Love Me as I Am

By Barbara Hall

Haunted by a nightmare she cant remember, Krista Redding seeks the help of a professional psychologist. What he uncovers is a shocking secret that has been kept for fifteen years.

Cade Sheridan is an undercover FBI agent posing as Andrew Walker. He has been after Robinson Kane for as long as he can remember. Together, he and Krista discover that her painful past is harsh reality. Can a killer be caught before it is too late?

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 23, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477281666

Barbara Hall

Barbara Hall is an award-winning novelist, screenwriter, and television producer. She is the creator and producer of the Emmy-nominated television series Joan of Arcadia. Her TV writing and producing credits include Northern Exposure, Chicago Hope, and Judging Amy.  She is the author of four young adult novels, including Skeeball and the Secret of the Universe (1987, Orchard Press), Dixie Storms (1990, HBJ), Fool’s Hill (1992, Bantam), and the mystery House Across the Cove (1995, Bantam). Her previous novels include A Better Place (1992), Close to Home (1997), and A Summons yo New Orleans, all published by Simon & Schuster. Barbara Hall lives in Pacific Palisades, California, with her daughter Faith.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Rain pelted her face as she ran. She looked back over her shoulder as she turned into the alley. Breathing hard, she stopped. Suddenly, out of the shadows, stepped a figure clothed in black. She took a step back, but he grabbed her. She tried to scream. Nothing came from her throat. She looked up into a pair of cold, dark eyes. They gleamed with evil. She felt herself being pushed into a pile of garbage. The man was saying something, but she couldn’t tell what it was. She fought with all her strength, but she was no match for him. He held her down and… .

Krista awoke with a start. She sat up in bed and wiped her eyes. She had been having the same nightmare for a month and it was always the same thing. She knew she needed to see a psychologist, or a therapist, or someone who could help her, but she couldn’t bring herself to make the necessary call.

She got up and walked over to the window. She needed sleep. She was showing a house the next day to a wealthy man but she couldn’t remember where he told her he was from. They had met once and Krista had liked him immensely. She smiled to herself as she remembered. He had introduced himself as Andrew Walker. He seemed like a very nice man. He had told Krista that he wanted to live in America for a few years and he wanted to get a job. In order to do that, he had to have a green card. Krista had taken him to the lawyer’s office in downtown Asheville to apply. The law firm had told him that he would be able to get a place to live while the paperwork was being processed. Afterwards, Krista had taken him to her real estate office where he had browsed over a brochure about a house on the outskirts of Asheville for sale. He hadn’t been interested in any of the other brochures Krista had showed him. Andrew was to meet her at her office at ten the next morning.

She turned away from the window and went back to bed. She knew had to get some sleep. She tried not to think about the nightmare that had been haunting her. Why was she having the same dream over and over? Did something happen to her when she was younger? Krista tossed and turned, wishing she had the answers and reassuring herself it was only a dream, nothing more.

Andrew Walker showed up at Krista’s office at exactly ten the next morning. Her secretary buzzed her. Miss Redding? Mr. Walker is here.

Thank you, Adrienne. Krista said into her intercom. Please, send him in.

The door opened and Andrew came into Krista’s office. She arose and greeted him. It’s nice to see you again, Mr. Walker.

Please call me Andrew. He took her hand and Krista felt little shivers run through her body at the contact. It was an unwelcome feeling and something she couldn’t explain.

Okay. You can call me Krista. She grabbed her purse from her chair. Now, are you ready to see the house? Krista hoped he didn’t hear the tremor in her voice. For some unknown reason, being around men made her nervous. She had been that way for as long as she could remember. Even her ex-husband had made her nervous.

Yes, I am. If you don’t mind, I’ll ride with you. I don’t have a car yet and there’s really no sense to call a cab if we’re both going to the same place. Is there? He asked, looking intently at her.

No. Taking one car does make more sense. Krista got the information on the house and walked in front of him out to her car. She could feel his eyes on her and she almost felt naked. A blush crept up her face and she scolded herself for thinking such a thing. You don’t even know the man, she told herself. And you don’t want to.

The drive took a half hour and they rarely spoke until Krista parked the car in front of the two-story house. Andrew got out and walked up the sidewalk to the door. Krista followed him and he waited for her on the porch. There was a swing so he sat down while Krista unlocked the door. He took a moment to take in the surroundings. Tall trees stood in the yard and flowers were blooming in the beds in front of the porch. He noted that there wasn’t much traffic on the road and that was a good thing.

They stepped into a spacious front hall, with the kitchen to the left and the living room to the right. Straight ahead, down the hallway, there was a bathroom and the den. At the end of the hallway were the stairs. Krista went up the stairs, telling Andrew that there were three bedrooms and three baths on the second floor.

Which is the master bedroom? he asked, walking up behind her.

Krista pointed to the room at the end of the hall. It’s that one down there. She watched Andrew walk away. She opened the door to one of the guest rooms and went inside. Everything was covered with sheets. The queen-size bed sat against the wall over by the window. The window itself was a bay window with blinds and a curtain that matched the bedspread. Krista looked out the window at the mountains in the distance. She didn’t hear Andrew come in. He walked over to her.

Are you okay? He asked, putting his hand on her shoulder.

Krista jumped and turned, startled. Yes, she answered, letting her breath out in a rush. I didn’t hear you come in.

I know. I didn’t mean to scare you. You looked like you were a million miles away.

Krista smiled. I was just thinking. She pulled away from the pressure of his hand on her shoulder. Andrew walked over to the bed and sat down. Krista looked at him. Have you decided yet? Or do you want to look around some more?

I like the house. Didn’t you say there was another bedroom? Andrew stood up and walked over to the door. He turned and waited for Krista. She walked over to him.

Yes. There’s one more. It’s smaller than this room. The bed is a full-size. The one in here is a queen and the master bed is a king. Why did I say all that? Krista asked herself. He knows what size the beds are. She looked at him and he was smiling. She felt her face get red and she walked briskly out the door.

It’s down there, she said, pointing to the last door. Andrew opened the door, and then looked back at Krista.

Are you coming? He asked, holding the door open. Krista brushed his body as she went in by him. She felt prickles all over her skin and her body tingled at the slight touch. She was careful not to look at him as he walked around the room. Everything was covered with sheets in this room also. Andrew looked in the closet and the bathroom. When he came out, Krista was standing by the window.

I like the house very much, he said, coming over to her. He looked at her and she looked away.

I’m glad you like it. I’ll wait for you downstairs in the living room. Take your time to look all you want. Krista walked to the door. Glancing back over her shoulder, she saw Andrew staring at her. She turned to face him. What? She asked, knowing that she should leave.

Andrew came over to her. Looking into her eyes, he spoke quietly. I felt it too, Krista.

Knowing she shouldn’t ask, but unable to stop herself, she looked up at him. What are you talking about?

Andrew smiled. I think you know. After all, you are a beautiful woman and I am only a man.

Krista couldn’t say anything. She hurried down the stairs and into the living room. He had felt the brush of their bodies just as she had. She paced as she waited, wishing that she didn’t have to drive him back to the hotel. Oh, why couldn’t you have told him to go on inside the room? Why did you have to walk so close to him? Why did the slight touch have to feel so good? Krista closed her eyes and wondered about herself. She hadn’t been with a man in six years. Her ex-husband had called her a cold fish. She’d rarely made love and when she did, she was always frozen inside. Krista had tried to love Mark, but she could never give herself completely. They had gone to various doctors, marriage counselors and even a psychiatrist. No matter how hard Krista had tried, nothing worked. She was always afraid for Mark to touch her. It had been so painful the first time they tried to make love that Krista had cried. Mark had tried to comfort her, but she wouldn’t let him touch her. After two long years of being rejected, Mark left with another woman. Krista had cried, but she knew it was for the best.

Andrew watched Krista go down the stairs. The touch of her body had sparked thoughts that would be better left alone. You can’t be thinking that way, he told himself. You’re here on an assignment, you need to remember that. The FBI is counting on you. Besides, she doesn’t seem to want to get to know you. Shaking his head, he went downstairs to find Krista.

Krista? Andrew called. Where are you?

I’m in the living room. Krista appeared in the doorway. You should see the fireplace. It’s very lovely. She moved aside for Andrew to come into the room. He walked around, inspecting the furniture as he went. He lifted the sheet covering the sofa and then walked over to the fireplace.

It is a nice fireplace. Andrew looked back at Krista. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you upstairs.

Krista only looked at him and walked out into the hall. I think that I should be getting back to my office. She opened the door and waited for Andrew. He took a quick look in the kitchen, and came back to the front door.

Krista? I really didn’t mean to… .

It’s ok. Just took me by surprise, that’s all. No harm, no foul. She smiled at him but it didn’t reach her eyes and before he could assess her more, she turned away. Have you made a decision? She asked as they reached her car.

I really like it. When can I sign the papers? Andrew opened her door for her. Krista slid in behind the wheel. She watched him walk around the car and get in.

"I see no problem with tomorrow. I’ll call the lawyer’s office and have them