Conflicted: A Novel

By Katze Snow

Are monsters born? Or are they created?

Gabriel Valentino is certain of one thing - he wants Caleb Matthews. He asks for so little. But when Caleb refuses an offer that could change his future, Gabriel's patience wears thin. Unaccustomed to rejection and incensed at Caleb's disobedience, he takes the matter into his own hands.

Everything has a price. For Caleb the price of rejection is freedom.

Imprisoned and alone with only his alluring captor for company, Caleb wants desperately to escape. But breaking free isn't so simple. Awakened to a pleasure he's never known, Caleb feels lost - conflicted. Can he escape? Or will the bonds of pleasure prove stronger than any lock and key?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Katze Snow
• Release date: Nov 17, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463933879

Katze Snow

After leaving school and renting a crummy flat at sixteen, bestselling author Katze Snow lives in Scotland with her wolf-dog and furbabies. Don't be fooled by how cute she looks out on the outside. Katze's writing is dark, twisted, and takes depravity to a whole new level.

Book preview

Prologue

The sunlight filtering through Gabriel Valentino’s office had no use, and the explanation was quite simple: light did not belong in a world that cultivated only darkness.

Normalcy was a state of mind with no place in the professor’s world.

Not many dared to understand his line of work. Or rather, not many people wanted to.

His theory of psychological science was of a…peculiar nature and insulted everything humans believed to be true. People would rather bury their heads in the sand than acknowledge the truth. To such narrow minds, Gabriel’s profession was a mocking subject of humanity and needed to be eradicated, rather than endorsed.

They called it inhumane. Cruel. Barbaric. Genius. Professor Gabriel Valentino was either admired or feared for his research. But there were those, like Gabriel and his father, who could see the bigger picture—see their study for what it was worth: whether that be with gentle perseverance and support or an open mind willing to facilitate their research.

Gabriel’s attention strayed to his laptop screen again. He gazed at the tall, dark-haired boy peering into the lens of his camera. Twenty-one-year-old Caleb Matthews from Montana.

Single. Beautiful. Alone.

Although the video footage had been muted, Caleb’s lips were fully animated as he gushed over senseless gaming strategies to his four thousand GamerOn subscribers. It was the same routine every Sunday morning: Caleb thanked his subscribers for voting on their weekly video game, then he’d upload the running commentary of him completing it, sometimes just barely.

It had become a compulsory part of Gabriel’s daily routine, too, watching the boy’s uploads and imagining those sweet, bowed lips begging Gabriel to let him come.

Gabriel’s heart skipped a beat, taking in those perfectly plump lips. He looked exactly like Gabriel needed him to.

A crease formed between his eyebrows as an incoming call dragged him from his reverie. With a sigh, he pressed the side of the headset attached to his ear.

And where exactly are you this time, Dmitry?

Dmitry cleared his throat. I’m drinking coffee outside Starbucks, he reported. Caleb’s inside with some young fella and an overly spray-tanned blonde chick. They’ve been in there over two hours. Oh, and would you believe I’ve actually managed to get a tan over here? No spray shit, either.

You’ll get more than a tan if you do not stay focused, boy, Gabriel warned, never shifting his gaze from the laptop. He restarted the video and watched greedily as Caleb appeared in front of his camera, smiling and waving to his subscribers. Caleb’s emerald eyes glistened with the power of youth. I did not send you to Montana to have a fucking holiday, or are you forgetting what it is I pay you for? Shadow Caleb every minute of every day, and… Do. Not. Get. Caught. I want to know everything the boy does, everyone he speaks to, and for however long. Do you understand me, Dmitry?

Yes, Boss. Dmitry’s voice was no longer humorous across the line. You sure this is the one you want? I just watched him pick something off the ground a few minutes ago and eat it. There was apparent distaste in Dmitry’s words. Also, his friend smells like cucumbers, and you know I always report the truth. Are you sure he’s the right one?

Am I sure? Gabriel almost laughed into the headset. I am absolutely certain, boy. Have him arrive in the UK by any means necessary. I don’t care how you do it, just make sure it’s done. You have four weeks to not fuck this up. Is that clear?

A whole month was plenty of time for Gabriel to make the necessary arrangements required for his new student.

Gabriel stretched up from his chair and approached the wall opposite his desk. The various photographs, locations, check-ins, and schedules of Caleb Matthews adorned the colourless wall. They were stitched together with metal pins and red string that accentuated his likes and dislikes, and exactly why they would soon be of use to Gabriel.

He likes video games, Gabriel said, fixing his attention on the black-and-white image of Caleb in his cluttered bedroom, hunched over a gaming console and heaps of takeaway boxes.

Ripping the photograph from the wall and clenching it in his hand, Gabriel poured over the soft outline of Caleb’s mouth and almond-shaped eyes. He darted his tongue along the seam of his lips, and his throat tightened with anticipation. He returned the image to the wall.

Sitting back at his desk again, he added, I suggest you use that thick brain of yours to get the boy to me by the time I arrive. And, Dmitry, do not return here empty-handed. Or you will be severely punished.

Chapter One

Caleb

Caleb had made the bravest or most ludicrous decision of his entire life.

He had left his bedroom.

Gone were the safe confines of his closet-sized room back in Montana. Now, he was in the United Kingdom, alone, after winning a ticket to the international gaming convention, Night Vision.

With the convention being overseas, Caleb never stood a chance at attending in the past. But with his free ticket, he was able to go to the event in Scotland, and he could scarcely believe his eyes. Hopefully, he would stumble across some of his GamerOn subscribers, and they wouldn’t beat his ass for trying to be funny in his videos.

That was how Caleb won the ticket in the first place. The Royale University of British Science was Night Vision’s main donor, and once Caleb’s online gaming channel caught their attention, they mailed him a ticket. Just like that. And all Caleb had to do in return? Attend an informal interview at their college, which wanted to enrol exchange students into their 2018 programme.

That was all.

No scams.

No details hidden in the fine print.

Check out the college, check out the gaming convention. It was that simple.

It was also too good to be true.

But Caleb’s foster mother, Connie, had convinced him to go. Sure, Caleb loved gaming, but if he wanted to make something of himself in the long run, he’d have to think more realistically. He could potentially land himself a full ride in psychological science, which, to Connie, was far better than any gaming convention. Wasn’t a professional career better than wasting time on a measly hobby?

After weeks of debating, Caleb agreed to check out what the college had to offer. He’d always loved psychological science, or anything science related, and despite that he felt unsuitable for the likes of the Royale, it was still a free vacation.

Edinburgh was a stark contrast to his hometown. Gorgeous landscapes, ancient buildings, and scenery teeming with rich, medieval history. His arrival had been nothing short of extraordinary.

Except for one tiny, insignificant detail: he was a small introvert in a hugely extroverted environment.

While Edinburgh wasn’t the largest city he’d ever been to, the towering buildings somehow made him claustrophobic. He knew it was only his anxiety talking. Half of him wanted to hide in a dark room, and the other longed to explore.

Just think of all those limited edition games. Come on, Caleb, you can do this.

Did you reach the college okay? Jake, his foster brother, asked over the phone.

Yeah, man. I’m looking at it right now. Caleb glanced over his shoulder to make sure he hadn’t gone the wrong way. Again. The cobbled streets all looked the same to him. It’s a beast of a building.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen Night Vision yet? Jake rushed out, his hoarse tone excited. Make sure you get tons of footage for our channel. Some chick subscriber is convinced you’re really a twelve-year-old kid, so try getting yourself in some of the frames."

"Dude, she only said that because she’s pissed I reviewed Alucard Reigns and said the bosses were mediocre, which FYI, we both know is true. But don’t worry. I’ll get some decent footage at the convention. I just need to do this interview for, like, thirty minutes, then I’m outta there and in gaming heaven."

Well, in one more day. Night Vision wasn’t until the following evening, and he still had the interview to do. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to doing both. But the sixteen-hour flight home Wednesday night? Yeah, that, not so much.

I might book myself in for a tattoo tomorrow morning, Caleb rambled, more to himself than anything. "Maybe get the tiger with the wings from Zaybero added to my sleeve. What do you think, man?"

Yeah, sounds awesome. Just don’t die over there, you hear? And make sure you ask the stupidest questions at the con, Jake reminded him. Actually, knowing you, that shouldn’t be too difficult.

Caleb rolled his eyes at the jab. You better be thanking my ass. Our channel subscribers are gonna skyrocket once we post this footage.

Whatever, dude. Finish that interview so we can focus on what’s important, yeah?

The line went dead before Caleb had a chance to reply. He stuffed his phone into the pocket of his red sweatshirt and ran a hand through his messy, black hair. Jake was more nervous about the convention than anything. He’d said something like a free trip and interview were too good to be true.

He only agreed to let Caleb on the plane so long as he phoned him every morning and night and told him the hotel where he’d be staying. Jake had always looked out for Caleb. He and his mother had even taken him in when his parents kicked him to the streets for being gay. He’d only been thirteen then, so obviously his parents were shitty people, and Caleb had been glad to get rid of them. Life was too short to be surrounded by those who were toxic.

Now twenty-one-year-old, Caleb had zero tolerance for bullshit and drama and was determined to make something of himself. Perhaps he would return to the States with more than just a tattoo and gaming footage. He’d have a career. Future prospects. With a stroke of luck, he’d have a chance to start fresh.

No more toxicity. No more family abandoning him and having to rely on others to save his sorry ass.

The question was, could Caleb sacrifice gaming for a fancy career?

And more disturbingly, would he be able to live outside of his bedroom?

He looked at the college entrance. Nearly an exact replica of Hogwarts from Harry Potter, the sculpted building swallowed his line of sight. Its granite grounds had posters everywhere about a famous scientist visiting. The college was littered with pamphlets of his name and face, and students were giving out free bouncy balls branded with his initials. Gabriel Valentino. Was he the professor Caleb was due to meet that day?

Here, take one, a cute guy offered Caleb as he walked through the stone courtyard.

He was slightly older than Caleb, tall, blond, and built like a quarterback. Caleb gulped and took the ball from him. He smiled before stuffing the object into his back pocket, ignoring the twitch in his pants when he accidentally brushed hands with the guy.

Finally locating the college front desk, Caleb spotted a middle-aged receptionist, hard at work over a pile of filing. She was a gangly old woman, with a choppy mane of silver hair curtaining her winged glasses.

Hey, I’m supposed to have an interview in like…oh, shit—I mean, in two minutes. Sorry. My name’s Caleb Matthews.

And who are you seeing, son?

Caleb brought his backpack to the front and rummaged through the mess of paperwork inside. Uh, let’s see… He tossed a handful of wadded papers on the desk and continued to rifle through his pack. I couldn’t really read the name. I, err, also spilled some water over it on the plane… He pulled out the letter and handed it to her. I think that’s a C? And a V?

Is it Professor Valentino? She raised a pencil-thin eyebrow, her thick Scottish accent somewhat amused. He just arrived today and said he was off to interview a new student. I guess that’s you, young man?

Yes! I think that’s the guy. Sorry I smudged the letter.

Ach, don’t worry about it. He’s on the third floor, she said to him, glancing from her computer screen to Caleb. Room three hundred and twelve. Usually has his tea break about now. Will you be okay?

Caleb nodded, stuffing the crumpled papers into his backpack. Thanks.

He walked away from the front desk and towards the spiral staircase, unsure whether or not he was headed in the right direction. The college was enormous, and the students were all too engrossed in conversation to offer him help. Not that his social awkwardness allowed him to ask for any.

He looked over the letter the college had mailed him three weeks ago:

To whom it may concern,

I would like to congratulate you on winning a free ticket to the United Kingdom's largest gaming convention, Night Vision. As the convention’s main sponsor, I have awarded you with this opportunity as a thank you for contributing to the gaming community over an extended period of time.

As you have previously expressed an interest in psychological science via your online channel, I would also be delighted if you could please join me at Royale University of British Science in Edinburgh, Scotland, for an informal interview. This interview will be a chance for you to discuss the remainder of my letter in detail, ask any questions about our exchange student programme, and more importantly, acquaint yourself with our renowned campuses. Please see attached expense form for your attention.

Caleb scrunched up his face. Renowned campuses, huh?

The Royale was the most prestigious science college in the UK. After several failed attempts at getting into college, Caleb couldn’t believe his luck when the letter arrived. He now had a chance to better himself in a field he enjoyed. Connie had naturally encouraged him to go. There was no harm in checking out their offer. If Caleb felt unhappy with the arrangement, he simply wouldn’t accept and he’d fly back home. It was a safe, and free, vacation. What was there to stress about?

Jake, on the other hand, had been more reluctant. His attention leaned more towards the convention.

Who needs college when there’s talking wolves and blood-thirsty Orcs waiting on you?

Caleb hadn’t told Jake that he was stoked about the scholarship, too. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Gaming was his world. But a career in playing video games was never set in stone.

Moreover, it wasn’t like he didn’t have a backup plan. He’d get his tattoo done tomorrow, before the convention, and then maybe do some sightseeing prior to his flight home. He couldn’t wait to add more to the half-sleeve on his left forearm. The design mostly consisted of the black wolf from Zaybero, trees, and a raven carcass. Maybe he’d add something that could reflect Edinburgh, as a sort of memento.

A plague mask that once devoured its dingy chambers? The volcanic castle, or the miniature Athens on Calton Hill? Hell, maybe even a White Highland Terrier. He’d always thought they were awesome.

Ultimately, he’d make sure to have fun as well as attending the interview. Just like he’d promised Connie he would do.

Caleb walked up another staircase, jumping two at a time, and wandered through the semi-crowded hallways until he found room three hundred and twelve.

With a sharp intake of breath, he knocked on the already open door. Hey, is anyone there? Is this where I talk about the student placement?

Chapter Two

Gabriel

Gabriel Valentino’s Monday was not off to a good start. Not only had his ten o’clock presentation been cancelled at the last minute—erasing all of the hard work he’d poured into his project for several weeks—but Derek, the school’s mind-numbingly, uninteresting dean, had requested that Gabriel accompany him to an event across the city later that night. Wasn’t that good of him? Some charity fundraising dinner, which wouldn’t be so awful if not for its attendees, and the fact that Gabriel had better things to be doing with his time.

Things that required his full, undivided attention.

He’d only come to Edinburgh because he’d grown restless of his seminars in Milan. And, more than anything, had longed to meet his new student. Unlike his last one, he hoped that this one would be willing to learn from him.

Hey, is anyone in there? Is this where I talk about the student placement?

A young boy knocked on Gabriel’s office door. He stood there, alone, with a worn-out, black backpack slung over his shoulders. Despite that Gabriel was at the other end of the hallway, he could smell the boy’s cloying aftershave invading his senses. He knew straight away who the boy was and why he’d dared knock on Gabriel’s door.

The professor cleared his throat and halted beside the boy, who turned around. With Gabriel being considerably larger than him, his shadow swallowed Caleb up.

My poor, helpless boy.

I do believe the last time I checked, Gabriel said to him coolly, doors were incapable of a response. Are you perhaps lost?

The boy looked up, and his eyes were such a heart-breaking, familiar shade of dark green.

Caleb shook his head and jutted out his strong jawline. Err, I was sure this was room three hundred and twelve. He glanced down at a scrunched-up pile of paperwork in his hand and scratched the back of his neck. Noticing the plaque nailed to Gabriel’s door, Caleb tapped his name outlined in gold. I was right! This is the right room. I’m looking for a Professor Tarantino? Dude, can you help me out? I’m not really from here, as you can probably tell. Spot the newbie.

Well, first of all, it is Valentino, Gabriel corrected him with a clear, precise English accent. He sipped his latte and swept by the boy and into his office. Dude? Just who does this young man take me for? The boy rushed in after him, pausing at the threshold. And as with every teacher in this school, you will address me as Professor—or Sir. Now, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?

As he veered confidently towards his desk, he no longer looked at the boy. He could see in his peripheral vision that Caleb had blushed and debated on whether or not to approach him.

So this is the real Caleb Matthews, hmm? He is absolutely exquisite. Yes, he’ll do splendidly as my new…student.

Gabriel sat on the corner of his desk and leaned casually against the rich mahogany. The room was old and typical of Edinburgh, stacked with countless old books that probably no one had read, and smelled of parchment and lavender polish. While Gabriel did not despise the city, he would be glad to see the back of it once he returned home. As soon as he’d taken care of his new responsibility up north, he could flee to London and rest.

If things went according to plan, that would be quite soon.

Oh, well, I got this—Caleb pulled out a crumpled letter smeared with coffee stains—and I was told about some placement or something? He paused for a moment and then blushed. Sir? The letter said you wanted to take on exchange students. So, here I am.

Gabriel never moved his gaze from Caleb. After a moment, he regarded the paper with a nod. Yes, your invitation letter. I’m delighted to see you managed to hold it together. The transparent tape and coffee stains coating the parchment held his attention for a moment. Then he glanced into Caleb’s eyes, which pierced through him in utter defiance.

He is untamed.

Gabriel had already noticed how worn-out the boy’s Converse were and that his black shirt, poking out from underneath his red sweater, clearly hadn’t been ironed.

Like a puppy just begging to be trained.

Anyway, I have misplaced my manners, Gabriel said, offering him a tight smile. Please sit down. Would you like a drink? Edinburgh at this time of year does not have the best climate. In fact, Edinburgh at any time of year doesn’t have the best climate. So, tea? Coffee? Hot chocolate?

Although the boy didn’t know it just yet, Gabriel’s hospitality was not something to be taken for granted.

Uh, hot chocolate would be nice. The boy paused, then