Pills & Poetry

By C E Davis

She never learned how to love. Follow along with the journey of Raquelle Dixon, a young black woman of Jamaican descent, as she learns things about life and herself in this story of pain and pleasure. Raquelle's story shines a light on the dark corners of mental illness often kept in the shadows of family history. She will discover the cost of her coping mechanisms and find beauty in her aimless pursuits, no matter how tragic. In the end, she will find love in hopeless places and yet still evolve through the process of finding herself.

• Language: English
• Publisher: C E Davis
• Release date: Dec 4, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463299173

Book preview

To Reagan

May you find peace, wisdom, and without endured suffering

Copyright © 2018

All Rights Reserved

This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

The Pieces

Caribbean Airlines flight number BW717 was set to board at 7:20pm. Raquelle had arrived at her gate and was looking for an available outlet to charge her phone in an area that wasn't over crowded. Her younger sister Sydney followed close behind. They found two seats near the windows and waited for the boarding call for children travelling alone.

The summer was over. They had spent 8 weeks on the north coast of Jamaica with family and were now returning home. Raquelle's paternal grandmother owned a beach side property where the girls were invited every summer to get away from a boring summer break in southern New Jersey. This would be Raquelle's last summer since she would turn 16 in December and would be expected to find a summer job next year.

Sydney was disappointed as well because this meant that she wouldn't be back either. They had different fathers and she knew their mother wouldn't allow her to visit alone. Sydney would miss the after-dark hide and seek games with the neighborhood children. She would miss foraging for almonds along the shore and she would miss hustling money for bag juices from adults. Her scars from her mosquito bites and darkened skin from playing in the sun told the story of her adventures. She would miss it all.

Raquelle would only miss Presley. She sat by the window staring out at the planes and her heart silently broke. Thoughts of the last few weeks with him lingered in her mind and she wished she could relive every moment as she sat there. They had grown close this summer, closer than any other time she had spent there and now they would probably be separated for years.

Presley was a family friend who started off as family actually. It was discovered early on that his father was not who they had all presumed he was. When he was a baby, his alleged father, Raquelle’s uncle, submitted an immigration application which required a paternity test for his children. The results came back negative and Presley remained living with his mother’s family in Jamaica. His older brother, however, was a confirmed cousin and they both remained close to the Dixon family the same way Raquelle and Sydney had.

Although Presley was about 3 years older than Raquelle, they had always been close. Presley would anxiously await her arrival each summer and have plans already made for all the events they would attend. He would listen to all the dramatic stories she would tell about her school year and she would give him advice about the girls he dated. They were good friends since childhood and their bond was the envy of all the local girls. Despite the mindless rumors, there was nothing romantic between them until this summer.

This summer Presley introduced Raquelle to the dancehall scene. The biggest party of the summer was hosted at the high school in town, but teens and adults alike would surely attend. Presley had already put the word in to Raquelle's father to ensure she would be allowed to go. It was scheduled just two weeks before she was supposed to fly back home. She had to buy an outfit when she arrived, of course, because her mother could not know anything about it. She would never have approved of her daughters attending any party of mixed crowds with adults. Presley ensured her father he would look after her and he gave his consent.

The party had a denim theme and Raquelle had found a fitted denim dress that buttoned with large buttons along the front. Her hair was braided in individual micro-braids and she twisted the front in little rows and pulled them up into a ponytail. She wore the flat sandals she had packed and accessorized with a jeweled handbag and a gold necklace. The only make-up she owned was lip gloss and mascara.

She checked herself in the mirror and realized she looked much older than 15. She had a slight bit of anxiety about being preyed upon by the older men at the party but then she reassured herself that she would be fine with Presley there. She took one last glance at herself as she heard the car beep outside. Tonight will be the best night of my life, she thought as she hopped in the backseat of the taxi with Presley.

The night went by in a blur. The loud music and bass thumping nearly deafened her, but she would enjoy every minute of it. She relished watching the men and women do the latest dances. She stood in a corner by the bar and tried to do a few moves herself but kept it subtle. She had two wine coolers and experienced her first buzz that night. Presley remained at her side the entire time.

It was nearing the end of the night when he positioned himself behind her and asked for a dance. It was then she realized the coolers had loosened her up because she didn't hesitate whatsoever. She wound her hips as best she could as he followed up grinding behind her for a few songs before the lights came on.

Presley put his arms around her and chuckled at the coy look on her face when he popped a kiss on her cheek. She didn't know what to think. She figured he was being playful and she cracked a smile. He held her hand as they exited the party and didn't let it go until they hailed a taxi to go home. If there was a question of Presley's playful kiss at the party, they found the answer on the ride home. They cuddled up with each other in the backseat and before either of them could think twice, Presley planted a kiss on her lips.

Raquelle felt a shiver from her lips to her toes and, before her mind could over think it, she was kissing him back. Her best friend had crossed the imaginary friendship line and the alarm bells were ringing. They weren't ringing loud enough because they both ignored them. They were quiet the entire ride back to the beach house. The only words spoken were whispered softly from Presley's lips as they laid half-dressed on a bed in a spare room. Are you sure? he asked her. With her eyes closed, she nodded yes and then surrendered her innocence.

As she sat at her gate, waiting to board her flight back home, she felt the shivers and heard the bells still. Her daydreams were interrupted by the voice of a woman on the intercom Attention passengers of Caribbean Airlines flight BW717, at this time we will begin boarding at gate 3.... Raquelle grabbed her carry-on and waited for Sydney to gather hers before standing up and walking towards the gate.

Her stomach quivered a little as another flashback popped into her head. She was laying there in the bed with him afterwards, sweating and breathing heavily hoping no one in the house had heard them. Her eyes followed him curiously as he got up and left the room briefly. She stayed frozen there still absorbing what had happened as he return with a wet wash cloth and began gently wiping her down.

Raquelle's mind reeled through every touch, every kiss and every movement of that night as she sat in her seat. Was this what love felt like? she wondered. She questioned if he was feeling the same way that she was. They had spent her final two weeks as a discreet little couple. In public, they behaved as usual, although she was slightly disappointed by this. He explained to her that being too affectionate in public would cause increased speculation about them and she reluctantly agreed that it wasn't wise to draw too much attention to themselves. They hadn't slept together again but spent late nights awake just talking about random things. There was little conversation about what would happen once she left the country but Raquelle was too busy absorbing every moment with him that she didn't question it.

She quickly opened her phone to text him her thoughts before they were instructed to turn off their devices. She started to type a long message asking how they would maintain this long-distance relationship but then realized she wouldn't even be able to get a reply until they landed three and half hours later. Instead, she simply wrote Hey Prez we just boarded. Shutting off my phone now. I'll text when we land <3. She didn't wait for a response though. She powered off her phone and turned her attention to the departure safety procedures.

The plane taxied out of the terminal and approached the runway to prepare for take-off. She peered out of the window and felt a piece of herself detach as the plane’s wheels lifted from the pavement. A part of her was staying on the island and she had no idea when she would see it again.

Locked In

It was after 3am by the time Raquelle was able to check her messages. She had to wait until her mother fell asleep,