More Tales of the Strange and Wonderful: As Told by "The Ol' Turkey Hunter"

By David Kerr

You will enjoy the stories you are about to read.....David Kerr has a wholesome, mischievous humor with a creative insight reminiscent of those early homemade philosophers........I'm sure that Will Rogers, Mark Twain, and other names are familiar to you still.
DuWayne Furman, Ph.D.
Human Growth and Development
University of Nebraska

"(More Tales of the Strange and Wonderful) cannot really be placed in any particular genre. it is a fascinating combination of local folklore, true stories (many from David's youth in Huntsville), interspersed with Bible stories and parables told and spun from a slightly different perspective.
Rushville Rotary Club

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 14, 2011
• ISBN: 9781467041690

David Kerr

Dr. David Kerr is Director of Research and Innovation at Sansum Diabetes Research Institute, Santa Barbara, and Director of Digital Services for the Diabetes Technology Society. Previously he was Consultant Physician in Internal Medicine and Endocrinology at the Bournemouth Diabetes and Endocrine Centre in the UK. His research and innovation continue to focus on the use of technology for diabetes care and also the new area of digital health. He is co-founder of the annual Digital Diabetes Congress and recently launched a major long-term initiative to reduce the burden of diabetes for an underserved population in the United States through the creation of an innovative long-term cohort study (Mil Familias). He is also lead investigator in a program exploring the value of food as medicine through the use of medical prescriptions of vegetables for adults with or at risk of type 2 diabetes (Farming for Life).

Book preview

Contents

INTRODUCTION

A Personal Letter from The Ol’ Turkey Hunter to the Reader:

Poetry

To Mary Jane

By Jim

Which Came First? The Turkey? Or the Egg?

THE TURKEY!!!!!!!!!

Typing

Mighty Men

What do Pete Seeger, The Byrds, Judy Collins, and the Bible have in common?

Keeping Score

The Dung Chapter

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Life’s tough It’s even tougher if you’re stupid. John Wayne

(Courtesy Wikipedia/Wikimedia)¹

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The Shrine of the Book, housing the Dead Sea Scrolls, at the Israel Museum

(Courtesy Wikipedia/Wikimedia)²

The possibility that we could ever again recover the correct pronunciation of ancient Hebrew, is as remote as the possibility that a Jewish empire will ever again be established in the Middle East.-Encyclopedia Britannica-1911

INTRODUCTION

More Tales of the Strange and Wonderful By Katie Kerr, The Ol’ Turkey Huntress

When David first told me that the name of the book was Tales of the Strange and Wonderful, my question was, Why? I loved the stories that he shared in his book and I could see Drake’s old store and our old bathtub in the yard as he described them. I would have to say that those stories are a wonderful part of the book.

He went through box after box of old pictures bringing back many memories: some sad and some happy, but wonderful. The picture of his dad all decked out in a cowboy outfit is one of my favorites. This picture would be about 75 years old.

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The Ol’ Turkey Hunter’s Dad, about 1935. Shown here ready to ride with the posse.

And what about that double-stacked outhouse? I would definitely call top on that one!! That would be wonderful if you had the need. It would also be strange to see.

Then as I read the Bible stories I understood the title. Growing up a Christian. I thought I knew the Bible stories and I did know a lot of them, but for some reason my Sunday school teachers left out the good ones.

When David was thinking about whom to ask to write the introduction to this, his second book, he mentioned several people. I was in the background thinking, What about me? Who knows the time and effort that has gone into this book better than me?

I have seen him come home so tired from work that he can’t eat or hardly walk, but he can always sit at the computer and work on his book. He took the manuscript to work and worked on it during his breaks, sharing bits and pieces of it with his co-workers. Tales of the Strange and Wonderful has been a ministry all its own, pulling readers in that wouldn’t read the Bible, but would let the Lord speak to their hearts through a book.

This book, being his second attempt at writing, is even better than the first. His Good Person test really humbles we Christian folk that forget at times that we are sinners saved by grace, no better than anyone else. The stories are funny and entertaining and have that little twist of humor as only David can spin it.

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Katie, The Ol’ Turkey Hunter’s first wife, and her mom, Roma, at Roma’s 92nd birthday party.

One thing I am certain of, and that is that life changes and never stays the same. We celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary this year, and who would have thought when we were 18 years old that writing a book was anything that David would even consider. Thank God for computers, because I pity the guy or gal that would have to try to read his handwriting.

As the second book progressed I asked what the name would be; and the reply?? More Tales of the Strange and Wonderful. I should have known.

A Personal Letter from The Ol’ Turkey Hunter to the Reader:

Dear Reader,

I hope you enjoy the following stories. I’ve enjoyed expounding upon my life experiences and tying them to some of the most interesting and obscure stories found in the Bible.

This is the second book in a series. Between chapters you will find brief reflections that pertain to the first book. I’m calling them reflections, but they could also be called observations. These reflections should confirm my mental inadequacies. I tend to wonder from topic to topic. Many times when I’m telling stories to my friends, as I skip from one idea to another, I’ve heard them say, Kerr, you ain’t right! They may have a point. The frog story in the Dung Chapter is pretty bad, so I’ll apologize in advance.

Also tucked in between the chapters is a Good Person test. The test is completely personal, confidential, and doesn’t need to be discussed with anyone.

Again, I hope you enjoy the book and gain some insights into life and people, which will enhance the rest of your days here on Earth.

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Poetry

Turkey hunters have a bad reputation for being rude, crude, and sociably unacceptable. Part of that perception may be attributed to their misunderstanding and lack of appreciation of poetry. I’ve observed this animosity between rednecks and prose of all sorts; and I believe it begins in high school. But how did this reading unappreciation come about. Let’s look back at the history of prose and poetry as seen by an ol’ turkey hunter.

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Twinkle Twinkle little star (English) Lullaby from the Lullabies of Europe education project Author Acerview54 (Courtesy Wikipedia/Wikimedia)⁴

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are.

Every young person, boy or girl, has to love it when Mom or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa, tells them that little poem. And they all laugh with delight at this little ditty because it adds action and tactile interaction to the story.

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Children playing This Little Pig.

Author Wentworth, (Courtesy Wikipedia/Wikimedia)⁵

This little piggy went to market,

And this little piggy stayed home.

This little piggy had roast beef,

And this little piggy had none.

And this little piggy went wee, wee, wee,

all the way home.

They are short, simple, and don’t require a lot of thought. This is what poetry should be, in the minds of all real turkey hunters.

Then the poetry changes from pure and innocent toward the darker side, like this.

Trick or treat,

Smell my feet,

Give me something good to eat.

If you don’t,

I don’t care,

I’ll pull down your underwear.

Some turkey hunters never get past this potty stage appreciation of poetry, and that’s all right. We enjoy what we enjoy. The next stage of poetry, back in the 50’s when my mom and dad were in high school, usually went something like this….

(Boyfriend’s Name) and (Girlfriend’s Name), sitting in a tree,

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

First comes love,

Then comes marriage,

Then comes (Now the Wife’s Name)pushing the baby carriage.

Originally when I was writing this, I wrote, I don’t know if I’m getting old or just not running with the right crowd, but I haven’t heard this poem for a long time. Probably too corny for kids today.

But when I went back and reread it, it smacked me in the head why I don’t hear this poem anymore. The modern version of this poem should go like this.

(Your Name) and (Your Significant Other’s Name), laying in the bed,

Blank-blank-blank-blank-blank-blank-blank.

First comes sex,

Then comes the kid,

Then comes grandma raising a kid with no dad.

Sorry, I got sidetracked again. I was talking about fun poetry when I had to take that politically incorrect detour. Back to the history of poetry.

After all of the fun poetry, then comes the alienation. It starts with a noun and a verb and it progresses to adverbs and gerunds. Indirect objects and prepositional phrases. Don’t dangle your participles. Read chapters 6 and 7.

Most real turkey hunters have wood to chop, ball to play, girls to chase, B.S. to spread, and fish to catch. When these responsibilities are tackled in order of priority, as all efficient turkey hunters do, it looks like this.

#1-Fish to catch. #2-Ball to play. #3-Girls to chase. #4-B.S. stories to tell. #5-Wood to chop. #6-Read chapters 6 and 7.

Sometimes there aren’t enough hours in the day to complete all of the assigned tasks, so the chopping and reading might not get done. At least the important stuff gets done. But from this point on, the relationship between turkey hunters and English becomes an endless downward spiral.

If you actually read chapters 6 and 7, what are they talking about? They must have been high when they wrote this cause it makes no sense to me. One poem that might have been in chapter 6 is The Silken Tent by Robert Frost. It goes like this….

She is as in a field a silken tent At midday when a sunny summer breeze Has dried the dew and all its ropes relent, So that in guys it gently sways at ease, And its supporting central cedar pole, That is its pinnacle to heavenward And signifies the sureness of the soul, Seems to owe naught to any single cord, But strictly held by none, is loosely bound By countless silken ties of love and thought To everything on earth the compass round, And only by one’s going slightly taut In the capriciousness of summer air Is of the slightest bondage made aware.⁶

Now, this sounds like a perfect camping trip to me. The breeze will keep the mosquitoes down and keep a camper cool and comfortable as you sit in your fold up chair with a cold beverage at your right hand and you wouldn’t have to worry about fighting the mud. But is that what the teacher wants to hear?