Rediscovering the Character of Manhood: A Young Man's Guide to Building Integrity

By Greg Baker

Character and integrity are essential qualities for any real man. More important than a boy’s ability to take a hit on the football field or skill in sports is the ability of a young man to be truthful, honest, and reliable. That, more than anything else, should mark the character of a Christian man.

Becoming a man in an ever-changing landscape has always been challenging, and building character and integrity in a permissive world full of distractions and sin will task even the most good-natured boy. This book is full of lessons and stories that will entertain and teach.

My hope is that you will take this book, dad, and read through it with your son. Let the stories you read spark your own memories, memories you can share with your son of your own journey into manhood.

This book will cover essential qualities of character, which include:

Honesty and Why Cheaters Are Cowards
Telling the Truth and the Dangers of Lying
Learning How to Stand Up for Something
Knowing and Overcoming Weaknesses
Learning to Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions
Being Courageous and Overcoming Fear
Dealing with Failure
Learning to Like Yourself
Learning Patience
Not Becoming a Quitter
Knowing When to Quit
Handling Anger
Knowing What to Do When Things Go Wrong
Stepping Up and Being the Man
Dealing with Pride and Ego
Learning to Give and Keep Your Word
Learning to Work Hard
Learning to Control the Tongue
Handling Money Correctly
Learning to Live the Life God Has Given You

• Language: English
• Publisher: Greg Baker
• Release date: Oct 4, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463840481

Greg Baker

Ryan Yellowlees is a Canadian clinical counselor and Christian social media content creator.

Book preview

Rediscovering the Character of Manhood

A Young Man’s Guide to Building Integrity

Greg S. Baker

For Christian Boys, Teens, Young Men, and Dads

Rediscovering the Character of Manhood

A Young Man’s Guide to Building Integrity

For Christian Boys, Teens, Young Men, and Dads

by

Greg S. Baker

Independently Published

Copyright © 2018

ISBN: 9781726700122

First Edition

All Scripture quotations are from the King James Bible.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Other Books by Greg S. Baker

Christian and Christian Living

Fitly Spoken – Developing Effective Communication and Social Skills

Restoring a Fallen Christian – Rebuilding Lives for the Cause of Christ

The Great Tribulation and the Day of the Lord: Reconciling the Premillennial Approach to Revelation

The Gospel of Manhood According to Dad – A Young Man’s Guide to Becoming a Man

Rediscovering the Character of Manhood – A Young Man’s Guide to Building Integrity

Stressin’ Over Stress – Six Ways to Handle Stress

Biblical Fiction Novels

The Davidic Chronicles

Book One - Anointed

Book Two - Valiant

Book Three – Fugitive

More to come…

Young Adult Adventure Novels

Isle of the Phoenix Novels

The Phoenix Quest

In the Dragon’s Shadow

More to come…

www.thedivineingredient.com

Disclaimer

The stories in this book are as I recall them. My memory over the years has undoubtedly transposed some of them into an exaggeration of some kind or another, and if other participants in these stories were asked about the same events, they may very well remember them differently.

However, it is my perspective on these events that has helped shape my life into the man I am today. I will recount them as accurately as I can recall them, but I make no claim that they happened exactly as I describe—only as I remember them. I am fully aware that immaturity and/or emotions of the time can skew the memories I have from the literal truth, and we tend to remember only the parts that make the greatest impact on our lives. It was, however, those parts that helped shape the man I became.

Except for immediate family, all names have been changed to protect identities.

My Hope for This Book

Becoming a man in an everchanging landscape has always been challenging. A boy must navigate the intricacies of life in a world where technology and permissiveness have become enablers of all kinds of behavior and then emerge into adulthood as a man whom any father or mother would be proud of. That process is not easy. Defining manhood nowadays is different than it once was. Society is challenging traditional definitions and thereby challenges the values behind those definitions. This book seeks to make clear the muddy waters of growing up and give dads and boys the insight needed to help boys become the men God means for them to become.

I grew up in a traditional, Christian family. I am a second-generation Christian. I never used drugs. I never smoked. I never drank alcohol. I never cussed. I was a virgin when I got married. And I pastored a church for thirteen years. I am now the father of four sons of my own. For the Christian parents trying to rear their sons in a Christian home, this book is for you and for your sons. The stories in this book are normal, everyday encounters of growing up and becoming a man. It can be an invaluable tool to help guide your son into adulthood.

My hope is that you will take this book, dad, and read through it with your son. More importantly though, let the stories you read spark your own memories—memories you can share with your son of your own journey into manhood. Your stories will have the greatest impact on your boys.

Dedication

For my two youngest sons, Owen and Jacen. You both have taught me so much—even about manhood. I love you both!

Acknowledgments

A book like this that is based on so much of my own life means there are too many people to appropriately thank. My parents, of course, deserve the most credit. They, after all, introduced me to manhood and to a relationship with Jesus Christ.

In a general way, I want to thank every person who is mentioned in this book. For the most part, their names have been changed in this writing, but their influence on my life, big and little, positive and negative, have shaped me into the man I am. These are the people who make up my life, for life is relationships, and there is value and weight to every person. They all matter.

Thank you.

Table of Contents

Introduction to the Character of Manhood

Chapter 1 – Cheaters Are Cowards

Chapter 2 – The Truth of Lies

Chapter 3 – Knowing What You Stand For

Chapter 4 – Know Your Own Weaknesses

Chapter 5 – Taking Responsibility for Your Actions

Chapter 6 – Courage and Fear

Chapter 7 – Thank God! I’m a Failure!

Chapter 8 – Liking Yourself

Chapter 9 – A Patient Man Is a Perfect Man

Chapter 10 – Don’t Be a Quitter

Chapter 11 – Know When to Quit

Chapter 12 – The Strong Man Versus the Angry Man

Chapter 13 – When Things Go Wrong

Chapter 14 – Step Up, Son

Chapter 15 – Pride’s Folly

Chapter 16 – Giving and Keeping Your Word

Chapter 17 – Work Hard, Son!

Chapter 18 – What You Say Matters

Chapter 19 – The Root of All Evil

Chapter 20 – Get Your Own Stories

About the Author

Other Books by Greg S. Baker

Introduction to the Character of Manhood

Manhood is about the little things of life. Trauma, heavy burdens, and extreme situations are not what makes a man. A man’s character may be revealed in times like that, but the little things learned along the way are what builds a man’s character and allows him to carry the heavy loads of life.

Twenty-three times in Proverbs, the phrase, My son, appears. Proverbs is a father’s attempt to teach his son about the little things in life so that his son would be capable of handling the weightier matters he would eventually face as king of one of the most powerful and influential nations in the world at that time.

Solomon wanted to pass on to his son the lessons he had learned. He wanted to teach his son what character and integrity meant. He wanted his son to grow up into a man of decency, honor, integrity, honesty, and godliness. Being a man isn’t about how tough you are, how much pain you can endure, how well you can dominate someone physically, or how skilled you are at a sport or even a trade. You will find none of those areas addressed in the advice Solomon gave to his son in the book of Proverbs.

We tend to look at Esau and say he was a man’s man, but Jacob was a momma’s boy. Neither was true, and neither exhibited true qualities of manhood. In fact, if you examine Jacob’s deeds after he left home, he did many things that we would consider manly, but at that time of his life, I wouldn’t give you a nickel for his manhood—or Esau’s. Jesus was a man, and He let the disciple John lean against His breast (John 13:35), and that gesture was not an act of feminism, being gay, or being weak. Yet our Christian society never points to that example as one of manliness! But I dare say that both Jesus and John were incredibly strong men who understood manhood.

This is the dilemma that fathers face. How do we bring our boys into manhood in a world where manhood is often confused with gladiator-style attributes? We want our boys to be men, and well we should, but manhood isn’t about the ability to take a hit in football, but rather, it’s how he conducts himself on the field and his attitude toward his opponent. Doing your best and playing your hardest is not the same as thinking of ways to hurt your opponents or losing your temper when you think the other team cheated. I’d rather have a boy who knows how to control his temper than one that knows how to win a ballgame.

This book is about the challenges a boy must face to navigate the normal, everyday situations of life—girls, school, church, family, and friends. The stories in this book are not of death-defying situations, gang involvement, prison, or deep sin. For the most part, they are about what your son may face growing up in the United States in a Christian home.

Dad, start in any chapter you think is most needful to your son. Read it with him, for I am hoping it will inspire you to share your own stories of growing up and help you add your own lessons as you guide your son to manhood.

This book is what every father would want to say to his son, but just may not know how.

Chapter One

Cheaters Are Cowards

Somehow and in some way, society has accepted cheating as a legitimate way to get ahead. The practice has become so common that I’ve even heard people use the excuse, But everyone’s doing it, as justification for cheating. Indeed, I heard an eighth grader say, Cheating is only wrong if you get caught. As a result of these philosophies and others like them, teenagers are seemingly growing up with a belief that right and wrong are relative. I sometimes corner teenagers and teasingly demand, Have you cheated in school this year? Sheepishly, 90 percent of them admit that they have—and these are Christian kids!

Two prevailing philosophies seem to dominate our thinking when it comes to things like cheating, lying, and other so-called benign sins:

1. It’s only wrong if you get caught.

2. As long as you don’t hurt someone else, then it’s not wrong.

These philosophies and others like them have undermined character and integrity more than anything else. These dangerous values—and yes, they are a type of value—have created an atmosphere of distrust and immaturity.

But cheating is stealing. Plain and simple.

When you cheat, you steal someone else’s work while perpetuating the lie that you know something or accomplished something you did not. Cheating is wrong, and worse, it inhibits maturity and the growth of your character. Maturity is the ability to take responsibility for your responsibilities, and cheating is the direct antithesis of taking responsibility. Cheating attempts to sidestep responsibility—both the work involved in fulfilling the responsibility and the consequences for failing to fulfill the responsibility. In effect, cheating is the coward’s way out.

Yes, cheaters are cowards. They dare not face their own laziness, their own immaturity, those who counted on them, and the consequences of their laziness. Becoming a man means owning up to your mistakes and your faults. Only cowards seek to evade the consequences of their own actions, but a real man faces up to them.

Son, don’t be a coward.

The Cheater

I don’t recall kindergarten, but I do remember several things from first grade. I attended a school in Phoenix called Nevitt Elementary, located not far from my house on Lynne Lane. This was back in the day when, even as a first grader, I walked to and from school by myself or with a friend—oh, I’m sure Mom came along a time or two as well.

My first-grade teacher was Mrs. Ringer. Her classroom was set up with the desks in a horseshoe shape that faced a giant chalkboard against the wall at the top of the U. In 1981 and to a small first grader, that chalkboard looked enormous. My fingers itched to get my hands on a piece of chalk and draw on that huge, green canvas. Do you know how many bombers I could draw and how many cities I could destroy on such a large work area? My little imagination saw so many possibilities, and I wanted that chalkboard all to myself.

I only had one problem to overcome. In order to draw on the chalkboard, we had to get our work done. That was great—if you were the first person done, for then you’d have the entire chalkboard to yourself. But as other kids finished, the chalkboard became more crowded, leaving less room to draw.

What I needed was an edge—some way to get my work done in a hurry and get to the chalkboard before anyone else. I found the solution in Nova, the girl sitting next to me. Nova was a spindly girl, not very popular, and not at all interested in the chalkboard—which played right into my devious first-grade brain. She was also a fast worker who usually finished her work well ahead of me. She had one other attribute that helped me conceive of a thoroughly daring plan—at least for me. She had to go to the bathroom—frequently.

Mrs. Ringer handed out a worksheet to all the kids and told us to get to work on it. And as for her usual reward, she told us that as soon as we finished, we could draw on the chalkboard. Nova, of course, got to work right away. I procrastinated, knowing that I wouldn’t need to do the work if my plan came together. Sure enough, Nova was nearly finished—well ahead of all the other kids—when she had to use the bathroom.

I watched Nova slip out of her chair and head off to get permission. No sooner did she get around the desks and near the teacher when I swapped papers with her. Hurriedly, I erased her name at the top and wrote mine over it. And then writing her name on my paper, I put it on her desk. I hastily finished the tiny portion she had not yet done and then stood up, finished paper in hand.

All the kids looked up, obviously surprised that I’d finished my work so quickly. Proudly, I walked around the perimeter of the desks to Mrs. Ringer’s desk and placed Nova’s work in the designated tray.

Done already, Gregory? Mrs. Ringer asked, her eyebrows rising slightly in surprise.

Yes, Ma’am, I replied politely, just as my mother had taught me. May I draw on the chalkboard?

If you’ve done your work, you can. She glanced at the paper in the tray to make sure it was complete and then looked back down at whatever it was she was doing.

I took that dismissal as permission. Extremely pleased that my plan had worked so well, I ran over to the chalkboard and immediately claimed the longest and best piece of chalk available. I had the entire chalkboard to myself with oodles and oodles of space to draw bombers, space aliens, alien ships, and thermonuclear explosions—all of which quite naturally went together in my little brain.

I got to work—or playing.

Not long after, I dimly remember Nova’s returning to the classroom and making her way to her desk. By this time, I was well on my way to depicting the destruction of the entire world and was so engrossed in my masterpiece that I only distantly realized that Nova had begun to cry. Besides, my job wasn’t to console her or even to figure out what was wrong with her. That was the teacher’s job, so I kept drawing.

Mrs. Ringer got up from her desk and walked over to Nova. A moment later, Mrs. Ringer stalked back and picked up my paper from the tray on her desk. I continued drawing, completely engrossed in my art.

The first indication I had that my plan was unraveling was when my teacher grabbed my arm and pulled me back toward my desk. I didn’t resist, and I don’t even know what happened to the chalk I held. The next thing I knew, I stood before a teary-eyed Nova, and Mrs. Ringer was shoving my stolen work under my nose.

Is this your paper, Gregory? she demanded. Her stern tone of voice along with the fact that she still had a death grip on my arm alerted me that I was probably in big trouble.

I decided to stall. It’s got my name on it, I protested.

This name? Here? She stabbed a finger at the top of the paper.

And then I saw it—the one great fault of my master plan. My name was clearly visible there, all right, but right beneath it, not completely erased was Nova’s name. I’d failed to take into account that first graders tend to write rather hard. Erasing her name hadn’t really done the trick as I had intended.

I looked up and found Nova’s eyes. All girls were ugly to me at that age, but I couldn’t help but notice the hurt and torment in her eyes. I was very young, and I didn’t fully understand what I had done or how much I had hurt Nova. I did understand that I had done wrong, and I certainly understood my teacher’s intentions when she started pulling me toward the door.

I think you need to visit the principal, young man, she said. A worse threat she could not have given me. I didn’t even know who the principal was! I’m sure I’d seen him or her, but the principal was a kid-eating monster who terrified little boys and girls. I’d never been to the principal’s office. I’m not even sure I knew where it was!

Terrified now, I started crying as soon as we got out the door. I heard the heavy door slam shut, and we stood on the sidewalk outside. Tears streamed down my face. Getting to draw on the chalkboard early certainly wasn’t worth being dragged to the principal’s office.

Mrs. Ringer, God bless her, had pity on me. Perhaps because I’d never been in trouble before or maybe she sensed true remorse—and no, I didn’t feel bad because I’d hurt Nova. I felt bad because I had been caught, and I didn’t want to face up to the consequences. My cowardly little heart trembled at the thought of having to see the principal.

Turning to me, Mrs. Ringer put on her best glare. You know what you did was wrong, right?

That last part of her question was a bit confusing, but I dared not seek clarification, so I just nodded and muttered, Yes, Ma’am.

You really hurt Nova, you know. She didn’t deserve to have her work stolen. Do you understand?

No, not really, but again, I nodded. Yes, Ma’am.

Cheating is wrong, Gregory. Promise me you won’t do it again.

I nodded vigorously—anything to get out of having to see the principal. I promise.

But you’re still in trouble, Gregory. You’re going to have to stay after class.

Well, that was a sight better than having to face the principal, so I counted my blessings, so to speak. She marched me back into class, sat me down, erased my name from Nova’s paper, and wrote Nova’s back on her paper. She then erased Nova’s name from my answerless paper and wrote mine in the appropriate place.

Now get to work, Greg, she ordered.

I gulped and got to work. I dared not look up. For some reason, I didn’t want to see Nova’s eyes again.

At the end of the day, Mrs. Ringer had all the kids stand and put their chairs on top of their desks—except for me. I sat in my chair while all the other kids lined up to leave and the lights were turned off. By this time, things had settled down a bit in my mind, and I was a bit peeved. I’m not exactly sure at what—me, Nova, or being caught. Regardless, when Mrs. Ringer took pity on me once again and told me I could get in line to go home, I felt cheated. I folded my arms and scrunched down in my chair, trying to blend in with the near darkness. I’d been caught. This was my punishment. How dare she take that away!

Looking back, I feel my reaction at the last was peculiar to say the least. Perhaps