A Lapse of Sanity. Willow's Dip Book 1

By Sherrie Lowe

A Lapse of Sanity is Book 1 in The Willow’s Dip series.
For Chloe and Adam Hetherington life in Rowan cottage is the perfect dream, with their baby son Jake they couldn’t be happier, but a life changing accident alters all that. Whilst Chloe and Jake come out of it with cuts and bruises it costs Adam his leg.
The story follows his rehab but also Chloe’s desire to get to know the neighbourhood. During a walk she stumbles across a seemingly derelict cottage and finding the door open her curiosity gets the better of her and she enters, only to meet the ghost of its occupant. She sets out on a quest to find out more about the old lady, including visiting a spiritualist church. It isn’t until she is going through family photos with her mother that she gets some answers.
Her next walk is equally disturbing but in a completely different way. Their cottage backs onto woodland and on a walk to pick blackberries she meets part Romany gypsy Nathaniel O’Keefe. Despite her love for her family a passionate affair develops between them and in the concluding chapter she has a decision to make, Nathaniel or her family.
She believes she has made the right decision but maybe she hasn’t and this leads on to the second book, After the Solstice.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sherrie Lowe
• Release date: Aug 11, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463860649

Sherrie Lowe

I have been writing seriously since 1995/6 when I became ill with ME/CFS and had to resign from my job as learning support assistant in a mainstream high school. I had always had an idea I wanted to write a memoir since losing my mother to breast cancer two days before my 13th birthday, such a traumatic experience which has never left me but it felt cathartic to write about it.  Just before I became ill I was divorced and had two sons aged 14 and 11 so it was quite a difficult time bringing children up alone whilst being ill but we managed the three of us and now I am a nana too and it is wonderful. Writing has kept me sane through the isolation brought on by illness, so much time is spent alone. My normal life is non existent so it is good to remember what it was like through the lives of my characters.

Book preview

Chapter 2

When a nurse arrived with the wheelchair, Chloe felt a little nervous; she didn’t know what to expect. Her stomach heaved like a tempestuous wave as they entered Adam’s room. He looked so pale, so still as they approached the bed, the cuts and bruises standing out obscenely on his waxy face, and he was being given fluids by a drip. She reached for his hand lying limp on the bed beside him. With tears in her eyes she inspected it, strong yet gentle, the perfectly manicured nails, always neatly clipped.

I’ll leave you for a few minutes, informed the nurse. Will you be all right?

Chloe nodded, her eyes on her husband’s face.

Adam, she whispered.

She raised his hand to her lips and kissed it and his eyelids opened slightly. The most fragile of smiles touched his lips as he saw her. She reached over and stroked his forehead.

How’re you feeling?

I’ve felt better. His voice was a hoarse croak.

Are you sleeping a lot?

A small nod as his eyes closed again, but she felt a slight pressure as his fingers squeezed hers.

I can stay for a while and I’ll come and see you every day.

A tiny smile.

Your Mum and Dad are looking after Jake, did you know?

Mmm.

I wondered whether to ask them to bring him in but it would probably be too upsetting for him, so perhaps it’s better not to. As long as he’s looked after, that’s all that matters isn’t it.

Mmm.

He opened his eyes again and turned his head on the pillow to look at her.

It’s good to know you’re all right. It was taking all of his strength to speak.

Can you remember what happened?

Vaguely. I just keep seeing flashes.

They say we’re lucky to be alive. A less sturdy car wouldn’t have faired so well.

The good old Land Rover eh. A wan smile taunted his lips before his eyes closed again.

Are you ready to go now Chloe? asked the nurse, returning to take her back.

Yes OK

She turned to Adam and kissed his hand. I’ll be back tomorrow. Love you.

Love you too.

Back in her own bed, the tears came at last. Hot, scalding tears that burned her eyes yet cleansed her soul. Why had this had to happen to them? They’d strived for perfection. She liked to think they’d achieved it. Now this. How on earth were they going to cope?

She must remain strong for Adam at all costs. His recovery and return to normal life would be her ultimate goal. He must never see her cry. Never be made to feel inadequate, a burden to her.

Is that how she was already seeing him? As a burden. Never, never must she allow that feeling to surface. He was her husband, in sickness and health and she’d pull him through this or die trying.

Reaching for the tissue box beside the bed, she dabbed her eyes and blew her nose. As she relaxed, thoughts of her first meeting with Adam came to her. A bittersweet smile lifted the corners of her mouth as she succumbed to the memories.

They’d met at a mutual friend’s New Year party four years ago. She’d noticed him as soon as she’d walked in. He was standing by the fireplace talking to a group of friends, a can of Carling in his hand. His voice had captivated her. A steady, unhurried baritone; a calming yet sensuous sound. He’d laughed. A throaty, ringing tone that filled the room, more especially, her senses. His corn-coloured hair was neatly styled and she could tell that it had a bounce of its own. How lovely it would be to touch it. He had a broad frame with just the right amount of muscle. What would it be like to be held in those strong arms?

‘Stop it!’ she’d reprimanded herself. ‘You don’t know anything about him. He might have a girlfriend, fiancée, wife, and even if he hasn’t, he might not fancy you.’

Even so, she hadn’t been able to stop herself from asking her hostess his name.

Adam Hetherington. He’s a friend of Dave’s. Do you want an introduction?

God no!

She couldn’t think of anything worse than being thrust among a group of men who were chatting man talk amongst themselves.

Is he attached?

Not as far as I know. Why, do you fancy him?

I wouldn’t say that. He looks quite nice though. There’d be time for girlie confidences but now wasn’t it.

She’d been saved further questioning by the arrival of more guests, so she’d gone to the kitchen to help herself to a drink. She’d poured a vodka and coke and joined a group of people from work.

The house had filled up, music had played, people had danced, eaten and drank. Chloe had gone upstairs to the bathroom and had come face to face with Adam Hetherington on his way down. Her heart had made a xylophone of her ribs.

You’ll have quite a wait, the hypnotic voice had informed. There’s a queue forming up there.

Is there? Perhaps I’ll hang on for a while. Could he hear the timorous tremble in her voice, feel her eyes velcroed to his?

Yeah. Come and dance.

She’d followed him like a child followed the pied piper, back into the living room where music had throbbed from the C.D. player. They’d had a couple of dances then Adam had suggested they find a seat. Several dining chairs were placed around the edges of the room and they’d managed to find two empty ones side by side. They were so close that his leg had brushed against hers as they’d sat, sending delicious shockwaves right through her. Her senses had reeled as the spicy notes of his aftershave had kindled her every shred of desire when he leaned towards her.

So what do you do? His steady hazel gaze had unwaveringly held her blue one.

I teach English at Beechwood High.

Oh, where Janice works?

Yes. She’d barely controlled her voice. What about you, what do you do?

I work in the accounts department of the same company as Dave.

Oh you’re good with figures then. I’m hopeless.

I suppose I am. I’ve never really thought about it. It’s something that seems to come naturally.

I was never any good at Maths at school and I live in dread of being asked to cover someone’s maths lesson, but it hasn’t happened yet.

She’d been bursting for the loo but hadn’t wanted to leave him. He might have drifted away to someone else if she had. On the other hand, it would’ve been so embarrassing if she’d wet herself! What a dilemma she’d been in, but then suddenly, he’d saved the day.

Do you want another drink?

That’s a good idea but I’ll have to go to the loo first.

Go on then. I’ll get the drinks. What are you having?

Oh I think I’ll have a white wine please. She’d mixed her drinks but what the hell.

OK then.

She’d dashed off to the toilet with her bladder screaming, ‘please release me!’ and mercifully the queue had dispersed, the bathroom door standing invitingly open. Having left it so long to go, she’d sat tinkling for what seemed like several hours, surely dawn would be breaking soon. She remembered thinking that he’d have given up waiting and found someone else to chat to as she touched up her make up in the mirror. On her return however she’d been delighted to find him sitting waiting for her and thankfully she’d taken her drink, engineering a sensual brush of their fingers as she did so.

When midnight struck everyone had joined hands for Auld Lang Syne then run around kissing each other. A classic New Year song drifted from the speakers and Adam had pulled her into his arms. As their fluid movement had merged them into one she’d thought she’d explode with happiness. His firm, white fingers had teased the bare flesh of her back above the low cut top she was wearing and with the closing strains of the music, his lips had touched hers, lightly and gently. A million stars had spangled in her head like cascading fireworks and she’d never wanted it to stop. When it did she’d searched his eyes and found her own desire mirrored in their depths.

Would this only be for tonight, or would he want to see her again? She’d hardly been able to contain her delight when he’d asked for her number and promised to ring her. A rosy glow had enveloped her as she’d slid into bed that night. Was this the start of a wonderful New Year?

With morning had come doubts. She’d felt sure he wouldn’t ring, but he had, and the following year they were married.

The tears flowed again. Sad tears for another life. More memories crowded her consciousness. They’d always liked to make love in the shower. That was how they’d christened their new home.

On the first morning she was giving Jake his breakfast having left Adam asleep. He’d opened the kitchen door wearing only his white towelling bathrobe, hair tousled, looking irresistibly handsome. She remembered the sensuous touch of his hands on her naked breasts as he’d slid them inside her bathrobe. Her breath quickened at the memory. His hands had travelled downwards on a persuasive quest as he’d suggested she join him in the shower. Unable and unwilling to resist him, Jake had been put to play safely in his cot and she’d given herself up to their mutual passion.

Would they ever be able to do that again?

Carol came to visit that evening and found that her daughter was settling into life on the ward. She was armed with magazines to keep Chloe occupied and chocolates and fruit to tempt her appetite and rebuild her strength.

How’re you feeling darlin’? She settled herself beside the bed after depositing her gifts onto the locker.

Oh a lot better thanks. They took me to see Adam this afternoon.

How is he? I bobbed in yesterday but he was asleep and Rose and Eric have taken turns to visit you both.

He’s still very weak but he managed a few words.

How’re you finding it here?

Interesting. The woman in the corner has a terrible flatulence problem and never stops farting, and something really funny happened earlier. A nurse was removing the bedpan from the old woman opposite, when we heard this woeful cry from behind the curtains, ‘On no, me false teeth!’ Apparently she’d been adjusting them, they’re a bit loose and wobble around when she’s talking, and they’d slid out of her hands, straight into the bedpan. Well I had to bury my face in the pillows to muffle the laughter. You know I’ve got a thing about false teeth anyway. It doesn’t take much to make me laugh.

It’s a wonder they don’t scare you after what Granddad used to do to you with his.

I know. I remember them grinning at me from the glass he kept them in on the windowsill, then he’d take them out, clack them at me and say, ‘Bite ‘er!’ It always made me squeal but he looked so funny without them. His mouth was all gummy and floppy.

They both laughed at the memory then Chloe sobered.

You know I’ve been thinking. I don’t know how I’m going to manage without the car when I get out. If the Land Rover’s written off it’ll take weeks or even months to get the insurance through. It’ll take me hours to get here to see Adam.

We’ll work something out. I’m sure Rose and Eric will run you round until you’re sorted.

I don’t like to ask them, they’ve done so much already.

They won’t mind. They love you all, as I do. Anyway, it’s what family are for. Oh, I’ve just had an idea. I was planning on getting a new car. You could have my old Fiesta. It’s a good little run around. I’ll speak to Frank and see what he says. He could p’raps bring it up at the weekend.

How’s he managing at the hotel with you up here?

He’s OK. We’ve not got many guests in at the moment. We’re fully booked for the summer though.

The bell signalled the end of visiting time and Carol got up to leave. She kissed the top of her daughter’s head.

Bye darlin’. Rose and Eric will probably come and see you tomorrow and I’ll have Jake. See you later.

Bye Mum. Thanks for all the things.

Chapter 3

Over the next few days Chloe improved tremendously and was discharged at the end of the week. Her cuts and bruises were healing nicely and a trip to the hairdressers put her shoulder length blonde hair back in order.

Jake was overjoyed to see her and clung round her neck like a baby monkey, refusing to let her go lest she disappear from him again. Frank brought the little Fiesta up on the Saturday, returning home with Carol the following day.

Chloe visited Adam every day, driving with extreme care. He was growing steadily stronger but with his increased awareness came depression and mood swings. One day she'd arrive and he'd be glad to be alive, the next his mood would be black with the injustice of his situation.

Why me? he raged. What have I ever done to deserve this? I’m only half a man - a cripple – and the pain – it’s terrible although I have got this thing to press for when it gets too bad. Why do I get pain when there’s no limb there?

The doctors say that’s normal. Phantom limb pain they call it, and you’re not half a man, you’re the same wonderful man that I married and will always love. I’m just glad you’re alive and I’ve still got you. We’ll beat this together.

It’s easy for you to be so positive. It isn’t half your leg that’s missing. I’ve got to learn to walk all over again.

I’ll be there for you. I’ve been reading up on this and I’ve got some info off the Internet. There are support groups and lots of good prosthesis available. People go on to take part in sports and you’ll still be able to drive an automatic car. It just looks bleak because you’ve got to work so hard to get there. We’ll do it don’t worry. Has the physio been today?

Yes. She had me doing these exercises for my breathing and mobility. She says I’m doing well. I can p’raps try and get in the chair soon.

Well that’s good isn’t it. You’ll be up and about in no time.

Yeah I suppose so. Oh Chloe, it all seems so hard. With a hopeless sigh, his shoulders slumped.

I know sweetheart but you can do it; I know you can.

The chilly Sunday morning saw Chloe with Jake in the pushchair walking along the path of the churchyard, between the gravestones and on towards the large oak doors of the church. Rainbow colours of confetti clung in clusters to the dips at the edges of the path denoting yesterday’s wedding, the brisk wind sending it twirling and dancing to settle and resettle before whisking it off again to a new resting place. The leaves on the horse chestnut whispered their gentle song, and a blackbird added his tuneful notes from the end of the church roof. She felt in need of spiritual nourishment, reassurance that Adam would get well, the need to pray for God’s divine intervention to bring about a full recovery.

Steve, the vicar, stood at the door, resplendent in his robes, which billowed like ship’s sails in the wind, to welcome in the congregation. He’d called on Chloe and Adam before the accident to welcome them to the village, and had been to see them both since. His delight was genuine when he caught sight of Chloe and Jake.

Chloe! Lovely to see you. You too Jake. You’ve brought along a friend I see. He gave the child’s teddy a squeeze then raised his eyes to Chloe. How’s Adam?

She shrugged. About the same. Very depressed most of the time, although his moods fluctuate.

A mouselike woman wearing a beige coat and a burgundy coloured teacosy hat pulled tightly over her grey brown hair, moved up behind Chloe, keen to get the vicar’s attention.

Good morning Miss Marchant. How are you today?

Oh all right considering Vicar. I don’t get much of a break from the arthritis, and the cold doesn’t help. I’ll pray to the good Lord for some sun.

Chloe felt anger rise within her. How dare the old woman moan about a touch of arthritis when her Adam was lying in a hospital bed with half a leg missing! The woman did enough busybodying about, pain or no. She moved the pushchair through the church doors before she could utter a caustic remark about counting your blessings.

The fragrance from the flower arrangements left from the wedding washed over them as they entered. Beautiful stands of lilies and roses adorned the front of the church, with smaller arrangements residing in the window sills, illuminated by the intricate stained glass depicting pictures of Christ, from the infant in the manger to his death on the cross, looking down on the altar.

Miss Marchant scurried past them lest they take her regular seat halfway down the church, but she needn’t have worried, Chloe chose to sit at the back, at the far end of the pew, which left room by the wall for the pushchair. She lifted Jake plus teddy bear onto her lap. She’d also brought one of his board books and a drink of juice to keep him occupied, and she hoped he might have a nap in the pushchair.

The organ was playing softly in the background and the organist turned, catching her eye, and giving her a smile, revealing a set of teeth that matched the keys of his instrument. She was dazzled, even from her seat at the back.

There were quite a few children in the congregation and Chloe wondered if there was a Sunday school for them. Some sat quietly beside their parents, models of good behaviour, while others, full of energy, fidgeted and chattered, bringing hissing ‘shushes’ from their harassed mothers.

There were even more elderly people. One little old couple shuffled in propping each other up, and Chloe was immensely relieved for them when they reached their seat and flopped down on the pew.

Presently Steve closed the door and processed down the aisle behind a man carrying a huge gold cross. All took their places and the service began.

Good morning everyone, boomed Steve’s enthusiastic voice. Lovely to see you all on this breezy morning. We’ll begin by singing hymn number 391, Onward Christian Soldiers.

Teeth struck up the organ and the congregation staggered to their feet. They sang the rousing hymn with gusto, the deep bass voice behind Chloe blending with the ear piercing screeching of Miss Marchant, then the rustle of clothing as they all sat at the end.

The service progressed, ending with the hymn, Shine Jesus Shine, then everyone had a minute or two of silent prayer. Chloe prayed like she’d never prayed before.

‘Please God, let Adam make a complete recovery. Please don’t let the pain be too much for him to bear, and please give me the strength to do what I have to do. Thank you so much for letting us all survive. Please keep Jake safe. I’d better go now as everyone’s getting up but please help me. I’ll talk to you again tonight. Amen.’

She could have gone on for half the afternoon, begging for God’s help in Adam’s recovery, but Steve would be wanting his Sunday lunch and she didn’t want to keep him. He’d been very supportive in recent weeks, his friendly smile, comforting words and prayers had given her strength.

Everyone filed out of the church to the tune of Miss Marchant entertaining someone else with the miseries of arthritis, hat still clinging to her head like a dried up scab, where it had remained throughout the service. Chloe tried to refrain from wishing her something to really moan about, like genuine arthritis!

An elderly man came alongside the pushchair as they walked out of the church and smiled down at the sleeping Jake.

The baby was very good.

Yes he was wasn’t he. He’s normally very placid and I thought he’d have a nap during the service.

I remember my lad at that age. Little bugger he was. Didn’t seem to need much sleep. Wanted to be on the go all the time. He’s forty two now; the time goes that fast. You make the most of him while he’s this age. In no time at all he’ll be getting married.

Yes I suppose so. It only seems like yesterday that he was born.

Aye. The man grinned. Be seeing you then, and with a wave of his hand walked briskly down the path.

A fine drizzle was falling as Chloe made for home, giving a glistening sheen to the leaves on the trees, and darkening the path and the gravestones. She fastened the raincover over the pushchair to keep Jake dry, taking care not to disturb her sleeping son.

She walked on through the village, past the cluster of shops; the quaint little teashop, aptly named The Singing Kettle, Sam’s hardware shop that sold everything you could ever need. Whether it was a shovel, rat poison, or a greeting card, Sam would be sure to stock it. Last but not least was the Post Office cum general store. Leaving the shops behind, she walked over the stone walled hump backed bridge which crossed the babbling, meandering stream, bordered by the stand of willow trees whose feather like branches dipped into its waters, giving the village its name, Willow’s Dip. The only man made sounds to be heard were those of the pushchair wheels and Chloe’s footsteps on the surface of the road.

The delightful aroma of roasting chicken greeted then as they entered the cottage. Chloe slipped off her coat, hung it up on the stand beside the front door, and turned to get Jake out of the pushchair.

Are you ready for some lunch Jakey?

In answer, he took a languorous stretch and toddled into the kitchen whilst she began to deal with their meal.

She turned the veg on and opened the oven door, pulling out the meat tray and placing it on top of the cooker. She sunk a knife into the tender meat to test if it was cooked, then basted both chicken and roast potatoes before returning them to the oven and turning it up to brown them. She slid the apple crumble she’d prepared that morning onto the top shelf.

The veg were soon bubbling merrily, puffs of steam rising from under the lids of the pans and it wasn’t long before they were sitting down to a Sunday lunch of roast chicken and crispy roast potatoes, sage and onion stuffing, creamy bread sauce, carrots and sprouts glazed with a knob of butter. They always had Yorkshire pudding simply because they liked it, but as Chloe’s were never very successful, she relied on Aunt Bessie to compliment the meal.

Whilst they ate she reflected on a conversation she’d had with Adam several Sundays ago. She’d come up with the idea of a celebration.

We could have a housewarming party. Invite all our friends and families. What do you think?

Adam had nodded in agreement.

I wonder if Mum and Frank’ll come? It’s a long way for them to come from Cornwall isn’t it.

We could put them up overnight if they wanted to. Then there’s your sister and John. Do you think they’ll come?

I should think so. I wonder if they’ll bring Adele and Holly or if they’ll get John’s parents to babysit. I suppose at five and three they’re a bit young to stay up late aren’t they, and you know what Holly’s like when she’s in one. I dread to think what she’ll be like as a teenager. I think they’ll have their work cut out with her.

Yes, she certainly likes her own way doesn’t she. I remember when we were first married and she wanted to look at that glass swan Andy and Sue had given us for a wedding present. What a tantrum she threw because her mother wouldn’t let her have it.

Chloe smiled to herself as she thought of her wilful niece and the conversation ran on in her head.

I know. She gets that temper from my dad. He’s always had a short fuse.

I’m glad Jake hasn’t got it.

Me too, although he hasn’t reached the terrible twos yet. He might have a shock for us.

Talking of your dad, had we better invite him and Jenny if your mum and Frank are coming?

I don’t know. We’ll have to give it some thought. We don’t want Mum and Dad rowing in front of everybody else do we. You know they can’t be in the same room as each other without Mum making some snide remark. Even though she’s got Frank and they’re happy, I don’t think she’s ever stopped hurting from when Dad ran off with Jenny and left us.

No, it must have been awful, especially with Jenny being twenty years younger than him.

Yeah. She was sure it would never last as they worked together at the car showroom. She thought they’d see too much of each other and it would burn out, but it didn’t, and they seem happy don’t they, although I’ll never forgive him for what he did to us. I was only ten and Rachel was fourteen but we knew how unhappy Mum was when we heard her crying at night when she thought we were asleep.

It must have been hard. I hope it never happens to us.

Well I’ll never want anyone else.

Neither will I, but then how can we say what will happen in the future? You can never say never, but I can’t imagine loving anybody as much as I love you.

Nor me.

Chloe sighed and got up to clear the plates away, rinsing them and putting them in the bowl, squirting in washing up liquid and turning the hot tap on, sending a cloud of white froth bubbling up over them. Turning to the oven, she opened the door and the mouth-watering smell of cooked apples filled the room. She opened a tin of custard, emptied the contents into a plastic jug and put it into the microwave to heat up whilst she put out the crumble, spreading Jake’s out to allow it to cool. The microwave pinged and she removed the jug, scooped out a little of the custard to cool with some milk for Jake, stirred the rest then poured a creamy yellow blanket over their dessert. She carried them to the table and sat down.

More of the conversation came back to her as she absentmindedly spooned dessert into Jake’s mouth. They’d been eating apple crumble then when she’d thought of Adam’s brother.

Do you think Jeremy will come?

Who knows. He might do. Mum was saying the name Jess has come into his conversation a lot lately, but she doesn’t know if she’s his girlfriend. You know what Jay’s like. Doesn’t tell you anything. Perhaps he’ll bring her if she is, and if he comes.

It’ll be good won’t it. I’m quite excited about it.

Mmm me too. That crumble was lovely. Adam had put his spoon down in his empty dish. She could still hear the clink as she thought about it. Do you want any help with the dishes? I’ll go and clean the car if you don’t. It looks as though the rain’s stopped.

No thanks, you go and do the car.

Jake’s hand delving into the bowl of crumble and custard brought her back to the present with a messy jolt.

Oh no sweetheart! Don’t do that. Use your spoon, see, like Mummy’s doing.

No! No spoon. Jake shook his head. He was at that tactile age when everything had to be felt however messy. In fact the messier it was, the more he seemed to like it, much to his mother’s chagrin. She hated mess of any description. Everything had to be just so for her. Sticky fingers were a definite no go area which was why she gave Jake a spoon in case he wanted to help. Now the feel of the custard and cooked apples squeezing out between his pudgy little fingers as he clenched and unclenched his fist delighted him. Finally, after intense scrutiny, he aimed it at his mouth, sucking the sweet substance off, before scratching his head, depositing the remaining contents of his hand into his hair.

Oh Jake now look what you’ve done! Mummy’s cross. She went to get a face cloth before the sticky mess set in his hair, leaving Jake wailing petulantly in the highchair. Eat it nicely now and then Nanny and Granddad will be here to take you to the park later.

Chloe arrived at the hospital to find an attractive woman of about twenty sitting beside her husband’s bed. He turned to smile as he heard her approaching but not before the rapt expression had left his face.

Chloe glanced from him to the girl, whose carefully made up green eyes were moist as though she’d been crying. Who was she, and what was she doing visiting Adam?

At Chloe’s arrival she became uncomfortable and got up to leave an ill-disguised look of longing on her face as she said goodbye to Adam. Chloe’s eyes followed her until she was out of sight, then she took the vacant seat.

Who was that?

Oh just someone from the office.

What’s her name?

Kirsty.

How long has she been here?

Not long.

Had she been crying?

No! Why all the questions? Adam’s tone was one of irritation.

I just wondered who she was. Why she was here, that was all.

She’s just visiting me. There’s nothing wrong with that is there?

Suppose not. Anyway, how’re you feeling? Uneasiness was seeping into Chloe’s brain like iodine into a cut, but she mustn’t let Adam see it.

Oh I’m just dandy

Annoyance flared at his answer. There’s no need to be sarcastic. I only asked.

He was immediately contrite. I know, I’m sorry. It just seems so crass. Everyone says it and I can hardly say I feel great can I. Anyway, it’s lovely to see you as always. What have you been doing?

He reached for her hand and the tenderness sluiced the stinging cut. She told him of hers and Jake’s visit to church and ended by reporting of Jake’s attempt at feeding himself, both of them laughing at the custard mashed into his hair. Adam squeezed the hand he held.

I bet you loved that. Imperfection. He should instinctively know how to use his spoon shouldn’t he.

Oh you! I’m not that bad surely? I know he has to learn and I’m trying to be patient.

It’ll come. He’s only a baby yet. In no time at all he’ll be sitting at the table eating as tidily as you and me. Then you’ll wonder where his baby days have gone.

Yeah you’re right.

Oh I nearly forgot! They’re getting me out of bed tomorrow.

Oh sweetheart that’s great! Fancy forgetting to tell me something as important as that. Are you nervous?

I am a bit, yes. I’ve been in this bed a long time and I don’t know how I’ll cope, but on the other hand, it’ll be a big step forward won’t it.

It’ll be wonderful, and I’m sure you’ll be fine. Anyway, I’d better be getting back now or your mum and dad’ll be back from the park with Jake.

See you tomorrow. I love you.

Love you too.

As she walked out of the hospital the finger of doubt pressed her curiosity button again. Who was that girl? Adam had denied she’d been crying but she had. Chloe was sure of it.

Why should she be crying? What was Adam’s predicament to her, if indeed that was what she’d been crying about.

She was very attractive, with her sleek, long hair and slim figure. The expression on Adam’s face as she remembered it sent daggers of ice into her heart. He had clearly been enjoying the girl’s company.

A little red devil complete with horns and pronged fork hovered in front of her mind’s eye. ‘He’s having an affair,’ it taunted.

‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ she retorted. ‘Of course he isn’t. We’re happier now than we’ve ever been; well we were, before the accident. We’ve got our dream cottage, our beautiful son, and each other. We’re so in love.’

What if he was having an affair? What should she do? What could she do?

He wouldn’t, surely.

Had there been signs? Had she missed them?

No, nothing. He never worked late. Oh he enjoyed his job but he wasn’t a workaholic. He was always home by six o’clock. One night a week he went out for a drink with Dave but that was all.

Did they meet up with work colleagues? She couldn’t remember him ever saying so but it was possible she supposed. The girl’s name wasn’t one he’d ever mentioned before.

‘Look how irritated he became when you questioned him.’ The little red devil was back. ‘And how tetchy he’s been lately.’

She waved her hand, brushing away the metaphorical demon. Yes he had been tetchy but she couldn’t let herself go thinking these thoughts. They had too much ahead of them that they must work through together. If he had been having an affair the girl was hardly likely to hang around now was she. Maybe that was why she’d been crying. She’d broken it off. Then why the rapt expression on Adam’s face?

‘Stop it!’ she reprimanded herself. ‘There’s nothing going on. Adam needs you to get him through this. Get a grip Chloe. Get a grip.’

Chapter 4

Rose Hetherington observed her reflection in the bedroom mirror. For sixty one she didn’t look too bad she supposed. The sleek silver bob fell just below her ears and had retained its thickness and lustre. Gone were the days when she’d meticulously coloured it to prolong its corn colour as long as possible, rushing for the bottle of Belle Colour as soon as the roots began to show. Instead she’d decided to let the silver have its way and saved herself a lot of trouble into the bargain.

Her hazel eyes, Adam’s eyes, stared back at her looking troubled. How was her beloved eldest son going to cope with what life had flung at him? He had such a long, hard struggle ahead of him and he hadn’t made the first step yet. A wave of nausea washed over her as she realised the irony of that analogy.

Would he return to work successfully? Support his family? Lots of people resumed a near normal life after a blow such as this she knew, she’d done her own share of research into it, but when it was your own family, your own child, it brought it all so close, made it personal. Adam was strong willed, he always