Divinely Attuned: Using Brain Science, Psychology, and Spiritual Practice to Maximize Spirituality, Improve Intimacy, and Make Good Relationships Even Better

By Jacqueline Richard PsyD

Imagine discovering more of who you and your partner are meant to be and increasing your love, intimacy, and spiritual awareness, all at the same time!

Divinely Attuned stands at the intersection of spirituality, science, and psychology, guiding you and your partner to a new level of intimacy and spirituality. With a minimum of technical jargon and an abundance of positive, straightforward language, youll learn how to use neuroscience, psychology, and spiritual practice to help your good relationship become more vibrant than ever.

Dr. Richard has given the world a gift: her gentle wisdom and counsel on the intersection of love and the divine in relationship. As a psychotherapist, she deftly combines new brain science with ancient knowledge, taking readers deeper into their understanding of what creates a satisfying connection with a beloved partner. Dr. Richard includes inspiring exercises and activities for couples to do together so that they can experience divine attunement for themselves. Uniquely, this book includes a discussion of sexuality as an expression of divine love, along with practical tips for better sex at any age. The reader who picks up this book will surely be glad they did!

Dr. Stephanie Buehler, authorLove, Sex, and Mental Illness: A Couples Guide to Staying Connected

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Oct 24, 2012
• ISBN: 9781452559902

Jacqueline Richard PsyD

Jacqueline Richard, PsyD is a licensed marriage and family therapist, registered nurse, and AASECT certified sex therapist. Her thriving psychotherapy practice specializes in relationships and sex therapy. She has served as adjunct faculty for Ryokan College, Santa Barbara Graduate Institute, and The Chicago School of Professional Psychology, where she has taught many psychology courses, including human development, psychology theory and technique, and human sexuality. Jacqueline lives with her husband of twelve years in Santa Barbara, California; she’s mom to two young adult daughters and one very mischievous cat named Rollo. You may contact her at www.JacquelineRichardPsyD.com.

Book preview

Divinely

Attuned

Using brain science, psychology, and spiritual practice to maximize spirituality, improve intimacy, and make good relationships even better

Jacqueline Richard, PsyD

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Copyright © 2012 by Jacqueline Richard, PsyD.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-5989-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-5990-2 (e)

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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Balboa Press rev. date: 10/22/12

CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Forward

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1:     A Tune Stuck in My Head

Chapter 2:     Young Brains, Early Relationships

Chapter 3:     Learning to Be in Relationship

Chapter 4:     Attachment

Chapter 5:     Emotional Intimacy

Chapter 6:     Changing the Brain for New Relationship Patterns

Chapter 7:     Attunement

Chapter 8:     The Heart and Soul of Intimacy:Forgiveness and Gratitude

Chapter 9:     Receiving Love

Chapter 10:   Giving and Growing in Love

Chapter 11:    Attuned Sexuality

Chapter 12:    Creating a Couple’s Spiritual Practice

Glossary

References

For the loves of my life

Bob

Julianne

Katherine

Acknowledgements

How can I ever sum up in words what it means to be supported by loving family and friends? Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Bob, Julianne, Katherine, and Stephanie, for always supporting and sometimes pushing me along my path. Thanks too, to the Richard family and the entire Mendes family for years of love, kindness, and support. You are all so important to me.

To Mia Lundin and Areli Contreras, your encouragement, smiles, humor, and support every day in our office are treasures; thanks so much.

A million thanks to all my clients over the years, to my students and to my colleagues at Ryokan College, Santa Barbara Graduate Institute and The Chicago School of Professional Psychology, for inspiring and teaching me, for laughing with me, and for accepting my gifts.

And then there are those who’ve mentored me, who don’t even know me but who have made such an important difference in my life. Thank you, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Doreen Virtue, Marianne Williamson, and so many other Hay House authors. Thanks for the consistent hope, inspiration, and teaching.

Thank you so much to Connie Powell, Adriane Pontecorvo, Staci Kern, and to all at Balboa Press for your unfailing support guiding me along the way to publish this book.

Forward

ONE WOULD THINK THAT brain science, love, and the divine hardly fit together. What do neurons have to do with the sacred? Why should we care about the visual parts of the brain and love? What difference does it make whether it is the mind or the brain that guides us in relationships? How does attachment theory intersect with sex and love? Why does it matter to learn about such things?

It matters quite a bit, as Dr. Jacqueline Richard shows the reader in her book. A former adjunct professor, Dr. Richard expertly discusses the new brain science and what scientists have learned about infant attachment. Infant attachment styles affect a person’s ability to be in healthy relationship with another. Unfortunately, some infants and young children don’t get their needs appropriately met even though parents may do their best. This can lead to trouble with intimacy in adult romantic relationships.

Fortunately, repairs can be made. Dr. Richard comforts the reader about this fact and lets the reader know that these attachment styles are malleable. That is because Dr. Richard believes, as I do, that we are born lovable and with the capacity to love. People can learn to access their own loving nature and connect with their partner at a deeper level. For many, this is not an easy task to perform without guidance. Old hurts get in the way; communication is faulty, and trust goes by the wayside. People get lost in the pain of disconnection from their partner, but somehow forget that they have the spiritual tools to rebuild the bridge.

Dr. Richard reminds readers of those tools. With unique activities and exercises at the end of most chapters, Dr. Richard leads the reader and his or her partner through meditations, prayers, and dialogues that can help couples heal the past, improve the way they speak about their own needs and listen to the needs of their partner, and experience the process of rebuilding trust. Couples will also discover ways to reconnect sexually, not just as a physical act, but also as a spiritual practice in which they can share in divine experience. Like the great sex therapist that she is, Dr. Richard also provides practical tips for making sex more enjoyable.

Lastly, when Dr. Richard, a good friend and treasured colleague, originally told me about her idea for this book, I thought to myself, Gee, that’s a big undertaking—blending attachment theory, brain science, and religion. I hope she can bring all that cerebral stuff down to earth. Dr. Richard has done just that, and more. She has given us her thoughtful reflection on what constitutes the loving relationship we all want and deserve, the divine connection we seek with God through each other. The reader who picks up Divinely Attuned will be richly rewarded.

Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D.

The Buehler Institute

Newport Beach, California

Author, Love, Sex, and Mental Illness:

A Couple’s Guide to Staying Connected

Preface

It seems to me that there are two gifts that each of us can give one another. They cost nothing, yet they are priceless. These are the gifts of hope and inspiration. This book is inspired by those I love, those who love me, those I am privileged to help, and those who have helped me. I offer it to you, the reader, that you may find hope and inspiration in your search for the sacred within yourself and your relationships.

Introduction

IF YOU’VE PICKED UP this book, chances are you are on a spiritual path. Our spirituality is our yearning and search for the sacred, that continually unfolding process of discovering and experiencing a relationship with something transcendent, without boundary, and ultimate (Pargament, 2009). And chances are you are wondering how to find that certain something in your relationship with your partner, too. It’s that certain sense that each of you is more richly and profoundly who you are just by being together.

Maybe your relationship is going along well enough, but you’ve come to a place where you’re feeling bored, wondering what you’re doing together, or even how you got together in the first place. Something seems to be missing; nothing’s really wrong, yet nothing’s really right. Your growth together, including your emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy, seems to have stalled.

This book stands at the intersection of spirituality, science, and psychology. It aims to guide you to a new level of intimacy by offering clear, straightforward information in every-day language about how to use neuroscience, psychology, and spiritual practice to improve your love relationship and