Grace Amid Darkness: Finding My Way

By MJ Melvin

Anna is a rebel in a traditional world. 

She is an abolitionist living in slave-holding Virginia. Adventure and exploration call to her, she has no desire to one day be a planter's wife. 

When Aunt Margaret moves close by with an intent to mold Anna into a proper Southern lady, Anna must find the courage to stand her ground.

Anna is anything but traditional, but will bucking the system cost too much? Will her actions bring harm instead of salvation to those she cares about?

Grace Amid Darkness is the first book in the Finding My Way series, where strong girls fight the system. If you like period books with compelling characters who stand up for what they believe in, you'll love MJ Melvin's 19th-century tale of a girl who puts herself in danger to defend what she believes is just. 

Buy Grace Amid Darkness to discover if she succeeds in improving the lives of her family's slaves while pursuing a life of adventure.

• Language: English
• Publisher: MJ Melvin
• Release date: Sep 19, 2018
• ISBN: 9780999646922

Book preview

Introduction

Thank you for choosing Grace Amid Darkness. This novel is based in a dark time in America’s history. Despite often finding themselves in a bad situation, humans find a way not only to endure, but to thrive, live.

This is Anna’s story.

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I write my books for my best friend, who is dyslexic. Sentences are shorter and not overly complex, I avoid long paragraphs, and unnecessary description. Please allow your imagination to soar and see imagine the characters as you choose.

Chapter 1

Ruby

Virginia, 1840

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Thick drapes twisted in my hands. I tried to hide from the misery beyond the glass, sinking deeper into the folds of the fabric. The curtains shielded me from the prying eyes of my brother. He was only a few yards distant, part of the ruckus outside .

I was not supposed to be watching.

The cries of Ruby passed through the wavy pane. She is one of our slave girls, about my age. Her wails tore my emotions to shreds.

A wagon loaded with goods for the market waited nearby. In the old Studebaker sat Ruby’s mama. Her face was all squished up and tears rolled down her dark cheeks. Shaky arms reached out to her baby. Terror filled her eyes, searching for a way out.

Mama, Ruby screamed across the yard as she clung to another one of our slaves, her head buried in Mercy’s skirt. She peeked her head up from the skirt to watch her mama. The old slave whispered into Ruby’s ear and stroked her hair as Ruby cried.

Ruby, chil’, don’t ya forget dat I’se love ya more den anyting, her mama bellowed while reaching toward Ruby.

The agony continued.

Mama, why ya leavin’ me? Mama, don’ go. Please, stay here wit me.

Ruby broke free and ran toward her mother, but Mercy grabbed hold, catching her by her wrist. Ruby pulled against Mercy’s grasp, grasping for her mama who was propped in the back of the wagon like a bag of seed.

My emotions were in tatters. Why was this awful thing happening? I needed to stop them from taking Ruby’s mama away. Maybe Papa would listen to my pleas for pity. Maybe I could make this come to an end.

Maybe…

I ran to the door and froze at the threshold. Words my brother had said for as long as I remembered screamed in my thoughts, reminding me I am a mere girl, not important like boys are.

My head dropped on my chest and I returned to the window, my shoes dragging along the wood floor.

The heavy panels again provided a shadowed place to hide. Ruby’s shoulder’s bobbed up and down, her head shook back and forth. A snot bubble pulsed at the end of her nose.

The horses pulled away toward town. Ruby’s mother sat slumped in the wagon, her swollen eyes lingering on her child until they could no more.

The hot August heat beat down on them both. The willow trees stretched out swaying arms offering comfort with no effect. Their pain was unreachable.

A deep ache welled within me. An old wound reopened, bringing back the misery of my loss.

Powerless. There are. I am.

I may not have been able to stop what happened, but somehow Ruby’s life will get better. I will make it so. Curtains will no longer hide me.

Miss Anna, don’t let your Papa catch you eating those sweet cakes afore dinner now, y’hear," Iris said with a smile as I scooped a delicious peach treat from the table .

I will be real careful and not get caught, I whispered behind my hand.

Iris has been our kitchen servant for a long as I remember and has been since before Jimmy’s born days.

The kitchen was one of my favorite places, partly because of the sweets, but mostly because of Iris. Kind, forgiving eyes made me feel safe, even when I had been naughty.

On this day, her eyes did not shine.

Iris, are you sad?

She gazed out the window, her shoulders sagged with a sigh. Yes, I be sad, Miss Anna.

Is it because of what happened yesterday when Ruby’s mama was taken away? I studied her face, searching for something I didn’t understand.

Iris nodded, her head moved as if it weighed more than a horse.

Why did her mama go away? I didn’t want my mama to go, but God took her anyway. Is God taking away Ruby’s mama, as well?

Iris continued to stare out the window. No, child, God did not take away her mama. Her voice sounded strange.

Well then, why did she go? Curiosity about what happened ate me up.

Iris twisted a rag in the pan of cleaning water. Sometimes life goes dat way. She placed the folded rag along the edge of the pan. Now, go on and take some more of those sweet cakes and skedaddle.

The treats disappeared deep in my pocket. I wandered out the door after waving goodbye to Iris, my mind on the task ahead.

Searching the grounds of our farm, I found Ruby slumped in the shadow of a big walnut tree. Narrow blades of grass whirled around her as she blew them from her hand.

The shade of the tree was pleasant as I lowered myself next to Ruby. She didn’t take her focus away from the twirling grass.

I saw your mama leave yesterday, you were crying and all. It made me sad.

Wet, deep-chocolate eyes looked at me. Her hair stuck was out in all directions, untamed, often how mine was. I disliked pulling my hair back as was expected of girls.

The sadness drawn on her face was what I noticed the most, reminding me of the day my Mama went to Heaven. I reminded myself I was there to bring Ruby cheer, not sadness.

I reached into my pocket and unwrapped the sweet cakes. Here, I brought you something, I said, holding out one of the fine treats.

What be dat?

One of Iris’s sweet cakes. It’s for you.

She took it in her hand and stared at it. You done brung dis for me?

Yes. Well, actually I have two, one for you and one for me. I can’t resist Iris’s baking. Her goodies always cheer me when I am sad and maybe it might help you, too.

She questioned me with her eyes but said nothing.

Together, we ate the delicious cakes, happy for a moment. I wanted to make Ruby’s pain go away. The best I could do was sit with her and keep her company.

I thought of something for my friend, something more important than bringing her a goody.

The oak boards creaked under my feet while I practiced my plea for Papa. I was gathering the courage to speak with him. In all my almost eight years, I had never asked for anything like this .

Drawing a deep breath, I crept toward his study; the clock kept time with my steps. The door loomed close and the sound of shuffling papers told me he was busy. I fought the urge to flee to the safety of my room. My lip stung from my teeth biting into it. Closing my eyes, I reached my trembling hand to the door and knocked on the frame.

His face lifted from the work in front of him, his eyes still knitted together in concentration. His face softened. Come in my darling Anna. What a delight for you to visit me. He motioned for me to sit down.

On the desk were the accounts, the bills for 1840 stacked in a neat pile. Perhaps I should have kept my thoughts to myself, Papa had enough on worry about.

What can I do for you, dear? His worn hands rested on top of the bills.

Papa, I stalled, taking a moment to calm my shaking hands. May I say something important? I rushed on before I lost my courage. I think Ruby should be a house servant instead of a barn helper.

He tilted his head full of thick, brown curls toward one shoulder while his eyebrows jigged upward. Hmm, may I inquire what brings this about?

I wiggled in the chair. Oh, I watch her. To be truthful, I watch our workers when I tire of reading or needlework. She is steadfast in her chores despite her small size. She cleans the barn even when she isn’t told to. Oh, Papa, don’t you suppose she would be a nice helper for Glory?

My tummy was doing flips. I wiped my hands along my skirt.

He stroked his peppered beard. Well now, I shall need time to ponder your request.

My legs swung under the chair, like reins loosened at full gallop. I tried to keep my posture still like a young lady should.

His blue eyes found my hazel ones and held them. Bookwork will occupy me for a spell, but I will take your suggestion into consideration. I must take matters of the farm into mind, however, I value your input as a member of this family. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, I am impressed with your observation skills. Go on and play now.

You will consider my idea? I expected you to shoo me out, after all, I am just a silly girl, ask Jimmy, he’ll tell you so.

Papa leaned on his elbows. You are anything but silly. You and your brother are important in this family.

Tingles danced through my body. I couldn’t believe I had worked up the courage to talk to Papa about Ruby. I skipped out of his study.

The smell of supper beckoned me to the kitchen. I scooted onto a stool at the preparation table and reached for a slice of raw potato. Iris was busy preparing tonight’s supper.

She smiled at me while she tended to the potatoes. Goodness, someone sure be happy ‘bout something.

My face might have split, I was smiling so big.

I have a secret but I can’t share it yet.

Papa said nothing about Ruby at supper last evening or before I went to bed. I longed to know what he decided, but I was taught to be patient and so I was .

The desire to explore enticed me to change into play clothes. Staying indoors was more than I could bear. My rag-doll, Sarah, went with me on my travels today, she likes to explore, too. We giggled about doing things girls shouldn’t do, like climbing trees, exploring caves, and digging for gold.

We found Iris busy cleaning up from this morning’s meal. Sarah and I settled in at the table to enjoy her company. I studied her while she scrubbed. Smooth brown skin, ringlets of black hair which reminded me of the springs on the weighing scales only scrunched together more. What I liked most of all was how she moved, more of a glide like how the ladies danced at fancy balls.

I’m going exploring today, Iris.

And what do you aim to find?

I don’t know, that’s what makes adventuring fun!

Well now, I reckon our brave adventurer can’t be fainting from hunger on her journey. She put down her rag and gathered fixins for our day outside.

Iris filled my satchel with enough food for several days of adventure. Sarah and I made our way down to the creek, one of my most favorite places in the entire world. I loved the trees leaning over like they were trying to listen to the gurgling water. The fish played games of hide-n-seek with the shadows.

Balanced on a log, I removed my stockings and shoes, being careful to put them where they wouldn’t get wet. Especially the shoes, they cost Papa a fair bit.

My feet plunged into the cool water, it swirled around my ankles. In no time, my imagination was soaring. Sarah and I were like Magellan seeking undiscovered land, splashing through an unnamed river.

The water soaked my skirts, weighing me down like an anchor. Exploring would be so much easier if I wore trousers like boys did. I bet Buccaneers didn’t fuss with heavy skirts, so I shall one day be a Buccaneer. Or, I could travel like Lewis and Clark all the way to the Pacific Ocean! Sarah and I talked about all the newfangled animals and plants we will discover. How will we ever describe them? Why, people will hardly believe us.

Scrambling among the rocks, we found a new cave to explore. We pretended they were ancient tombs with pharaohs buried deep in the earth, masks of gold and jewelry fit for a queen had been hidden for centuries.

We spent the day exploring the creek and ate a decent share of what Iris packed for us. The light was fading, reminding us to return home, bringing our day of adventure to a close. Mud, sand, and pieces of thorny bushes clung to my dress. A fresh change of clothes was necessary before joining Papa and Jimmy for our evening meal.

At supper, they talked about the tobacco harvest. I was bursting to share my day, but stories from girls about imaginary explorations were not suitable for table conversation.

Papa did not mention his decision regarding Ruby during supper. Nothing, not a hint of what he might have been thinking. I almost died from not knowing.

In my bedchamber, lamplight glowed dim and my eyes strained at the words on the page. A figure appeared at my door. Papa eased himself down on the side of my bed. My heart beat fast, for I was hopeful and scared of what he might say.

Well now, if Ruby is to be a house servant, don’t you think she needs appropriate clothing? Perhaps you have some dresses which might fit her? She will be here in the morning to start her new position.

I sprang across the bed and wrapped my arms around him as far as they would go. Thank you, Papa. I laid my head against his shoulder.

He kissed the top of my head. Good night, darling Anna, he said before leaving my room.

Leaping from my bed, I snatched the lamp off the bedside stand. Deep shadows nestled within the wardrobe so I held the light closer to browse through my dresses. Which of these might suit her best? I hopped from one foot to the other as I made selections. Would she like the blue one or the paisley? Oh, not the green one with the awful, itchy neck. Finally, with my choices made, I folded them with attentive care and placed them on the dressing table.

During the night, hours passed and sleep did not visit. I can’t believe Papa agreed to have Ruby be a house servant. Perhaps she would be less sad about her mama being gone.

Impatient for the day to begin, I popped out of bed as the first glimmer of the day peeked over the horizon. My eyes squinted in the faint light as I folded and refolded the dresses, doubting my choices. For the hundredth time, I matched the edges until they were perfect. Not satisfied, I moved them back to the dressing table and tugged at the collars to lay just so.

The sounds of the servants entering the house drew me from my room. I searched for Glory, finding her amidst pails and rags, preparing for her duties.

Unable to contain my happiness, I bounced on my toes. Glory, have you heard? Ruby is starting as a house servant today.

Yes, chil’, your papa done tole me. She eyed my bouncing and said, Now don’ get yourself into a frenzy, Miss Anna, Ruby be here ta work, not be yer plaything.

Oh, I understand, Glory. I am so happy she has a better job now. I picked some of my dresses for her to wear since she will be working in the house. Will you send her to my room so she can try them on? Not waiting for an answer, I skipped off to my favorite part of the house where the aroma of cooking bacon filled the air.

Skillets clanged and steam rose from the stove. Iris’s spatula moved at lightning speed as she tended to breakfast.

Goodness, look who be up with the birds this morning. What you up to, Miss Anna?

My voice came out in a strangled squeak. Remember when I said I had a happy secret? Well, I had asked Papa to let Ruby be a house servant and he said yes. Now she won’t spend all day in the hot, smelly barn. I picked out some of my dresses for her, too.

Whoa, slow down, child. I done heard she be movin’ up to da big house. Are you’s saying you be the one responsible for dat?

My head bobbed up and down and I couldn’t hold back a grin. I worked up the bravery to ask Papa about her coming to the house. I was so scared I almost shook right out of my skin.

You be brave and very kind for thinking of Ruby. You keep having courage and compassion, Miss Anna, you will be a fine woman one day.

Her words bounced around in my head as I tried to figure out what she meant. Oh well, what she said didn’t matter, only that she was pleased with me.

I joined Jimmy and Papa in the dining room. Their conversation was light as they sipped coffee. A long day awaited them in the fields.

Would the meal never end? Important things needed tending to.

At long last, I flew up the steps to my room in case Ruby stopped by to try on the dresses. When a knock came, I danced across the floor and flung the door open. My joy vanished when it was Glory, not Ruby, who collected the dresses.

With my head hung low, I shuffled to the sitting room. I needed to focus on my studies for Mr. Larkin was to return soon to resume with my studies. I would be expected to answer a long list of questions.

Geography was easiest for me since I imagined myself traveling the world and visiting wonderful places. History was so boring, nothing but dates of battles and there were so many.

My geography book rested on my lap with the pages opened to England and its kingdom (queendom?). I imagined what England