Plain and Proud: A Novel

By Ali Imran

Gillsbury may seem like any other typical, closeted American small town about to be forced to come to terms with a new LGBT social club formed in the towns only high school. Alain and his lovely Angels will be the pioneers to this revolutionary movement dragging the townspeople kicking and screaming along the way as they all fight their own inner demons.

His final year in high school brings new friendship, hope, heartache, lies, deceit and murder all in the name of equality, acceptance and maybe even love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Dec 11, 2013
• ISBN: 9781482897470

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Plain

and

Proud

A NOVEL

A L I   I M R A N

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Copyright © 2014 by Ali Imran.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Toll Free 800 101 2657 (Singapore)

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www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

CONTENTS

Acknowledgment

Prologue

1     Potential

2     A New Force

3     Family With Benefits

4     Rude Interventions

5     Longing For L’amour

6     Hot French Fries

7     Social Pariah

8     The Prince And The Bitch

9     Official Quarrel

10   Hatching The Plan

11   Battleground

12   Literal Confession

13   Douche By The Tree

14   Mika And The Others

15   Parental Guidances

16   Past Conflicts

17   Bros Before Hoes

18   The Queen Of Ignorance

19   Of Lust And Laying Low

20   A German Approach

21   Growing Tendencies

22   Darkness, Here It Cometh

23   Realization Of Romance

24   Starving For Love

25   Of Friends And Duties

26   We Found Love

27   The Lesbian Affair

28   Hospital Revelation

29   Romeo In Biker Jacket

30   Scintillating Exploration

31   Party Mode

32   The Peculiar Outrage

33   Two Souls In One

34   Of Veritas And Complications

35   Continuum

SINCERELY, FOR MAKBAM

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

Brendan, Ruadhan, Adiba, Hillary, Oisin and James

PROLOGUE

H ello world. You don’t have to hello me back.

I’m just beyond recognition. I’m a lost soul. I don’t want to be found. I’m a huge loser. That’s basically everything about me. Oh, there’s one more thing. I’m totally gay. A closeted one, though. Not sure if I should even come out. Not anytime soon that’s for sure.

Ouch! What was that for? I yelped as my sister, Amelie slapped the back of my head. She’s a really mean girl most of the time but she’s the only one who knew about the real me. She knew that I’m into boys and she said nothing more about it. It’s her way of showing that she’s cool with it, I guess. And I like it to remain that way. Nobody cares about me anyways, apart from my sweet and picture-perfect family. She simply snickered without stating a valid reason for the mild harassment and quickly left me alone with my self-monologue.

I’m Asian, skinny and awkward. To be honest, I had always felt ugly inside and out. The fact that the Westerfeld wanted to include me in their adorable, perfect American family was beyond my comprehension. I’m just an adopted, unworthy and pathetic boy. Even my biological mom hated me and left me on the streets of Bangkok when I was just a few days old. All I know is I was later put up for adoption.

It makes more sense now. She didn’t want a freak like me for a son. Yup, I couldn’t agree more with her decision. It was indeed the right thing to do. I never knew anything more about her after that. I really hope she’s doing fine right now, wherever she is.

Amelie started to crank up the stereo in her room, making the house tremble a little with the blaring punk-rock tunes and Ma would never complain. Dad too, he just couldn’t care less anymore as the noise pierced our ears like there’s no tomorrow.

As least she’s perfectly happy with herself.

What about me then? I’m least likely to be happy with myself. One thing I don’t believe is love. It’s just a plain old, stupid LIE. There is no such thing as a love at first sight. Well maybe there is, but I don’t know yet. And still deep down I’m cluelessly waiting for it to happen. Yet in my case, I highly doubt it ever will.

I’ve always secretly wanted more for myself. But I know NO boy would want me. No boy in his right mind would ever see me as desirable. I’m too skinny and out-of-place and just plain ugly. Those words represent me truly. It’s tough being a hopeless nerd, an Asian and a closeted gay all at the same time. The only thing I can do is being so hard on myself because it’s just how I cope with reality.

You’ll always get picked on, like pretty much every single day but I somehow survived because sometimes the bullies would get tired of you and picked on other targets instead, if you’re lucky enough. They’re just plain stupid Neanderthals. Uncivilized and worthless. Yet they’re looked up by others most of the time. Which is terribly unfair. But who am I to disagree right?

One thing for sure is I’m more brilliant than most other kids. I think that’s the only good thing that I can be proud of and my foster parents would always be thrilled by my superb results. But I wonder how they would react if I decided to come out to them? Would it be dramatic or would it be simply suicidal for me? I’m all alone in this matter and I don’t have much to share with other people that adored me back. Amelie promised to keep it under wraps until the right moment comes. Hopefully it won’t be so difficult with them.

Thankfully I have Gummy by my side. He’s a tubby, Persian cat, so technically he’s Asian just like me. I picked him up from the pet store for my thirteenth birthday three years ago. Now I’m a senior and I can’t wait to get over with the endless torture in the hellhole we all termed as high school. Gummy meowed underneath, rubbing his furry head on my ankle and I picked him up onto my lap. The sad thing was I don’t feel like a total loser whenever I’m with him.

Yet sometimes I feel like I want another human being by my side. Through thick and thin, loving me back the way I’m supposed to be loved. No matter how much insanely far-fetched that may sound but my wish remained the same. Someday maybe, if against all odds I won’t feel so alone anymore.

As for now, I shall be alone and miserable and ugly. My heart hurts like hell. I’m not suffering from any congenital heart disease or anything. I just ache whenever I try to realize my own petty, disgusting self-existence. Throbbing continuously like an endless cycle of self-torture.

Gummy’s purrs made me calm and happy for a while. I stroked his back and he purred more, appreciatively. All I want is nothing more, to touch and hold a boy just the way he loves it and he’ll reply with a kiss on my cheeks or perhaps on my lips. Would that be too much of a wishful thinking? Sure, I thought the same thing too. No way that’s going to be real for me. It’s nothing but a mere wishful thinking Alain.

I put my overweight tubby cat down slowly on the carpeted floor and I lie on the bed. My Calculus homework is done. What else? Yeah, I need to do some critical essay on Poe. But I don’t feel like I’m in the mood for that right now. I stared at the ceiling for an eternity, hoping for a miracle to happen. Nope. You’re just being silly again Alain. Things just don’t happen without a logical reason. My mind stirred by itself, with both intellectual facts and some random things that I really yearn for. Like a partner that will accept me for I really am.

Bullshit! That is the most pathetic thing ever. Grow up and die alone, Alain. Nobody would even be attracted to you okay? Just accept the fact and get on with your sorry-ass life. My pessimism made me stronger inside and I cherished every moment of it. I don’t trust people much and I don’t have any real friends. Again, who would want to be friends with a geeky, weirdo freak like me?

I pulled myself to sit upright by the edge of the bed and took a glimpse at my mirror image. I realized that my long dead hair was swept awkwardly to my side and my lame hazel eyes didn’t do me much justice either. My gaunt, pale face is the epitome of disgust and ugliness. I truly hate my face. It didn’t feel attractive at all, not even one bit. My heart aches again with longing and sorrow. This time I feel like it wanted to burst out of my chest and leave me alone to die. If you’ve never felt sorrow not even once in your life then you’re ineligible to consider yourself human, that’s just how things work. Unnoticed, freak and lame. Loser as I’ll ever be.

I rubbed my hands on my face, hoping that I could remove away any imperfections so that I could wake up next morning feeling all gorgeous and desired. No way in hell, silly. That’s like the lamest wishful thinking ever! Can’t you come up with a more loser excuse for your pathetic life, huh? I love my dark, pessimistic side because it would always drive me back and plant my feet firmly to the ground like a strong gravitational force. I won’t have to daydream with nonsensical, disgusting hopes anymore. It just hurts way too much.

The punk-rock music is further butchered by her attempt to synchronize her out-of-tune shrilling voice with the husky male lead singer’s. It didn’t work out that well once she started to cough out loud. Yet as determined as I knew her by heart, she would carry on like nothing happened thus, completely dismissing my existence as her closest neighbour and victim of the on-going noise pollution. She’s studying in college soon and she’s really pretty. And I mean it, even if she chose to be a rogue-ass biker punk chick.

In fact, I would love to be her boyfriend if I’m straight or if I’m not related to her. It might be worth a shot even if it’ll be a totally impossible task to do. She hated relationship like it’s a disease and she kept telling me all these pathetic relationship stories between a girl and a boy. She would always make rude jokes about stupid, love-drunk couple whenever we noticed one passed by. It was hilarious and yes, I agree with her a hundred percent.

Good old romances nowadays are dying and terribly underrated. Nowadays it’s all about Sex, Vanity, Appeal and Lust. All those things are merely dreams and wishes for me. I have to deal with the fact that I may never have someone who’ll genuinely like me back.

Instinctively, I’m aware that she does care about me. Yet she didn’t want to show it with compassion. Instead, she would rather go with the ‘mean-ass bitchy’ attitude of a sister to show her caring side. She didn’t give a damn if I did anything worth telling. I shut the door with a slam and locked myself from her ‘couldn’t-care-less’ comments.

Gummy climbed up the bed and nestled himself under the duvet. I moved towards my study desk, and turned on my MacBook. My foster parents love to pamper me with the luxuries of life but they weren’t really trying to be a part of my life. I don’t blame them either. They just didn’t completely understand me as I grow up to be their lovable foster child. They’re super busy most of the time and these materialistic spoils made me realize they’re trying their best to make my life as desirable as possible. And I saluted them for that.

Ma’s a dedicated attorney for almost ten years now and Dad’s a chiropractor with his own practice downtown. They just know me from the exterior. What I liked. My dislikes. My food allergies. My hobbies. My favorite book. My favorite music. Those kinds of things. What about my inner side? It’s highly unlikely that they would be aware of it, there’s no denying that.

Maybe it’s partly my fault too, I don’t open up much to them and since they’re busy with work most of the time. I can’t complain on that as well because they’re busting their asses off to support this family. I put on the headphone and I clicked for the playlist on my iTunes. I searched for those lovely Adele songs, tagged with ‘DEPRESSED’. I loved her. She’s such an inspiration. I want to be slightly moved by her otherworldly voice as I write the critical essay on Poe’s darkest poems.

As I was about to start with the first few words on my opening paragraph, my iPhone vibrated on the desk close to the mouse. I frowned. A text message? From who? I picked it up and opened the message inbox. An unknown sender with an unknown number.

It was written with such peculiarity:

Teehee. You might not know me yet. But I’ve been watching U in class. Can we be friends? I’m Amanda by the way. :-)

She even put a smiley face at the end. Who’s this Amanda anyways? Do I know her from class? Not that I can recall of. Hmmm, should I reply? Then perhaps she could sense my hesitance so she sent another one. This is probably the first time I’ve ever been asked to be friends with someone. Mostly they would claim they want something from me, like helping with homework and then they’re gone the next minute. Should I feel excited?

It’s totally understandable if U don’t want to. I’m may be out of line and I know U like 2b alone I’m a new kid and I got ur number from Robbie in class I hope U won’t mind.

Say what? I don’t remember giving him my number before. Oh yeah I did! He’s one of those basketball jocks who bullied me into doing all his Algebra homework last year. Being a typical jerk, I didn’t imagine him to even save my number up until now. Besides, how could he mindlessly give this shady, mysterious ‘new girl’ my number without my permission? This is totally outrageous. I wish I could change my number now but it’s probably too late. Maybe I should just steer away from this Amanda, yeah that’s what I’ll do.

That’s it. I won’t reply to any of her text messages then. Perhaps she’ll leave me alone. Again, another message alert popped out on the screen screaming for attention.

Don’t worry. I’m not a psycho chick or anything. I won’t be friends with you for any ulterior motives. I need a real friend. Not some horny jocks or some stupid, bitchy cheerleaders. Trust me, we’ll be awesome together.

She’s reading my mind! How could she even accomplish that amazing feat? Like seriously? This girl is giving me all the creeps. Was this some sort of a practical joke? A cruel punishment? I don’t want to reply back. Not just yet. Not until I meet her face to face. She wants to make a joke of me? Well, she doesn’t know the fierce side of me yet. I’ll punch her in the face if she wants to make fun of me or something. I turned off my iPhone and let it rest away from the mouse, on the desk as I focused my attention back towards my criticism essay.

Deep down, I can’t wait to meet someone who’s actually seems interested to be my friend. Yet my other self would throw me back to reality. Is that even possible? She’s just putting a trick on you, Alain. Let’s just see what tomorrow may bring then.

1

POTENTIAL

I regretted waking up. Today it felt like any other mornings. Nothing interesting. But my perfectionist side would scorn myself for skipping school.  Don’t you even dare, Alain! Ma wouldn’t be too happy on me being absent from school either.

Moreover, you have tons of homework to be sent, Alain. Don’t forget that! SATs and ACTs, remember? You have to leave this hell hole of a school ASAP! Graduate early and start a new life at an Ivy League school. That has always been the plan, remember?

Seeking for further knowledge had always been a huge trigger for me, a profound catalyst, and the sole reason why I wanted to even step foot into school. I kept begging Ma to provide a home tutor so that I can be home-schooled instead. The misery brought from going to shitholes like high schools meant excessive pressure upon my poor, fragile soul.

I enjoyed learning. From a very tender age, Ma would say. I started reading when I was four. Right now, I shared the mini library for my own collection of books with Dad’s near his study. They’re awesome parents at that, providing me with the best kind of education possible. I couldn’t wish for lovelier parents.

The deplorable part is that there’ll always be bullies and cliques in high school. There’s always those clichéd high school dramas going on around me and sad to say, I’m not even included among any of the present groups. I consider myself a complete loner, from my passion for knowledge and my style of dressing. But then again, I prefer to move solo and alone. Always have been. Wallflower? Nah, more like a recluse.

I just couldn’t care less about what other people say to me. My long, unruly hair sprouted down like dead stalks of rotten veggies and I made sure that I would stay reclusive and out of trouble. I didn’t come here to make friends. I’ve been perfectly fine by myself, surviving school for so long and I constantly remind myself that every little bad things that happened before meant nothing to me.

I’m an expected valedictorian yet I remain as a loner. It’s my own mechanism to perceive the world as it is, no attachment and even though it’s so damn lonely I know at least it’s still bearable. I just couldn’t find someone else that would think just the way like I do so I just steer away from the endless current of mixed homo sapiens in the petri dish of teenage nightmare. They won’t disturb me if I don’t disturb them. It’s quid pro quo. To be honest it’s like a pure jungle out there. An extensive assortment of different animals intermingling with each other in some twisted multiple symbiosis interactions more than you could possibly imagine. Nasty stuff indeed.

Usually Ma would drive me to school, but not for the next few weeks. Amelie had already passed her driving test two years ago and since she’s on a gap year off, she felt obliged to take me instead. She played her favourite punk-rock band CD on the player, so I just chose to ignore the ear-splitting sound and observe the streets as we passed. I like to watch people go by in the morning because it makes me feel normal for a bit, like I’m one of them and I wish I don’t have to be a freak anymore. I could see some are jogging, some are throwing out trash, some are preparing breakfast and some are not even awake yet.

We didn’t talk much. Amelie and I. Even if we did, we would always exchange snarky and cynical comments with each other. No matter how fun that sounds, I prefer to be quiet during the ride. She wasn’t very talkative either so it works out well for the both of us. No awkward silence then. She smokes too but in regard for my health she would try her best to avoid making me suffocate inside the car.

I stick my head out the rolled-down window so that I could feel the lovely gust of wind rushing through my face, especially the fresh morning breeze. She tapped me on my shoulder with a frowned face, and shook her head like I’m still a five-year-old kid. It’s a simple sign of ‘No, I don’t want to be held responsible for you losing your head while I’m driving. So yeah keep your head intact by staying inside the car.’

I agreed so I retreated back and sat properly instead, fastened my seatbelts from ignition all the way until we reached the school grounds. We arrived approximately fifteen minutes from our house as I sighed deeply for last minute reassurance. Every single day, like a silly ritual to survive the day. I stepped out with my bag slung to both my shoulders.

She laughed at me, puts on her sunglasses, light up her cigarette and quickly drove away without even saying goodbye. Thus, I was left standing alone with exhaust fumes and fallen leaves.

Never mind. I’m used to it anyways. Ma would always be in a hurry for court cases. I was walking my way into the school grounds for first period when a familiar voice shouted my name. Shit! Not again. Should I run? Nope, I couldn’t. What’s the point of trying to hide anyways? I just stood there frozen as other students moved about their way, minding their own business. They’re all being smart because it’s better to just stay away when those goons are prowling for victims.

Hey Westerfeld freak! Have you gone deaf or something? I heard footsteps rushed towards me and I know it’s him. The notorious Freddy Vandrick. That fucking asshole.

Seriously? You’re playing mute now huh? He’s approaching and he sounds terribly irritated. Yet not as irritated as I am by him. He’s the epitome of what one may classify as a JOCK, super popular especially among the girls and a total dickhead. He is always in the mood to make my life miserable. I turned around to face the terror and unexpectedly he spat on my face. Like the true baboon that he is.

He is such a disgrace towards humanity. And such a waste for a stunning face. He’s so rotten inside. He’s undeniably first on my HATE LIST. I wiped the disgusting fluid off my face without looking at him straight in the eyes. The other two jocks laughed at his side, like dumb and desperate sidekicks who are as clueless as shit. They just stood there watching the two of us with their arms proudly crossed, shoulder squared up high with satisfaction as if they rule the school. They’re nothing but brainless Neanderthals!

Now that I got your attention, you know what? I’m hungry and since you’re a faggoty freaking chef, give me your lunch now! He growled at me with pure arrogance and stupidity. I have no choice but to give him my lunch that Ma prepared inside the brown paper bag.

I intentionally took my own sweet time to take it out of my school bag. I was kneeling on the ground and he was waiting impatiently with his petty comrades. He sensed my attempt to ridicule him so he pushed my head violently making me fall backwards on my butt. I think I might have broken one of my sacral bones somewhere judging from the loud thud. I cringed with pain and it made him more proud than ever. Self-conceited jerk!

It made them roar with more heartless laughter. A few students just glanced towards us and kept on walking like nothing happened. Typical high school scene. I just don’t give a crap anymore. I took it out and gave it to him without any second thoughts. I just want to get out of here ASAP and carry on with the classes that I love. I’ll just have to buy lunch at the cafeteria then, no matter how much I hated that prospect.

He took a peek inside, sniffed the food like a gorilla and then shoved me aside. He sauntered off with his two stooges passing me like I didn’t exist after he obtained what he wanted. What a total douchebag, which is exactly what I would expect from that sort of boys. At least I’m safe from them for the time being. They’re all like twice my size, in terms of muscle size and probably mass too. I’m simply too skinny for my own benefit.

I need to bulk up but how? I’m not even athletic and PE had always been my least favourite subject. Rule is applied, note to myself. There’s a hierarchy in the high school food chain and I’m perhaps the very lowest, deepest bottom. And they’re of course at the very top. Again, like I give a shit.

I glanced at my wristwatch, quickly carried my books in my bag and rushed towards History. I don’t want to be late. History is a wonderful class and I just have to spare my hatred for those jerks not until lunch time. I need to focus on the wonderful classes and not let what just happened drag me down. I’ve had worse, anyways.

~~~~~~~

The History and Astronomy lessons were entertaining, as usual. Next stop will be English and then whatever fourth period is before lunch. I can’t wait to see Mrs. Horton, she’s the best English teacher around and I had always enjoyed her classes. Oh there’s one more thing that rushed back in my mind, I don’t remember having a new student in class. Perhaps I was so deeply intrigued by yesterday’s class on Poe that I didn’t notice this Amanda girl. Whoever she is.

I sat on my favourite chair in front row reserved especially pour moi as the other students were piling in to take their respective seats. Mrs. Horton is still not present yet as the class became more alive. Then out of the corner of my eyes, someone waved excitedly in my direction which has never been plausible in my four years studying here in Ashburn High.

She was a really gorgeous girl which I might add, was an actual understatement. She’s beyond gorgeous without putting too much effort on it. Her naturally dark, dark blonde hair made her strike out more than the other fake girls with their annoying cheerleader get-ups and their cheap ass dyed metallic blonde hair. She’s quite stylish with a knee-length floral maxi dress and flat pumps to match the whole cute look.

And the miraculous thing is that she’s actually waving at me. Am I dreaming or what? Do my eyes playing tricks on me?

I frowned in confusion and I glanced around me to look if she’s waving at somebody else. Nope. She IS waving at me. Then, she looks quite annoyed when I don’t reply her gesture. Mrs. Horton still hasn’t entered the class so the blonde girl quickly moved towards me.

Well, hello there! I’m Amanda, nice to meet you. She offered a hand after she stood up next to me so I hesitantly shook hands with her. She had this glorious sunny smile on her face thus confirming my suspicion that she’s the girl who sent me the text messages last night. Don’t be so damn mean, Alain. She’s been nice enough to even talk to you!

Umm, I’m sorry but I have to ask you this. But what makes you think that you can be my friend? I mean, in case you haven’t noticed I don’t do friends." I was straightforward as usual. One of my greatest, admirable qualities to boot. I just spoke out whatever was inside my mind. Pretty much like those Asperger’s syndrome patients, only mine would bring me a whole lot more trouble than pity.

Nope, I don’t mind you asking at all. I saw you yesterday and you reminded me so much of my best friend when I was back in Phoenix, Arizona. I just transferred here and I really hope you can be friends with me. She flashed another expectant smile, almost like begging me on her knees as her eyes shone with admiration. She doesn’t have that Arizona accent and her supple skin doesn’t really resemble the sunny state.

Let’s just see where this is going then. But you got to be careful, Alain. She might just be playing a cruel joke on you. Well if she really want to be friends then you just have to test her out. Cool, so you’re from Arizona then? Tell me now do you see me chatting casually with other people in class? And did Mrs. Horton put you up to this? I didn’t know what else to say. I’m so not good at keeping up with conversations. Socializing is terribly awkward and alien for me. I’m new to this and I hope she’ll just tell me her true intentions. If she’s pure at heart, she’ll have nothing to worry about. Remember that, Alain.

I’ve been a loner for so long that my sarcastic conscience, loneliness and pessimistic side are basically my true BFFs. I waited for her to reply as she gave me a stunned, somewhat hurt look. She clearly didn’t expect that but she quickly flashed back her sunny kind face at me.

I’m so sorry if my approach was slightly unmethodical. I know I shouldn’t have asked your number from Robbie but I really, really want to be your friend. I sincerely hope that you didn’t get the wrong idea. She was adamant it seemed and she doesn’t look like the type who plays pranks on other people for fun, like Freddy and his pack of dense buffoons. Her voice was a bit taken aback but she still remained standing next to me, showing her persistence.

Then she started with the begging mode. She even had the nerve to hold my hands and she put on her desperate yet innocent-looking puppy eyes. Please be my friend. Those stuck up losers are so not worth my friendship and you’re my closest to being my new BFF. The one that I told you about recently died. God bless his beautiful soul. It means so much to me if you say yes. I won’t be letting you down I promise.

All right then. Enough with the pleading. I’ll try my very best to be your friend then. Happy now? I didn’t mean to sound so emotionless but it just came out as a snap. But that didn’t stop her from being so ecstatic and I just played along. She clapped her hands excitedly until the other students watched us as if we’re suddenly an item. Oh please! I don’t even play that way!

Now can you please have a seat? I think the class is about to start. Somehow I was feeling a bit happy myself. There was a side of me who was silently expecting this. A real conversation. A friendship. Still, I have to be consistently aware and distanced myself from her so that I can really make sure she’s sincere. Friendship takes time and so does any form of relationship. They’re built from trust. Now I’m just being philosophical about it. One clear thing is I don’t dig girls and nobody in this godforsaken school knew about it.

Thank you so much, Alain. I’m so thrilled right now. Okay, maybe I should get back to my seat. She sent me an air kiss before she went straight to her seat as Mrs. Horton started to write the lesson of the day. Still on Edgar Allen Poe, thankfully.

The other students noticed that I’m no longer a loner. They’ll react differently towards me now. What should I do? This is all so new to me. I still need adjusting, that’s all. I also need to meet Mrs. Horton by the end of the class. She had some explaining to do. Which is clearly not about homework nor Poe. I couldn’t deny the fact that a small part of me felt glad that Robbie gave her my number. I didn’t owe him anything but this Amanda girl is how should I put it? Interesting. That’s the word to describe the pretty girl who kept smiling at me throughout the class.

2

A NEW FORCE

I t makes absolutely no sense. I’ve finally found my equal match. A worthy opponent in curricular competence. It turns out that blondie Amanda wasn’t that much of a bimbo that I initially pegged her for. She’s superbly brilliant! I wonder if that would be the result of her genetics or just pure luck. Whichever reason was, I’m not that keen to be challenged. I still have a reputation to uphold and this means one thing and one thing only. Survival of the fittest, brain-wise I mean.

People had always known me as the excessively brilliant loner freak. Yet, I felt deeply bothered by her intellectual presence in Chemistry just now. Usually I would be the only reference for answers by Mr Humboldt but somehow, miraculously she raised her hand up when he asked about the function of ligands in drugs manufacture.

She’s the new teacher’s pet now! I was ticked off, really. I thought we only shared English classes. In that way I can stay as far away from her as possible. Nope, it didn’t really turn out the way I wanted. Shit!

I’m not complaining, I’m actually glad that she really wanted to be my friend but as I said before, I need all the adjusting time to figure out whether I do want a friend or not. The background noise of students chattering and hollering in the lunch hall made me sink back to reality. I’m enjoying a plate of mashed potato, salad and orange juice for lunch. Contrary to popular belief, not all teenagers love to eat oily junk food so I’m more than happy to eat healthily.

I have no choice to be honest. I don’t want to be among those prevalent sorts of American teenagers who’ll likely be a fat-ass, obese kid. Nope. No way in hell I’m going to contribute to the already escalating statistics. Cardiovascular diseases are a currently a major health concern in American society as we speak, so don’t get me started on that too.

I may be ugly and undesirable. But I don’t see the point of dying young with clogged arteries and kidney failure. I don’t drink alcohol either thank God for that!

I’m sitting alone, as per usual. At my own designated table that I chose every time I’m stuck to eat in the lunch hall. As far away from those horrible cliques as possible and away from all sort of disturbances. My mind felt slightly at ease. To tell you the truth, the cafeteria would be the last place I want to be for my lunch. The whole loud and packed space made me squirm uncomfortably in my own loner world but I’ll survive.

Since my lunch was snatched away by a pack of steroidal predatory beasts this morning, it left me no other choice. I would rather enjoy Ma’s home-cooked nutritious lunch by my own sweet spot outside, underneath the shady oak tree. It is way more peaceful at the back of the school, my own secret hiding spot. The old gardener guy would occasionally greet me when he wanted to sweep the fallen leaves or on his way to throw some rubbish into the huge dustbins. Other than that, there would be no other distractions.

Just me, myself and I.

The mashed potato looked terribly uncooked and I’m super worried it may cause me a horrible stomach upset. My tummy is quite picky and demanding at the same time. Probably due to my extremely high metabolic rate, I managed to stay super skinny all these while. Is that a curse or a gift? Ask any of those anorexic girls then. They’d know better. Just saying . . .

I drank the juice from the small carton instead. Then, somebody greeted me from the back. Guess who’s back? Is she a stalker or something? Geez, just give me some space please. It was none other than the notorious Amanda. I gave her credit for her relentless pursuit though. But this time around she brought along someone else. A black girl. A huge one. She was voluptuous just like Adele and truthfully, I don’t have a single clue who she is. Amanda seemed terribly excited that she sat next to me without even asking my permission.

Like seriously? You could’ve at least asked me first. This is like my secluded spot, okay? I grunted at her but she couldn’t care less, beaming at me instead. Aggression is not a good way to start off a friendship but she couldn’t have been more oblivious of my attempts to push her away. She’s a big eater herself, mind you as she put down her tray filled with some hash browns, bacon and grilled cheese with an Arnold Palmer in one hand. It makes me wonder how much the other fake girls would be jealous to see her being so superbly fit despite all that carbs.

The black girl sat next to her with a huge, warm smile thrown at me. I smiled back because big girls are one of my few objects of respect. They deserved nothing but the best and I always treat big girls as royalty, whenever possible. Not that I have the pleasure to meet many of them anyways.

Do I have to? Oh sorry Alain, that was extremely rude of me. But we’re friends now. We should eat together right? I hate when the other students started to give disbelieving glances in my direction. They couldn’t believe their eyes that a freak like me was joined by a brilliant bombshell and a big black girl. Now I have these so-called friends, so what? Does it make any difference? Is it the end of the world already? Nothing has changed, so beat it people!

Oops, my bad. I forgot to introduce you to Audrey von Carmelle. She’s a foreign exchange student. She came all the way from Holland for a year. You can tell the rest to him, no worries dear. Get to know each other right? Amanda carried on even with her mouth full of bacon and hashed brown, chomping them down her slender neck. She can be terribly repulsive and terribly sweet at the same time. Maybe it’s in her genes too?

The black girl extended a chubby hand towards me and we shook hands. I have to admit that she was so beautiful with her breath-taking African roots. Her black porcelain skin was flawless and her sense of style was absolutely European. Somehow, deep down I’m glad she wanted to be my friend too. I knew from the moment on that she was not your typical American girl, and I’m not your typical American boy either so that puts us on an equal footing. A great sign of a good friendship, even.

Not as repulsed as I am by Amanda here. She’s gulping the rest of the hashed brown like time wasn’t on her side. Where was her table manner anyway? Gone with the wind or something? She reminded me so much of Amy’s table manners which I were to say the least, less than adorable.

Hello there, I’m Alain Westerfeld. Really nice to meet you, Audrey. You see, I don’t do friends but I think I’ll make an exception for you. You seem so sweet and adorable, you know that? I love to compliment big girls. It make them stronger and it felt like the most righteous thing to do at this stage. She giggled with so much genuine joy that even her body shook with the vibration and I knew I’m the one who made her laugh. Score! I love her more already.

Aww, that’s terribly sweet of you Alain. I don’t have many friends either even back in Amsterdam. Perhaps because I’m not as alluring as the both of you? I don’t know. Her statement left me speechless and gawking. I wanted to smack Amanda on the face! The girl is still engrossed with her food that Audrey’s comment missed her short attention span.

OMG is she for real? Hasn’t she looked at me from head to toe yet? Why would she even compare her elegant self to an ugly freak like me? In Amanda’s case, it is totally worth it. But with me? Is she being serious? Hell no. She’s just being far too nice.

OMG! I just realized that the three of us have initial A for our names. That’s like the most awesome thing ever! From today onwards we’ll refer ourselves as the Three Awesome Angels then. She’s slurping her Arnold Palmer using a straw before she concluded her own vision for our made-up friendship. Ah bless, the prophetess has finally spoken of our endearing friendship!

I hate her a little more now! She’s just so spontaneous and random and out there that I really think there’s something wrong inside her head. Despite from being an equally brilliant student like me, she must have a psychiatric hospital record somehow. I will have to double check on that later before venturing further with this friendship. Again, I might just be overreacting because sometimes my overly analytical side got the best of me and made me realize certain things are not worth contemplating.

Oh, by the way Audrey. We should never start to compare ourselves. That’s like totally overrated and I don’t feel myself that beautiful either so zip it okay? I don’t want to hear any more of that bullcrap about who’s pretty and who’s not. She continued as she finished her lunch with a slight burp. Another form of ignorance and rude manners, coming from such a gorgeous beauty. She’s more or less annoying and absurd, just like my nasty ass sister Amelie. They should really meet! I wonder how that will turn out, while mentally picturing them hanging out together.

You guys, need I remind you that there’ll be a few more minutes before the recess ends so I suggest that you guys at least eat something before class? Amanda added on, after clearly finished with her lunch. We just played along as she told us. Audrey was giggling again before she tasted her huge slice of pie with whipped cream, some salad, baked beans and mineral water. We just went silent after that which is exactly what I preferred. Perhaps I should be more open to these girls, yet maintain some closure between them. I couldn’t tell them everything would I? I don’t trust them at all. Perhaps not yet.

The best part is, I don’t even dig girls and girls would be far better friends than boys. So far it makes sense right? But I don’t want them to be so close to me. I’m the Loner-Freak. And I don’t want them to mess things up with my exceptional study record nor this slice of reputation that I have. I hate that they won’t be targeted and labelled like me and they both deserve better friends.

Not an ugly closeted gay freak like me.

~~~~~~~~~

It felt like an hour waiting by the sidewalk for Amelie. She’s just being bitchy as always. She thought she could get under my skin, but she’s terribly wrong. I’m way more professional than that. Ah screw her! The silly teen angst exuding from her style and character made her more applicable to me. She’s just adapting well with her own point of view and she’s damn intelligent. Way more than me! I’m just grateful that she actually accepted me as her adopted brother. Or else she’d be the only child which would be the lamest thing ever! Nobody to get mad and angry at. After parents that is. At least I’m cool with the fact that I fill that in.

I sat by the sidewalk alone, watching other students make their way back home. Some with their own cars, some with their parents and some with the school bus. The sophomores are looking so sweet and innocent while the seniors are stressed-up and annoying as ever. Talking about annoying, here he comes. Shit, what does he want now?

Freddy the Stupid Asshole was walking briskly towards me, shoving a few sophomores aside like they’re the least of his care, more like stray dogs to his eyes. His two equally ‘brilliant’ sidekicks followed him from behind. They were all wearing the same ugly-ass Letterman jacket with the school insignia and logo, perhaps as a form of caste verification. Yeah right.

Reality check, people don’t need to know whether you’re a stupid-ass jock nor the school’s basketball players with your so-called ‘cool’ get ups. You just proved it merely by being dumb and being brutes pretty much the whole time!

Hello there, freak show. What’re you doing right now? Waiting for your hot-ass sister to pick you up huh? He teased me with no conscience whatsoever, his voice dripping with disgust. He gave me a degrading smirk as he spat towards me again which landed on my pants this time round so I quickly rubbed it away. He’s just plain old douchebag, filthy and gorgeous at the same time. I DESPISE him more than anything right now! He could pick on other people today but still he took an unhealthy obsession over me as always.

How dare he talk about my sister that way? He finds her attractive? Then, fuck off. She would never be interested in a sorry-ass high school jock like you. Nothing but a bully-brute with an IQ of an amoeba!

Yup, she’s on her way. Why? You want to come for a ride too? I snapped at him as I stood up. We’re basically the same height. He’s quite small for a white boy playing basketball for school. Not that I give a shit anyways. He can suck his own nipples for all I care.

Well why you look at that, boy? The loser tried to speak back at us? Or is it just a mumble coz I couldn’t hear anything. I dare you to say that again, wimp! The other two jocks laughed behind him while watching him scrutinize me with his piercing grey eyes in such contempt. Then, he pulled me by the collar and head-butted me on my forehead. It was really forceful and totally unnecessary. I felt like my skull fractured in half on my forehead. Help me, I’m bleeding profusely! Okay, maybe I’m just being overly dramatic yet again but fuck you Freddy!

Now that’s what you get for trying to be a smart-ass. You don’t answer me back with that kind of attitude, got it freak show? He gave me another blow on my shoulder as I kneeled to the ground with my hands rubbing my forehead from the impact just now. I couldn’t revive quickly enough as the pain shot through my shoulder which made me let out a whimper.

How could he manage to stand still after the head butt? Maybe it’s because he’s a fat-ass brute who regarded violence as the most efficient method of communication. He crossed his arms with fury, looking down at me as another spit landed on my hair. Eww, that’s so gross on so many levels but I focused more on both my forehead and my shoulder that both starting to hurt like hell. Damn you Freddy! The supporting laughs from his sidekicks made it more disgusting and disgraceful. I did’t need this kind of treatment. This is way too stupid to begin with.

He clicked his knuckles as if he wanted to give me another punch in the face. Why was he so hateful towards me? Was he affected by terrible family issues back home? Or is he just a dumb senseless prick who will never leave me alone? My head is throbbing and I felt like fainting soon. The spinning sensation engulfed me like a total headache. Nope, I won’t give them that pleasure.

You’re stronger than this Alain. Just run while you still can and forgot everything. Amelie will pick you up further down the road then, just give her a call.

Leave him alone, you pathetic bullies!

Wait a sec, who was silly enough to stop the Three Dumb Stooges? Who has that much guts to save a freak like me and stand up against them? Who is this person? I rubbed my forehead again to ease the pain away.

I said leave him alone before I shove a fist into your mouths! Get the hell out of here and don’t you dare hurt him again. It was none other than Audrey. She looked royally pissed-off and by the look of it, I had a feeling that she’s going to keep up to her words. She has the fighter vibe around her and she’d probably excelled in the girl’s wrestling team back in Amsterdam. Or maybe sumo? Either sport will work well for her sake.

The Three Dumb Stooges laughed heartily, as Freddy tapped his tummy—probably some hard abs too—a few times like he had just seen the most hilarious thing ever.

"Who the hell are you, bitch? Don’t you know who I am? I’m the Freddy, man. I rule the school, all right? And you should just get along and leave us before I hurt your sorry fat ass. He laughed again, rubbing his nose in humour and continued with the cracking laugh after he took a deep breath. And for the record, I don’t hit girls. That’s just not my style."

Well, that’s your loss then. I warned you already. With a single attempt of an offensive attack, she was far more agile than I expected. She aimed straight at his gorgeous yet heinous face and landed a big fist on his nose. I wish that powerful blow might’ve broken his nose.

That was totally unexpected! Thank you Jesus thanks for sending Audrey here. It took him a few seconds to react and regain control, stopping his runny bleeding nose with his fingers before he turned on his rage mode. She was twice his size and he clearly didn’t want to lose to a feisty black girl. That would be a totally unforgettable shame and will leave a blemish on his badass bully reputation. Random people started to pile up in a circle around us. Agreed, school fights are quite rare around here but discreetly speaking the school admin couldn’t care less.

Why so, you might ask?

Because Freddy’s dad is the Principal. Makes more sense right? When he smugly mentioned that he ‘owns’ and ‘rules’ the school, so technically it’s quite true. I’m beyond claustrophobic with this amount of people surrounding us for a spectacle, as Freddy gets ready to punch Audrey in retaliation. There is a clear division among the onlookers. Some were rooting for him while some underdogs were clearly supporting Audrey.

And I’m in the middle of it all. Amelie, why couldn’t you just come and pick me up earlier so that I could have avoided this kind of pointless confrontation? I’m so going to report her to Ma later on tonight!

Freddy lurched forward and aimed at her face but she was far more effortless despite her chubby figure. She caught his fist mid-air and gave him another awesome punch on the chest. I swear I could hear some of his ribs snapped in two but then again, I might be over exaggerating. It’s like the Clash of the Titans and clearly we already have a winner. Audrey’s far too awesome for a foreign exchange student. She’s a goddess in disguise!

I could hear him whimpering in pain, exasperated and out of breath from the blow. The two sidekicks were covering him from shame on the ground as they instructed the others to leave the vicinity of the fight, which ended quite quick and most of all, fair. He seemed really hurt, crouched on his knees and cursing blatantly at Audrey who gave me a wink. She’s a true saviour and I couldn’t have loved her more after this.

People were clapping their hands in unison, and the majority of the student crowd are cheering for her as she pulled me slowly to my feet. She was silent and attentive for a few seconds, as she dusted off my shoulders with gentleness and checked my forehead for any bleeding. Her face shone with absolute concern over me and she couldn’t care less about Freddy’s broken nose.

Are you all right, Alain? I’m so worried just now. Did he do this to you every day? she asked with compassion and sighed in frustration when I nodded. She was like a big sister for me now, oh how I wish Amelie would stand up for me like she did just now. I’ve never felt so relieved and so scared my entire life! I just don’t like violence around me especially when it’s involving me!

Then, she pulled me by the arm and we ran away from the fight scene. I could hear more scorns and curses from Freddy behind us, fading away when we arrive at the school car park. She has her own car! That’s awesome and I’m so jealous of her right now!

She insisted that I took a ride with her back home. She wanted to make sure that I go back safely and she’s a really good driver. I made a quick call to Amelie, and it turned out that she’s busy jamming with her bandmates at our back garage that she deliberately forgot to take me home from school.

Amelie and her ignorant indiscretions. I couldn’t ask for more. Audrey stopped in front of my house and waved me good bye before she drove away to her apartment downtown. She’s living with her single mother there.

So far, I’ve been so talkative beyond my own expectation. I rarely talk this much to anyone other than my family and it usually took a lot of effort but I opened up with Audrey. She’s basically someone that I can trust from now on. Guess what? She’s so gonna be my BFF. Well with Amanda, I might still have some doubts but I have a feeling the three of us will work it out soon. Wishes do come true, only sometimes in the least expected way. Thank God for that.

3

FAMILY WITH BENEFITS

P lease wipe that smirk off your face. You looked like a crazy bastard with that smile just now. She slapped my back as I was daydreaming alone. I didn’t notice her coming in or knocking the door like any other normal people would. Amelie being too intrusive and annoying? That’s like old news.

I’m just too absorbed with potentially having a few friends of my own that I lost track of my logical reasoning. Maybe I’m just excited that after all these years two lovely girls are interested in being my friends. So what’s the harm of that? Amelie is probably jealous that I actually made some friends.

Oh my goodness, have you actually lost your V card? Please tell me you wore protection! Boys nowadays can be so disgusting you know! Her voice raised a pitch with such contentiously sarcastic comments, as always. She hated acting all girly in front of others but I’m just immune to it by now. And she wasn’t even looking at me when she asked. She’s looking at her mirror image, checking out her recently pierced nose, her alabaster face and played with her dirty blonde-brown hair.

She looked so full of herself, twirling a few times and winked at her image. Duh, go to your own room then!

I decided not to give a damn as I pretended to be busy with my homework. She seemed pretty adamant in seeking out the real story. Which was kind of weird because we barely talk. So what’s with the sudden interest? Ignoring had always been my strongest defence mechanism apart from my sardonic point of view.

Okay, I’m so sorry for forgetting to take you home. It’s not like it was on purpose, all right? I had some stuff to settle. Now can you please cut me some slack and please pray tell, what is making you so darn happy? She walked towards me as she pretentiously giving me a light massage on my shoulders. I wanted to shoved her hands off but that would’ve been too harsh so I groaned.

What is it to you? You’ve never asked me about these kinda things before. I’m just wondering, why the sudden interest? I replied. Yet I only typed it as a text message on my iPhone and gave it to her. I’m just too tired to even answer it straight to her pretty face. I’m sure she’s grinning behind me.

She gasped loudly in return, faking her reaction as if she meant it. Then, I could feel that she pushed her hair back after she gave me the iPhone back. I read it as she checked her neon red nails, waiting for my reaction. She didn’t seem genuinely convincing as if she had something up her sleeves.

Oh, I’m so sorry for being a considerate sister. Don’t be such a smart-ass, Alain. Just tell me and you can forget I ever asked you. We got ourselves a deal then?

I made up my mind. I’ll just dismiss her the way she loves to do it to me. She doesn’t need to know every little detail about my school life. She’s probably bored to death right now and wanted to dig something up to be used later as a future mockery source. She loves to ridicule others and I had been her constant victim but I’ve grown out of it. It had always been our best method of sibling bonding.

That’s why I don’t tell her everything, but thankfully she kept her end of bargain and didn’t tell a soul about my sexuality. At least I owe her credit for that much right?

Clearly, she was not that keen to be ignored. With an annoyed huff she grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to face her with a single swing of the office chair. I couldn’t evade her anymore as she stood looking down at me, sitting and squirming to get away from her mean interrogatory method. It felt like forever as she stared me intensely with her piercing, mean grey eyes digging holes down my skull just for a quick response.

All right, my bad okay? You want to know so bad? Yeah, I’m just stoked that I made a few friends today. Yes, mock all you want. But I wasn’t making up the part where I made friends. Their names are Audrey and Amanda. There. Happy now? Can you leave me alone then?

She squinted her eyes at my facial expression, as if scrutinizing me if I’m attempting to make up a silly lie straight to her face. She rubbed her chin inquisitively before she walked to and fro on the floor for about a minute. She was overreacting and I felt stupid for even telling her. Looks like she doesn’t want to believe me after all. God, I feel like I’m being questioned by a Nazi officer. And I’m the unfortunate Jew prisoner!

Okay, let’s say I believe you. Can you bring the girls home and meet me and Ma and Dad? Can you do that? As in purely for proving purposes. Nothing too difficult there. She smirked as her hands rested on her hips like a true model, since she’s a few inches taller than me. Duh, Alain. You’re Asian and she’s clearly not. Of course she’s taller. It’s not rocket science!

I don’t want