The Journey of Women After 40

By Liana Kallierou-Xylas

Woman After Forty is a psychological journey in the life of every woman, as well as a compass pointing to the future.
Women Readers over forty , from the scientific studies from research centers as Harvard University, Johns Hopkins University and the Mayo Clinic, willl find their own ways to understand and value their outward appearance and inner strength, in order to feel healthy, useful and fulfilled.
Also they will draw strength from their maturity so that they can better serve and enjoy their personal goals at the various stages of their lives.
I like to think of it as a breath of optimism to help women confront the future with strength and energy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Oct 28, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456793821

Liana Kallierou-Xylas

Liana Kallierou-Xylas was born in Athens, Greece where she has lived most of her life. She attended the American College of Greece, a high-school for girls, in Athens, and studied History of Art at the British Council also in Athens. She got married at the age of twenty-one and had a daughter. Three years later she divorced and went on to complete her BA. in History of Art. In her thirties, Liana began her volunteer community work: for almost ten years she ran the day-to-day operations of “The Sparrows”, a nursery school for orphan and underprivileged children in Athens. She was honored for her work by the Ministry of Education and the Ministry of Public Welfare. Additionally she has been active in various Greek organizations that succeeded in bringing about reforms to Greek family law to benefit single mothers, buttered wives and to secure equal rights for working women. In her forties she decided to return to school and study psychology. Liana completed her BA at Deree College in Athens and went on to the University of Chicago where she attended seminars in Family Therapy. After a brief pause during which she remarried at the age of forty-five, enrolled at the California University, in Santa Anna, and she completed her MA of Science, Psychology. Currently, Liana, at the age of 64 and after a second divorce, started a new career as a Clinical Psychologist and speaker on women’s issues, giving numerous lectures and have been interviewed a lot on radio and television in Greece on these issues. She is a member of the American Psychotherapist Association and of the Adlerian Society of Greece . She is currently the President of Karyatides-Daughters of Penelope, Womens branch of Ahepa, which fosters a day care center of 105 poor and refugee children.

Book preview

Chapter One

The Development of Man

Man, is the true monument to mankind.

Pittakos of Mytilene

The biologist G. P. Bidder attempted to explain the aging process and the body’s biological journey towards decline. The key, in his opinion, is that each type of vertebrate being, including mankind, attains a fixed size, one that is the best suited for its mobility and survival and which it should preserve throughout its life.

A human being goes through the following stages of development:

First, the human organism follows a course of positive growth until it reaches its ideal size, which is determined by an internal mechanism. This mechanism maintains the stability of the organism for a period of time before the negative downward course begins, a course that leads to death.

The first period, one of positive growth, begins with birth and ends at about the age of 20. During this phase, the individual attains his or her full biological development.

In the second stage, the person’s first priority is survival and reproduction. This stage lasts from the age of 20 to 40. During this period of time women and men possess the highest degree of adaptability to and control over their environment.

The third stage of life, which begins at 40 and continues until 60, is considered the middle age, during which the organism begins its physical decline. If, however, social conditions are favourable, the potential for continuing mental and spiritual growth exists as well as the capacity for spiritual and social, active contribution.

Bidder’s analysis yields two significant observations regarding the cycle of human life. First, he draws a definitive line between youth and middle age, and considers the period after 40 to be a critical turning point. Second, he maintains that until quite recently in the course of human development we have had relatively little experience about this period. Primitive man, by the age of 40, had fulfilled his basic, significant contributions to his race, e.g. reproduction, preservation of the gene pool, the requirements of labour. With his usefulness to society and his ability to adapt at an end, he would not live for long after 40.

Humanity emerged around three million years ago. Until approximately five thousand years ago, humans led an unstable, nomadic life of small groups banded together to hunt and fish. The development of agriculture and the organization of the first settled communities altered the nature of human society. Technologies that adapted to human needs were developed, the proliferation of the written word allowed cultural and intellectual transfer from one generation to the other.

In primitive societies, disease, accidents, wars, famine were factors that permitted only half the population to attain the age of 20; slightly more than ten percent reached 40. Only a small group of elders over the age of 40 were required by each social grouping in order to serve as wise men and responsible leaders.

From the United States we have statistics regarding middle age in the modern world. In Pakistan, where rates of reproduction are high, despite the fact that the conditions of life are among the world’s worst, only 17 percent of the population is over 40. The numbers are even lower in Ethiopia and Bangladesh. At the other end of the spectrum are Japan, with 45 percent of the population over 40, the U. S. with 36 percent and Germany with 42 percent. The prognoses are that those percentages will increase significantly over the next decades, primarily in the developed countries.

The rapid extension of the middle stage of life in modern societies has generated interest in the fourth stage of life, which extends from the age of 75 and upwards. Considerable effort is being expended in order to improve the general quality of life of the elderly and at the same time, nations are attempting to deal with the economic costs implicit in human longevity. However, little attention is being paid to the middle aged, whose numbers are increasing rapidly.

Chapter Two

The Stages of Human Life

For everything there is a season and a time;

for every purpose under Paradise.

Aristophanes

Every civilization, from ancient times until today, has divided human life into stages. People have always felt the need to divide time chronologically. They needed to establish patterns and anticipate reactions that were to be expected in the course of their lives.

In the seventh century B.C. the Athenian lawmaker Solon, one of the seven wise men of ancient Greece and a model to others because of his wisdom and works, divided the life cycle of men into ten periods each one of which lasted approximately seven years. His theory pertained to men only.

He wrote: Between the ages of 30 and 40 a man is at the peak of his strength and energy but he has not yet acquired the full maturity required to manage his abilities. Although coming of age is a period when man is at his most vigorous, it is also a period of preparation for middle age, which extends from the age of 40 to 60. During the latter period the mind and the tongue are at their peak. From 60 to 70 man is still capable but no longer at the peak of his sagacity, verbal expressiveness or mental agility as he was when he reached his full potential at 40.

Confucius, 500 B.C. in China, created a political-philosophical-religious system which was widely disseminated and over centuries studied and adopted by other philosophers. Confucianism teaches that 40 is the age of perception and understanding. Man no longer suffers from uncertainty and hesitation. At 50 he understands the meaning of life, the needs and commands of his deepest self, the rewards and challenges of this earthly paradise. At 60 he can draw on the depths of his acquired knowledge and advice younger individuals; at 70 he can follow the commands of his heart because his desires can no longer exceed the bounds of justice and of what is truly right.

Confucius maintains that absolute wisdom and the grandeur of age begin at 60 because it is after 60 that man achieves a new relationship with paradise, with the meaning of life and death and his personal values; he gains a new spiritual freedom and is able to overcome earlier conflicts between his desires and morality or between society and the individual.

Over the past twenty years, many important studies have shown that life proceeds in specific stages of development which are delineated as childhood, maturity, middle age, second maturity, third and fourth ages. Opinions regarding these stages and their descriptions vary, as we shall see, from one scientist to another.

Carl Jung

Carl Jung, the father of modern research in development during adulthood, shaped a theory for the entire cycle of human life with particular emphasis on its second half. He attempted to explore the development of mankind as a product of the workings of his internal psyche and of external cultural influences. At the same time he urged modern man to create during his/her later years a mental, social, religious and philosophical ideal well suited to his/her own perception.

Jung writes that the individual is not capable of reaching maturity before the age of 20 and that the next opportunity he/she has for basic changes begins at about 40 the zenith of life and individualization. In the course of one’s journey after 40 this continues until life’s final cycle, the individual attempts to balance the many elements of Ego.

The highest maturity and the best balance among all contradictory elements of life can be attained only in our later years. It is only then that the individual gains emotional balance and overcomes the thoughtlessness and boldness of youth with its unattainable utopian dreams.

During this period, the middle-aged person needs less of the physical energy which was so necessary in the early years to jumpstart life; that energy is now converted to psychic strength as one’s physical needs becomes less important, particularly if the individual has achieved economic independence and a secure social position.

The Roles of Adults

Men and women pass through the same chronological stages as they develop their personalities on the way to maturity. However their development differs because of their biological differences and the social circumstances they encounter. As their experiences and the various influences multiply, so multiply their differences.

Jung wrote that during his life’s journey man is searching in the dark; he perceives that he is losing and not winning because he lacks the necessary information. He knows that his life is changing significantly but the outcome is unknown. He is receiving vague information about life, death, loss, privations and the void. Unfortunately the individual receives very little positive information about the mature man as hero, lover, friend or mentor. For a mature person with magnanimity, wisdom and genuineness in creativity there are no social bonds. Unfortunately there is no social support or information for a satisfying passage from one stage to the next.

This has become a world-wide problem since it is only in recent years that longevity is an undeniable factor of human life.

It is during middle age that the development of a person, his or her individualization and formation as a being with a unique and separate identity takes place. That is when he/she discovers the inner strengths that will be of help in achieving goals.

Jung was the first scientist to maintain that individualization is unavoidable and necessary during middle age and later. Furthermore he maintained that until the age of 40 life is one-sided and unbalanced because many of an individual’s strengths may have been overlooked or suppressed.

The Four Basic Psychological Functions

The four basic psychological functions according to Jung are: thought, feeling, foresight and perception. They are usually well developed during one’s first maturity. Even though it is impossible for an individual to develop all four of these functions to an equal degree we have the power during our mature years and middle age to strengthen the less developed so that we can live a more balanced life.

Jung spoke about an inner treasure that all of us have within ourselves; it remains inactive and suppressed by social pressures and our personal need for success during our first adulthood. This inner treasure is in a state of constant renewal and creativity largely during our second adulthood enriching our second maturity with new ways and giving us new and unexpected pleasures.

Erik Erikson

The great psychiatrist Erik Erikson, who died in 1994, developed a theory according to which:

Each stage in the life of a person from infancy to old age is connected with a specific psychological battle which shapes a large part of his or her personality.

Maturity has its own unique character deriving from self-knowledge and shaped by social roles and biological characteristics, preordained from the general life frame.

The lives of each generation are influenced and determined by the historical events of the period and the years up to age 65 are of foundational significance for the specific social environment as well as each individual’s development.

Middle age according to Erikson usually ends at 65; at this point the fourth period of maturity or adulthood begins. During this period, many biological, psychological and social changes occur resulting in a fundamental change in the individual’s way of life. This is the period when one adapts to and accepts a decline in physical strength and health. But even though one’s physical abilities may be lessened they still exist and are sufficient for an energetic, personally fulfilling and socially valuable life.

Around the age of 65 the individual begins to feel a certain physical weakness. At the same time he/she can experience moments of significant youthful exaltation. Hence this stage of life is described as unique and very satisfying.

The Stages of a Person’s Life

The stages of a person’s life can be defined by the following:

o Love and work are the goals of life’s first stage, i.e. emotional satisfaction and professional success. (If one fails to achieve these, problems such as isolation, unbridled sexual activity, superficiality, rejection, and risky, destructive behaviours could develop.)

o Productivity, expressed as interest in and contributions to one’s work, social life, family, the education of one’s children, younger individuals and participation in the community. (Failure to achieve the goals of this second stage results in egocentric behaviour, stripping of emotion, stagnation and indifference.)

o The integrity of the Ego. The third stage, the elder years, are characterized by a new way of thinking; the individual accepts his/her way of life. If it is satisfactory, we enjoy a feeling of peace and inner balance and the belief that life has meaning and value; therefore we can accept mortality, calmly and philosophically. (If however we feel that our life was a failure, empty and without meaning, we are overcome by despair, lose faith in ourselves and in others, seeks more time to repair relationships with religion, relatives and friends and cannot be reconciled with the idea of death.)

Dr. Daniel Levinson

In his book, The Seasons of A man’s Life, Dr. Daniel Levinson of Yale University acknowledges four periods, which do not have clear beginnings and endings, but each of which lasts roughly twenty-five years.

The transition from one period to the next marks a major milestone in a person’s life. It is during these transitional periods that the foundations, on which successive life stages will be based, are laid. The transitional periods are considered to be the wellsprings, the sources from which each individual can draw whatever is needed in order to deal with life’s problems, demands and to face the new horizons that each stage will open.

Entering each new stage activates problems from previous ones. One bears a burden of sins from the past: wounds from childhood that have not healed; unresolved issues and relationships; feelings of having been denied during one’s youth and many other left-over issues. Depending on how many or how burdensome they are, they can block the individual from developing the basic abilities that are necessary for traversing subsequent stages of life, from learning how to walk and speak to forming one’s character during adolescence and becoming independent during one’s first adulthood or later laying down the foundations for higher education, profession and family.

If someone is carrying a load that blocks him/her from adapting to the various stages of life, the crisis of standing still and stagnation will be the result. If however the individual develops correctly, it will adapt naturally to each stage and at every age.

Dr. Levinson and the noted psychiatrist R. J. Havinghurst point out that the beginning of one’s second adulthood occurs around the age of 40 and around 45 we have a significant peak. Furthermore they believe that this highest period of development continues until the age of 65.

They maintain that during the period from 35 to 65:

• The individual takes on political and social responsibilities.

• He/she dominates in profession, career and develops new ideas and goals. Every aspect of society and one’s life be it religion, family, politics, art or science is being seen through ‘new eyes’.

Easier acceptance of the wisdom of his elders.

The fourth stage of adulthood begins after 65. During this phase many biological, psychological and social changes will occur.

According to Levinson, a person does not suddenly become old at 50, 60 or even 80. The fact is that at 50 and 60 many physical and emotional changes tend to intensify thoughts of aging and mortality. One realizes that after middle age one is on a course leading to the stages that cultural tradition refers to as old age.

It is a fact that some people after age 60 may fall seriously ill, unless they take preventive measures to protect their health. Most adults today, thanks to preventive medicine and advanced technology, are able to adapt successfully to the demands of life and are able to live an active, satisfying, healthy life, compensating for any lessening of their physical strength with new interests better suited to their abilities.

Stephen Gould

Stephen Gould in a study titled The Five Stages of Adult Life, outlines these as follows:

o 16-18: Emancipation from parents. Individuals readily express negative attitudes, changeable motives, and contradictory feelings of self-love and self-hate.

o 18-22: They have not completely freed themselves from their family ties, but they prefer to be with their peers.

o 22-28: They leave the family home, become autonomous and have strong feelings about work, entertainment and marriage.

o 29-34: They review their goals, because they feel worn out by the different roles they have adopted and which they might find unacceptable. They are conflicted about their parental responsibilities and discover that life is not as fun as it was in previous stages.

35-43: They feel that the time for achievements and the realization of their dreams has passed; they are unhappy with marriage (both spouses are at a critical stage of life) and their views about a satisfying life together have changed. They have difficulties guiding their adolescent children.

A.van Gemp

The German anthropologist A. van Gemp writes that many societies have rituals to mark the entry into each new stage of life. These ceremonies, based on native customs, both inform and prepare the individual for the changes that lie ahead. In this way a degree of social control is exercised and the person is able to adjust to each new stage without unnecessary anxiety and fears.

Harvard University

Research at Harvard in 1974 demonstrated that individuals between the ages of 21 and 35 are the least happy, while well-adjusted individuals between 35 and 50 are the most.

Norman Cameron

In 1972, Norman Cameron stressed that although the significance of life remains constant during the life of the individual middle-aged adults are often considered to be the happiest. This peak of happiness seems to occur at around 55 years of age; after that, it goes down.

Gail Sheehy

It is generally agreed that in the last few decades rules and expectations defining age have changed a great deal and are no longer absolute. For example, in her research Gail Sheehy found that 9 year old girls today are precociously developed, physically, exhibiting breasts and body hair. A 9 year old boy today might take a gun to school. 16 year old children may legally divorce their parents. A 30 year old may still be living with his mother while a 40 year old woman may have just given birth to her first child.

50 year old men frequently resign from their jobs while 50 year old women may become pregnant with donor eggs. Many women begin college or continue their university studies at the age of 65 and many men in their 70s postpone old age by twenty years with the aid of hormones. 80 year olds live together and enjoy sex scandalizing their middle-aged children and 90 year olds have hip-replacement surgery. It is a daily occurrence for 100 year old women to celebrate their birthdays.

What we need to recognize is that a revolution concerning the cycle of life has taken place within the space of a generation. The childhood years have shrunk but more time is required for people to mature and many more for them to grow old. The effect of these changes is to alter the timetable of the stages of life by approximately ten years. Adolescence occurs earlier than it did at the beginning of the last century; coming-of-age extends from the mid- to the late twenties, since more and more twenty-something adults live with their parents. True adulthood doesn’t begin until 30, although the post-World-War-II generations do not feel that they have matured sufficiently until they are 40 and many resist maturity even at that age.

According to epidemiologists if a woman reaches the age of 50 and has not developed heart problems or cancer she can expect to celebrate her ninetieth birthday. By the same token, if a man is healthy until age 65 he can live a vital life until he turns 80.

No other civilization in history, anthropologists point out, has enjoyed such longevity or such a high quality of mature life as in modern industrialized societies. Unfortunately this contemporary phenomenon is not inclusive of all social classes and incomes. Low-income, less-educated sectors of society do not enjoy the benefits of good health and longevity reaped by their wealthier, better-educated fellow citizens. The social welfare system is not able to offer these benefits to the poor.

The latest predictions of American demographers are that longevity will go on increasing, with the result that a girl born today in the United States has a three in ten chance to live to 100. It is a proven fact that people in developed countries are generally healthier and are able to navigate their senior years with a greater likelihood of longevity thanks to a good diet, medical care and adequate opportunities for recreation.

Chapter Three

What Does it Mean to Be an Adult?

Don’t complain that you are getting older!

Many are denied that privilege!

Robert Russel

An important change in the human soul takes place between the ages of 35 and 50. At first the change goes unnoticed. Often it resembles a slow change in the character of the person. In other instances, certain characteristics that had lain dormant during childhood reassert themselves. Or, certain interests and abilities begin to weaken and others appear to take their place.

Karl Jung wrote: We embark (on the journey to) the second half of life completely unprepared… We march toward the afternoon of life… and the worst of it all is that we take this step with the false assumption that our truths and ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true will at evening have become a lie.

The name given by Jung for this journey in search of our true self is confronting the unconscious. For others it is return of the oppressed or the wounded child who tries to heal his or her wounds. Whoever deceives herself that the second half of her life does not differ from the first will pay with the destruction of her soul.

The biologist and author Mark Gerson, in his book Listening to Middle Age, maintains that if we look deep inside ourselves we will discover that middle age can be a period of transformation. It can be a time of spiritual revelations. And if you find that unbelievable you should remember that a simple being, as simple and primitive as a caterpillar, goes into its cocoon and its body seems to dissolve and die, but later takes on a different shape and finally emerges as a butterfly. A being as powerful and complex as a human cannot fail to have