Her Unfailing Faith...God's Unfailing Love: The Miraculous Journey of Kay Loy Avers Smith

By Kim Smith Davis

She was nineteen years old, just finished her first year of college, and her future was overflowing with possibilities. Thats what she thought until that tragic night, the night when her future came to a screeching halt and her car was struck by a drunk driver. Nothing could have prepared her for the turn of events that quickly followed. Excruciating pain, paralysis, emergency surgery, and then the fateful words she had to hear. Im sorry, you will never walk again.Kay Loy Avers was now a paraplegic. Despair, anguish, fear, anger. Kay Loy was experiencing all these emotions. These emotions could have overcome her. However, she had an incredible Comforter by her side, and His love was unfailing. Read and experience the miraculous true life story of Kay Loy and see how time and again God showed His extraordinary power. Journey with her and be inspired by her faith in Jesus; be overwhelmed by Gods miracles. If youre faith needs strengthened, Kay Loys story will encourage you that God hears and answers ours prayers.

This is the true life story of Kay Loy Avers Smith written through the eyes of her daughter, Kim Smith Davis. Her Unfailing Faith, Gods Unfailing Love, chronicles the physical, spiritual and emotional battles and victories that Kay Loy endured throughout her life beginning with a drunk driver paralyzing her at the age of 19. Kim Smith Davis shares intimate details of Kay Loys life and how through a tragic accident, Kay Loys spiritual walk with the Lord became closer as the Lord began to perform one miracle after another and how Gods love was unfailing. Although Kay Loy faced paralysis, multiple back surgeries, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Pulmonary Embolism, Crohns Disease, and much more, her faith never failed. Kay Loy Avers Smith clung to 2 Corinthians 4:16. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.(NIV)

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 20, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490818627

Kim Smith Davis

Kim Smith Davis lives in Mt. Vernon, Texas and has been happily married to her high school sweetheart, Greg Davis, for over 30 years. They have two grown children, Justin and Jennifer.

Book preview

Her Unfailing Faith…

God’s Unfailing Love

The Miraculous Journey of Kay Loy Avers Smith

Kim Smith Davis

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Copyright © 2014 Kim Smith Davis.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

All scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, come from The Holy Bible, New International Version R, NIV R, Copyright C 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. R Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible R, Copyright C 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-1863-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-1864-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-1862-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013922081

WestBow Press rev. date: 01/13/2014

Contents

Dedication

Preface

1.  The Life She Knew Is Gone

2.  His Faithfulness Will Be Your Shield & Rampart

3.  In the Day of My Trouble I Sought the Lord

4.  The Unexpected Happens

5.  He Gives and Takes Away

6.  God Will Wipe Away Every Tear

7.  Oh, The Love of a Mother

8.  God Remains Faithful

9.  Do Not Be Afraid

10.  The Lord Uplifts All Those Who Fall

11.  God’s Mission Fields

12.  I Was a Stranger and You Invited Me In

13.  Unconditional Love

14.  O Lord Heal Me!

15.  God Does Not Make Mistakes

16.  The Lord Will Provide

17.  Letting Your Baby Go

18.  Grow Where You Are Planted

19.  The Lord Always Meets Your Needs

20.  Kay Loy’s Constant Pain

21.  Oh Lord, Give Us Discernment

22.  Kay Loy’s Spiritual Gift of Encouragement

23.  A Time of Change

24.  A New Love…A New Open Door…China

25.  Pain Management

26.  A Joyous Union

27.  All You Who Are Weary & Burdened

28.  Kay Loy, I Have Some News

29.  The Blessings Continue

30.  A Year to Remember

31.  Jesus is Our Hope & Joy

32.  Blessings & Sorrows

33.  South Padre, Here I Come

34.  There’s Nothing Quite Like Family

35.  China, My Second Home

36.  But Those Whose Hope is in the Lord

37.  Praise to God - For He Will Bring Me Relief!

38.  Kent, You are My Support

39.  God, Is Your Timing Always Perfect?

40.  Kay Loy, I Am NOT Through With You Yet!

41.  Kay Loy Loves Her Family

42.  Tragedy Strikes America

43.  Oh…the Unthinkable!

44.  How Do You Say Goodbye?

Dedication

I first want to thank my Lord Jesus Christ who has given me my heart’s desire by allowing me to write this book. Although it took quite a while for me to complete this book, God never allowed me to give up on it. He kept reassuring me that my mother’s life needed to be shared with others. I thank Him daily for saving my life and allowing me to have an opportunity of sharing Kay Loy’s faith with others. I thank the Holy Spirit because it is only through his help that I was able to recall so many wonderful memories of my childhood and the amazing life that I had with both my parents and being able to recall the countless conversations that took place between my mother and I. It was because of these recollections that I was able to describe so many events that took place in my mother’s life. It has taken me eight years since my mother’s passing to be able to complete the life story of my mother, Kay Loy Avers Smith. I am honored to be the vessel to share her life.

Secondly, I want to thank my mother, Kay Loy Avers Smith, for being the most amazing, Christian mother any daughter could have. It was through her inspiration and daily walk with the Lord that showed me what it was like to be a Christian; not by just her words but by her actions. Even though her life was filled with constant pain, she never lost her faith in our Lord. She taught me how to be a woman who believed in the power of prayer. She taught me to totally depend on God, even when life seemed to be too difficult. She taught me how to be a Godly woman of faith and how to be a Godly daughter, wife and mother. It was through my mother’s example that made me realize that with God all things were possible, even when the world said they were not. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss my mother and the chance to able to talk to her, just one more time. However, having the reassurance of knowing that I will be able to spend eternity with her in heaven along with our Lord Jesus Christ is something that I cling to. Just knowing that she is no longer in pain and is spending the rest of her life in heaven with Jesus is comforting to me. It says in I Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." I praise God that he has restored my mother and made her strong once more. I look forward to the day that God calls me home, as well, and being able to talk with her once more.

I want to thank my father, G. Kent Smith, for being a godly husband and father to our family. Though he did not physically go through the constant pain that Kay Loy did, he was with her throughout her pain mentally, spiritually and emotionally. He was Kay Loy’s physical rock that she held on to during their almost 47 years of marriage. Throughout their marriage, Kent was right next to Kay Loy during the good times and the bad times. Kent was indeed faithful to Kay Loy up until the very last breath that she breathed. It was by my father’s example, his example of unconditional love, that taught me how to have unconditional love towards my own husband and children, as well. I thank you, Dad, for being an amazing father to me. I love you dearly.

I truly want to thank my husband, Greg Davis, for being so supportive of me throughout our marriage-during our own good times and our bad times. You have been my physical and spiritual rock, as well. I want to thank you for giving me the courage to write this book and encouraging me to complete it. You are indeed a Godly man and an amazing husband of over 30 years and you are such a fantastic father to our two children, Justin and Jennifer. By being the provider for our family you enabled me to have the time to write this book. I will always be grateful to you because you have always taken care of our family and have been the spiritual head of our household. Thank you for your love and leadership. I love you so very much.

Justin and Jennifer you are the most amazing Christian children any parent could ask for. Through your own walk with the Lord you have been an example of how to trust in God and through your example you have shown me how to totally rely on Him! Justin and Jennifer, Mamaw never saw how you both continued with hers and Papaw’s legacy by both of you serving in China. I wish she had! Mamaw would be so proud of both of your lives and how you all have served the Lord in so many ways. Justin I pray that God will truly bless your marriage to Audra. Jennifer, I pray that whomever you marry, God will bless your marriage, as well. Both Mamaw and Papaw have prayed since your birth for your spouses. I know Mamaw would have loved you, Audra, and whomever you marry, Jennifer, she would have loved him too. I am a blessed mother to have you all in my life and I love you.

I would also like to thank my aunt and uncle, Max and Judy Avers, who contributed their thoughts and memories in writing this book. It was because of their own recollections of Kay Loy that made this book have a more personal touch. Judy, there really are not enough thank you’s for how you have always loved me, but you have gone above and beyond loving me since my mom passed away. Max, I’m so grateful for the time you took in sharing your special recollections of Kay Loy. Kay Loy’s little brother, Max, went to be with the Lord only two years after his big sister. I’m certain there was a reunion in heaven with Kay Loy being the first to welcome her brother home.

My prayer is that those of you who did not know Kay Loy personally might get a glimpse of who she was, what she stood for, and how God used her throughout her life. I pray that through this book, you will feel like you personally knew her and when you, yourself go through the difficult challenges in your own life, you will be encouraged that God is ALWAYS faithful to his children and HIS LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. Exodus 15:13 "In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling. God’s holy dwelling" is our ultimate reward for those who believe Jesus is their Lord and Savior. Kay Loy is now at peace with God and has received her ultimate reward. Praise God!

Preface

Kay Loy Avers Smith was an ordinary woman with an extraordinary faith in Jesus Christ. If you were fortunate enough to have known Kay Loy, you would have immediately noticed a uniqueness about her. Kay Loy loved God and she loved people! The love that she had inside her heart overflowed to everyone she encountered. Whether you were family or friend, Kay Loy had a way of showing Christ’s love to each person. She had the ability to make every person she knew feel special and loved. In turn, every person that met Kay Loy loved her, as well. In fact, those who knew her well always said, Everyone loves Kay Loy. That was whom she was; she was love!

Kay Loy had the most infectious laugh; one might even call it a cackle. It was unique; it was delightful, and it was contagious! Kay Loy could capture an audience, whether it was a group of 3 or a crowd of 30. If you heard Kay Loy laugh, you were drawn to her. She had the most incredible ability to make you smile, sit back, and enjoy any and every story she happened to be telling at the time. Kay Loy was a joy to be around and she loved having people around her.

One of Kay Loy’s greatest spiritual gifts was the gift of hospitality. She loved having people in her home, and she loved serving people and cooking for them. Her greatest joy was having family and friends gather in her home, whether it was for a weekend or a special holiday or occasion. Whatever it was, she welcomed you into her home. Kay Loy made you feel like you were the most important guest because, in her eyes, YOU WERE!

One way she made you feel special was through a fabulous tradition she started. This tradition began with a tablecloth. Each Thanksgiving and Christmas for almost 20 years, she used the same tablecloth on her dining room table. Each person that was present at this dinner had the opportunity to sign their name in ink, marking where they sat for that meal. Kay Loy wanted your presence to be recorded on this tablecloth. After the holiday was over, Kay Loy would then embroider each person’s name on this tablecloth, exactly the way in which they signed it. Each year would be a different color of embroidery thread. Throughout the years, it was something that each person looked forward to; being able to sign Kay Loy’s tablecloth! After 20 years, there were hundreds of names on this tablecloth!

Kay Loy had the most amazing outlook on life. Instead of focusing on the difficult challenges in her life, she chose to focus on the blessings that God had bestowed on her. As you will read, Kay Loy’s life had way too many challenges, but her faith held strong. By all earthly account, she had every reason to be discouraged. However, she chose to trust in the Lord God Almighty, and she clung to HIS power, hope and love. Psalm 62:5-8 "Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

It is my sincere hope and prayer that when you read Kay Loy’s life story you will catch a glimpse of whom she was and who she believed in and that God will speak to you through her life story. Time and time again, Kay Loy cried out to God for help and healing, and God did not ignore her. God HEARD HER PRAYERS and healed her numerous times! He is a merciful and loving God. Whatever trial you might be going through whether it be spiritual, mental or physical, God will hear your prayer. Kay Loy’s life is a testimony to that. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you. He is waiting to hear your cries, as well. Allow God to be your "rock, your refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

Kay Loy Avers Smith had an extraordinary faith. Her unfailing faith is a legacy that she leaves to her children and her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren to come. As her daughter, her unfailing faith has been an ongoing example throughout my entire life. In writing this book, I wanted others to also know the testimony of Kay Loy Avers Smith so that the miracles that God performed on her could be shared. Kay Loy’s life was an example that God is still in the miracle business! My desire is that after reading her story, you will also feel that you have known Kay Loy and that you will feel encouraged and know without a doubt that God’s love never fails.

1

The Life She Knew Is Gone

It was June 22, 1957, and it was just another typical hot Oklahoma summer day. Kay Loy Avers had just finished her first year of college at Oklahoma State University and had just turned nineteen years of age. She had her entire life ahead of her. She and her father, Ralph H. Avers were enjoying this summer day by attending a friend’s wedding in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Kay Loy’s mother, Edna Avers was not able to come to the wedding as she was tending to Kay Loy’s grandmother, Ethel Evans in Carlsbad, New Mexico. Ethel was recovering from hip surgery, and Ralph and Kay Loy were to join them in New Mexico and begin the long drive to Carlsbad after the wedding ceremony. The wedding festivities lasted longer than expected and even though it was already late in the evening, Ralph was still very insistent that he and Kay Loy begin their journey to Carlsbad that evening.

Kay Loy had accepted Christ as her personal Savior when she was about 7 or 8, so at nineteen years of age she already had a close walk with the Lord. As Christians, we know that the Holy Spirit prompts us at times to do things or not to do things. As Kay Loy explained it me, this was one time that the Holy Spirit pleaded deep within her. The Holy Spirit spoke to Kay Loy, not in an audible voice, but in an inner voice. The Holy Spirit told Kay Loy that she and her father, Ralph should NOT drive to Carlsbad that night. The Holy Spirit told her that they should wait until the next morning to drive. The Holy Spirit whispered to Kay Loy that if they drove that night that she and her father would be in a car accident.

As Christians, most of us have at one time or another had a similar incident happen that was hard to explain. In Romans 8:26 it says In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

Kay Loy tried to explain her feeling to her father, but like most of us would have done, Ralph wrote it off to her being young and perhaps even tired because she did not want to drive late at night. Ralph explained to his daughter that he liked driving at night because there was not much traffic and they could make better time. So in spite of Kay Loy’s pleading, Ralph and Kay Loy left Tulsa and headed on their way to Carlsbad, New Mexico.

Around 10:30 p.m. Ralph was getting a little tired and was ready to stop and get a cup of coffee. They were just about to enter the city limits of Lawton, Oklahoma. Ralph noticed that there was a café just up ahead, so he began to slow down and turned on his right turn signal. As they were approaching the entrance to the café, Ralph noticed that there were bright lights from another car in his rearview mirror charging towards the, and the car was not slowing down. Before Ralph could turn into the entrance of the café the car behind them plowed straight into the back of their vehicle. Both Kay Loy and Ralph felt the horrific impact.

Because it was 1957 seatbelts were not a requirement in most vehicles, and Ralph’s 1953 Pontiac did not have them. Because neither of them were wearing a seat belt, they both felt the full brunt of the car slamming into their car from behind. As the car impacted their vehicle, Ralph lurched forward striking his elbow on the steering wheel. Kay Loy, however, was not as fortunate. As the car collided into them from behind, Kay Loy was thrown forward nearly going through the passenger’s front window. The crash must have caused her to slam her head into the window because she became unconscious.

Kay Loy awoke to the groaning she heard from her father who was still seated next to her in the driver’s side of the car. When both Ralph and Kay Loy became fully coherent, they both asked if each other was alright. Though both of them were obviously shaken and frightened, they determined that their injuries were not life-threatening. Their next concern was for the driver who had just rear-ended them. Both Ralph and Kay Loy got out of their car and went to check on the driver of the other vehicle.

When they approached the car, they saw the driver’s head hanging over the steering wheel, motionless. They immediately thought that the driver was dead. Ralph began to frantically knock on the window of the car. Kay Loy saw that the driver was a young man who was alone in the car. After Ralph continued to bang on the car window, the young man finally heard them and gradually opened up his car door and stumbled out of the door attempting to stand up. The smell of alcohol enveloped all around them, and the young man wreaked of alcohol. It was quite apparent, Ralph and Kay Loy had just been hit by a drunk driver.

Shortly after the accident, the Lawton city police arrived and assessed that the young man was extremely drunk and that he had crashed into Ralph and Kay Loy’s car going 80 mph. Ralph quickly learned that the young man did NOT have insurance of any kind. Miraculously, although the driver was going 80 mph, he did not appear to have any injuries what so ever. The police shared with Ralph and Kay Loy that because he was so drunk his body was very relaxed, so the impact of the accident did not hurt him in any way. The police charged the young man with drunk driving and no insurance and took him to jail. Sometime later, Ralph and Kay Loy learned that he only served a month in jail. Although the identity of the man was never known, they did find out that he was a sergeant first class and was stationed at the Air Force Base in Oklahoma and was 27 years of age and married with two small children. After spending a month in jail, the young man also served time in the brig at the Air Force base.

Although Ralph and Kay Loy’s car was severely damaged from behind, it was still able to be driven. So after giving the police all the necessary information, Ralph and Kay Loy both thought they were alright. Ralph’s elbow was sore and bruised, but he decided it was not necessary to go to the hospital. Although Kay Loy’s head was hurting from hitting the windshield, she too thought she did not need to go to the hospital. In spite of their minor injuries, Ralph decided he and Kay Loy would continue to drive to Carlsbad, New Mexico.

The car accident was quite traumatic for both Ralph and Kay Loy, and they were both still quite shaken from the accident. Neither of them was tired any longer, so Ralph and Kay Loy began to talk about what had happened. As they drove, Ralph asked his daughter how she knew that they were going to have a car accident. Kay Loy could not really explain to her father, except that she just had a strong feeling about it. Ralph apologized to his daughter for not listening to her and they both prayed and thanked God for His faithfulness in watching over them during the accident. They continued to talk for some time.

Several more hours passed by, and Ralph continued to drive from Oklahoma to Carlsbad, New Mexico. Kay Loy had finally fallen asleep during the remainder of the drive. As she and her father arrived in Carlsbad, Kay Loy began to awake and when she did she realized something was not quite right. As Kay Loy became more alert, she realized that she had an extremely stiff neck, a horrible headache, horrific pain in her lower back and both of her legs were numb. Ralph had driven all night long, and it was already dawn of the next day. Kay Loy decided not to say anything to her father about how she was feeling; she just thought she was bruised and sore from the impact of the accident.

The car had suffered severe damage to the trunk from the accident. Because it was so extensive, Ralph knew he was going to have to take the car to an auto repair shop just to have them open up the trunk so they could get their suitcases out. So before they went to see Edna and her mother, Ralph took the car to an auto shop. The auto repair shop retrieved the suitcases from the trunk and wired the trunk closed. Ralph decided he would take the car to his local repair shop when they returned home. By the time the repair shop had retrieved the suitcases and wired the trunk back shut, Kay Loy’s condition had begun to get noticeably worse.

As she and her father drove to where Edna was, she confessed to her father that she was in pain and explained her symptoms to him. Ralph and Kay Loy were supposed to spend several days in Carlsbad visiting family, etc. Because of Kay Loy’s condition, they felt it best to spend the night with family and return home to Okmulgee, Oklahoma the next day. As soon as they returned home, Ralph and Edna would take Kay Loy to their family doctor back home. Clearly, if Ralph and Edna had known how serious their daughter’s condition truly was, they would have rushed her to the hospital in Carlsbad. Kay Loy kept telling them that she was alright and could make it back to Okmulgee. The next morning Ralph, Edna and Kay Loy all left Carlsbad and started the long drive back to Okmulgee, Oklahoma. Needless to say, the drive back home was brutal for Kay Loy. Although she could stretch out in the back seat, the trip was very long and extremely painful. Not only was the pain increasing, but so was the numbness in her legs.

When the three of them finally returned home, they immediately went to their local doctor in Okmulgee. By the time they arrived at the doctor’s office, a full 48 hours had already passed since the accident. MRI machines and CAT scans were not readily used in 1957, so the local doctor just took x-rays of Kay Loy’s spine. After taking the X-rays, the local doctor came into the examining room where Kay Loy was and told her loudly Please do not move an inch! The three of them, Ralph, Edna and Kay Loy were all startled by the doctor’s voice and his command to not move an inch. The doctor immediately came over to Kay Loy and put an iron back brace around her back. The local doctor then told them that they had to immediately drive to Tulsa to see an orthopedic surgeon. They could not go home; they had to go to Tulsa right away! The doctor did not give many details to them, but he made it very clear that they had to go the specialist that very day. So although they had just driven hours from New Mexico to Okmulgee, Oklahoma, the three of them now had to get back into their car again and drive to Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Can you imagine how long that drive must have seemed, it must have felt like an eternity to all of them, especially to Kay Loy as her pain was increasing by the moment. Not only the pain, but the anticipation had to be intense, as well. No one knew how extensive Kay Loy’s injuries were. The fact that the local doctor urged them to immediately see a specialist was definitely cause for concern.

Kay Loy and her parents arrived in Tulsa that afternoon and immediately saw the orthopedic surgeon, and he took more x-rays. After the surgeon examined Kay Loy and viewed her additional x-rays, he shared his diagnosis with the three of them. The diagnosis must have been shocking to Ralph because he insisted on taking Kay Loy to a hospital in Tulsa so he could get a second opinion. Not only did Ralph get a second opinion, he got a third and fourth opinion, as well. After four different physicians had examined Kay Loy they all came to the same conclusion and had the same diagnosis.

The surgeon’s plan was to perform a procedure called a laminectomy. Because this was 1957, the medical advances that are present today were obviously not developed yet. The surgeons, themselves, did not know the extent of Kay Loy’s injuries and would not know the exact course of action until they started the surgery and began to repair the damage.

During surgery, this is what the surgeons did find. The impact of the car caused the disks in Kay Loy’s lower back to be crushed. Also, the vertebra in her lower spine was also crushed. The surgeon first carefully removed the bone fragments that were floating around her spine. Then he took bone from one of her hips and bone grafted it into her spine to try to repair the damage. This bone was used to make a bridge between the vertebrae in hopes that the bone graft would stimulate the growth of new bone. The next procedure, called instrumented infusion, was performed. The surgeon took eight silver screws and placed four of them on both sides of her spinal cord. This was done to try to secure the vertebrae and hold it together until new bone could grow between them. This was a very delicate, extensive surgery, and Ralph and Edna had to wait many hours to hear the news as to their daughter’s successful or unsuccessful surgery.

When Kay Loy came out of surgery, and was in the recovery room, she awoke to her entire body being bound to a striker board. This striker board was to keep her completely immobile. Kay Loy also was in a body cast that was just beneath her breasts to the upper part of her thighs. Kay Loy came in and out of consciousness as she was highly sedated due to the pain and surgery. After spending time in the recovery room, Kay Loy was taken to her hospital room where her parents, Ralph and Edna were waiting. They awaited the arrival of the surgeon who was to come and give them an update on their daughter. Waiting was another act of faithfulness for all three of them. The unknown can be one of the worst things that we as human beings have to endure. Without Christ in our lives, the unknown is so much more difficult. With the Holy Spirit’s help, we can endure it.

The surgeon finally came into Kay Loy’s hospital room and shared the prognosis to them. Kay Loy continued to come in and out of consciousness but as the surgeon began to speak she also heard the surgeon’s words, as well. These were the words that would forever change the lives of all three of them. The surgeon explained that because of the damage to the spinal cord, the nerves in that area were damaged beyond repair. I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Avers the surgeon spoke, but your daughter, Kay Loy, will never walk again. The surgeon went on to say Kay Loy’s kidneys and bowels would more than likely never function properly again so she would have no control of them. The surgeon also said she will most likely have a collection bag hanging from her wheelchair for the rest of her life. Ralph Avers stood astonished at the doctor’s words as his wife, Edna, fainted to the floor from the news. This was Kay Loy’s fate. She would be bound to a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

The words She will never walk again; that is what Kay Loy heard. Although she was still on pain medication, Kay Loy heard those words. She also heard her mother’s wailing and crying and she saw her mother faint to the floor. It took both the surgeon and Ralph to help Edna up off the floor and into a chair. Both Ralph and Edna were devastated that the life of their nineteen year old daughter was now totally changed forever, but no one was as devastated as Kay Loy. As Kay Loy drifted back to sleep, she knew that her life was forever changed.

In 1957, the advances in mental illness were not what they are today. Today people are diagnosed as being bipolar. In 1957, these patients were called manic-depressive. Edna Avers, Kay Loy’s mother, was manic depressive. Throughout Kay Loy’s early teenage years, Edna was in and out of psychiatric hospitals. Edna had three children. Shortly after her third child, Edna had to have a hysterectomy. The estrogen hormone that women take now after hysterectomies were not the regimen in 1940’s. In fact, when women went through menopause, hormone therapy was not a general practice. When Edna had her hysterectomy, she immediately went into menopause which caused her body to go through a dramatic mental change. Edna became a manic depressive person because her hormones were totally out of sync. The medicines that we have today for bipolar patients were not formulated yet, so the only course of treatment was sending a manic depressive patient to a psychiatric hospital. Manic-depressive patients have good or high spells and bad or low spells.

Any healthy person that was not diagnosed with manic-depressiveness would have had an extremely difficult time hearing this kind of news. Their daughter was now a paraplegic. When Edna heard this news, that her daughter would never walk again, Edna immediately went into a very depressive state. In fact, Edna was so distraught after hearing the fate of her daughter that Ralph, her husband, had to immediately admit her to the psychiatric hospital in Tulsa.

When Kay Loy finally became totally conscious after surgery, the hard cold facts became very clear. Kay Loy realized that at nineteen years of age, her future had just been changed. Kay Loy learned that she would never walk again, never have regular bowel functions, would probably never marry and certainly would never have children. Not only did her entire life change, but when she needed her the most, Kay Loy’s mother had to be institutionalized once again, and was not there for her. Kay Loy knew she was very much alone. This was by all accounts, the lowest point in Kay Loy’s life. Had God abandoned her? What was the future to hold for her? Why did God let this happen to her? Kay Loy wondered why God, why me?

Image1.jpg

Kay Loy – Age 19 – Just a few months before accident

2

His Faithfulness Will Be Your Shield & Rampart

It is necessary to understand the background of Kay Loy’s family. During Kay Loy’s childhood, she did have a normal mother and father. Her mother, Edna Dean (Evans) Avers, was by every account a great mother. Edna supported her husband, Ralph, in every way possible. Edna was the caretaker of her children, Harvey and Kay Loy and was the typical 1940’s wife. Edna cooked, cleaned, cared for the children and of course had dinner on the table when her husband Ralph returned home from work. She was the homemaker for her family and was very submissive to her husband, Ralph as most women were during this era.

Kay Loy’s father was Ralph H. Avers. Ralph was a chemist at Phillips refinery and was very intelligent. Ralph was a fine Christian man. He was a good provider for his family and had solid moral principles. Ralph was known to most everyone who lived in Okmulgee, and he had a respectable reputation. Ralph was a loving husband to his wife Edna, and equally loving to his two children, Harvey and Kay Loy, although he and Kay Loy had a particularly unique bond between the two of them. Kay Loy loved her father deeply as he did her, and they both enjoyed a special father-daughter relationship. Kay Loy loved her father so much and called him Daddy.

Kay Loy’s mother, Edna, had a fairly normal upbringing and was mentally sound throughout her childhood and early married life. Edna never exhibited any signs of mental instability and Kay Loy’s early childhood was quite ordinary. When Kay Loy was six years of age, Edna learned that she was pregnant again with her third child. This was the year 1944, and Edna was 32 years of age. To be pregnant at 32 was quite unheard of in the early 1940’s, and it certainly made the gossip-mongrels talk. Not only did it get the attention of the neighborhood, it also greatly upset Edna’s own mother, Ethel Evans. Ethel never condoned the marriage of her daughter Edna to Ralph Avers. After all, when Edna married Ralph he was just a mere drilling contractor. Edna, however, was the daughter of Clarence Evans who was a successful banker. Ethel always felt that Edna married well beneath her social status; thus she never approved of the marriage. Now to make matters worse, her daughter was now 32 years old and was expecting a baby! As unfortunate as it sounds, Ethel insisted that her daughter, Edna have an abortion and thus eliminate any more gossip and embarrassment. Despite her mother’s desires, Edna could not bear to abort her child and went against her mother’s wishes and continued with her pregnancy. Because of Edna’s choice, Ethel hated the baby that Edna was carrying in her womb, and thus because of the pregnancy drove a deeper wedge into an already shaky mother/daughter relationship. Edna felt ostracized by her own mother!

Despite Ethel’s disapproval, Edna and Ralph eagerly prepared for the birth of their third child and Kay Loy looked forward to having a new baby brother or sister. World War II had just ended and the financial burden of having a surprise baby was quite great. In light of this, Ralph accepted a dare from his co-workers at Phillips Refinery. Ralph agreed to let his co-workers pass a hat to help finance his child’s birth. In exchange for their financial assistance, his co-workers would then write different names for the unborn child, and then Ralph would have to draw a name from a hat. Ralph had to agree that no matter what the child was a boy or girl, whatever name he drew that is what he would have to name his child. Ralph was known for being a man of his word and thus he agreed to his co-workers arrangements. So, no matter what his child was, either a boy or a girl, the unborn child of Ralph and Edna Avers was going to be named Max.

Clearly, Edna was not too thrilled with the arrangement that Ralph agreed to, especially if the baby was a girl. Ralph was a man of his word, so Edna knew there was nothing she could do about it. On February 19, 1945, as Edna was hosting a bridge party in her home, the arrival day came, and because Edna’s labor was so quick, Edna delivered her third child at home. Ralph and Edna Avers became the proud parents of a SON; Max Ralph Avers and Kay Loy was the new big sister to her baby brother, Max. Thank goodness it was a boy and not a girl!

There were almost seven years between Kay Loy and Max and Kay Loy loved being the big sister. Kay Loy eagerly helped her mother Edna care for Max as much as she could. When Max was only two years of age, Edna started having female problems and was told that she needed to have a hysterectomy. As mentioned earlier, the lack of hormones that resulted from the hysterectomy caused Edna to become mentally imbalanced and Edna ceased from being a normal mother from that point forward. At nine, almost ten years of age, Kay Loy was forced to grow up very quickly and became the true caregiver to Max because her mother was so mentally unstable. Kay Loy had to not only care for Max, but she also had to take on the role of cooking and cleaning for her entire family. Because of Edna’s mental instability, Ralph was forced to institutionalize Edna and placed her in a psychiatric hospital. Because of the bitterness and anger that Edna’s mother Ethel had against Ralph and Max, Ethel rarely offered to help Kay Loy care for her family. Ethel even blamed Edna’s mental illness on Max, stating if Edna had gotten an abortion, she would not be having mental problems.

Taking on this motherly role was one of the principal reasons that Kay Loy and her baby brother, Max was so close and formed such an amazing bond between the two of them. To shed some light into their relationship, it is best to let Max share, in his own words, the relationship that he and Kay Loy had.

"Kay Loy. How can I possibly describe the unique relationship that I have enjoyed with my big (little) sister, Kay Loy? (Kay Loy was a mere 5'2 and Max was 6'4 tall). Even her name is special. Nothing I could say here could come close to relating the closeness we have shared. She is the epitome of what a big sister can and should be. She is almost seven years my senior. When we were growing up, she took on the role as my boss. I use the term boss because that was her word for it. Hardly a day went by that she would remind me that she was left in charge of me and; therefore, she was my boss.

The truth of the matter is that she was a very benevolent boss. She would allow me to do most anything within reason. She would even frequently send me to the neighborhood grocery store with a dime to buy candy or ice cream as a special treat. I would occasionally ask her for permission to do something that I knew beforehand she would have to say no to, for the sole purpose of adding to her illusion that she was a tough boss.. I knew she hated saying no to me, for anything; and the more I could make her say no, the easier she would say yes on those occasions when my request had reasonable merit. If I ever got into an argument with someone bigger than me and there was a threat of a fight, I would remind them that if they hurt me my big sister would beat them up. I did all that I could to promote the myth that my bossy big sister was tough and not someone to be taken lightly. On one particular occasion, a big kid from an adjacent neighborhood threw a rock and hit me in the head and I started crying. Kay Loy heard me crying and came outside to see what was going on. After determining what had happened, and to my complete amazement, Kay Loy ran that kid down and just beat the dickens out of him. I held Kay Loy in much higher esteem after that and it was the start of our unique relationship. As a bonus, the myth" of my tough big sister was no longer a myth. I was immune from being picked on for a considerable period of time after that event.

From that day on Kay Loy and I became much closer. I quit trying to deceive and manipulate her and she quit trying to boss me. We silently developed a mutual regard for each other’s position. In addition to the authority, she was given over me; she accepted responsibility for me, as well. When I did do something to get in trouble, Kay Loy would either take care of it herself and not tell my parents, or if she did feel the need to tell them she would play it down and take part of the blame. Kay Loy was no longer my prosecutor but my chief defense attorney, and I was hers, as well. There were times when it seemed as if we could read each other’s thoughts and a knowing glance or smile would be exchanged between us. I would know when she was hurting on the inside even though her outward appearance would show no signs of it. She had the same ability in regard to my emotions. She would comfort me with one of her heart-to-heart talks that only she knew how to do.

More than anyone else, Kay Loy is responsible for instilling in me a sense of self-worth and determination to achieve success. Growing up, my father seldom gave me praise, but Kay Loy found countless reasons to brag on me. As I grew older, Kay Loy was always telling me how smart I was and how I could become anything I wanted to be. When I was about nine years old, Kay Loy called me into her bedroom and as we lay on her bed she looked at me very sternly. She asked have you given any thought to what you want to be when you grow up?’ Of course my response was what one might expect of a nine year old—fireman, jet pilot, and cowboy. Kay Loy told me that she had given it much thought. She thought that I had all the qualities necessary to become an accountant. She said, It was an honorable profession and she would be very proud of me if that is what I decided to become."

Many years later, when I went to college I still had not focused in on my career objectives, but recalled the conversation that Kay Loy and I had many years earlier. I did seem to have a knack for accounting, so this is what I became. I think I became an accountant to be the success that Kay Loy expected of me. Kay Loy was the source of my encouragement and desire to improve myself. I thank God for giving me Kay Loy as my big sister."

It is obvious that Max and Kay Loy loved each other deeply and cared for each other in a very unique brother-sister relationship. This relationship never changed and only grew deeper through the years.

Because Kay Loy’s mother, Edna was physically gone and institutionalized, Kay Loy and her father,