Alexander, Child of Love: A True Story of Life, Lies, Secrets, and Above All Else, Love

By Eleanor K. Boner

This is a story so personal, it took fifty years to write.

Alexander, Child of Love is not a self-help book about how to best survive the death of a child. Alexanders story is the story of the power of love. The more you love, the longer you love, the larger you become.

Long after my sons death, I was profoundly shocked to learn that Alexander was actually murdered. As you read, you will come to understand why the word murdered was not ill-chosen.

The story I am about to tell you is not simply about a mother and child. It is about the human spirit and the heights to which it can ascend to overcome extreme physical disability and pain. In essence, it is about love. During my sons mortal life, I learned for the first time the meaning of real love. I learned that such love has the power to work miracles in our lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 23, 2011
• ISBN: 9781449730154

Eleanor K. Boner

Eleanor Boner entered New York City’s Hunter College at the age of fifteen. She graduated Phi Beta Kappa, earned a scholarship to law school, and received her doctorate in juridical science. A respected attorney now approaching her nineties, Eleanor focuses much of her time on her love of books and opera.

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Copyright © 2011 by Eleanor K. Boner.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

ISBN: 978-1-4497-3016-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-3017-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-3015-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011919678

Printed in the United States of America

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/20/2011

Contents

CHAPTER 1 Becoming Large

CHAPTER 2 Giving Your Life for Your Child

CHAPTER 3 I Am Not God

CHAPTER 4 Was I Losing My Mind?

CHAPTER 5 Created in God’s Image

CHAPTER 6 Searching for Super Father… Reconnecting with Mitch Instead

CHAPTER 7 A Gift to Andy… a Gift to Us All

CHAPTER 8 Making Impossible Possible

CHAPTER 9 A Good Idea with a Bad Outcome

CHAPTER 10 A Punitive Cage for an Innocent Child

CHAPTER 11 No Easy Days

CHAPTER 12 Love is Self Replenishing

CHAPTER 13 Going Bananas

CHAPTER 14 A Good Brain and Plenty of It

CHAPTER 15 Changes, Both Happy and Sad

CHAPTER 16 Precious Jewels

CHAPTER 17 Help Was on the Way… And She Was Driving a Jeep

CHAPTER 18 They Are Simply Not Demi-Gods

CHAPTER 19 School Days

CHAPTER 20 Whence He Came

CHAPTER 21 The Final Chapter of a Book I Should Have Never Had to Write

To Alexander’s sister

Ethel Emily

and his brother

Lawrence Robert,

with love

Foreword

My belief and mindset has been that everything in life happens for a reason. So when I picked up the phone to call a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while, little did I know the impact it would have on both our lives. Eleanor, or as I call her, Ellie, was my friend as well as my Mom’s friend, who by the way had the same name and the same birth year.

Ellie and I had lost touch over the years… life got in the way… family, illness, work, etc. Yet Ellie was never forgotten and the rest is history; a loving and caring history that continues to this day in a way that is undeniably filled with unconditional love, support and honor for one another.

Allow me to explain… I became my mother’s caregiver and after her passing, Ellie kept popping up in my thoughts. I remembered Ellie as a loving caregiver to her beautiful first-born son, Alexander, who passed when he was nine and also to her loving husband Mitch of sixty-six years who developed Alzheimer’s. Ironically, my call to her was made only a few months after Mitch’s passing.

Our reunion focused on our stories as caregivers and my upcoming workshop presentation addressing how hypnotists could be of assistance to caregivers but also my dream of writing a book about caregiving and care receiving. Ellie was gracious in allowing me to interview her not only for my workshop but also spent countless hours sharing her mentoring expertise regarding my book.

Our sharing reminded me of Ellie’s manuscript that she had written long ago about her angel of a son, Alexander, who she had cared for 24/7. Her unwavering love and devotion is showcased in the publishing of Alexander, Child of Love.

I have learned much from this relationship and I know all who read this book will understand the power of great love, great caring, great loss and the lifelong blessing of having been the mother of this wonderful child.

Ellie is a very strong, intelligent, one-of-a-kind woman, powerful role model and mentor. Her accomplishments are many; attorney (law offices in Washington DC, Switzerland and New York), author, art collector, painter hobbyist, opera connoisseur, loving wife and dedicated mother of three children Ethel, Alexander and Lawrence.

It is with great honor and the deepest of love and respect that Eleanor has graciously taken the title of my adopted mother. I consider myself so blessed to have had and presently have two loving and caring Ellie’s in my life… a tribute to my mother who was the best mom in the world and now my adopted mother… both strong and most importantly showing me and you how love and care is all we need.

—Wendy Packer R.N., Registered Nurse, Certified Consulting Hypnotist, and Reiki Master/Trainer www.hypnonurse.com and www.careforthecaring.ning.com, author of Are You in a Caregiving Relationship and Don’t Know It?

Introduction

To fully understand this book, you first have to understand its author, Eleanor Boner.

Born in New York City in 1922, Eleanor was a child of the Great Depression. Her father, like many others, was unemployed and her mother worked long hours in a clothing factory. By the time she was ten years old, Eleanor was already the caregiver for her two-year-old brother.

At fifteen and a half years of age, Eleanor entered Hunter College, where she was an excellent student and graduated Phi Beta Kappa. Lacking the funds to follow her dream of attending medical school and specializing in pediatrics, young Eleanor accepted a scholarship to law school.

Eleanor was still in law school when she met and married Mitch Boner, the only member of his family not killed during the Holocaust. Continuing to study, Eleanor earned her Doctorate in Juridical Science, writing her dissertation on a medical topic. By the age of 21, Eleanor was practicing law. The events that happened after that in Eleanor’s life, you will learn as you read her story.

In editing Eleanor’s remarkable book, I have tried to leave as few of my own fingerprints as possible. I wanted you, as the reader, to hear Eleanor’s voice and to experience her joy, her sorrow and her strength. I wanted you to be transported to 1958, when most of the chapters of this book were written and to understand why the timeworn pages, first typed on a manual typewriter, remained unpublished until now, hidden deep within Eleanor’s heart for so many years.

If you met Eleanor today, you would be taken aback by her youthful appearance and vibrancy; you would be impressed by her sharp mind and above all else, by her dignity.

I have never asked Eleanor, but I feel certain that for her, motherhood included high heels, perhaps a tasteful gold brooch and in summer months, a pair of pristine white gloves. As you read her story, you will hear her heels clicking down hospital corridors and you will see her purposefully pulling on her gloves, preparing to challenge yet another doctor who was ready to deal in assumptions and not facts.

While much about motherhood may have changed in the half century since this book was written, far more about it remains the same. Mothers still love their children in ways that are sacrificial, profound, and without limit. And in the deep and abiding love