Life, Love, and Unity

By Deanna James

Ann and Michael have both been married before. Their past relationships ended in nothing but heartbreak, and they both carry the battle scars to prove it. Love is frankly the last thing on Anns mind. She has a severely ill daughter to care for; plus, she worries that her ex might show up and tear her life apartagain.

Michael lives far, far away from his children, and emotionally, hes far away from everyone. He thinks hes too battered and bruised to be in a relationship. He feels he doesnt deserve love, and he barely remembers how to give it. Then, a chance meeting brings Ann and Michael together, and new feelings threaten their equilibrium.

Ann has trust issues. She refuses to trust another man with her heart, but she also has trouble trusting men with her children. Michael is afraid of ruining Anns life as he has ruined his own. Yet, their connection is undeniable, and it will take a leap of faith from both of them to make this unexpected love last.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Abbott Press
• Release date: Mar 17, 2014
• ISBN: 9781458213778

Deanna James

Deanna James was born in upstate New York but currently lives with her husband and daughter in small-town Texas. She attended community college, where she earned a degree in applied science. She has worked as a nurse for most of her life.

Book preview

Chapter 1

THE BEGINNING

Fall was setting in early, the air crisp and cool. It was a huge relief from the untypical heat the small town of Newark was experiencing. Ann sat on her front porch, sipping her cup of tea. It was warm, and sweet, flavored with the local merchants’ honey. How did I get here, she sighed to herself how did I get here?

She remembered her plans when she was younger. She was going to set out, and move to the city, The Big City. She was going to be involved in fashion design and create wedding gowns, for people in love. It would not matter if they were young or old; they just needed to be in love. It would be a blessing to be involved with those in love, no matter what their age.

Love, what a concept, love, is that what got her here? Ann was the mother of two children, Brie an early teen, and Jenna, a small toddler. Here she was again by herself, lonely, and divorced. Barely thirty-two, she was feeling like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.

She shuddered, and grabbed the handmade blanket to throw over her shoulders. She continued a slow and easy rocking, in the old chair. Ann and Brie had nursed this chair back to life years ago. It was the only sturdy and safe thing in her life at this point, beside herself.

It was a good thing she had made it through nursing school she kept thinking. At least her schooling had provided her with a steady income, and a career. It also helped her understand her youngest.

Jenna was a beautiful baby. In addition to blonde curly hair, she had big blue eyes, bright and full of wonder. She could wrap her mama, around her finger a thousand times over. Granted it was only with a smile, rarely a word. Her ability to communicate with the world continued to decrease with every seizure she had. How long would it be, Ann wondered, before Jenna would not remember who her mommy was, or call out to her? She was only two and facing such obstacles. Obstacles no child should face.

How long would it be, before the pre-school called stating she was not doing well? Ann would drive to the school, and bring her home. How long would it be, before they had another court review? Her father often petitioned the courts for visitation.

This she decided long ago would never happen again. It would not matter if she had to leave her family and friends behind and go on the run. She would go into hiding. She would never allow her daughter to be in the same room with this man.

The last time he had visitation, had shaken her. Once she was home, Jenna had a Grand mal seizure. It was her very first one. Ann could remember trying to help her breathe, on the way to the hospital. Her innocent baby had stopped breathing, (during the seizure), and turned blue. She could remember the gut feeling that this was it; it was over. Nothing could help her with the overwhelming feeling of loss, of failure, and helplessness, nothing. With god helping her, she had made it through; it had to be God, because no one else was there, no one except her landlord.

He lived above her with his mom. He had heard her screams, and came running…………Tears were trickling down Ann’s face at the memory. She had been so scared.

Grabbing her home made blanket, she clutched it tightly around her shoulders and cried. The sobs coming from her were deep, and she tried to muffle them. It did not work. She sat there helplessly, sobbing, her large brown eyes turning red and swollen, her nose red. Her short brown hair cropped around her face. She had streaked blonde hair in the front. She had hoped her ex would not recognize her, as she left the house.

She was still shaking, in silence when she heard her phone ring. If I just ignore it, it will stop; she thought to herself; it will stop. She was not ready to listen to the lawyers and doctors again this morning. She had painstaking put her baby on the bus, this morning, and it was no easy task. The ringing would not stop.

Slowly she got up from her chair and opened the screen door. Yelling aloud to no one in particular, she screamed, OK, I’m coming, just hold on!

Then she rushed inside, what if something had happened? Picking up the receiver, she could hear the voice of her best friend, Ann, are you there, I really need you, are you there? The anxiety building in her chest relaxed and she began to breathe, once again.

It was her best friend Julie, What’s wrong, you sound awful; it’s not like you, Ann replied.

It’s my mom, she’s really sick and I have to fly back home. Ann, are you home this weekend?’ I am really going to need your help, Julie replied. You know I can’t spend more than a few hours with her before she drives me over the deep end.

Ann thought where else would I be, but was she ready for this? Of course I will be here, just call me when you need to head over. I will have the wine chilled and ready.

They had a normal routine set, when they talked about their problems together. Wine chilled, cheese and fruit, and mild music would play softly in the background. Usually it was classical, as this always allowed them to think and talk, without getting in the way of the conversation.

It had been well over a year, since Julie had moved out to the shore, and they were able to have an evening like this. Just the thought of it had made Ann wish that Julie had never moved. She was so easy to talk with. She was one of the few friends Ann could count on when things were tough, because they thought so much alike. Julie was the one to put a bright spin on things, and turn the worst of events into a comedy.

Oh no, not this time! Julie stated emphatically. Just think about getting a sitter, and what you are going to wear. This is so serious; I am going to need to get out.

There was a short pause, and Julie began again, I just want to laugh and have a good time, and forget. Can you handle that Ann? I am really counting on you. No interruptions please, no serious soul searching. Just the two of us, the music and fun, please say you can do that, please.

There was silence on Ann’s part; this was not a typical Julie reaction, not any part of it. Please, Julie stated, please, her voice getting deadly softer, and serious. I just found out my mom has pancreatic cancer, and I need something to hold on to.

Ann finally found her voice to speak, I’ll see what I can do.

Thanks, Julie said with a very shaky voice, I owe you one, no maybe two, I will call you later and see how you make out. I knew I could count on you; I just knew it.

Before Ann could reply, the receiver went dead, and all she could do was stare into the end of the phone, wondering what she had gotten herself into this time. As she looked at the clock, she realized, it was only an hour before Jenna came home. She had gotten nothing done this morning; she was just too busy feeling sorry for herself. I have to stop this, she scolded herself, and get moving.

The hour in which Jenna came home was eventful. Medications, lunch, usually a change in clothing, and then putting her back on the bus, left little time. If Jenna came home in one of her bad moods, Ann would have a hard time managing her. Tantrums, food, crying and tears filled the hour. This would continue until Ann could safely put her back on the bus. Then calm would return.

Walking hastily around the kitchen, trying to figure out what she could make for lunch Ann began having a real conversation in her mind. OK, Julie, she said aloud, Just who am I supposed to leave this child with?

Since Jenna had begun having her seizures, her mother would just about turn chalky white, when Ann would ask her to baby sit. Brie was always willing, but her older daughter was only fifteen. Jenna was a ton of responsibility. Maybe if I begged my mom, maybe she and Brie could share the duties together.

Even if that worked out, what would I wear? Most of her clothing had stains from food wars with Jenna. If she looked hard, maybe she could find something with a few little stains on them. In the dimmer evening lights, nobody would be able to tell.

Mentally checking her bank account, she knew there was not enough for a sitter, a new outfit, and money for the expenses of the night. Oh God, Ann thought to herself, why not just stay at home.

She picked up the phone and called her mother. A few stipulations met her request. Mom had a doctor’s appointment the next morning. If she drove to Ann’s house, she would have to stay overnight. She did not like to drive the highway in the morning during rush hour. If she could bring Jenna and Brie out there, then she could do it.

Jenna had day care in the morning. She never did well waking up in the early am. Morning was not Jenna’s best time of the day. The afternoon or evening was not much better if her morning did not go well. Ann knew her child would be out of sync for the better part of a week unless she slept in her own bed.

After making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Ann went into the bathroom and looked at herself for the first time, in a few months. What she saw was appalling. She was thin, excessively thin; her eyes were sunken. The dark circles beneath them were telling. Months of working nights, and sleeping too few hours in the day, had taken their toll. Waking in between her sleeping hours for lunch duty, only added to her lethargy.

Stroking her face, Ann sadly wiped the side of her cheek. At that moment, she realized just how far she had let herself go. A ton of war paint could not hide the exhaustion written all over her face. She hoped no one would notice.

What difference would all of this make, if she could not find a sitter? Think about this later, she told herself as she heard the school bus pull up in front of the house.

Going to the front door, Ann took a deep breath. Please she begged; let her get off the bus without too much commotion. Steadying herself, she walked down the steps of the porch, and watched the bus door open.

The aide got off first, and then Jenna proudly walked down the steps, holding on to a paper card. Myself, made myself, she stated as she held it out to Ann. She took her hand and gently tried to take the card, No, No, gigerator, gigerator! Jenna replied.

OK, mommy and you will take it to the fridge. Together they walked hand in hand, up the stairs. Jenna was singing to herself, in the tunes and sounds she understood. She went straight to the fridge and placed the mini masterpiece on its rightful place.

Pointing to the creation, Hand, mine, Jenna said pointing to it proudly, Mine. Ann’s chest swelled with pride, as she looked at the blue handprint, on vanilla paper. Jenna’s hand had slightly crushed it. She had clutched it so tightly. The red paint dots, which were small fingerprints, surrounded it. They went through it, in no particular pattern. Saying, this is I. It was a tiny masterpiece.

Ann could see the telltale signs of paint, on Jenna’s shirt. As if Jenna could read her mind, she pointed to her chest Jenna stating, Here mommy, here too. Ann realized Jenna was not going to change that shirt today.

The rest of the lunch break went without incident. Ann returned to her rocker and sat down. She remembered putting Jenna back on that bus, with her red painted shirt, her blonde ponytail swinging to her step. It was a peaceful lunch, full of excitement over Jenna’s creation. It was one of the very few Ann had experienced over the last few weeks with her child. She caught herself thinking about the conversation earlier with Julie. She must have been deep in thought, because the next few words, just about sent her flying through the air.

Dom watched her from the lawn, as her face went from a complete smile to a very deep frown. A penny for your thoughts, Dominic stated.

Dom was her landlord and he was turning out to be a trusted friend. Dom and his mother lived above her and added to her sense of safety. Ann in turn helped on occasion with his mom. Mrs. G, however, rarely ever needed help. In fact, she was always the one helping Ann out, listening to her now that Julie moved. She seemed to have a sixth sense, always knowing when Ann needed to talk.

Oh, you startled me, I didn’t see you come up, Ann replied.

You seem to be in very deep thought, Ann. Is everything all right with Jenna? Dom asked.

I’m trying to come up with a plan for tonight, Ann said. My closest friend is coming back into town, and she wants us to go out for the night. I might as well be dreaming. I don’t have babysitting arrangements.

Can Brie help you out? She handles Jenna very well. Mom and I will be upstairs. If Brie needs anything, she can call us.

Your right, Dom, it’s just that I lean so heavily on her now. She is always willing to help, some day she is going to resent the extra responsibility.

What am I going to resent now? Brie asked as she rounded the corner. Schoolbooks in hand, she walked up onto the porch. Her face looked perturbed. She looked back and forth between Dom and her mother. What they were dreaming up now? Taking in a deep breath, her mind began to race. Oh no, she thought to herself, tell me the two of them are not going out together. She really liked living here, and she wanted nothing to come in the way of that, nothing.

Ann quickly relayed the turn of events from the day. She explained the crisis as best as she could. She watched Brie’s face break into the biggest of smiles.

So Julie has backed you into a corner again Mom, and I am supposed to fix this for you? This one is really going to cost you. Holding her hand up, she began counting her requests. I could ask for tickets to a concert or you could do my kitchen duty for a month. On the other hand, you could do my homework for the next week. Wait, I take the last one back. I will do my own homework. I want to pass chemistry, really, I do, Brie stated with authority, and sarcasm. How about twenty dollars and we will call it even?

Brie thought for a moment and then asked, What time are you leaving, before or after nine?

After, Ann replied, I want to get Jenna in bed, and Julie will be with her mother before she comes to pick me up. Are you sure it’s OK, I don’t want to come home to find my bathroom decorated with Kotex again, they are getting really expensive now.

Both mom and daughter burst into laughter, remembering the day Jenna locked herself in the bathroom. She had torn open a full box of maxi pads, peeled back the self-stick, and decorated the entire bathroom. It took Ann thirty minutes to unlock the door. When she had opened it, Jenna was there, singing, Soft, so soft, and hugging the wall. It had been a large box of maxi pads, and all thirty-two of them were on display. If only Ann had thought to take a picture of it, it was priceless.

Mom, what are you going to wear? asked Brie. Leave it to Brie to cut to the jugular.

Ann’s face scrunched, "It doesn’t matter what I wear, I am not going on a date. The bars will be dark, and no will see me. Besides who cares?"

Ann continued, I am going to be listening to Julie all night long, as she cries, and talks over what she will not do for her mom. We both know she will do whatever she can, or she will try to suck me into it, since she lives so far away. I just have to get through this one night, I can do it. Julie really needs someone right now.

Dom says you can call him if there is anything you need. Ann stated hopefully. She looked at Brie and realized she was willing to sit with Jenna. Lets’ go in and get dinner started, before Jenna arrives. I want to be prepared. Once she is here; it will be all hands on deck, especially following the afternoon session.

Your right, Brie interjected. I would love to get her settled, before she realizes you will be gone.

Normally Ann left at ten thirty pm, to go to work. She worked the graveyard shift. That way she could be home to get her child on and off the bus. Ann was grateful that this child slept well through the night. Her bedtime was around eight. By that time, Jenna had fully exhausted herself; she would curl up, and sleep anywhere.

Ann reached out and locked hands with her older daughter. She turned to Dom, and mouthed a thank you. Ann and Brie headed up the stairs, hand in hand.

Chapter 2

MEETING HIM

Settling in the front seat of Julie’s rented car, Ann released a long sigh. The flurry of events of the day ran through her mind. Getting ready for the night had been fun and an enjoyable time that her and Brie had shared. This did not happen as frequently as it should have since Jenna had entered their lives. Finding something to wear had been the largest challenge. Ann could remember the piles of clothing lying on her bed. None of them seemed to fit the bill for an evening with Julie.

Julie had flown through the front door, looking larger than life. Her long red flowing hair, curled and draped around her shoulders, framed her face. She wore a basic black sheath and a golden flowing jacket over it. Her dress came just below her knees and hugged all the right curves. The picture it created was stunning.

Ann looked at herself, knowing when they entered any room; the one who would stand out was Julie. Not that Ann looked any less stunning; it is just that she looked unimpressive compared to her friend. She had borrowed her daughter’s eight-grade graduation suit. Thankfully, Brie had very good taste, and it showed in this outfit. It was a two-piece pantsuit, made of white linen, with tiny white stripes. The jacket was a bolero cropped smart cut, double breasted, which rested just upon the waist. Under the jacket, she wore a black satin top, which covered the swell of her breasts. The pants ended just above Ann’s ankles, well actually about two inches above Ann’s ankles. Thankfully, cropped pants were the latest rage. Her black leather sandals, had ankle straps crisscrossing around them, just gave the right final additions. At least she looked smart, and presentable. At this point, it was more than Ann had dreamt.

She had used enough concealer to hide her dark circles beneath her eyes, and used just the right amount of greenish shadow, to bring out the green highlights of her dark hazel eyes. A touch of light pink blush had outlined her cheeks, and she wore a matching lip-gloss with just enough shine to make her lips enticing. She had let Brie do her hair, willingly, and she had shaped it with gel and spray, so that it curled gently away from her face, and over her ears. A full set of curls crowned the back of her head. Overall, it was the best Ann had looked for the past few months. She had just enough money in her wallet, hopefully to cover the expenses of the night, and pay Brie for her extra help.

Pulling away from the curb, Julie laid out the plans for the night. They were going to briefly visit each of their favorite old haunts, have one drink, and move on to the next one. As Julie pointed out, she needed to forget what was happening. She needed to relive all of their happiest moments. Hours later as they were on to their last stop, Ann had felt exhausted, and was praying that Julie would just give up, and they could go home, and finally enjoy that bottle of wine. The night so far consisted of three fast stops, and three fast drinks. Ann had ordered sodas. With Julie’s fast consumption, she knew she would be the one driving home.

Her feet were aching, and the straps on those ankles had soon turned into plain torture, instead of the cute and adorable adornments, they were meant to be. She would give anything to be wearing her combat boots. They were well worn in, and comfortable.

Ann, Julie said, I thought we would go back to the Bunny Club, one last time. I know it is somewhere you avoid, but I hear they have redone it. Everyone I have talked to, says how modern and chic it has become. I hear the music has been updated too, do you mind if we try it?

Ann could feel her heart stop, and her stomach flipped. She had not been in there since her breakup with Jenna’s dad. Feeling chilled to the bone, she tried to come up with arguments, which would convince Julie that this was not a good idea. When she looked up, she realized she must have been far away in thought, for quite some time, because Julie was pulling up into the parking lot.

She handed her keys over to the parking attendant, for valet parking, and urging Ann to follow. Come on, this will be good for both of us, you might finally be able to put all the past times behind you if we make new memories Julie said. "I know this is just going to be wonderful, come on Ann," she pleaded.

Ann climbed out of the car, pulled her shoulders up squarely and taking a deep breath in, she tried to come up with enough courage to make it through the rest of the evening. Fine, just fine, Ann said, "but we are not staying long, and I get to drive home, do you hear me Julie, I am driving home!"

Noticing just how upset Ann was, Julie handed the keys over to her, once the valet had returned them. It’s OK Ann; I am here with you, and I will not let any bad memories destroy tonight, only new memories, new fun filled memories. Gently putting her arm around Ann’s shoulder, she ushered her in the front door of the bar and paid for both of their entrance fees.

Ann could hear the music, as they entered the bar. What did they call it now, Catcher’s Place? At least it was upbeat, and catchy. She could see Julie take on that stance that she so often did. She watched as Julie danced her way inside. She could have been Bette Middler incarnate, thought Ann. She looks like her, prances like her, and draws a crowd, just like her.

Inside she could see the eyes of the patrons, following them. Were they following Julie? In fact, some of them were snickering, and looking away quickly. As she looked down to avoid the stares, she realized they were not staring at Julie. They were staring at her.

The club had replaced all the old lighting, with neon lights. Her very conservative suit had turned neon green with the new lights. Oh no, just what I need, Ann thought, I look like a neon green pickle from head toe, a hideous neon green pickle.

Move quickly her mind raced, move quickly to the bar, and order a drink. Down it, you will feel better. Maybe the lights will not be so glowing over the bar. She looked quickly to see if anyone around the bar glowed. She only spotted a few glowing shirts, so she made a beeline for the bar.

I am going to kill her Ann thought I am going to kill her just as soon as I get us out of here. What was she thinking? Looking for Julie, she found her already leaning on the counter ordering her drink. Ann made it up to the bar, placed her hands on the copper rail, picked up her foot to swing it up onto the floor rail. Mistake number one, nothing stopped her foot, or her leg. They just continued their swing into nothingness. Ann felt herself losing her balance and her footing. She was trying desperately to hold on to the rail, but to no avail. Ann could feel herself falling backward, landing on the floor. Her legs were flying upward; her outstretched arms could not find anything to hold. She landed, on the floor, her pickle green suit continued to glow.

The absurdity of the evening and this event hit her. She started laughing and rolling over on her side. She continued to laugh, and then her eyes caught something pink moving towards her. She could not look up, even for a moment; she was mesmerized at the pink leather shoes that were moving towards her. She began holding her stomach, which hurt from laughing. She could not tear her eyes away from those pink leather shoes, and she launched into further fits of laughter.

He had watched her, from the moment she entered the bar. His eyes had caught her looking warily around, hesitating, as if she were entering the last place she wanted to be. He could not take his eyes off her, and his heart began beating with such urgency. She was breathtaking. Did she know it? Did she know the effect she probably had on half the male population of this place? He had not felt this way for such a long time. He continued to watch, trying to catch her eyes; instead, he watched as she looked down, her face turning a bright shade of red. He watched her move quickly to the bar, and then she fell.

She actually fell, flat on her back. He started to move towards her quickly, hating himself. What was wrong with him? He felt like he should save her while she laid helplessly a few steps before his feet, curling up in a ball of laughter. The laughter brightened her face. She must of have one to many, he said to himself, better to stay clear, stay away altogether, he didn’t need any more disappointments in his life.

In spite of what he was thinking, he found himself leaning over, extending his hand toward her, Can a lad help you up, mam, have you injured yourself?, his thick English accent flavoring his words. Instead of any expected response, he watched as she continued to laugh, pointing towards him. What in the name was wrong with this chit? Was she nuts? He continued to look down at her, following her slender hand. He looked at his white leather oxfords, and realized why she was laughing so uncontrollably. His very fine white shoes were neon pink.

Gently he grabbed her hand, and began pulling her up. He watched her face, as she tried to regain her composure. Once she was standing, her face took on a most determined and stoic demeanor. She thanked him with such coolness in her voice, and began checking her backside. She brushed feverishly at her bottom, swiping at the dirt her fall had gathered. Oh my, he thought to himself, you could let me do that. Surveying the area she was trying to clean, he noted that her backside was well rounded, with just enough padding, to give it just the right curves, at least just the right curves for him.

He continued to stare, to wait for her to turn around and thank him properly, and heard her order tonic water. She quickly paid for her drink and moved swiftly from the bar. As she did, she pulled her friend with her and disappeared into the crowd. She is not drinking; his mind wrapped around that quickly, and he was stunned. She was sober, and still she fell. He could not quite believe it. Where did she go? Several neon lights lit the dance area. She was not out there. How was she able to move away and disappear? Would he would find her? How dare she not even talk to him? She had all but made his heart stop, and his mind hope.

Quickly darting into a booth, in a dark corner, Ann tried to stop laughing. It was hopeless; she was hopeless. So much for entering somewhere and not causing a commotion, this entrance was going down as one of her biggest failures.

Julie was rattling on and on, "God he was something to look at, were you paying attention Ann? Just stop laughing, please! Are you OK? Is there something I can do for you? The questions were like quick fire, and in rapid succession, Ann could barely respond to the first question, before the second, and the third had arrived.

What is this Spanish inquisition? she heard herself reply, I was too busy laughing at myself and his pink shoes. Again, she felt her face begin to redden, as she remembered the man who picked her off the floor. Above the fine pink shoes, was a man, a man with very broad shoulders, good build, and a very gentle face, his hair was dark black hair and wavy, with twinkling big brown eyes. His lips, oh, such very fine lips, were defined and sumptuous. That is if you could say a man’s lips were sumptuous.

Yes, I noticed how fine he was, who could miss it? she finally replied, "his voice, did you hear his voice Julie, it was deep, soft, and what an accent, I mean I can almost feel my knees go weak just thinking about him."

Well, Julie responded, You better pull yourself together. If my memory serves me well, the hunk of a man is headed full steam in this direction; that’s him, isn’t it?

Ann looked up, as her whole body jolted; she could feel the tension build in her body. Where was she supposed to hide now? She looked around, and there was no place to move. The place was full of people; jam packed, in fact. They had secured the only booth around. Following him, were three men and they were all moving in her direction? Who were they? How in God’s name could