A Deep Well of Strength: A 'Real Life' Novel - a Sequel to - "A Driving Force Within" (Part Two)

By Bernice G. Dyck

After Molly was forced to reveal the deep, dark secrets surrounding her children's parentage, there was something lacking in their closeness; something preventing them from reigniting the old fires. Although she loved Lake of the Woods, without her children, it wasnt the same! But Kelly helped her find the magic again! Kelly's boy dog soon became the catalyst that triggered her nightmares. Filled with anxiety, Kelly tried to explain her frightening dreams. Something was very wrong! But, with luck, there was still time to change the plot!
Then there was Adam, who appeared strong and stable on the outside, but his insides had been messed up five years ago. Finding the letter that his mother hid from him turned Adam's world upside down! It proved that his sisters were only half-sisters, and he had more siblings in Alberta - children sired by his father, and another woman. For the past five years Adam lived with this knowledge, biding his time until he finished school so he could go forth as a man, and fulfill his need to meet his other family. Now that he was eighteen, there was nothing to stop him from finding the truth! He couldnt wait to reveal his identity and to make a decision about which family he would choose! Following in his mothers footsteps, Adam chose to fabricate lies to keep his mom from interfering with his decision, and he headed west, alone! But what he found there was enough to set his world spinning! Nothing was as easy as it looked!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jul 13, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477232613

Bernice G. Dyck

Bernice G. Dyck spent 35 years teaching people of all ages to live our lives to the fullest and to always be prepared to assist others, as we reach out and establish a loving and caring relationship with everyone we meet. What we do for others, whether they are family, friends, or strangers who we just met, will strongly impact how others relate to us! And the relationships we create will definitely impact our life in a myriad of ways. It's important to keep our eyes open, our hearts open, and our lives open to share with others. My motto is: "Go for the gold, and never give up!" Living in North America has enabled me to meet people from all over the world; people with different languages, different backgrounds, and different ways of looking at things! Appreciating our differences puts a whole new perspective before us! However, no matter what our past was like, we are all forging ahead, looking for ways to make ourselves useful and purposeful as we appreciate the years we have left on this planet! Put yourself into the book as Molly or Paul, and if you're younger, as Carolyn or Adam! What would you do differently if you walked in their shoes? How would you use your Deep Well of Strength to meet the needs of everyone you love? Remember though, that reading 'A Driving Force Within' first, can help us to better understand the background of the 'focus family'! And this sequel will fascinate you as you watch the characters grow older and become a stronger and a tighter family, despite the many hurdles they need to overcome! Enjoy...!

Book preview

Chapter 1

-1-

Kelly thrashed around and moaned quietly. It was very hot . . . and so dark! She was terrified! The walls were closing in on her! The darkness was dreadfully scary! And the heat was so bad that she could barely breathe! Panting, she threw the covers onto the floor, and then frantically groped around, scratching and gouging at the wall in a desperate attempt to escape from her putrid, stifling prison. She had to get out of there! She wanted desperately to scream, but for some reason she couldn’t! When she opened her mouth, nothing came out, and although she felt an uncontrollable urge to shriek loud enough to pierce the endless silence, so she could be heard all around the world, something very strong seemed to be closing in around her throat, and it was all she could do to breathe.

She needed to escape! There must be a way out of here! She shuddered, remembering the time when she had tumbled out of the window and felt the terrible hurt in her arm as she hit the ground. But that memory was dim now, and the urge to escape was stronger than ever. The window was always locked now. That’s why it was so hot, and so dark. But the need to breathe was all-consuming as she scrambled frantically across the floor to the window.

Curling up beneath the window sometimes helped her to settle down. A little of the breeze from the water seeped in, between the cracks in the frame, to provide relief, and she quietly curled up in the fetal position under the window, crooning softly. She felt, rather than heard the sounds from her throat and she sensed the air from the window, although she couldn’t really feel it. But the panic continued to consume her and she ground her teeth together fiercely, mutilating the edges of her tongue as she squirmed in discomfort, moaned softly, and calmly proceeded to release her bladder.

Kelly’s horrible, strangling screams shattered Molly’s heart as she raced toward her granddaughter’s room at the rear of the cottage. Oh no, not again! she panted as she barged into the room and found Kelly curled up in the middle of her bed, hugging her favourite teddy bear so hard the stuffing almost popped out, and screaming hysterically. Racing toward her, Molly crooned, Kelly. Kelly, don’t cry. You’re okay. Grandma’s here, Kelly, she reassured as she gathered the trembling young body into her arms and hugged her tightly. It’s okay, honey. But Molly knew that it wasn’t okay, and she fervently wished that she could take away this hurt and make it her own so that she could understand it, if nothing else.

I was so scared, Grandma. And I peed my pants, Kelly blubbered as she clung to her grandmother, trembling and sobbing loudly.

Hush, Molly soothed as she held Kelly’s trembling body close to her and gently rocked her back and forth. Glancing around, Molly noticed that most of the bedclothes were in a heap on the floor, and the sheet that remained on the bed looked perfectly dry. Loosening her hold and feeling around on the bed with one hand, Molly calmly reassured her granddaughter, No you didn’t, Kelly. You didn’t pee your pants, honey. See, you’re still dry. And even if you did, that wouldn’t matter, Kelly. Relax. Don’t cry. It was just a dream, sweetie.

But I smelled it, Grandma, Kelly persisted. It was so dark and hot, and I couldn’t get out, and I wet my pants, and it smelled so bad . . .

That’s okay, Kelly, Molly persisted. Really, everything’s going to be okay, honey. It’s just a dream, like the ones you used to have. You don’t have to be afraid of a dream. Once you wake up, it goes away, remember? But Molly knew this would be a long night, and Kelly would take a while to settle down again.

I have to go to the bathroom, Grandma, but then I want to sleep with you, okay? Kelly implored between sobs, the whole time clinging tenaciously to her grandma as the panicky feeling persisted.

Gently wiping Kelly’s tear-stained cheeks and runny nose with a tissue, Molly kissed the child lovingly on both cheeks and scooped her up in her arms. Of course you can, honey, she reassured. Grandma will keep you safe now, don’t you worry. But worry lines continued to crease Molly’s brow long into the night.

-2-

Molly lay awake for a long time, stroking Kelly’s legs and arms gently until the frightened child finally fell into an uneasy sleep. Even then Molly continued to lie awake, wondering anxiously if it had been wrong to bring her back to the cottage so soon. Kelly always loved coming to the cottage! Two summers ago, when she was three, Molly brought Kelly with her to Richardson’s Retreat for a whole week. It was the first time the two of them had come to the lake alone. They decided to spend some time together, so they could get to know each other better, and to give Kelly’s parents a much-needed break.

Even at such a tender young age, it seemed obvious during their first week at Richardson’s Retreat that Kelly and Molly were kindred spirits. They both loved to sunbathe, to swim, and to build castles in the sand. They spent long hours walking hand-in-hand along the beach, collecting shells and driftwood, and each day they would take a few minutes to perch atop ‘writer’s rock’ and talk about the wonders of God’s universe as they shared a oneness with nature. After that, Kelly begged to come along each time Molly decided to spend a few days at this wonderful cabin on the eastern shore of Lake of the Woods. Although Kelly missed her mom and dad when she was at the lake, she loved her grandmother a lot, and they soon developed a special bond that was sometimes difficult for others to understand. But one thing was definitely obvious—Molly and Kelly thrived on each other’s love!

Last summer had been a special time of rejuvenation for Molly. She always took time away from the busy schedule at her dress shop to enjoy a few days here and there at the lake during the spring and summer, but it wasn’t what it used to be now that the children were grown up. Adam still came once in a while, but he was having even more trouble than Carla and Carolyn were as they tried rekindling the magic that the cottage once held for them. Ever since Kelly’s birth, when Molly had been forced to reveal some deep, dark secrets about her children’s parentage, there had been something lacking in their family closeness, something that prevented them from reigniting the old fires again. Perhaps, with a little more time, the wounds would heal.

Molly had forgiven! And she saw her children come a long way toward doing the same thing, but Adam was taking longer to find peace than the girls did, and Molly couldn’t persuade him to come to the lake with her very often. Although she loved Lake of the Woods almost as much as she loved her family, without her children, there was something definitely missing. But last summer, Kelly helped Molly to find the magic again.

Kelly accompanied her several times throughout the season, and Carla and Carolyn joined them for a couple of days on two different occasions. Those times were especially wonderful, and Molly beamed there in the dark as she remembered how rejuvenating it had been for all of them to set aside the struggles of the previous four years and allow the sun, the sand and the solitude to heal so many of their wounds. Those were joyous times of rebirth and regrowth for everyone. But the girls were both studying to be psychologists now, and their assignments at the University kept them very busy. They were commuting to the city three times a week, and Molly was trying to do what she could to take the load off of Carolyn so that she could complete her studies at the same time as Carla. Having Kelly spend time with her grandmother gave Carolyn the periods of freedom that she needed, and Molly enjoyed every minute of the love and attention that she bestowed on, and received from, her precious granddaughter.

Kelly filled Molly’s hours in a very special way that past summer, and, although the energy and exuberance of a four year old youngster tired her out completely each day, they were times she wouldn’t have traded for anything. Kelly seemed to blossom forth and grow strong under the loving and accepting eyes of her grandmother. Even at the age of four, she had experienced her share of prejudice already, because she was born with black skin. Although most of the people in her town had started to overcome the prejudice, the wariness in her step and the distrust in her eyes were still evident whenever something new was encountered. Carolyn and Andy worked hard at learning to be good parents, but they were both young, wrapped up in each other’s love, and very busy trying to forge a life for their family.

At that time, Kelly was the only child in the family. That made her feel lonely sometimes, and the loneliness always increased her vulnerability. Molly didn’t want to meddle, but she was determined to be a mentor for Kelly! Although she had no control over the way life unfolded, she still felt largely responsible for the situation Kelly was in, and Molly was driven to do whatever she could to build a bond of love and trust with this precious child. What Kelly needed now, she was convinced, was a steady dose of unconditional love and attention from her maternal grandmother, and that’s exactly what she got throughout most of the previous summer.

Every Sunday that they spent together at the lake brought forth the special thrill of joining Uncle Paul on his magnificent boat—exploring Lake of the Woods, having a picnic on an island somewhere, and stopping to swim on sandy beaches. Uncle Paul was fun, and Kelly laughed and laughed when she was with him. During the long drives to the cottage, she prattled on and on about Uncle Paul, and she always asked over and over, Grandma, will Uncle Paul come again? until Molly finally refused to answer that question anymore. But Molly secretly glowed whenever Paul’s name was mentioned, and deep within her heart, she always answered the question with, Oh, I dearly hope so!

Unfortunately, however, everything seemed to change for Kelly toward the end of last August. It began on one of the walks Kelly and Molly were in the habit of taking late in the afternoon. They would set out after Kelly’s nap, when she was rested and the afternoon sun had lost its intensity, and walk until they were tired. Then they’d find a little spot to share a treat and to explore among the rocks for little critters, wildflowers, and mosses. Once rested, they’d take a different ‘trail’ homeward, although their trails weren’t really trails at all. They would hike out over the rocks, along the beach, or through the edge of the woods, consciously trying to walk somewhere that they hadn’t been before so they would always see something new. At least that’s how it went until the day that Kelly saw the ‘boy dog’.

They stopped to rest on a rocky outcropping that overlooked the lake. Molly knew that there was a cabin on the other side of the knoll, so she purposefully chose the side closest to the lake to stop and rest, because she didn’t want to intrude on the occupants of the cabin. Although they were neighbours, the Walters’ family hadn’t been there long, and the couple of times that Molly spoke to them, they appeared to be spooked and took off quickly without returning her greeting. She assumed that they were shy, and they wanted her to respect their privacy, so that was exactly what she was doing.

Molly was engrossed in making a daisy chain out of the wildflowers that she and Kelly gathered along the way, when Kelly quietly wandered off, looking for more flowers. She didn’t go far, and Molly could still see movement out of the periphery of her vision, but she wasn’t paying adequate attention to Kelly for a couple of minutes. When she finally looked up, Kelly was standing rigidly on the edge of a rocky ledge, straining to see something in the general direction of the Walters’ cabin. Kelly, Molly called softly. Don’t go so far away, dear. Come back by Grandma, okay?

But Kelly’s attention was riveted on something below, and she didn’t acknowledge her grandma at all. Raising her voice a little, Molly repeated, Kelly, come back by Grandma, okay? You’ve gone too far, honey. Still, there seemed to be no response from Kelly. Wondering what could have mesmerized her granddaughter like that, Molly rose and started off in her direction, calling more loudly, Kelly, what are you looking at?

Suddenly responding to her Grandma at last, Kelly whirled around, looking both serious and confused at the same time, and trotted off toward Molly chirping, Grandma, Grandma, come and see the boy dog. Come and see it, Grandma.

Surprised that this four-year-old knew that there were both boy dogs and girl dogs, Molly chuckled as she stretched out her hand. How do you know that it’s a boy dog, sweetie?

Come look, Grandma. Come and see. Kelly responded as she trotted over, grabbed Molly’s hand, and began dragging her toward the Walters’ yard.

Not wanting to create a scene and disturb the Walters family, Molly allowed herself to be led to the top of the rocky knoll and looked down upon the ramshackle old two-story house situated in the sheltered lee at the bottom of the rocks. She was in time to see Mr. Walters’ back as he entered the cabin and the screen door slammed shut behind him.

Why did he have the boy dog tied to the tree, Grandma? Kelly was asking insistently as she surveyed the scene below, obviously surprised that the dog was no longer in view.

Seeing the chain looped around a huge birch tree close to the door of the cabin, Molly replied, smiling, They do that so he won’t run away. Dogs like to chase squirrels and other wild animals, and sometimes they chase them so far that they get lost. You have to tie dogs up when they’re outside so they don’t run away when you’re not looking. Since Kelly didn’t have a dog of her own, it was obvious that she wasn’t familiar with the logistics of taking care of animals.

But Kelly had a lot of trouble accepting the concept of tying animals up. But why did he tie him up, Grandma? Why did he tie him up like that? she kept asking over and over as they trekked back home later that afternoon. Molly soon tired of hearing about the Walters’ dog, and asked Kelly not to talk about him anymore. Although she remained agitated, Kelly finally turned her attention to other things, and Molly thought the dog incident was over.

But, for some reason, that incident became the catalyst that triggered a series of nightmares for poor little Kelly. Two or three times in the month that followed, she woke up totally spooked, screaming about the heat and the dark and being tied up and not able to get away. Molly had been tempted to go back and ask the Walters if Kelly could meet their dog, hoping that knowing the animal would help her to escape from the unknown fear that was causing her to wake up screaming so often. But Carla’s husband, Rob, was a good psychologist. He helped the whole family to work through much worse nightmares than this one, four years before, and they all had a great deal of faith in his knowledge of how to help people.

When Molly brought the issue to his attention when they returned to Morley, Rob suggested that they make as little fuss about the incident as possible. Since Kelly hadn’t appeared to be afraid of the dog, it wasn’t likely that it had anything to do with the nightmares, and he recommended that they allow her to forget naturally. Kids often have nightmares, he reminded them, and the chances are that it’s an unrelated incident. In such cases, revisiting the scene, or paying undue attention to the event could serve to heighten the worry and intensify the problem. Unless the problem persisted for a long period of time, he recommended that they deal with it as naturally and as calmly as possible.

But, for some strange reason, Kelly wasn’t able to stop the recurring nightmare. She never talked about the Walters’ dog after she went home to Morley, and she never had any nightmares at home. But as soon as she came back to the cottage for another weekend in September, the dreams immediately started again, and she soon got to the point where she was almost afraid to go to sleep at night. It was finally decided that they would not allow her to come to the lake anymore that fall. By the time spring came, she should have forgotten the whole thing, and life could return to normal. Although Molly missed her company a great deal, she agreed that not coming for a while sounded like the best option, and everyone made a pact not to mention dogs, or the cottage, or anything to do with dreams for the nine months between visits. Kelly never mentioned any of them either, until now. This was her first time back at the cottage since last September. It was now almost dawn on Tuesday, June 26th, 1984. Kelly was five years old, and the dreams had begun again!

-3-

Carolyn and Andy were enjoying a second cup of coffee in the kitchen of their tiny house in Morley when Molly called later that morning to tell them about the dream. Shocked that the horror had returned, Carolyn immediately promised to phone Carla and Rob and arrange for them all to come out on Friday evening to see if they could find some way to chase away the fear. Thinking now that the incident with the dog could have had more to do with the dreams than she previously suspected, Carolyn suggested that, since the dreams had started again, they should be proactive and take Kelly to visit the Walters. According to her psychology books, children became traumatized in mysterious ways, but if the incident with the dog had been responsible in any way for Kelly’s fear, she was convinced that confrontation should help to give them some idea of what was causing the trauma so it could be addressed. Carolyn and Molly were both confident that they could solve the problem. Molly promised to keep a close eye on Kelly in the meantime, and to invite her to sleep with Grandma for the next couple of nights until the rest of the family arrived. Maybe being allowed to sleep with Molly would help Kelly feel braver and would prevent the dreams from recurring. Maybe that was all that was needed—just a couple of nights without bad dreams to help her to feel more secure. But, despite the positive and reassuring conversation she and her mother had, the uneasy feeling persisted in the pit of Carolyn’s stomach as she hung up the phone.

Kelly had been everyone’s darling since her birth five years ago. Since Carolyn was unmarried, still very young, and struggling to understand and accept the news of her uncertain parentage, she and Kelly lived with Molly, Carla and Adam for the first seventeen months after Kelly’s birth. This allowed some time for Carolyn and Andy to both come to terms with the horrible secrets that Molly revealed to her unsuspecting family, and it also allowed Carolyn to finish high school. By the time Kelly was a year and a half, the Richardson family felt fairly secure again, and Carolyn and Andy finally married and set up their own home in the southeast corner of Morley, close to the school.

Andy’s parents were wonderful! They loved Kelly on sight, never once making any prejudicial remarks about the colour of her skin. They were told enough about Carolyn’s parentage to allow them to understand why their first grandchild was black, and to believe that this lovely little girl was really their son’s child. They didn’t ask any questions after that. Carolyn often counted her blessings, feeling incredibly fortunate to have in-laws who were built from a different mould than the usual stereotype of what in-laws were supposed to be like.

During the past five years, Kelly thrived on the love that everyone gave her within the family, but she was an extremely sensitive young lady, and it was impossible to protect her from the stares and the comments of others in public places. Many times she asked, Why do they do that Mommy? Why do they say that about me? Did I do something wrong? Why do they like to make me cry Daddy?

Andy was the most difficult to control at times like this. Carolyn was trying to teach Kelly to ignore the comments about her skin colour and not to let them bother her. She knew that life would be filled with hurtful remarks for a tiny black girl trying so hard to blossom in a white community, and she did everything she could to help Kelly realize that some people just had a problem understanding things, and they didn’t really mean to hurt her. She had to forgive them for being bad and try to not listen to what they were saying. But Andy found the heartache almost intolerable and he wanted to punch someone’s lights out every time his daughter came home crying. Dealing with other people’s prejudice was something he never did come to terms with, and he was often overprotective and quarrelsome when in public places with his family.

Gossip ran rampant for a while after Kelly’s birth, but most people finally settled on Andy Parker as the one responsible for Kelly’s black skin. He must have some black blood in his ancestry, the citizens of Morley decided, and Andy begged Carolyn to ‘let it rest’. If that would make things easier for Kelly, just let it be, he implored. The fewer people who knew about their circumstances, the better things would be for their daughter, he entreated. So, the Richardson family all agreed to leave the rumours unchallenged, and after a few months things began to settle down.

The general feeling around town was that Andy had never been a reputable character anyway, and it was concluded that his mom must have had a questionable background too. It was sad to hear things like that being said about someone they cared about dearly. But Mary Parker stated emphatically that she was proud to be considered responsible in some way for such a bright and determined young lady as Kelly Parker. No one in the Richardson family had enough strength left to fight all the rumours for the first couple of years after Kelly’s birth, so they just closed their ears and carried on with rebuilding their lives. By the time Carolyn and Andy settled down to make a family for Kelly, the whole town had filed the secret away for future reference. Under the circumstances, Molly was eternally grateful that her daughter had been lucky enough to fall in love with a young man who came from a ‘colour-blind’ family, and she endeared herself to the whole Parker family by reminding them of that every chance she got.

Although townsfolk would have claimed that they were definitely not prejudiced, the mystery surrounding Kelly’s parentage was to be resurrected and whispered about when Kelly was spotted at the grocery store with her blond mother, or when she was seen playing joyfully in the park while her dark haired father watched over her lovingly. But although Andy fussed and stewed about his daughter’s unfair treatment, in private, to all who met him when he wasn’t with Kelly, he continued to be a charmer. Despite the gossip that flew throughout Morley, people couldn’t help but be dazzled by the charm and good looks of Andy Parker. This, coupled with his no-nonsense attitude, his past relationship with many of the young ladies of Morley, and his fierce loyalty to his young wife and daughter made him somewhat of a celebrity in town. Time has a way of healing all wounds, and things actually began to settle down fairly quickly after Andy’s surprising and unexpected marriage to Carolyn Richardson. The incidents of prejudice that Kelly had to deal with now were more isolated and infrequent, so the young family was generally happy and contented most of the time.

But, although the marriage made Carolyn very happy, it brought with it a whole host of new problems for the twins. Carolyn and Carla had always been close, and separation was tough for them! Although Carolyn loved Andy dearly, all of her life she had been ‘as one’ with her identical twin sister, and it was extremely hard for the two girls to live apart. It wasn’t until Carla married Rob Dillon a year after Carolyn’s marriage, and also moved out of the Richardson house, that both girls finally began to come to terms with their separation anxiety. Although they were both driving back and forth to the University together, three times a week, they were busy studying almost every evening in between and they each had their own home to look after too, so they were finally forced to find ways to compensate for being separated. The ‘twin telepathy’ still ran in strong currents between them though, and Carolyn had no sooner hung up the phone after talking to her mother that morning, when the phone rang again. She smiled as she answered it, knowing that it would be Carla asking, Carolyn is anything wrong? Carla still felt that maybe, between the two of them, they could find a solution to Kelly’s problem.

Molly was extremely proud of her children, and she fervently prayed that they would soon discover some way to help Kelly overcome her uncontrollable fears.

-4-

But why do you cry? Molly asked soothingly as she held her granddaughter and rocked her gently the second night of the nightmare. They were now sleeping together as Molly had suggested when she phoned Carolyn that morning, and Molly was surprised when she was awakened again by Kelly’s persistent sobs. I know you’re scared, but what is it that makes you cry, honey? she asked soothingly.

It’s not being able to get away, mostly. It’s scary when you can’t get away, Grandma.

Oh yes, I’m sure it would be, Molly reassured. Are you tied up in your dreams too?

No, Grandma. Not tied up, just can’t get away, Kelly explained.

Why can’t you get away? Is someone holding you? Molly asked. If she could just understand the dream, maybe that would help them to figure out the problem!

But Kelly was anxious as she tried to explain the frightening dream to her grandmother. He couldn’t get outside, and it was so dark and hot and he wanted to go outside and run away. But they wouldn’t let him! And that made him sad and scared, and I cried.

Who wouldn’t let him, Kelly? And why did that make you scared? Molly persisted. But Kelly wasn’t able to make sense of the dream, so Molly finally decided to leave it alone and try to get her to go back to sleep. So far, Kelly didn’t ever wake up scared more than once each night, but it took her a long time to unwind after each dream, and then a while to fall asleep again because she was still scared that those awful feelings might come back. As the sun began to rise over the bay, the two finally fell asleep in each other’s arms and mercifully, neither of them dreamed again for the balance of that night.

Chapter 2

-1-

Adam winced every time the big steel doors slammed shut behind them. Their footsteps echoed on the stone floors, and both young men kept a wary eye open, expecting someone to pop up and grab them at any minute. Adam could tell that Michael was just as nervous as he was, and he almost wished he hadn’t agreed to accompany Mike on this mission. But it was too late for second thoughts now. He chastised himself for his foolish fear, straightened his shoulders, and prepared to support his friend as he undertook this difficult task.

When Michael confessed that he needed to do this for his own sanity, but he couldn’t do it alone, Adam had readily offered his full support. Although Adam now regretted his impulsive offer, he knew there was no turning back. A friend was a friend for always, not just in the good times, but also in the difficult ones, and Adam was as loyal as anyone could be. As they approached the visitors’ booth, Adam took a deep breath and steeled himself for this encounter with George Marcus.

Michael’s dad had been sentenced to Stony Mountain Penitentiary for sexually abusing his two children. Now, Michael feared that he would soon be out on parole, and he would come looking for his son. But he wanted nothing to do with George Marcus, ever again! It took him years to work through the trauma caused by his father’s indiscretions, and he had no intention of allowing any of the old memories to consume him again. He was compelled to make this one and only visit to the prison to tell his dad exactly how he felt about him, once and for all, and he definitely needed Adam’s strength and support.

When he requested permission from the warden to visit his dad, Mike insisted that the visit should be through a screen or behind a window or something, not face to face, unprotected. He was concerned about his own control, and he had no desire to be arrested for assaulting his father while he was in jail. The memory of his pain, the degradation he experienced, and his sister Melanie’s intense humiliation were too poignant for Mike to trust himself. His hatred ran deep, and he was driven by one need—to spit in his dad’s face!

Adam stood behind Mike as he settled himself onto the stool and waited for his dad’s arrival. Unsure how he would respond if he opened his mouth, Adam decided that the only safe thing for him to do was to provide silent support, and to keep his own mouth closed unless the circumstances warranted opening it. Folding his arms and leaning against the wall for support, he silently surveyed his friend.

Mike did okay through the past few years. He stayed with Adam’s family for the first few months after his father’s trial, and then he went to live with his maternal grandparents in Winnipeg until he finished his schooling. He found a job as a carpenter’s helper for one of the biggest lumber yards in the city, and he was happy with his life in general. Mike said he had exorcized most of his demons, but only one thing remained for his therapy to be complete. He told Adam that now that he was a man himself, and not a dependent teenager any more, he needed to look his dad in the eye and tell him exactly what he thought of him. Then he should be able to put the past into the past for good, and get on with his life.

Mike’s grandpa had implored him to let sleeping dogs lie. He was convinced that nothing good could come of it. Revenge would only make him feel worse, he predicted. But Mike was determined to have his day! He would use this opportunity to tell his dad what he thought of him! This was the time and the place at last, and Adam sincerely hoped that Mike knew what he was doing!

Not a word was spoken for the first minute or so when George Marcus was brought in. He seemed surprised to see Mike there on the other side of the screen staring back at him, and he sat down cautiously, meeting Mike’s stare with his own. George looked confused, and a little sad. As much as Adam wanted to hate him, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for this pathetic man who had come so close to being his stepfather. If it hadn’t been for Melanie . . . but that still hurt too much, to think about it!

George had aged a lot in the past six years. He looked tired and drawn, and very uncomfortable as he spoke quietly to Mike, It’s good to see you, son. Adam wondered what George was reading in Mike’s eyes as they continued to stare at each other.

George finally broke the heavy silence again by asking, How have you been keeping? It looks like you’ve done okay by yourself.

Yeah, I’m just fine, Mike snapped. No thanks to you!

I understand why you’re bitter, George responded. That was a terrible thing I did to you, and I’m very sorry! You probably don’t believe me, but I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I did, and I know how rotten it was. I really do regret it, and I wish there was some way I could make it up to you!

Adam could see the back of Mike’s neck and ears glowing redder by the minute, and he knew instinctively that his friend was becoming madder and madder as his dad talked. Taking a small step forward, he rested his hand on Mike’s shoulder and addressed George, Hello, Mr. Marcus. I’m Adam Richardson. Remember me? he challenged.

My God, how you’ve both grown! George exclaimed as he scrutinized the two boys in wonder. Then, searching Adam’s face intensely, he seemed to sense some slight sympathy. I’m sorry, Adam. I am so truly, truly sorry, he added, with his voice quivering, as he lowered his head, shaking it sadly.

Yeah, I’ve grown up now, dad! Michael spit out at last. All of his pent up anger seemed to explode as he finally made the speech he had waited so long to deliver. I’m nineteen years old; I’m not a scared and confused kid anymore. I’m a man now, and a man to be reckoned with, you can be sure of that! You’re a despicable old man, he spit out, and I wanted to see you one more time to let you know that you’d better stay out of my way! I hated you for years before everyone found out what you did, molesting both of your children, over and over again, and I hate you even more now, old man! You’re a disgraceful mess, and I hope God punishes you in hell for what you’ve done to me and to Mel. Remember her, dad? Remember poor Mel? he raged, standing tall and leaning closer to his father’s painful face.

Thanks to you it’s taken me many years, but I’ve finally learned to look myself in the eye, Mike continued, and I like what I see. I’m a kind and decent man, and the only hatred I have in my heart is all aimed right at you! So when you get out of this slammer at last—get one thing straight. I don’t ever want to see you again! Got that? Stay out of my life, and leave me alone! ’Cause if you come near me, I swear I won’t be responsible for my actions. I thought I was over it. I thought it was all behind me. But now I see that I was wrong, Mike added, losing steam and beginning to wind down. I guess I’ll never be over it all! I’ll always hate you for what you did to me, and to Melanie. Just stay out of my way! he finished, staring menacingly through the screen that separated them.

Throughout all of this, George Marcus sat like a beaten puppy, taking all the chastisement his son was handing out as if he was glad to be receiving it, because he deserved it. Adam couldn’t help but believe that this man was truly sorry, and he had the distinct feeling that Mike actually had nothing to fear from this man, ever again.

Having vented his anger at last, Mike rose and looked down one last time at his dad behind the wire screen. Sighing heavily, Mike added calmly, Oh, there’s just one more message, dad—the one I really came to deliver. When George Marcus raised his gaze expectantly, Mike hawked and spit right in his face, just like he said he would do, then turned to his best friend and said venomously, Come on Adam, let’s get out of here while he’s still alive!

Sadly wiping the spittle from his face, George Marcus finally found his voice and called after his son, Michael, wait a sec. There’s one thing I think you need to know before you leave. Mike stopped in his tracks, and waited rigidly, his back still toward his father.

Everything I ever did to you, Michael, George Marcus continued, every last thing . . . After a short pause, he croaked, They’ve done the same things to me in here, son. They’ve done it all . . . I know . . . Oh God, I know . . . And I’ll never forgive myself, son. Don’t worry, I’ve paid, and I’ll continue to pay, through all eternity . . .

George was sobbing convulsively, a broken man, but his son never looked back! Matching his stride to Michael’s, Adam followed his friend staunchly down the long hall. Feeling heavy hearted and despondent, his mind raced as they retraced their steps, heading for what Adam hoped would be total freedom for Mike. As the last steel door slammed shut behind them, Adam fervently hoped that Mike had shut the door on this ugly chapter of his life, forever. Now, finally, he could maybe get some peace!

-2-

Thank you, buddy, Mike said warmly. I needed that and I couldn’t have done it without you, I know that for sure.

No problem, Adam responded. When they left the penitentiary, Mike asked Adam to follow him back to the city. He wanted to talk, and he suggested that they stop somewhere for supper before Adam returned home. It was already late in the afternoon, and Mike wanted to show his appreciation for keeping him company while he confronted his dad. He also felt a need to talk about his outburst in the visitors’ booth. He wanted to clarify a few things, and to put things into perspective again before they parted ways after supper. But Adam was very surprised when Mike pulled up in front of a posh hotel and led him toward the dining room. He felt somewhat ill-at-ease as the Maître-D hovered and fussed over them while they placed their orders.

When the waiter left them alone at last, Mike grinned at Adam and asked, Surprised at my choice of restaurants?

Yeah, I am, Adam admitted. His eyes were darting here and there as he tried to take everything in at once. I expected maybe a hamburger joint.

My grandparents brought me here for graduation last year, Mike explained. I was impressed by the surroundings. But most of all, the food is excellent, and they leave you alone once you’ve been served and give you some privacy. I wanted a decent atmosphere to talk. I need someone to unload on after that insane outburst of mine, and you’ve always been a good listener. Do you mind?

Of course not, just promise me you won’t laugh when I use the wrong fork to eat my salad.

As long as you don’t try eating it with your knife, anything goes, Mike chuckled. And this one’s on me, so sit back and enjoy, he added.

When the waiter finished pouring the wine and left, Mike turned to Adam and began tentatively, I really needed that. I know it wasn’t pretty to watch, but it was necessary—for me! All these years I’ve been saving up for that one final dump on the old man, envisioning how good it would feel to spit in his face. Now I’ve done it, and it does feel good!

Adam was having trouble forgetting the pathetic look on George’s face, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t pick up on Mike’s mood. Feeling foolish, he asked, So it was worth it?

Yes, it was definitely worth it! he exclaimed. Did you see the look on his face? I surprised him alright. I don’t think he’ll bother me when he gets out. He got the message! Or don’t you think so? he asked, taken aback by the look on Adam’s face. He expected a jubilant grin, not a sad, puppy-dog look.

Oh yeah, Adam assured him. He got the message! Taking a swig of wine, Adam tested the waters to see if Mike really did feel so good or if he just wanted to stroke his own ego. He did sound sorry about the whole thing. The way he cried, I thought he was telling the truth, Adam suggested.

Oh sure, he was sorry alright. Tell that to poor, dead Mel! Michael proclaimed.

Seeing that Mike’s gloomy mood hadn’t lifted, Adam quickly changed the subject. He wasn’t interested in rehashing all the past history. Not after trying for so long to come to terms with everything himself, yet still feeling so unsettled and vulnerable with his personal situation. At least it was good to see that he suffered for what he did, Adam offered sincerely as he now decided to change the topic. But how are you doing, Mike? How’s the new job going?

It’s going great! And I’ve learned a lot about building houses already. It shouldn’t take long before I’m ready to tackle one of my own. Maybe the two of us can start our own little business, eh? I’ll build them and you sell them for me. What do you think? You’re the salesman of the family . . .

No way . . . ! Adam protested. You’ve got me mixed up with my mother, kiddo. I’m just the baby, remember? Quiet little Adam, that’s me.

Hey, man, you weren’t so quiet that weekend when we went to the lake together now, were you? You proved that quiet little Adam can be just as loud as the rest of us when he gets a few beers under his belt, Mike teased, punching Adam gently on the shoulder. The two guys shared a few good weekends over the past six years, and they had no trouble reminiscing for a couple of hours over supper, and catching up on all the latest news of both families.

So, how’s cute little Kelly coming along? Mike asked at last. Is she big enough to ride motorcycles and stuff yet? he asked, chuckling at the memory of her trying in vain to learn to ride a two-wheeler the past summer. She sure did have determination, but it took co-ordination and a sense of balance to ride a bike, and Kelly was too young to have much of either of them last summer.

Nah, she’s more interested in colouring, building puzzles and learning to read, Adam responded. She’s becoming a serious little girl, I’m afraid. More like an old lady sometimes.

Well, what would you expect? Living with a family like yours, anyone would get old and feeble quickly. Just look at you, my friend, Mike teased. You’re starting to get worry lines already.

Well, life hasn’t been all that easy for us either, Adam responded, sounding a little hurt.

Hey, I’m sorry, old man. I was only kidding, and you know it, Mike reassured. Without the love and kindness that your family showered on me after Mel . . . left us, he whispered, well, I know I wouldn’t have been able to function today if you guys hadn’t been there for me. At least you’re lucky to have a family to love you and care for you, Mike continued, trying to reassure Adam that things weren’t ever as bad as they seemed. But Mike still had a tendency to be egocentric sometimes, and his efforts to lighten Adam’s mood weren’t having the effect he wanted. His own need to talk and to receive sustenance from someone else prevented him from seeing this, though, and he continued selfishly, Sometimes I’m not even sure who I am. Everyone who was part of my family is gone, and I’m all alone in the world. You still have your mom, and your sisters, and you even have two brothers-in-law now. Sometimes I don’t think you realize how lucky you are, Adam old boy.

Yeah, I am lucky to know who I am, I guess, Adam replied quietly. He hadn’t told Michael about his own father’s deception. There was no need to, and it hurt too much to talk about, so he avoided the subject. Besides, Mike had his own nightmares to contend with, and it seemed cruel to ask him to share in this burden when he could barely keep his own head above water already. Adam wished he had talked to Michael, because he needed someone to discuss his plans with, and to confide in about his fears. But before he could make up his mind to share this piece of his past, Mike interrupted his thoughts again.

And you have Kelly, man. Sometimes I think having a kid around the house would be great. My grandparents’ house is like a mausoleum most of the time. It needs some noise! Don’t get me wrong; they’ve been good to me, but they aren’t young anymore and they can be pretty stuffy too. Maybe I can borrow Kelly for a few weeks eh? he kidded.

Sure, Mike. Just don’t forget to return what you borrow, he added, beaming shyly. I do miss having her at our house, but at least I get to see her while Carolyn’s going to University. It’s hard though, to see her deal with so much prejudice in the world. What difference should it make if her skin is black? he argued, getting fired up as he always did when he thought about how a few red necks looked at his sweet little niece. She’s a great kid! She’s smart, and sweet, and she sings like a nightingale when she wants to. But she seems so sad a lot of the time. It’s almost as if she carries the weight of the world around on her shoulders. I guess even little kids have things to worry about too.

Yeah, I guess so, Mike agreed.

When the waiter returned to clear the table and to offer them more wine, Adam declined quickly. No thanks. I’ve got a long way to drive tonight. Just another coffee would do for me, but go ahead and have another glass if you want to, Mike.

Mike admitted that he had enough too. The three glasses they finished were enough to loosen their tongues and to help them relax and talk freely about a whole host of subjects, not the least of which was the age-old search for identity. Mike felt that he really didn’t have a place anywhere in the world right now. He was just a visitor in this life at present, he said, passing through on the road to nowhere. Maybe someday he’d realize a purpose to his life, and settle down to do something with it, but for now he was content to drift along, learning a new trade, sharing a few drinks with buddies once in a while, and saving some money for the future. Although he didn’t have any idea what the future would be like for him, he was confident that there would be someone out there, somewhere, that he could fall in love with, and it was this hope that sustained him from day to day.

Adam grinned and nodded a lot, and put in the odd Amen! to punctuate some of his friend’s remarks from time to time. Anyone listening in would have sworn that they were a pair of fifty-year-old college buddies discussing the philosophy of Plato or something, instead of healthy young men just beginning a new era of their lives. Each of them had reached a time of crossroads, and although life’s choices were many and varied, they each carried a heavy burden from their past, and this burden often complicated matters. But they weren’t pessimistic yet; they still had hope and drive, and so far they still had short paths to choose from—paths that wouldn’t take them too far from home and security.

Adam, however, knew that his life was about to take a sharp swing to the west. He was being summoned to Alberta, and he was terrified of what awaited him there. But, at the same time, his heart was filled with anticipation and excitement. He was sure that it was God encouraging him to reach out to his other family. Although none of this could be revealed to Mike at this time, Adam needed to solicit his help so he could deceive his own family and answer the call to travel westward. Taking a page right out of his mother’s book, he prepared the deception.

Well, I need to get moving, Mike, he said at last. "It’s been great spending time with you, but