Passing Through: My Life as a Part of Boysen Family

By Richard Boysen

Passing Through is a memoir from my earliest memories until the present day. I describes how I feel about my adoption, the people who adopted me and my extended family. There are stories and anecdotes about my education, military experience, my career in corporate finance and accounting and my life. Writing this has helped me come to terms with my adoption and make sense out of my life. My goals are that persons who have been adopted will find my stories useful and that corporate finance professionals will enjoy reading some of my deal stories, and that veterans will enjoy my war stories.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 26, 2013
• ISBN: 9781481712415

Book preview

My New Family

There was a party; I was there; one of three children among a group of people who were, then, young adults. The two other children were cousins, Chuck and Jackie Labiak, children of my mother’s sister Jessie and her husband Joseph.

The adults were especially attentive. Even at age two and a half I could tell that I was the guest of honor. Most of the adults were saying hello, trying to be kind, but not asking questions about me. I do not recall asking them questions. I had a lot to eat and drink: great kid food; cake and ice cream. I had landed in a wonderful place.

Even though I recently arrived from an orphanage, I was not thinking about having been there. My time at the orphanage must have been unpleasant; to this day I have no memories of my time there; perhaps some parts of one’s personal history are best forgotten. I do remember having one nightmare after joining the Boysen household—the social worker from the orphanage made regular check up visits to see how things were going. She spent time asking me how I was and what I was doing. I always said I am fine and asked her to leave. One night I dreamt she was coming to take me back to the orphanage. Attempting escape, I jumped on the hood of a passing car and was being burned because the day was so hot. Ouch!

Mom told me later that she never intended telling me that about the adoption, but was persuaded by friends and family that she ought. She waited a while; until after my first sibling, John Stephen Boysen II, was born. I was unsure what being adopted meant; I was nervous; for many years I worried constantly about being sent back to the orphanage. Mom did tell me that my natural father died during the Normandy invasion. I didn’t know what that meant; many years later while on a trip to Paris, I toured the American Cemetery near Normandy. It was an emotional time for me. I looked around at the many crosses and Stars of David but did not know his name and which cross or Star of David was his. My brother Eric related to me recently that Mom had told him that my father died at the Battle of the Bulge. I doubt I will ever learn about him.

Mom also told me that she and Pop had been unable to have children of their own; my adoption helped them have natural children. I guess I could tell my siblings that, in some abstract way, they owe their lives to me. John Stephen Boysen II, is three years younger than I; Eric Andrew Boysen arrived three years after John, and Christine Ellen Boysen six years after Eric.

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John S. Boysen, Gertrude U. Boysen,

Anne E. Boysen and Harry E. Boysen

I since learned that it is not uncommon for couples having children to become fertile after adopting a child. Knowing that I helped my new parents build the family they so fervently desired pleases me. Mom told me that my birth Mother and her parents had asked the Orphanage to place me with a family that would see that I received a good education. While there never was much money in the Boysen household, Mom and Pop did the best they could. Thanks to values imparted to me, I completed high school, was awarded a Bachelor’s Degree in Accounting and Finance, and earned a Masters in Liberal Arts.

I went to public schools in Philadelphia. I performed quite well academically until I had an almost catastrophic meltdown in my senior year. My grades were horrible: a combination of teenage rebellion, the loss of my first true love, and frustration about what I would do following graduation.

Mom’s parents emigrated from Italy and Switzerland. Born in the countryside of Southern Italy, Grand Pop Day, Peter Joseph Day, was first generation in the United States. Grand Mom Day’s parents were from Canton Schwyz in Switzerland. In those days a marriage of a woman with Swiss lineage to a Southern Italian would have been frowned upon, but they were living in a new country where, while these kinds of issues mattered, neighborhoods mattered more. In my youth, people congregated by nationality; it was typical for the children of the newly arrived to continue living in the same neighborhood. Over time, these neighborhoods became the basis for local politics and social activities. One downside of this phenomenon was gang activity; a recent upside is the proliferation of national and ethnic food festivals. In Philadelphia and most other East Coast cities one found Italian, Irish, Greek, Hispanic, Polish and, after the Civil War African-American neighborhoods. My sense is that one reason for the Godfather movies’ success was its focus on neighborhoods; what they meant to newly-arrived immigrants struggling to establish an identity and power structure in a new country.

Mom told me a story about her father, Peter J. Day. When he was around twelve years old, he had a job in an Italian shipyard carrying buckets of hot rivets up to the riveters. On one trip he stumbled and fell to the deck below. The people around him, thinking he was dead had him put on ice; a priest gives him last rites. Grand Pop woke up, asking for ice cream.

While I always thought Grand Mom Day was bit weird, Mom felt Grand Mom Day’s Mother was even stranger. I never met her, but if she were stranger, I would like to have been a fly on the wall at one of their family events.

Pop’s mother was an Atkins whose people emigrated from England. His father’s forebears came to the United States from Schleswig-Holstein. This bit of land had, over the years, been part of Denmark or Germany, depending upon who won the latest war. After learning about Germany’s goings on in Europe, I prefer thinking of the Boysens as being Danish. Grand Pop Boysen died in late November 1952 at age 66. My paternal grandfather rose to a high level in business serving as Secretary and General Manager of Motor Transport Labor Relations, Inc. According to his obituary his role seems to have been one of arbitration and mediation. The obituary credits him with settling grievances and preventing or lessening the time of work stoppages. Congress and the President could use his help.

Mom had two brothers (Robert Bob and Richard Dick) and two sisters Jessie and Virginia Ginny). Bob, the eldest of the siblings married but never had any children, Dick married Bertha. They had a son, Richard, and a daughter Linda. Jessie married Joseph Labiak. They had two sons (Chuck and Joey) and a daughter Jackie; they had had a son named David who lived for about three years. Ginny and her husband Bill Offenhauer had a son Lee. Pop had a brother Harry who had a daughter Anne. Of my parents’ generation, Ginny is the sole remaining survivor of old age and the wearing out of body parts.

My generation lost Jackie and Anne. Anne was a great childhood friend to me; she was five years older than I, a virtual big sister. Jackie had an unfortunate childhood. During a spell of measles, she suffered a high fever and became epileptic. She survived her childhood and the death of Jessie and Joseph, passing some ten years ago.

Anne and I became somewhat estranged in her later years, not for any reason I could readily deduce. Anne Elizabeth Boysen died in November 2011. Having arranged in advance for her organs to be used for medical research, she did not have a funeral or viewing. I went to her home in Philadelphia for her Memorial Service in early December. The day was one of those cold albeit sunny days that we enjoyed in winter, after Indian summer. The crowd was so large that everyone moved outside; into Anne’s lovely garden, with the huge metallic grasshopper, to make and listen to the various remembrances. Almost everyone spoke about Anne; we remained outside in the cold for nearly two hours. I was impressed by the quality of friendships she developed over the years. Of all the many loving comments made at her memorial service, the one about her appreciating the value of community resonates most. I still carry that notion with me.

Anne’s life was mostly miserable, though she did not complain often to me or, to the best of knowledge, anyone else. I did not know this as a child, but learned later that her father, Pop’s brother Harry, was a drunken bully. He would beat Anne’s mother regularly. I think he might have knocked Anne around at times. In later years Anne told me that the only aspect of her life that she could control was whether and how much she ate. She went on hunger strikes, remaining extremely thin until the day she died.

Needing to get away from her horrible environment, Anne married immediately after finishing high school. Unfortunately she married a younger more violent version of her father. He drank too much and physically abused her. She left him; worked for several years as a social worker, supplementing her meager income by teaching piano to youth and adult students. While I do not know how she managed to afford, somehow she acquired a fine piano that she played expertly.

After many years, she married, Charlie, a former Catholic priest. It seemed they were getting on well until, after my sister Chris’ wedding when she caught Charlie having sex with one of the wedding guests. Anne divorced Charlie but they remained friends until her death.

Anne bought an old house near Germantown, Pa., where she began her professional career as an artist working with various paint media. Then she married Dan. Dan was in the Merchant Marine and spent 6 months of the year at sea. Somehow, Dan talked Anne into selling her house and moving to upstate Pennsylvania where she was alone most of the time. She tried to make this marriage work, but alone and without her friends they divorced and she moved back to her old Germantown neighborhood, where she continued painting, playing her piano and entertaining friends.

Anne was part, probably its leader, of a salon, not of the grand style where one joins to buttress one’s social standing, but rather of friends sharing common interests and enjoying each other’s company. She was a wonderful host; one never spent time at her home without learning something new and interesting, enjoying finely prepared cuisine, seeing her wonderful evocative landscapes and contemporary paintings, and hearing well-played music.

Anne’s ovarian cancer finally triumphed. She fought valiantly for at least ten years, enduring all kinds of proven and experimental treatments. She must have enjoyed living more than most people of our generation. Tired and with no view of having a life worth living, she asked her doctors to pull the plug.

Mom often said of Anne that she was more sinned against than sinner. The only other person I ever heard her say that about was my ex-wife Vicky.

My memory of Uncle Harry is that he was a guy’s guy. He was good looking and looked sharp in his military uniform. He drank a lot and had great stories. He also left many bad memories. Uncle Harry’s death notice, at age 44, which was much younger than I would have guessed, was titled Man Found Dead on Sofa at Home. The notice recites the information I mentioned previously, but deletes the detail about his having told Nanny he planned on committing suicide that evening. The title irritates me most. What kind of way is this to refer to an honorably discharged wounded veteran? Harry won the Korean Service Medal, Victory Medal and earned area service citations for the American and Asiatic-Pacific Theaters of Operation.

Anne’s Executor, Karen Brown, sent several of Anne’s pictures and notes, and accumulated letters to Christine who passed them on to me. Harry Eugene Boysen, Jr. was a prolific letter writer while he was on a ship in the Pacific Ocean. He seemed to have a wonderful relationship with his parents. I have read through all of his letters to his parents. He did not mention or ask about Pop in any of these letters. I wonder how close he was to his brother?

What I have as a takeaway from Anne’s history, as I viewed it, is her fundamentally optimistic view of life. Despite having a horrendous childhood, failed marriages, and a host of economic and health related problems she never failed to have a smile on her face and was ready to take on the challenges of each day. She was always a source of encouragement. I wish she and I had been able to spend more time together as adults; we might have been great pals.

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Me and Anne wearing lips at

Solly Avenue summer of 1948

My son Peter spent a fair amount of time with her, often staying at her house when he or we went to Philadelphia, generally at Thanksgiving or for a family wedding. Anne met a girlfriend of Peter’s on one turkey day visit. She called me shortly thereafter to tell me I had to get him to dump her because, in Anne’s opinion, she was not Peter’s intellectual equal; things would never work out. Sometime later, Peter took a new friend, Leslie Renico to a family wedding near Philadelphia. They stayed at Anne’s home. Anne and Leslie, perhaps, in part, because they were both dealing with cancer, had a warm and welcoming visit. Anne called me shortly after the wedding to tell me that Peter needed to marry Leslie; he did.

My siblings live in the Philadelphia area. John S., II and his wife Kathy live near Royersford Pa., as do Eric A. Boysen and his wife Diane. Chris and her husband Jack Leahy live in Mt. Laurel, New Jersey, near downtown Philadelphia.

John and Kathy have a son, John S. III, living in Jacksonville, Fla. and a daughter Stephanie living in Philadelphia.

Eric and Diane have two daughters, Amy and Heather and a son Eric. Amy lives in Western Virginia. She and her husband, Will, have two daughters, Noel and Samantha, and a son Aaron. Heather lives near Eric and Diane with her husband Butch who has two children from a previous marriage. Eric and his wife Corin have a son named James.

Chris and Jack Leahy have three children, Ian, Teddy and Jessie. Ian recently married his long-term friend Desyre; Teddy is single. Jessie and her husband Ian McKeown have two children Eibhleann and Seamus.

I am fortunate to have two adult children, Peter and Elizabeth and five grandchildren. Peter has three children from a previous marriage; the Triplets; Richard, Sherry and Darrell, and a stepchild named Jackson Martin. Jackson’s mother Leslie is married to Peter.

Peter’s full name is Richard Peter Boysen. Vicky and I gave Peter his first name. His middle name was given by Mom, whose father’s name was Peter J. Day. My grandson Richard was named for me, Darrell was named for an Uncle, while Sherry was, I believe, named for a friend of Laura’s—Laura is Sherry’s mother’s given name. Vicky and I intended to name Peter for Colin Hitchcock, the husband of our departmental secretary when I was in the Air Force in England. Mom told me everyone would call Peter colon. I knew what she wanted, so we agreed to name him Peter.

On August 13, 2012 Elizabeth gave birth to Myer (Mae) Elizabeth Hoffman. Mae was named for a relative of the Hoffmans whose surname is Myer. Elizabeth’s name is Victoria Elizabeth Boysen-Hoffman. Her given names are from her mother and Pop’s mother who was Sarah Elizabeth Boysen. Elizabeth and Bret Hoffman are enjoying their first child.

I believe Mom was proud of her children and those of her grandchildren who were living when she passed.

There are few days when I do not think of Mom and Pop. When I am doing something challenging for me I often think of calling Pop for advice, only to remember that he is no longer there. If I want an interesting take on current events I think about calling Mom. Same result.

I also treasure some of the things that Pop taught. The first time I told him I was taking a girl to dinner, he told me I should check out the menu first and be prepared to spend whatever the most expensive item on the menu cost. If I could not afford the most expensive item I should choose another restaurant. I had not thought about that previously. This was great advice. He told me about opening the door for females and making sure that my car was not only clean, but also that the doorframes were clear of dirt and grime. I remember the car advice every time I wash my car.

Mom and Pop

John Stephen Boysen Jack was born in Philadelphia, PA on December 12, 1917. At the time of his graduation from Frankford High School, also in Philadelphia, in 1935 he and his parents lived at 7018 Walker Street. According to his class yearbook, The Record he attended Disston Elementary School and earned an Academic Diploma. According to his yearbook he served as a Highway Representative during the tenth grade. Pop worked part time after school, delivering clothes for a local dry cleaners; he did not have much time for after-school activities.

Gertrude Ursula Day Gert was born in Haddonfield, NJ on June 5, 1917. She graduated from elementary school in New Jersey where, at her commencement, she delivered the Valedictory Address. Mom also graduated from Frankford High School in 1935. She earned an Academic Diploma. Much more sociable and athletic than Pop, she was in the Literary Club, Student Board and Honor Book. She also played Girls Basketball, Baseball and Volleyball and was a Class Leader her senior year. Mom was quite the student. She won the Philadelphia Mayor’s Scholarship to the University of Pennsylvania. Unfortunately, Grand Mom Day would not allow her to accept it. She told Mom that she should go to work, find a husband, get married and have some children. I doubt Mom ever forgave her Mother. I think she accepted that, in her time, this was how mothers treated daughters. Mom was so intelligent, so intellectually curious. I often wonder what Mom might have achieved had her mother been more forward thinking.

Following his graduation in 1935, Pop was hired as a spot welder with Kaiser Metals in Bristol, PA. He worked there through the war years helping build airplanes for the war efforts in World War II and Korea. I recall wearing his welding helmet one Halloween.

Pop did not share Mom’s intellect or curiosity. Not that he was unintelligent. He tried, with limited success, teaching me calculus and trigonometry. It just seemed that his interests lay elsewhere. I believe Eric inherited Pop’s true interest and hobby: fishing.

Mom was part of the war effort. She received certificates from the War Department for Volunteer Services as an airplane spotter and from the Red Cross for serving as a nurse’s aide.

Mom’s first and, to the best of my knowledge, last place of employment was as at Curtis Publishing Company. According to Wikipedia, "The Curtis Publishing Company, founded in 1891 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, became one of the largest and most influential publishers in the United States during the early 20th century. The company’s publications included the Ladies’ Home Journal and The Saturday Evening Post, The American Home, Holiday, Jack & Jill, and Country Gentleman. In the 1940s, Curtis also had a comic book imprint, Novelty Press.

As an avid reader Mom found the perfect combination of hobby and paycheck. According to what she told me later, she worked at Curtis Publishing until they adopted me.

With the vagaries of the defense contracting business Pop often faced layoffs while he worked at Kaiser. These times of underemployment were quite difficult for him. Pop’s working demographic was viewed as skilled labor. He worked hard when he worked, which was most of the time. Having such specialized skills made it difficult to find work during times of unemployment. Somehow we always made it through these times. I think Nanny helped out a lot. I do recall that she financed our house on Cottage Street.

One year while doing their income taxes Pop mentioned that he paid off the mortgage the preceding year but was still claiming interest deductions using the amortization schedule. Who knew? Pop was a tax consultant of sorts. In his later years Pop went to work at General Electric, spending most of his career at the plants in Valley Forge, Pa. and in downtown Philadelphia. He was instrumental with helping Vicky find employment after we married, while she was waiting to join me in Italy.

Once my siblings and I were old enough Mom returned to outside activities. She took courses through the University of Pennsylvania extension. She really enjoyed Anthropology and Life Sciences. She also became active in local politics, serving as precinct chair and ballot box watcher. She always looked for skullduggery.

Mom and Pop moved to a retirement community in Whiting, N.J., shortly after Pop retired. He began playing golf and bocce. Mom did those and more. She became a member of the community’s board of trustees. True to form, she became a crusader, consistently harassing the developer and the local school board. She went after the developer to make sure he did all the work promised when he sold the properties. She always believed that New Jersey had far too many small school districts, causing a need for extraneous principals and staff positions. She believed retirement communities were taxed too heavily given the minimal services they required. Mom was ahead of her time. Due to the aging of the baby boomers, her thoughts on aging and retirement communities will be the political, societal, and economic focus that will define our generations.

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