Have a Nice Day

By Ben Raiche

The book stretches from classic to pun filled prose and "Dittyography". This word has been invented in order to better explain the varied styles of rhymes interspersed along with the articles contained. Ben has written for many Free Press Papers primarily read by senior citizens across the country. AARP is just one of these.

The book bases its content on a platform of human interest for anyone who might like to simply peruse positive content and maybe allow themselves to smile instead of what might otherwise be impending.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 7, 2013
• ISBN: 9781481746908

Ben Raiche

Ben is a retiree and is satisfied that the good Lord has given him a generous share of what might be found on the happy side of life. Ben’s ardent wish is that everyone will get their just share of whatever the good Lord decides will be an equal amount of only those good things. The title of this book is the result of that feeling. Each written article ends with the salutation “Have a nice day.” This is a form of blessing and nonsectarian wish for all fellow humans. Ben, at eighty-five years of age, has been lucky enough to have done everything he hoped to accomplish in life and has been in every venue where he hoped to appear. His hands have been dirty and/or clean depending totally on his immediate location. The content of this book will introduce the reader to a man who has a real and genuine desire to levy upon each person a positive hope, sharing the good things and negating the undesirable ones.

Book preview

Have a

Nice Day

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BEN RAICHE

US%26UKLogoB%26Wnew.ai

AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2013 by Ben Raiche. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse   04/24/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-4691-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-4689-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-4690-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013907637

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Prologue

Number 1    Cars And Humans Do Not Mix

Number 2    Daffy-nition of Procrastinate

Number 3    An Intelligent Daffy-nition

Number 4    On and On About Nothing

Number 5    Life is just one big gamble

Number 6    OLD

Number 7    Your Smitty or Mine?

Number 8    Smoke

Number 9    Savage Beast?

Number 10  Brand New Stuff

Number 11  Branson Missouri

Number 12  You Dig

Number 13  Rede A Buk Laitly?

Number 14  We’re just dying to live!!!!

Number 15  A Nest

Number 16  True Love?

Number 17  Life and Love

Number 18  My First Love

Number 19  Time to Retire

Number 20  "So Who’s Fibber Magee?

Number 21  Poppa

Number 22  Remember

Number 23  Neither Rain Nor Snow Etc.

Number 24  Nothing To Do

Number 25  Bummashave

Number 26  A Penny For Your Thoughts

Number 27  The Joy of Cooking

Number 28  Don’t Expect

Number 29  The Wonderful World of Sewing

Number 30  Tsk,Tsk

Number 31  Miss Ellie

Number 32  Remembering

Number 33  A Simple Little Family

Number 34  TV Talk Shows Are An Imposition

Number 35  Bad Day

Number 36  Get on the Net

Number 37  The Virus Guy

Number 38  Equality

Number 39  Prejudice is Built-in

Number 40  Old King Pharaoh

Number 41  The Ten Commandments

Number 42  Gentle on My Mind

Number 43  A Good Place To Be

Number 44  My, How Lovely

Number 45  Just A Thought

Number 46  The Speaker

Number 47  We Give Once More

Number 48  Volunteers and Self Satisfaction"

Number 49  Sing in A Barber Shop Quartet

Number 50  Sweet Who Ever and Famous Songs

Number 51  Music of The Times

Number 52  Words and Noise

Number 53  We’re All The Best

Number 54  And So To Other Things

Number 55  Tennessee Is The Place For Me

Number 56  Your Friendly Telephone Co.

Number 57  Mirth Fun and Frivolity

Number 58  Let Congress Settle It

Number 59  An Okie From Muskogee

Number 60  Me Fly

Number 61  Some of the Old Girls

Number 62  Throw me a Line?

Number 63  God Loves The Polka

Number 64  You Meet The Nicest People

Number 65  Something Doesn’t Compute

Number 66  Who is Really Prejudicial?

Number 67  Buzz Me Miss Blue—

Number 68  A Nip A Sip A Trip

Number 69  Too Good To Be True?????

Number 70  Advice From South Dakota Fats

Number 71  Colors

Prologue

I have decided unilaterally and without duress to author this book, regardless of threats and warnings that I reconsider. My prime objective in putting forth such an ambitious effort resides in my desire to provide a permanent place of residence for many of my previously published newspaper articles, most of which were originally written for free press papers and read by senior citizens. If this writing is successful, I will die happy. I sincerely hope it gives some folks the desire to do the same. (Write a book, Don’t die.)

As one lightly sprints through this material, a reader might recognize that I am prone to get serious at times, but it doesn’t last long. It should be noted, many of the items included in this book are pun-filled and subscribe to rather lowly rated forms of humor. I hope you don’t care. I would like to develop in the reader, a feeling of lightness, even though it might only be in the head. If you have a tendency to be highly prejudicial, you might be offended by some of my remarks, or some of my articles in their entirety. Prejudice is ridiculous to include in one’s life style anyway. If however, you can accept the, Devil may care attitude held by persons naturally light in the head, or who are not at all concerned about receiving a high rating in the American caste system, read on and enjoy. We have offered no money back guarantee, so I adamantly refuse to buy back the book under any circumstances. So there!

Have a Nice Day, is my way of ending every column. It seems to add a little personal touch, and I consider myself a personal type of writer. This book makes no reference to any sexual or sensually oriented activity nor does it use sex based innuendoes. Pictures of all kinds have been intentionally omitted. It is not my desire to compete with the professionals who write comic books. It is with a smooth flow of words from my word processor and my tongue firmly implanted in my cheek that I offer the following. Enjoy!

Every person who fashions himself/herself a writer/writeress, at some time feels he/she should write a book/bookess. Often times I have felt that way during my lifetime. I wonder if that makes me a writer? I doubt most books are written by devil-may-care dudes like me, who never strive nor aspire to become author of the year nor writer of the Great American Novel. I might even have a difficult time writing an atlas, unless it was Charles Atlas, and then I could at least insert some pertinent verbiage about some skinny dude who gets sand kicked into his face, and then decides to become a great American strongman like Charles Atlas, or Arnold Schwartz—? Oh, You know who I mean.

Most Americans have perused a few of the epics displayed in the local drug store paperback rack. Of course, some have only looked at the artistic front covers. They generally depict some handsome dude with his hands located in areas that provide him with personal excitement or he will be biting the neck of a voluptuous, scantily clad female, who is obviously enjoying the entire event. Tsk, Tsk. Most plots have very familiar venues and avenues which they traverse. Along with the sex filled love story section we find war stories which always have the basic sexually related chapters interspersed between gory details of blood letting. All of which is uniquely phrased with invented words and classically depicted, worthless verbiage stolen from some prominent writer of the past. Thieves and rip-off artists permeate spy novels and redundantly compete with 007 for social prominence.

I don’t know what favored general story lines I have omitted in my discussion at this point. My original intent was merely to add emphasis to my former complaint stating that most modern books have familiar plots. They all include some form of sex related themes. Maybe I’ve already told you that.

Well! I have decided to separate myself from fake, phony, festooned fictional feature fare, honoring humorous, historical, hilarious, horrendously hypocritical heraldry etc. My only prerequisite demands that each anecdote must be smile provoking, or must present something of educational value. Anything not qualifying as an educational anecdote can produce what ever it likes. If some of the stories are seriously based, don’t be surprised. Even a mind like mine gets straight now and then.

My stories strive to maintain a unique positive nature. Politics and other argumentative or downer spawning subjects seem to bore me. I do admit however that many political endeavors are extremely funny. I have divorced myself from those stories, and have relegated them to the pile I plan to recycle or use as fuel at some future date. Most of them are infused, infected and permeated with grossly overstated, unfunny fiction anyway. Either that or the stories are vividly true, which encourages one to lose faith in the persons who seem to have eminent domain while ruling in our democratic form of government or is it, demographic or even demonic form of government ? Oh, well.

Travel related stories generally digress, becoming travelogues or historical tales of adventure and lose their palatability while some ultra-muscled dude is searching for the lost what-ever, and chasing some voluptuous babe. She, of course is teeming with sex appeal. He is the type whose hobby is hugging boa constrictors or coifuring the manes of lions while holding them down with one hand tied behind his back. His only weapon is the nail on his right index finger. He keeps it razor sharp.

I think this completes the circle of normally available story plots found in soft cover modern novels.

We won’t even mention the western oater types of novels. Take it from an old farmer. Most of the horses used in these stories have to be very well behaved.

Believe me, there is very little romance or human interest related to cleaning up after horses, or any other animals for that matter.

Mirth, fun and frivolity are the magi of acceptable inputs that if taken in daily dosage, (adequate for adults), tend to lengthen one’s life, regardless of dietary or sleeping habits. As an added attraction, they don’t add calories nor exercise to an already over caloried and under exercised regimen…

My voracious writing appetite is accompanied by a fervent hope that my readers can enjoy digesting some happy food for thought.

This treatise I must admit will never enter the competition to become the Great American Novel, because first of all, it isn’t a novel. Secondly, it does not have any sexually oriented chapters, nor does it have a running plot. For that matter, it doesn’t have a walking plot either.

My text could be used as a source of ideas for beginning writers who might feel the need to plagiarize some basic ideas. I suggest you refrain from copying any of the writing formats or styles found in these articles, because I probably come across as a smart Alec or even a wise guy. I hope I can convince you I am neither of those things, but simply a dude who likes to write about simple things, inserting humor as I see it.

I have been introduced to many styles proven successful for relating tales, epics and odes, generally intended for senior citizens. I hope you enjoy at least some of them. Even if you don’t, the price of this book is cheap, and you own it… . Thanks!!

Spaced generously throughout this document you will also be exposed to a number of my original Ditties. Yes, I am a confirmed Dittiographer. I will never classify any of my rhyming Ditties as poems. Certainly not! That would be audacious to say the least, and very offensive to the modern legitimate poetic plagiarist.

Most of my rhymes are created from old words I had lying around waiting to be used in some fashion. None of the words have complained to this day. That in itself has allowed me freedom to continue unhindered using any word that comes to mind. I Try however to make some of the words rhyme with others in some prescribe-able fashion. The following Ditty is just such a thing. I hope you enjoy it.

You’ll find it on the next page !!!

Right Along with the actual opening lines of this book. Congratulations to all those who have made it through the first 6 pages.

Oh That I Could Be The One Who Said All That"

History shows throughout all time, classic prose or nursery rhyme,

There’s importance in the spoken and written word.

The intelligence conveyed by folks is sometimes reduced to jokes,

Or is sometimes dignified, or so I’ve heard.

I’ll never cease to be amazed by obscure authors being praised,

As they plagiarize someone else’s prose.

If it’s left for me to say, I’ll put it someone else’s way.

May the bird of paradise fly up their nose.

I suppose it’s difficult to state or for posterity create

Brand new words that no one understands.

Each word you know or learn although,

Means something else in all those foreign lands.

If you want to sound prolific, don’t say things too specific.

Don’t be a dweeb or nerd, but simply one cool cat.

Lexicography the seed for the rhymer’s field indeed.

Oh, that I could be the one who said all

that.

The first article chosen as my opener is no accident. The article has never appeared in any prior publication. It is therefore new, pristine and is comprised of mostly original material. If you believe that statement, I have a bridge located in California I’d like to sell you.

Number 1

Cars And Humans Do Not Mix

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Recently I found myself driving south on Sycamore Ave. in Sioux Falls, South Dakota at a time when the local Public Schools had just been dismissed for the day. I feel it prudent to drive rather cautiously and try to be especially watchful during this period of the day while driving on any busy street. School children have a habit of being right on the spot in which you might like to put your car.

On any occasion that a child collides with a vehicle, the child will always lose the contest and be forced to yield the right of way whether he/she is in the right or not.

Pedestrian types of humans of any age or size are no match for any type of motor-vehicle of any age. (Or driver either for that matter.)

I hesitate to think about the dire consequences of hurting a youngster as the result of being struck by my car. I would have a very difficult time there-after driving anything larger than a skateboard.

Many young novice drivers and senior citizens as well possess a very limited view of what can occur on a street or roadway. It seems they recognize what the pedals are for, and how to aim the vehicle down the road. No one has brought home the grim reality of striking a live person with an automobile. What can happen to their lives as related to that first accident? Most of us would retain the stark mental image of a serious accident, especially if someone gets maimed or killed. All of a sudden, its not like television. We can’t turn a switch and make it go away. Real blood is spilled and real persons are involved. There is real hurt imposed upon someone who is, or was a living human being. Someone loved is crying and asking God to make the pain go away.

Real lives become affected by what has already occurred and persons involved now must carry a living memory that cannot be changed. After the mental impact is realized, then we must review the legal factors involved when an accident occurs. Will we lose our right to drive?

Will someone be incarcerated related to some aspect of the incident? Is alcohol or another drug involved in the case? What will happen to insurance rates and for how long? What financial impact will be imposed, and upon whom? All