The Love List: A Guide to Getting Who You Want
()
About this ebook
Elena Murzello cannot imagine going to the grocery store without a list. As she strolls through the aisles, she relies on her list to make sure she gets her must-haves and to help keep her from grabbing items she does not need. It was with this theory in mind that, at age twenty-one, she created a list of characteristics for a potential lifelong mate that still guides her love choices to this day.
In The Love List, Elena shares her real- life experiences as well as information gathered from more than a hundred single, divorced, and married men and women about the qualities they look for in a life partner. Abstracting details from her interviews she created a process that anyone can use to create his or her own lists. Along with introspective questions to ponder, Elena includes sample lists of characteristics, the top three traits both men and women seek in a partner, an exploration of different types of relationships, and ways to diversify a portfolio of suitors.
The Love List provides practical tips and personal stories to encourage single people to look deep within, take risks, and learn to rely on their own unique lists while searching for the perfect mate.
Elena Murzello
Elena Murzello is a multifaceted, multi-tasker, and certainly a “go-getter”. She is a registered nurse, actress, writer, traveler, design engineer and soon-to-be MBA grad. Elena was born in Wetaskiwin, Alberta and now is a city girl living in Vancouver, British Columbia.
Related to The Love List
Related ebooks
Kissing Strangers: How to Online Date Like a Boss Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGetting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober) Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5100 Ways to Love Yourself...And Why It Matters to All of Us Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to Get a Boyfriend and Keep Him - The Bulletproof Strategy Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Would You Date You? Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Finding True Love: The 4 Essential Keys to Discovering the Love of Your Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/510 Universal Rules of Love Plus One: Guiding Principles to Understanding the Fundamentals of Love Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Art of Online Dating: Style Your Most Authentic Self and Cultivate a Mindful Dating Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGet Married This Year: 365 Days to "I Do" Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart: An Emotional and Spiritual Handbook Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5You Can Do Better: How to Improve Your Self-Esteem, Stop Dating the Wrong Men and Start Living the Live You Deserve Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSummary of John Kim's Single On Purpose Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow To Get A Boyfriend: The Ultimate Guide on How to Attract Men, How to Flirt and Have a Fabulous Self-Esteem Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsListen Up, Ladies!: The Indispensable Guide to What Men Are Really All About Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsYou've F*Ing Got This Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBreakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWhat's My Type?: 100+ Quizzes to Help You Find Yourself—and Your Match! Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHard Work or Harmony?: A Go-To Guide for Women to Nurture Healthy Relationships with Family, Friends and Co-Workers Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGet to Know Your Mate: A Personality Extraction Exercise Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBig Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Grown Woman's Guide to Online Dating: Lessons Learned While Swiping Right, Snapping Selfies, and Analyzing Emojis Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTruth in Dating: Finding Love by Getting Real Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The ABCs of Self Love: A Simple Guide to Loving Yourself, Reclaiming Your Worth, and Changing Your Life Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Chronicles Of Dating:: A Guide To Unlock The BAD B*%&! In You Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCommitted: Men Tell Stories of Love, Commitment, and Marriage Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This Is Why You're Single Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPearls of Love: How to Write Love Letters & Love Poems Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Relationships For You
The Big Book of 30-Day Challenges: 60 Habit-Forming Programs to Live an Infinitely Better Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I'm Glad My Mom Died Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Child Called It: One Child's Courage to Survive Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5All About Love: New Visions Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dumbing Us Down - 25th Anniversary Edition: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Codependence and the Power of Detachment: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: the heartfelt, funny memoir by a New York Times bestselling therapist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better (updated with two new chapters) Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I Guess I Haven't Learned That Yet: Discovering New Ways of Living When the Old Ways Stop Working Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for The Love List
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
The Love List - Elena Murzello
Copyright © 2011, 2013 Elena Murzello.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
‘’The Love Puddle’’ By James Laughlin, from THE SECRET ROOM, copyright ©1997 by James Laughlin. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.
iUniverse books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:
iUniverse
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.iuniverse.com
1-800-Authors (1-800-288-4677)
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.
ISBN: 978-1-4917-0071-6 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4917-0072-3 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-4917-0073-0 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2013913284
iUniverse rev. date: 9/3/2013
CONTENTS
Preface
Introduction
The Ideal
Why The List?
The List: Help Or Hindrance?
Potato Soup Versus Lobster Theory
How Does The List Work?
The List
Development Of The List
The Science Behind The List
Women And Mating
Men And Mating
List Gone Wrong
Waiting: The Crazy Cat Lady Lingers
Master’s Degree In Love
Operations—The Process
Strategy, Or What’s Your Game Plan?
Diversifying Your Portfolio
Reallocation Of Resources
Return On Investment (Roi)
Interview Notes
Thoughts
Shout-Outs
References
THE LOVE PUDDLE
is not deep but it’s
usually muddy. If you
stray into it you won’t
drown but you may come
out of it looking like
a tramp and with your
feelings more dishevel-
led than your trousers.
You may feel guilty or
feel betrayed or even
disgusted, you’ll wonder
why you walked through
the love puddle instead
of going around it. But
you know you’ll do it
again—that’s for sure.
A poem by James Laughlin (Secret Rooms: Poems, 1997)
PREFACE
Okay, here it is. I don’t have any writing credits to my name. I somehow coerced my high school English teacher to give me an A during my final semester of school. I think I told her that English was bringing down my GPA and I deserved an A. Not because my writing was stellar or because my well-rehearsed performance of a witch in Macbeth was fit for Broadway—I deserved an A because I had heart. I still have heart, and this is why I’m writing this book. I really believe that we live in a time where anything is possible and nothing is too good to be true. And for a non-writer to go on to be a published author is, well, crazy. But we live in a crazy world. Welcome!
I don’t think that I’m a guru or that I know it all. What I’m about to tell you is nothing new. In fact, I’m pretty sure you have heard it all before, maybe from your mom or your best friend or a helpful taxi driver. What I’m about to tell you has been rehashed several times over like a well-worn T-shirt that is a snuggly companion as you watch a romantic comedy on a rainy day.
Just so it’s clear: this book is based on my real-life experiences and the research I have done through books, articles, and interviews. In fact, I interviewed more than a hundred men and women regarding their own relationships and the lists they used to find their partners. They were single, divorced, newlyweds, and married people. Friends, friends of friends, and even strangers. Throughout the book, I will share poignant points of their stories. Stories are great, stories help us grow, and stories may remind us that some disheartening things are really just petty in the grand scheme of life.
Let’s be honest—there are thousands of books on relationships. Instead of reading several books, you can read my notes and get a handle on the literature available. This is not supposed to be a purely academic book. It’s supposed to be a thought-provoking yet concise guide.
There are no names to protect the privacy of my interviewees. But their stories will be so familiar to you that you will feel like you might know them—and you just might. But don’t go around pointing the finger. You’ll lose friends that way. Of course, I might lose friends too. Yikes.
Don’t