The Gift of Epilepsy

By Anthony Fontana

My work focuses on my lifelong struggle with the still unsolved mystery of the chronic illness of epilepsy. It has affected approximately one percent of the worlds population including many historic figures. What I felt was an incessant need to discover what my problem really was by reading a wide range of medical, psychological and philosophical material and then finding myself delving into an endless source of alternative means to deal with it coming from the Eastern cultures. The most powerful discovery that my search revealed was that this illness, for me, was not a setback but actually a stimulus to truly finding my present state of health, happiness and wisdom.
As I recalled my meaningful life issues via writing my memoirs and applied the newly-discovered means of dealing with them, it opened up a new, positive perspective that was re-enforced by the many ideas encountered in my reading.
Primarily, we all have some problem to deal with in our daily and lifetime endeavors. I feel we all need to come to the realization that our difficulty, be it physical, mental, social or even spiritual, has within it a spark that can ignite an opportunity to view it more clearly. Whatever the problem, its presence is there to stop us in our tracks for a moment in order to pull back from the overpowering routines of our everyday lives and awaken to another level of vision.
The most powerful result of all my reading was simply discovering that my illness was not a hindrance but rather a guide to my self-improvement. I realized that accepting it for what it was and being grateful for it and all my other gifts, gave me the inspiration to share my experience with others.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 13, 2013
• ISBN: 9781481738064

Anthony Fontana

Anthony Fontana is a retired Foreign Language teacher who taught French and Spanish for thirty years. He received his B.A. from Siena College, New York and his Master of Liberal Arts degree from Stony Brook University, New York. He enjoys doing yoga, tai chi, reading, photography and playing the piano. He has been married for forty-two years and has three children and two grandchildren. He and his wife were active in Marriage Encounter and Pre Cana for over twenty-five years.

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© 2013 Anthony Fontana. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 5/13/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-3805-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-3806-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013907460

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1.   Memoirs

Chapter 2.   Later Memoirs

Chapter 3.   The Gift of Epilepsy

Chapter 4.   The Gift of Epilepsy II

Chapter 5.   Retirement

Chapter 6.   Meaningful Moments

Chapter 7.   Alternative Medicine

Chapter 8.   Healing vs Continuing Symptoms

Chapter 9.   Mind vs Brain

Chapter 10. Mindfulness vs Mindlessness

Chapter 11. Music and Meditation: Path to Higher Self

Chapter 12. Spirituality in the 21st Century

Chapter 13. Awakening

Epilogue

To Artie, may he continue to rest in peace, and his son, Russell, my closest friend for over fifty-five years.

Acknowledgements

El Cuatro de Abril

Eres tú primavera y abril es tuyo

Así naciste y vives todavía.

De la alba hasta que el sol se ponga

Me envuelves con aire fértil y fresco.

Como crece las flores el suelo rico

Cultives tú mi botón de sentmiento.

Tu huésped y esposo,

Antonio

April Fourth

You are Spring and April is yours

Thus were you born and forever shall live.

From sunrise till sunset

You surround me with fresh fertile air.

As flowers grow in rich soil

You cultivate my bud of feeling.

Your host and husband

Tony

I would like to dedicate this work to the many people who have inspired me throughout my life and those who continue to allow me to realize that I can indeed complete a book and remove all of the fears I may have previously encountered.

First off I must thank my precious wife, Amelia, for all her patience, understanding and love throughout all our forty-one years of marriage. The poem above was written by me for her over thirty years ago to celebrate her birthday and what was said continues to flourish up to this present moment. Her incredible ability to deal with my repeated unannounced bursts of frustration due to my condition was certainly no easy task. Somehow she was able to be passive and not react but continually allowed me to simply let it all out. Her unconditional love combined with her persistent and pleasant low-key personality has provided me with an endless source of precious moments.

My neurologist, more special than any other doctor I've ever met, whose thoroughness and personal concern has given me the confidence to share openly as one would with a therapist. Our visits aren't your standard fifteen minute deals we are all accustomed to. My wife and I can spend an hour and a half openly sharing physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual activities that I am involved with. His interest is in getting to know me as an individual, seeking every detail, every possibility for my problem. Going for a blood test one day I was proud to hear from a secretary who had taken her daughter to see him say He's really thorough. I might add that he was the one who just after hearing me speak of my joyful experiences listening to music stopped me for a moment and followed with Write it down as it may assist someone else. That literally was my inspiration to write something. After reading it he even gave me the name of someone he knew who could assist me with having it published. Still unsure and uneasy with myself at that time I merely placed the information aside.

I feel my yoga instructor, Theresa, so joyful, vivacious, and intuitively aware, gave me the extra bolt of energy I needed to finally give it a try. She was the one who was really interested in what I wrote and after sharing it with her she just didn't stop complimenting me on my ability to write. That original text was enough for a magazine article but when Jennifer and Donna read it, I received even more motivation to expand it to a book.

And also most importantly those blessed colleagues who came to my assistance: Gerry, Doreen, Mike, Bill, Alex, Mary, Jim and Bob.

Introduction

Basically my reason for beginning this work was motivated by the reading I had been doing to learn more about my physical problems. I felt intrigued realizing that I could learn so much by merely following the research scholars and M.D.s had done and are continuing to do. It seemed as if one work would naturally lead me to another so that the span of information broadened from self-help, philosophy, music, psychology, neurology, meditation, t'ai chi, yoga, ayurveda, acupuncture and that ongoing battle between science and spirituality. When I realized it would be important for me to review my past I felt a bit uneasy as the memories of my youth were not as detailed as those of others I've spoken with. My primary focus in attempting to write some sort of memoirs was to activate my brain, exercise it, so that at my age, not too far from seventy, I wouldn't be easily prone to dementia. I found in Richard Restak's book, Think Smart (A Neurosurgeon's Prescription for Improving Your Brain's Performance) (2009) some great points to follow to avoid losing your memory:

We can combat losing it by reaching into the past and recapturing earlier thoughts, experiences and emotions. In the process we unify our personality by integrating our past and our imagined future. In essence, we create who we are.

He also speaks of a working memory where we have the ablity to hold some information online for later reference while also turning our attention to something else. Another he refers to as elaboration, a technique whereby we emphasize the importance of the item to be remembered. The more important we make it the more easily it will be for us to recall it. And another that I can identify with is to take the item to be remembered and giving it a visual image. These are no more than simple techniques that one may employ to assist in recollection. Again, our brain needs just as much exercise as does our body. In fact instead of Use it or lose it I've read a more useful quote, Use it more and watch it grow!

Just writing this book has provided me with more meaningful mental activity for my brain than I would have experienced watching movies or television. I wanted to know more about myself, my illness, my brain, and where I was going spiritually at this point in my life. That meant I had do some research and began reading about many various interrelated subject areas.

Initially of course this was a challenge, just like starting to exercise my body. As I progressed, however, I found out that what I was looking for, what I really wanted to understand, had already inspired many successful research authors. The wide range of similar and different opinions certainly made it difficult at times. I had no problem with the difference of religion and spirituality and where our culture is leaning at this point in time but found the conflict between straight forward materialist science and any form of spirituality a bit harsh. After reading about many scientific views completely opposed to any possibility of an immaterial mind apart from the brain and just feeling that the solution will eventually be discovered one day annoyed me. What also upset me were those who felt that any universal life force existing at the center of our creation is just some metaphysical or spiritual way of coming up with a reason for something we have no mathematical or material proof for. Besides the basic messages that all the great prophets were preaching and their similarities of love, unity and compassion for one another, there were also so many seers, saints and sages speaking about our need to find that self within that far surpasses our egos. I would say that they all were offering us a true soul-ution. It's our inner being, which we don't see with our eyes but need to feel with our hearts and souls that makes the difference.

Another area that intrigued me was alternative medicine. In my opinion it is not there to replace but to act in unison with all that we already have here in our Western culture. I wanted to know more about balancing our basic inner energy by employing meditation, biofeedback, acupuncture, t'ai chi and yoga and began doing a few of them. I discovered that our positive input into our very own selves can indeed assist us in discovering basic peace and tranquility and finding ways to counteract the stressful enviornment we live in.

The goal is to stay happy and healthy and use the gifts of both the Eastern and Western cultures to join forces for our mutual benefit. In his book, The Overflowing Brain (2009), Torkel Klinberg, M.D., Ph.D., speaks of the link now happening between meditation and science. Just the fact that the Dali Lama was invited to speak at a Conference of the Society for Neuroscience in our country tells us that neuroscience here is beginning to take an extreme interest in the art of meditation. The Dali Lama is also quite interested in what scientists are achieving and feels they could benefit by adding empathy to the practice of meditation.

1.

Memoirs

I must commence by saying that as I reflect on various points in my life, both positive and negative, I see more and more that what I am now is indeed basically a result of all of them. I feel that delving into my past is not an easy task for me as my factual memory was never precise and I find myself asking family and friends for the data I do not have easily accessible. I would like to thank them for their assistance. My precious brother, ten years older than I am, had a more precise recollection of those occurrences that happened when I wasn't even born yet and when I was still a child. What I've come to realize is that whenever I recall any hurt from my past that may continue to disturb me I must erase it via forgiveness.

My mother was supposed to give birth to me in the Bronx but unfortunately their was some illness causing deaths of the newborns in the hospital there. She was sent to Harlem hospital where I was born with no problems. The timing was miraculous for me and I feel now that there is a link between each and every event and relationship that we encounter in our lives. My very presence, here and now, I truly feel is not accidental but for a reason.

I bless both Mom and Dad for their love, generosity and support as I progressed through my early educational years. Neither of them had attained high school degrees yet always wanted the best for me. I was well bred in my moral obligations yet not overpowered as a Catholic or judgmental of other faiths. I received all my basic sacraments of baptism, penance, first communion and confirmation. As I reflect on it now I see that Mom was more spiritual than religious. She would pray the rosary and sincerely ask for the health and well being of others. Being overpowered by Church rules like not attending Mass on Sundays being a sin never infringed upon her direct contact with God, nor did it cause her to have any doubts or fears about the path she had chosen. She was born in the United States, went to Italy with her Mom but was unable to return while World War I was underway. As a result she learned to read and write in Italian, in a dialect from Naples, and when she finally returned she was beyond school age here. My dad was born in 1894 in Bari, Italy and after serving in the Italian Navy migrated to the United States. Being a hard worker he was able to hold a secure job with the Metropolitan Transportation Authority from which he retired after 30 years of service. I can only describe him as a solid, loving, basically conservative being who dedicated his life to providing for his family. Mom was a true stay-at-home who