Waiting for Mama

By Karen Cogan

In this middle-grade story, twelve years old, Jessica Smith has put up with a drug abusing mother for a long time. Though she knows she can take care of herself, she misses her mother each night when her best friend's mother calls her family for dinner.
Sometimes Jessica wonders what it would be like if her mother checked homework and cooked dinner like Sara's mom. But wondering won't change the fact that Mama comes in late from drinking. And though the Children's Welfare Department has been called, Jessica's world is turned upside down when she is taken to the children's center where she can no longer come and go as she chooses. Feeling like a captured bird, she keeps away from the other girls as she struggles with feelings of loneliness and despair
Then comes the unwelcome news that she is being placed in a foster home. Troubled and lonely, she is afraid the new family won't like her. Her decision to ignore them seems the best solution. However, her resolve is shaken when they treat her like a member of the family.

• Language: English
• Publisher: karen Cogan
• Release date: Aug 27, 2017
• ISBN: 9781386826071

Karen Cogan

Karen enjoys writing all of her historical romance.     

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No part of this work may be copied or reprinted without written permission from the author

WAITING FOR MAMA

CHAPTER ONE

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Please, Mama, I whispered into the dark. Please come home!  

I saw the faint twinkle of stars as a breath of winter wind blew through the cracks in the living room window and parted the stained curtains. 

The sofa poked its bony fingers of wire into my back each time I tried to lay flat. So I lay on my side and pulled a thin blanket over my ears and nose. Making a little tent, I blew a hot breath under the cover.

I wished we had heat. The room felt like a freezer. I doubted even icicles would melt in here.  I wiggled my toes that were numb with cold and wondered if they would freeze, too. 

I knew the reason we had no heat. Mama hadn't paid the gas bill...again. I shivered and wondered why we didn't have money anymore. Mama still worked part-time at the convenience store. Plus she got a small government check to help take care of me.  That used to be enough. We used to make ends meet.                                     

But that changed when Mama starting spending our money on beer. Sometimes there was nothing in the cupboard to eat. And when we did have food, there was never much.                               

When I asked her why she had so many cans in the refrigerator, she said that friends would be dropping by and she'd need it. But no one ever dropped by.               

I wanted her to stop drinking so much. But nothing I ever said did any good.  It only made her go out to drink instead of staying home. So, I gave up saying anything at all. 

But that didn't help either. Every night Mama spent our money while I lay in the dark and shivered.              

I had been shivering for a long time when I heard the key turn in front lock. A draft of cold air snaked under my blanket as the door opened. Then it closed with a thud and I could hear Mama fumbling with the lock.

Crossing my fingers for luck, I hoped she would get across the room without falling.  But it didn't work. She tripped on the easy chair even though we always kept it in the same spot. I could hear her muttering to herself as she got to her feet. It was going to be a bad night.                                            

I squeezed my eyes shut and lay very still. Mama always stopped at the couch on her way to bed.  If she knew I was awake she would want to talk. I didn't mind talking to her if she hadn't been drinking.  Sometimes she would tell me stories about when she was a little girl. Those were the good talks.                                    

But if she had been drinking, it was no fun. All she would do was to complain about how hard things were. Then she would cry. It always ended with her falling asleep across my legs.  I hated it.                         

Jessica, you awake? she mumbled.            

I kept still.  After a minute I heard her walk away to her room. Bedsprings creaked under a heavy thud. She had made it to bed. Now, I could relax and go to sleep.                  

Luckily for me, the next day was Saturday. I slept until nine o'clock. If it had been a school day, I would have been late. I already had four tardy slips this fall and I didn't need another one.                      

I found Mama in the kitchen having a cup of coffee. Her pale face and red eyes told me she wasn't feeling her best. I hadn't expected her to feel great after last night.            

She frowned when I walked into the room. You left the peanut butter open last night.                            

I glanced at the jar. She was right.     

Sorry. I forgot.                            

You always forget. Bugs probably got into it during the night. You just don't appreciate the cost of food.                                    

Food?  The peanut butter is the only food in the house. We never have jelly anymore.              

Her face clouded over.                 

If you didn't cost so much, I'd have enough money. I spend it all on you.                      

I hadn't meant to upset her.  The words had just slipped out. I bit my lip and told myself she didn't mean it. Still, it made me feel like crying.

And it wasn't fair. I couldn't remember the last time she had bought anything for me. I never even had new pencils.  I used ones I found on the school playground. But I didn't feel like arguing so I turned away and went out the back door.

I found my best friend, Sara, who lived next door, sitting on her back step. She was chewing on a slice of homemade bread. 

I sat next to her.              

That looks good.                            

She tore the bread in half and offered me a piece. I took it gratefully. Half a piece of bread was better than no breakfast at all.         

Sometimes I envied Sara. She was a middle child of the eight kids in her family. Her dad had a bad back and couldn't work much. Even though they must have been almost as poor as we were, they always seemed to have more to eat.      

Sara stayed quiet the whole time we ate. She kept giving me funny looks. Finally I said, Stop looking at me like that.                           

She just shrugged and looked away.           

I hate it when you get like this. Every time something's wrong, you clam up and I have to wait until you want to tell me, I said.                               

She looked down at her hands. There's something you ought to know. My mom called the Children's Welfare Department last night. She says you get left alone too much and don't get fed right. She said we'd take you in but we already have too many.

I stared at her, trying to make sense of her words. I had heard of the Children's Welfare Department. They checked on kids whose parents hurt them or didn't take care of them.  Sometimes they took them away from home. I hoped they wouldn't check on me. I could take care of myself.     

What do you think will happen? I asked.       

Somebody will come out and talk to your mom. They'll try to get her to stay home more, I guess.          

I squinted my eyes and looked her right in the face. I don't like the idea of somebody putting his nose in my business.                                   

I felt angry and worried at the same time. Still, it might be nice to have someone tell Mama to stay home at night. I was tired of being left alone. Even though I didn't like the idea of a stranger knowing my business, I hoped Mama would listen.                                  

Mom says she prays for you and your mom every night, Sara said.                              

I thought about it a minute and then I said, I don't guess I mind if she prays, but she shouldn't meddle. This better turn out all right.                      

It will.  Let's go to the park. She was eager to change the subject now.                            

I nodded. I better stay out of the apartment for awhile, anyway. It's best to leave Mama alone when she's in a bad mood. If she stays home tonight, maybe she'll feel better and we can watch television together.       

We walked past the end of the shabby apartments.  I stared up at the un-curtained windows on the second floor. 

I wrinkled my nose. I hate walking past here. Those windows look like big eyes with no lashes.  I always feel like somebody is watching me.                    

I know what you mean. You got to be careful here. After Mr. Parker got robbed last week, Mom said we had to be in before dark.                   

I understood why her mom was worried. Mr. Parker hadn't been hurt. But right after the robbery, he looked awfully pale and had to sit down on account of his bad heart. Sara's Mom had brought him a glass of water and stayed with him while he talked to the police.    

I breathed easier when we reached our favorite place under the old wooden fort. On the platform, one side was open. Two sides had slits to climb up to the fort and one side was walled in.  We liked to sit under the platform with our back against the wall. We pretended it was our clubhouse where we could talk and tell secrets. Usually no one noticed we were there.

We sat awhile. Then, I got cramped and decided to stretch. I made the mistake of letting my feet stick out.  My timing couldn't have been worse. Benny, the pest, saw my feet and came over with his dog.      

Dogs terrify me and I have a hard time not showing it. While other people pet them and tell them how cute they are, I look at their teeth.  

Who's under here? Benny asked, leaning down.

I pulled my feet inside. Go away. 

Not yet.  Henry's hungry. Eat 'em Henry.     

He gave his dog a shove toward us. I tried to melt into the back of the fort.  I wished there was a way out behind us. I wanted desperately to get away. Unfortunately, the only way out was past the hairy fur ball.                      

Henry began to bark. He sounded vicious. I was sure he was going to come in.  I hid behind Sara.

You better get him out of here or I'll kick him in the teeth, Sara shouted.                     

She wasn't afraid of dogs. She even liked them, at least the ones that were likable. I doubted she would kick Henry. Benny must not have been sure, though, because he pulled Henry back.                 

You'd be sorry if you kicked him. He's trained to attack, Benny said.                          

Sara wrinkled her nose. Oh sure. Just get him out of here.

I nudged her. Don't say anything to make Benny mad. He might send Henry back in.                      

Henry sniffed around the grass.                  

You two are boring. I'm going to go look for some action, Benny said.                                 

I was relieved to hear that.  I didn't like Benny and I liked his dog even less. I would be glad if he moved and never came back, especially if he moved to another planet.                                               

Mom says Benny is headed for trouble. She doesn't like it when Jimmy hangs out with him, Sara said.   

Jimmy was her younger brother. He was the next after her. She had so many brothers and sisters it was hard