Twenty One Days Later: The Journey

By Tony Baccarini

Whats this book about, and why did you put pen to paper? Simple. After being in a state of mind that threatened my existence, which would have had repercussions for others, if my issues were not dealt with.
In order to try and get the answers, I needed to have the questions to ask myself. It was a big deal to up and leave everything and everyone at a minutes notice and fly to a place where I had never been toa place I have never seen. I would have no choice but to jump in with both feet and sink or swim.
Being honest with myself was most important to my process. If I did not, it would be for nothing. I could not risk it, and the frame of mind I was in would have been disastrous as everything I worked for would have come crashing down around me.
When I got there, my journey really began. I found out that once you go back to basics and dump the materialistic baggage behind, you become humble and a pleasant human being again. You slow right down, accepting everything that is given out, and along this path, I found out what was really important and who that somebody was, and after all the pain and soul-searching, I found that person as it was there all along. I was me. I had to then come to terms with being diagnosed an illness on how to deal with a failing marriage and coming to terms with the tragic loss of my son all in three weeks, and then the words and where they came frommaybe a gift from aboveto help me find true inner peace and drop all negativity that had built up over the years to an awakening of normality, that if someone with a problem of mind received an emotional connection with the poems or their content, and it helped them in some small way, then I know it would be a great thing as I witnessed this effect while in the clinic, which urged me to write this book as a positive gesture to what I went through in twenty-one days.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Sep 26, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477227466

Tony Baccarini

Forty Five years old a inventor and business man in the field of acoustic fit out for over twenty years Fathered five children brought them up only one being biological a son The boy luca died 14 years old years went by and just continued on without grieving nearly seven years later auto pilot stopped working and i ended up a Kenilworth psychiatric Clinic in july 2012 where i had to come to terms in 21 days with a failed relationship bipolar 2 disorder and grief and resentment issues in this process i found i was able to write poems without thinking of the words when i did not even finish school let alone write poems this writing enabled me to find my emotions and my true self by being hoest and open to the programme and change my life to a new chapter and move forward with my recovery

Book preview

Contents

21 days later the journey

Life story

Poem

Nurse Evelyn

Sister Vanessa

Recipe for self compassion

Mandela Day

The boy

The meaning of anger

The Lady

Bipolar

Laurens shoes blues

Mania

Accepting change

Eighteen candles

Ups and downs

The Settlement

The wedding day

Wishful thinking

The label

What is a shrink?

Zaidah, what is her pet name?

Delight, Wine, Woman and Song

Alison’s the inner child

Gila’s Day

Emotions what are they

Delusions

Closure

Compromise

Divorce

Bitter from the break up

The rise from the hurt

Barbecue Man

She’s so smart

Do you see Superman?

Ima is her name

When loves like a tree

Flew on a sunny day

The Calculass

Man’s best friend

Farewell Fe

Book of condolence

Twenty one days later a journey

About the Author

21 days later the journey

In reflection over the past 21 days I would have never thought it was possible to travel twelve hours to a country I have never visited to people I have met now and I will always be in my heart due to the nature and personality of people from different backgrounds with one thing in common they all had problem of the mind and I am deeply humbled by the whole experience understanding the Kenilworth clinic ethics and confidentiality criteria in writing this book I have not gone in to detail regards there superb work, as the true purpose is set to motivate people suffering in silence in the same frame of mind as I was when I attended the three week programme and in some way this just helps one person other than me to publish my journey to the unknown it would have been worth it as it needed to be written and shared, but I would like to thank and acknowledge my councillor Zaidah van niekerk for her support in helping me accept and come to terms with problems that nearly ended my life and sister Vanessa who comforted me when i was riding the emotional rollercoaster and my friend and business partner Mr. John law believed in me and supported me before and through the programme and of course fe you have been the light at the end of the tunnel, you were there alongside me to give a point of view not rescue even when you were dealing with your own recovery and you made me believe in myself when I just could not you are my one true soul mate that I thought I would not have again in my life time

Life story

Where to begin I was born in hackney east London in the salvation army hospital at 6am 24th of July 1967 to a mother a father Joe and rose baccarini which made me the fourth child as I have two older brothers and one sister making me the baby of the family

Unfortunately I was born with a club foot and had to have numerous operation’s which was difficult for my mum as she kept house in the day and worked cleaning offices in the night in the city, my dad was a early riser as he was a milkman at Canonbury he was actually a printer by trade but after a stint national service he got himself in trouble by fencing a stolen pig which was for the officers banquet they put a alert to search all soldiers at the train station and he was captured and sent to the stockade as they set an example of him but when returned home he could not work inside again.

I can’t remember when the early times but my mum said before the last operation she was in bed with my dad and my crib was close by she saw a dark shadow over my crib leaning in a to touch me she tried to wake my dad but when she did he the shadow had gone the next morning she went to see a neighbour who was a gypsy even 44years on my mum believes the story and I guess to now it has rang true she was worried about the other operation failing there was a new method which was first tried by dame Vera Lynn a famous singer in the second world war she sung well meet again the only trouble was the procedure

Was risky because when they bound your leg because of no air getting to it which ulcerated the leg and in one so young could risk loss of the limb anyway the gypsy said that the operation would be a success and I would not get I’ll as a child as I had a guardian angel Angelou my granddad who never met

The operation was a success when the removed the dressing I had no ulcerations they could not believe it the doctors documented this was told that I would probably not be able to run and have a disability how wrong they were I became a fit boy we moved from hackney as a family to brand new council estate in north London which is where I was really brought up it was called Grahame park it was ok then but know has had to be regenerated due to the crime there I was six years old

I don’t have many memories of that time but I can remember two of them I went to Grahame park junior school and was given a student as guide he name was Steven Hobley and we are still goods friends till this day and he has sent me a joke or two via text the only other memory was our little gang I guess the eldest being 8 the youngest by 4 Grahame park was being constructed although our houses were built the other side was not so we would play on the building site I remember a drink tap we all lined up to take a drink which we did one at time wiping our mouths with our sleeves except Rick Benton who produced a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed his mouth dry which us street urchins found really funny we then took a ladder from the building site and again we all helped to carry it that was until the siren went off which we thought it was a police car but it was a ambulance we did not care we just dropped the ladder and ran back to the finished side of the estate.

My childhood was generally happy I can remember when my brother Terry first brought my sister in law Pauline to meet my family my dad as usual being Italian cooked all sorts of delights everyone was waiting as my brother did not turn up he was in a suit when they did all I can remember is my dad waking up with string vest on which I found funny

I was always the class clown through my end of the early years my middle brother Chris was at home and he used to torment the life out of me as well as arguing with my sister tina my brother terry the eldest did not live at home but I have him to thank for introducing me to my one true love Arsenal