Almost Even

By Ayo Joseph

Jennifer Cole was born to a single mother who was deserted during her conception by her uncommitted lover. She grew up to learn the fact of her fatherless life and the pains and sorrow her mother had passed through.
She became resolved to take it out on every man that crossed her path. Even her career success and her beauty could not hinder her calm resolution. Every man that encountered her never had a good story to tell. Then she met her equal in Ian McHughes, the only man she ever loved and ever wanted but never would have because he fell in love with her best friend and flatmate while she was playing hard to get. She would either have him, or no one would. But how would she cope with this strange feeling of love? How would she manage the love she has never known? Would she accept the fair retribution of fate? Or would she attempt to play out her desire for vengeance on her unknown half-brother?

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Jul 24, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477214718

Ayo Joseph

Ayodele Joseph-Ohonme is a graduate of economics from the University of Calabar in Nigeria. He chose writing as a profession, not because he is a qualified author, but for his passion for writing and has written a couple of articles and books. Presently, he lives in El Palmar, a small town in Murcia, southeast of Spain, but he has lived in Westfalia, Germany, for some years during which he began his writing career. His first three books were written behind prison walls in Germany. One of his well-known books is Almost Happy, and some of his articles can be found in Yahoo Voices.

Book preview

© 2012 by Ayo Joseph. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 07/17/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4772-1470-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-1469-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-1471-8 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Epilogue

Prologue

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‘Jenny, Jenny.’ called the strained feminine voice, one hand held the handset while the other covered the mouth piece of the telephone.

‘yes mom, what is it?’ Answered Jennifer from the bathroom.

‘there’s a call for you,’ announced the concerned mother, ‘one of your classmates,’ she added. Jennifer Cole emerged from the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body and hair covered with shower cap.

‘thanks mom,’ she managed to say as she took the phone from her mother.

As if waiting for the call to end, the mother turned to Jennifer, ‘I really don’t know why you won’t take your bath early in the morning, it’s almost midday now.’

‘mom!’ barked Jennifer, irritated by the reprimand, ‘when I take my bath shouldn’t bother you.’

‘why shouldn’t it?’ insisted her mother, ‘it’s becoming your habit and it might be hard to drop.’

‘I don’t see anything bad in washing when I like,’ said Jennifer, ‘after all it’s my body.’

‘you’re a woman and tidiness should be important to you.’

‘thanks indeed,’ said Jenny contemptuously, ‘your tidiness should have kept my father with you, after all, he abandoned you regardless of your tidiness.’

‘don’t you refer to my relationship, your father was just a heartless man.’

‘that’s why he left you, because he’s heartless, I don’t think so, I think he left because you didn’t know how to handle him. I’m sure he is with another woman who knows how to use her body better. Most women struggle to maintain a reasonable level of tidiness and be pretty too because of undeserving men who really don’t bloody care anything about that, they will leave that clean woman in the house and go after filthy sluts on the street, it simply shows he prefers that filth and stench to the serenity you’re offering.’

‘that’s how you see it but there’s more to relationships than meet the eyes, every relationship is a different ball game, they are just similar in principle but different in practice and it has a lot to do with tidiness and I insist you take your bath promptly.’

‘look mom, the power of control should be a woman’s sole property and she ought to know how to use it.’

‘how do you mean my daughter?’ Barbara Cole asked with genuine curiosity.

‘mom, what connect a woman to a man?’ Jennifer asked like a teacher and without waiting for the answer, she continued, ‘it’s the woman’s body, the only thing men want from women, everything else is secondary, if you take time to ponder this over you’ll understand what I’m saying. It’s the woman that put that body to optimal use that get the control of the man.’

‘you might be right there but it doesn’t matter to me.’

‘it does to me, I’ll do what I want at my own time so long it doesn’t affect you negatively.’ Jennifer said and disappeared into the bathroom again.

Barbara Cole sat back on the couch in the living room, she could not help to note how radical her daughter is becoming, the fact that her daughter is no more the little girl she raised all on her own sunk in. Jennifer is probably right, she thought, but there is no proto-type relationship anywhere, no perfect one, everybody is only trying to attain perfection. Her evolution is worth being happy about, one need to be proud when one’s child is showing traces of rationality but Jennifer’s radicalism was worrisome.

Jennifer Cole, in spite of being just eighteen years of age, one meter sixty five tall, feels like a giant and considered herself an avenger, an avenger of women against men’s oppression, especially her mother, who she considered violated, cheated, abused and abandoned by the father she did not know and would not want to know.

Barbara Cole could still remember the phrase that formed in her mind in the heat of her turbulence, the phrase with which she lamented her pain and sorrow;

"I know love before I met you

I know lust when I met you

I know hurt when you left me"

Chapter One

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B arbara Cole was twenty one when she met Valentine Morris, a twenty four year old handsome young man, he was a student who was rushed with a high fever scare to Sefton General Hospital where Barbara worked as a nurse, Sefton is a small borough in Liverpool. Their relationship began when Barbara was sent to attend to Valentine after he was diagnosed with mere allergic reaction and not high fever as was earlier thought. She administered the medications meticulously and treated him with care.

Valentine construed Barbara as a potential girlfriend for the gentility with which he was treated and of course the nurse’s beauty and the nurse on her part was attracted by Valentine’s charm. In recognition of the treatment he got, Valentine began chatting with the nurse in no time, Barbara got really hooked by Valentine’s charm and charisma, she found him irresistible and Valentine on his part, sensing the nurse attraction to him, launched himself fully on her, she was no doubt falling for him. It was quite easy for Valentine to talk Barbara into a relationship, while he knows what he wanted, she was heading into her first serious love affair. Man fall in love through the eyes and woman through the ears, they say, and valentine gifted in words, at least words to cajole women, used all his positive characteristic to the fullest.

Barbara had boasted to her friends that whoever she falls for was going to be the man she will marry, one of her friends had teased her then that she will only end up with a broken heart and that she had better be prepared to enjoy herself and take every day as it come and go, instead of burdening herself with such thinking as Mr. Right, he doesn’t exist her friend had said. Barbara was not going to let the opportunity go, she wanted Valentine and nothing was going to stop her from having Valentine forever, she could foresee him and her as man and wife. Valentine was just too gentle to be a bad man.

Their relationship soon became the talk of the borough, Barbara became the object of envy amongst her friends and colleagues, it suddenly seemed like no one had reckoned with her beauty until Valentine came along, it was like the revelation of a hidden treasure, she has always possessed this beauty perhaps Valentine complimented it, but he was in no way responsible for it. Suddenly, everybody wanted her but she had her mind made for Valentine and no one else was good enough, it is either him or nothing. the relationship seem like an ideal one, one made in heaven, a young handsome man in love with a equally young beautiful woman, what could be more perfect in a relationship than that. They were always together, inseparable, where ever Valentine goes, there you will find Barbara, they soon became the reference of every young couple in the community.

The affair lasted as long as Valentine wanted or as long as Valentine had no responsibility to bear, responsibilities however, can never be ruled out in a relationship because no romance without burden. They were waxing stronger by the day, still valentine has not taken his girlfriend to bed and that was to be the trophy, the crowning glory for his effort, the reason he was keeping her. He had already waited too long—a year, too long a wait for a guy like him but he would not let Barbara go until he get there. Their first date was a movie date, Valentine waited till the movie ended and then he touched her, he put his hand around her shoulder and then moved it to her chest, she just curled away from him with a struggle though unknown to him. She struggled with herself every time they were together, she wanted him like crazy but scared of what his reaction was going to be if he finds out she was still a virgin and she wanted to be sure he deserved it. She was going to let her wall fall gradually.

Despite his numerous attempts, she would ward him off decisively, she will only let him kiss her and then turn away when he wants to go beyond. Then came the day, a night, about a year and three months after they began to date, she had decided she was going let him have her but she was going to pretend to struggle a little, they had a date at a restaurant and after feasting to a nice meal they headed towards a dimly lit garden where they sat on a bench, as they sat there, Valentine’s mind was working on a plan, he was hatching a plan which he hope to carry out as they sat watching the moon and the stars studded night sky, he ran his arm around her shoulder and pulled her softly toward him, she yielded with ease.

This response caught his consciousness, he could not remember ever being allowed such access, he thought. To his surprise, she rested her head on his shoulder, that was more than he needed for an invitation, he turned to face her and he stared into her eyes, she stared back blankly, as if asking him to take her, he tilted his head slightly as he launched forward to kiss her and she responded willfully, They tangled in a wild romance. she stopped him knowing what was on his mind and got to her feet as she made her way away from the garden, without a word Valentine followed, stunned by her reaction, wondering what he has done wrong but kept following her. Barbara told him to let them go home. They arrived at Barbara’s apartment, Barbara served her boyfriend a glass of wine, he accepted eagerly, with hers they toasted knowing it could lead to other things. They sat side by side on the couch as they sipped their wine, Valentine launched at her again and Barbara just succumbed too easily for Valentine’s believe, for she would not allow him such access in the past.

A short while later, Valentine laid wide eyes on the bed, not really exhausted but amazed by the fact that Barbara was a true virgin, it was worth the wait after all, he thought. Barbara curled up on his body like a baby python as she savored the moment, she has finally lost it, she hoped Valentine will make a good husband, they will be a perfect couple no doubt because he has been a nice guy from the first day, he always treated her well, avoiding arguments and even conceding his fault when he erred, such virtues are signs of a good man. She raised herself a little to look in his eyes again as if that will confirm he was real. He beamed at her with a smile and kissed her forehead, she then resumed her python position contentedly.

It was jolly rides for Valentine after that night, he gained absolute control of Barbara and kept her where he wanted. it was logical for Barbara to let him move in with her as that will assure her full possession of him, besides she could not move in with him on campus. Valentine became loosened, he goes about with various other girls and the news was getting to Barbara but she remained her calm self, not perturbed by the rumors, she maintained their relationship with all her might, sometimes cooking-up excuses to cover him in an attempt to discard the rumors, she knew the presence of rumors could rock their boat.

Valentine was a beast outside of the house but a sheep as soon as he stepped his feet into the house, he expertly kept his escapades away from Barbara’s knowledge, he was not just cheating on her, he was rubbing her emotionally with different girls, he had girls for all time and tide, Barbara was his girlfriend and that accords her the right to be home but outside of it, the roads were his and he takes it at varying speed, caring less about her once he was out of her sight. His looks coupled with his charms aided him with ease, he bring down any girl he wanted and this he does with alacrity.

Barbara noticed she had missed her monthly period, she waited another two weeks hoping against hope that it was just a delay in the flow or a change in her body fluid but nothing changed and all the signs were pointing in the same direction. She knew what it meant but wanted a medical confirmation before breaking the news to Valentine. It got confirmed and she was faced with the task of breaking it to Valentine, however, she knew not how he was going take it but she has to let him know. She chose a good evening after sensing Valentine’s good mood. She wanted the good news to be received in a special way.

They had been discussing and playing, she made sure the atmosphere was romantic and light before she made the announcement. Valentine kept quiet for a while as if he had not heard Barbara talked, silence was completely unacceptable to Barbara, she spoke again, this time louder, ‘I missed my monthly cycle and it’s been confirmed that I’m pregnant.’ she explained innocently and fetched him the medical report.

Valentine glared at the paper for a while and then he spoke ‘so, what are we going to do about it?’

This response shocked Barbara, it was the last words she expected from him, she had been expecting a kiss, even a hug would not have been bad but a passive response like that was not what she wanted to hear, however, that was the least of her worries, ‘how do you mean what we’re going to do about it?’ She paused to catch her breath, ‘you make it sound like it’s a problem.’

‘if it’s not a problem, what do you call it?’ Valentine asked carelessly, ‘pregnancy is the last thing on my mind right now because if you’re pregnant, then it’s here to stay.’ he deliberately sounded helpless.

‘that’s exactly what I’m saying, it’s here to stay.’

‘you don’t think we’d care for it, do you?’ Valentine said with a tone of worry. ‘I mean,’ he paused obviously struggling to contain his anger, ‘I don’t think we could afford a third mouth, at least not now, you’ve done enough to support me financially, don’t you think adding a third mouth might be too much for you to bear.’

‘bearing a child has nothing to do with what we can afford,’ she said stiffly, ‘the fact is that, it’s here and here to stay, I won’t get rid of it, if that’s what’s on your mind.’

‘I think we need to be prepared for a child before having it, I just don’t think we can afford a third mouth. The timing isn’t right.’ Valentine stated persistently.

‘Why not? We don’t have to be prepared for a pregnancy but if it happens, we have to take it as our fate,’ she said watching him intently, hoping he will just accept the situation, ‘I don’t see anything stopping us from having this child?’

‘everything is,’ he said as he adjusted to face her, ‘I’m still a student, I don’t have a job for now and your salary Is barely sufficient for a family.’ He argued, hiding his real reason for not wanting the pregnancy. ‘we’re not just buoyant enough to feed a child that will not even understand what we’re going through.’ he explained sternly, trying with all his might to talk Barbara out of the idea of keeping the pregnancy, ‘Barbara Listen,’ he continued, ‘I’ve got nothing against you being pregnant and I wish to be with you with the core of my being, to spend the rest of my life with you but the timing is wrong,’ he paused searching his mental dictionary for the right words, he found the right words again, ‘look Barbara, I want to share my life with you, go through it all with you and heaven knows I do, but the timing is premature, let’s have everything at the right time, you know I’m almost through with my studies and when that’s done…’

‘Val, please no,’ she cuts in, almost shouting because she had thought he will receive the news cheerfully, that he will be happy he was going to become a father. That he was making excuses for not wanting the pregnancy was shocking to her, ‘stop citing your studies as an excuse, I knew your situation before I decided to have you and I’m not complaining about you being a burden to me and you won’t be a student forever. I’ll carry the baby without your knowledge and take care of myself. Moreover, your study is almost over and when you’re through with it, we can then look after the baby together,’ Barbara countered intently, ‘I know this is shocking to you, it’s equally a shock for me too, but we ought to have expected it. It’s here now and we’ve got to be preparing for it, please Val, don’t see it as a problem.’

Valentine realized the futility of persistence, she was bent on having the baby, he withdrew to silence.

Barbara sensed Valentine’s change of mood, she tried to comfort him with subtle and reassuring words, ‘Val,’ she called calmly looking into his deep set eyes, ‘don’t get worked-up over this pregnancy, it won’t be a burden for neither of us, I’ll carry it without your knowledge and make sure it doesn’t affect you physically or financially,’ the words were soothing enough to calm the obviously enraged boyfriend.

Valentine Morris did not terminate his escapades, instead it grew in proportions, he will leave Barbara in the house for days without checking up on her, when he did went to her, he will negate all her attempts to get him to stay for a while and will stay only for a short time when it was unavoidable. The pregnancy would not stop growing, it was getting bigger all the time, thereby hindering Barbara’s activities, she became weaker, she even snores at night and whenever she sleeps. Aside all these factors, Valentine was already fed-up with the sight of her, his once beautiful and active Barbara has now became a weak and passive lady with her protruding belly, swollen legs and her loosely fitting clothes and the pregnancy that should have been a source of joy was now his repellant. This was not what he wanted her for, he had always wanted Barbara to remain that sweet and shapely Barbara that treated him the first time, the one he enjoyed taking to the movies, pubs, the gardens, the one he could spend all night with and not get enough of her, not this flabby looking Barbara that get tired easily, snores and disturb the night peace, not this Barbara that can hardly do anything without calling for a hand. This is not his Barbara, this cannot be his Barbara.

Because of the pregnancy, the apartment was no longer conducive for him to have his quiet reading, it was the perfect excuse to move into campus coupled with his pending final exams. He discussed the idea with Barbara who agreed without an objection, she wanted him to get it over with as soon as possible, so that they could start a life together.

Chapter Two

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V alentine’s move into campus was meant to last till the end of the school session but Valentine did not return home long after the session was over. His protracted absence was very conspicuous around the vicinity where he lived with Barbara. Barbara had promised not to let her conditions get in the way but it did. He had disapproved of the pregnancy in the first place and the sight of Barbara with a protruding belly was unbearable for him, he had better stay away from her, this he did without difficulty. Barbara was expectantly awaiting the return of her Mr. Right, the love of her life, the all important Valentine Morris. The waiting became a prolonged absence and still no sign or spur of Valentine, all she heard were news of his incessant escapades with girls, though she did not give heed to the news but she got worried about his where about. When the waiting became unbearable for her, Barbara decided to look him up on campus.

The evening was warm and slightly breezy. Barbara made her way through the shrubberies towards Valentine’s hostel block. Bobby Tucker, Valentine’s room-mate, who had vacated the room to give Valentine the chance to be with his visitor, sighted her from afar, he crossed the lawn and made it to her, ‘hey Barby,’ he called out to her, ‘What a pleasant surprise, how have you been?’ He added, stopping in front of her, barring her from surging forward in an attempt to greet her, ‘quite a while.’

‘hi Bobby. I’m fine thank you,’ she responded, ‘and you?’

‘I’m good,’ he shifted uneasily, ‘where are you heading?’

‘is Valentine in the room?’ she asked worriedly, not making any effort to hide her anger, ‘I’m here to see him,’ she added and continued, ‘I’ve been worried about Val, he hasn’t been home since he left two months ago and he didn’t send any message either.’

‘Oh no, he’s not there, I think he went to the faculty to see the dean,’ Bobby said compassionately, ‘he’s been very busy lately, he’s had a lot to do, after our exams, he had to source for relevant materials for his thesis and that I guess, must have been the reason for his absence from you. I believe, that’s why he went to see the dean.’ he explained emphatically.

‘you don’t mean he’s not in,’ she retorted disappointingly.

‘I mean just that, I’m coming directly from the room,’ answered Bobby offhandedly, ‘if you’re bent on seeing him, come with me,’ he offered sympathetically, leading her to the bar where he was lounging, he left her seated while he left in a deceptive search for Valentine, Instead of going to the faculty, he went to the room where Valentine was with one of his girlfriends.

‘what’s beating you Bobby?’ Valentine asked Bobby, as he emerged from the room, searching Bobby’s alarmed face.

‘hey, Barby is here,’ he replied in a whisper, ‘I left her at the bar and she’s waiting.’

‘ok, ok,’ he said turning and returning confusedly, ‘let me have a word with Ruth, I’ll be with you in a jiffy,’ he dashed to the room and reappeared a short while later.

Bobby had acted fast enough to save his room-mate an ugly incidence, had he not seen Barbara coming, she would have known the real reason why Valentine did not come back to the house and perhaps know that she matter less to him. He could not help noticing how different Barbara looked with the pregnancy, her pale and slightly swollen face and her exhaustion were all noticeable and very unusual.

Both men walked to the umbrella covered terrace where Bobby Tucker had left Barbara while he went to fetch Valentine, Barbara was seated at the table, her drink still untouched, evidently not important. The distant weak look on her face was clearly that of a person suffering loneliness and neglect, she had come here to confirm nothing bad had happened to Valentine and to know his reason for not coming home after his exams.

‘hi sweet.’ Valentine greeted, beaming with his charming smile as he stopped in front of her, he bent over to give her a Peck.

‘hi,’ she replied passively.

‘hey,’ exclaimed Valentine, ‘what’s wrong, why are you looking so gloomy?’

Barbara did not answer, she sat there looking ahead obviously pained, even if she was going to tell him her mind, it would not be in front of Bobby, she maintain her calm composure. Valentine looked her over and decided to offer an explanation, she deserve one after all.

‘I don’t mean to keep you, it’s just that I’ve been busy like hell, running here and there trying to get finished on time, so I’d come back to you as fast as possible, Bobby can testify to that.’

‘I did already.’ Bobby affirmed.

‘but you’d have taken a little time off to come and explain to me,’ Barbara said when she could not hold her peace any longer, ‘I’d stayed away only because I thought you’ll reason I deserve that.’

‘you deserve more than a little time Barby, if I come to explain, I wouldn’t want to leave in a hurry and I’d thought I’d finish with my papers fast enough but new things keep coming up and holding me back,’ he paused to look her over again, ‘I’m sorry I kept you,’ he added and kissed her again, ‘you know you mean a lot to me, I can’t abandon you, if not for this…’ these words from the eloquent and charming Valentine achieved its aim, it calmed Barbara totally.

Bobby took his leave after sensing the ensuing atmosphere, he went back to the room to keep Ruth’s company because Valentine will have to spend a little time with Barbara, she too will have to be sold a folly.

Barbara was really happy to see Valentine was alright and happy especially to have his attention, even if it will be just for a while. She felt relaxed again with his words and touches, his lips were like tranquilizers, his hands felt like massage on her body even if that was not what they were meant for. They shared brief moment of blissful interactions like long separated couples rejoining. Barbara could not believe her luck, she had anticipated a charged and troubled encounter going by his countenance and short temper lately. That she was being accorded all the attention and care was absolutely unexpected and she braced herself to enjoy the moment. The memory of such moment had gotten eroded from her mind because they had stopped having such bliss since the advent of her pregnancy. They talked about everything but the pregnancy, it was an evening to remember and she would not want to soil it with the talk of something she knew might darken a bright evening. It was conspicuous enough and she was not going to talk about it unless he brings it up.

Valentine attended to Barbara undividedly, praying within him that she had not come and perhaps leave soonest. He could not help discharging the thought that she has changed considerably—her pale and slightly swollen face, her protruding belly, he stared down to her legs and noted they remain swollen too, still her beautiful self though, in spite of all the transformations, He could not bring himself to accept the blame for her predicaments, he had tried to talk her into getting rid of the pregnancy but she had resisted with everything she has, she even promised to take care of it without his knowledge. Sincerely, he does not know what was expected of him and he was not going to pretend to know, better not talk about it than raise a discussion he cannot finish.

Two hours later, Barbara was back in the comfort of her apartment but comfort eluded her, her loneliness multiplied exponentially, the sight of his picture on the shelf brought back the memory of him with a rush, Valentine had been very reassuring but he was not there now that she needed him. Regretfully, she wished she had not gone to see him because she wanted him more now after seeing his face and feeling his touches, she felt his absence unbearably in her and thereby worsening her already bad mood. She went to look herself in the mirror in the bathroom and there were Valentine’s shaving things—shaving sticks, shaving foam and aftershave, toothbrush, these items gave her a further rush of memories, she was close to tears which she contained with an effort, she fought back the tears rising to eyes as she stared back at herself in the mirror. She consoled herself with the attention she had been accorded hours earlier and the promise of her lover to be back soon, I’ll be back home soon, he had told her.

The patient Barbara waited and waited obediently and expectantly for the arrival of the exiled father of her unborn child, looking forward to his return with every nerve in her body, hoping against hope that Valentine will come home to soothe and care for her. But days were becoming weeks and weeks in turn became months and still no sign of valentine, if he were in another part of the country she would not have minded much but that he was just a couple of miles away and still would not deemed it proper to come and see her was a cause for concern. What’s keeping him? she thought, why has he not come back? After all he had promised to. These thought nagged at her all the time, the waiting was becoming protracted again and Valentine was not forthcoming, she tried with all her might to resist the urge to go back to the campus to find out what it was this time that was keeping him.

Barbara decided to go and see Valentine again after winning a fierce battle in her mind not to go and see him. In no time, she was knocking on Valentine’s room door, no response came from within, after several loud and persistent attempts, neighbors told her no one was occupying the room and that Valentine and Bobby had moved out and that their where about was not known, when she demanded to know. She was going to burst out crying but fought it back knowing its futility but her forehead was engulfed in an uncontrollable perspiration. She left the hostel dejected and in despair, sobbing as she went, even if it was shameful to do so in the presence of people but she can cry on her own, she has been deceived by love.

She got to her apartment still sobbing, as she step through the door, she could not hold back the tears which had clouded her eyes, she started to weep uncontrollably, holding her head in her hands as she sank into the couch. Even in her confused state of my mind, she knew the implications of what had happened. It was not the abandonment that hurt her more but the lying, the deceit and the utter disregard for her feelings and her condition. She stared with tearful eyes