’s problems by always looking for shortcuts. Once again, this may work initially. However, over time, as they cut corners, their actions and the related results are dramatically altered. They find themselves doing things they never dreamed they would do. Suddenly they find themselves right back in the middle of their addictive behaviors. In addition, whatever emotional sobriety they had achieved is thrown out the window. All of their character defects return in full force. Once you turn into a circle, it’s a lot more difficult to return to your more evolved self. All of your old negative behaviors work against renewed growth—including beating yourself up for turning into a circle.

Personal Reflection: Where have I been cutting corners in my life?

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January 6

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We Are Not Bad People Becoming Good, but Sick People Becoming Well

Proper speech is not just about correct syntax or tense. The words we use have a lot of power. Researchers have found that when we use certain words and expressions over and over again, they create neural pathways in our brains. These pathways become our new reality. Far too many of us are still walking around with a vocabulary that no longer serves our purpose. All too often you will hear someone at a meeting say, When I was out there drinking, drugging or binging on food, I was a terrible person, a loser, a dope.

When someone has a disease, we don’t call them a bad person. We say they are sick. When they are healed, we don’t say that now they are good. Rather we claim that they are well. The same standard needs to be applied to addictive behavior. The addict is not bad. He or she is merely sick. When we begin to experience recovery, we are becoming well. When we begin to view ourselves as having been sick, we can begin to drop the judgments we had been making against ourselves. This will aid in our recovery.

Personal Reflection: How careful am I in describing my past behavior?

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January 7

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I Hate to Write but I Love to Have Written

Writing is an integral part of a Twelve Step program; it can also be a daily struggle for us. When we get to the Fourth Step, our sponsor tells us to put pen to paper and make a fearless and searching moral inventory. This often turns out to be quite a struggle. Even people who write for a living often wrestle with this particular homework assignment. When finally able to begin the process, many of us find it both revealing and cathartic. It often allows us to speak, at last, about things that we have carried around for years, and often decades.

Once we have gotten into the rhythm of writing, our sponsor may suggest that we keep a daily journal. There is often resistance to this as well. However, as we push through our inertia, we discover that our writing begins to reveal to us solutions to problems that had eluded us for a long time. It is almost as if our Higher Power begins to speak to us through our daily journal entries. The more often we write, the more often we receive what we need to hear.

Personal Reflection: Is writing an integral part of my recovery program?

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January 8

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If You Want What You’ve Never Had, You Will Have to Do What You’ve Never Done

Sometimes we see a person at a meeting, and how they look and what they have to say just blows us away. They appear to be really living a sober life. Listening to them, you can hear that they are truly happy. Their lives are immersed in the program. They turn to their higher power during the day; they perform a Tenth-Step review before going to bed. They do service both in and outside of meetings. You say to yourself, I want what they have.

That is certainly an admirable sentiment. To accomplish your wish, you need to take a careful look at exactly what they do. More to the point, you need to be willing to drop some of your old habits that no longer serve you. Initially, you might find this to be uncomfortable or even painful. You also might experience fear about taking on new and unfamiliar behaviors. Change is often very challenging. Realize that if you want what they have, you will have to do what you have never done. To do anything less is cheating yourself from growth.

Personal Reflection: What’s one thing I’ve never done that could enrich my life?

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January 9

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God Didn’t Put Me on This Earth to Live This Way

Why were we created? We sometimes asked ourselves this question while active in our addiction Even then, we had occasional moments of clarity and understood there was more to life than pursuing the next drink or drug. Living a life filled with lies and self-deception could not be the reason we were placed on this planet. We were sure that there was more to life than despair, depression and hopelessness.

In sobriety we have begun to find the answer to that most fundamental of questions. We have discovered that we can live extremely purposeful lives. Every day is an opportunity for us to work on ourselves and become a better person. We even assess our progress at the end of each day. There are daily opportunities to do service and to help others. For the first time we discovered that the word yes is also a part of our vocabulary. Our connection to our Higher Power is something that we consciously strive to deepen as well. Life has begun to have deeper meaning and purpose for us.

Personal Reflection: Why did God put me on this earth?

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January 10

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Negativity Is My Disease Asking Me to Come out and Play

Recent scientific research has found that some of us are hard-wired to be more positive in outlook and some of us to be more negative. Regardless of wiring, while we were chasing after our drug of choice, negativity definitely fueled our addiction. It was very easy to encounter something during the day that threw us for a loop and cast a shadow over us. We might then and there have said to ourselves, A drink—or a drug or my substance of choice— will help wash these feelings away. Sometimes we let these bad feelings percolate for a while or gather up additional perceived wrongs that stirred our negativity. Then we were primed for self-medication with our substance.

In sobriety, we don’t rush to negativity as quickly or as frequently as we did in the past. As part of our Step work, we often identify negativity as a character defect. We begin to monitor ourselves for negativity. In particular, we begin to listen carefully to the words we mutter under our breath, or the thoughts that race through our mind. When we realize that our disease is asking us to come out and play, we get to a meeting, or call our sponsor.

Personal Reflection: How does your disease call you to come and play?

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January 11

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My Net Worth Is Not My Self-Worth

In the Western world, we often define success by how many possessions we have, the cars we drive, the homes we live in. If we don’t have the latest version of the iPhone or the latest cut of suit, we feel in some way flawed. We suffer from a disease of comparison. We look around us and measure our success as it stacks up against the material success of our family, friends and neighbors. For people suffering from addictive personalities, this can be extremely harmful. Generally speaking, when we make comparisons, we usually end up on the short end of the stick. Feelings of inadequacy only fuel our addictive tendencies. As they say in AA, poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. That poor me feeling is often generated by envy and jealousy of someone else’s net worth.

As we grow in recovery, we begin to discover the true meaning of self-worth. It has nothing to do with the externals of wealth. With the blossoming of emotional sobriety, we tap into what really matters in this life. Experiencing personal growth, conducting ourselves with integrity, and helping others define our true worth.

Personal Reflection: How much do you focus on your net worth vs. your self-worth?

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January 12

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When I Ask for Patience, God Gives Me a Traffic Jam

Growing up, a lot of us developed a mistaken concept of prayer. Various traditions instructed us to pray to God with our requests. When our prayers weren’t answered, perhaps we went to religious representatives about our lack of results. Some of us were told that our prayers weren’t answered because we were being punished for previous sins. Others told us that, on some level, we hadn’t prayed hard enough, or hadn’t used the correct words or formula. The end result was that many of us felt distant and alienated from God and prayer.

In the program, we have developed a different understanding of prayer. As we work the Steps, we do ask our Higher Power to remove our defects of character. At the same time, we have come to realize that we need to also do our part to identify and change our negative actions and thoughts. As we develop a more intimate relationship with God, we often find that He has a great sense of humor. Our Higher Power will often send us the very obstacle we are praying for to be removed. How we respond demonstrates our growth.

Personal Reflection: What challenge has my Higher Power sent me recently?

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January 13

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Remember That You Are Unique—Just like Everyone Else

For a long time, we thought that whatever we were encountering in life was unique to us. Our thoughts, our feelings, our reactions to situations were ours and ours alone. We often felt that, because of our unique nature, it really didn’t pay for us to speak about whatever we were going through because no one else could really understand us. These feelings often led us to a sense of isolation. To deal with the pain of our aloneness and singularity, we often turned to substance abuse to alleviate these feelings.

When we finally entered the program, we came to understand that we were not as unique as we once thought. Listening to others share at meetings, we heard our own thoughts and feelings echoing through their words. On the one hand, it was very comforting to know that we shared a commonality of being with others. On the other hand, it was extremely humbling to find out that we were not as rare a person as we once thought. As time passed, we came to the realization that we could be unique while still sharing the commonality of our humanity with others.

Personal Reflection: What about me is truly unique?

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January 14

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Minds Are like Parachutes—They Don’t Work Unless They’re Open

People in the program speak about their childhood and upbringing. A large number of us came from living situations that were extremely rigid and close minded. Our response to this rigidity was often the development of a rebellious nature. This often manifested itself by our engaging in anti-social behavior that included drugs, compulsive eating and alcohol. We envisioned ourselves as