Timeless Topper: Magic, New Mexico: My Crazy Alien Romance, #3

By Donna McDonald

Welcome to Magic, New Mexico—otherwise known as Crazytown. 

Snow zones and ice patches are popping up all over. It's Topper's job to fix this conundrum even though she's four months pregnant, yet looks like she's about to give birth any second. The cold patches aren't melting like ice should in New Mexico heat. 

Add in fish shifter Alfred's infatuation with a cat woman and there is double chaos… mainly due to the fact that cats tend to eat fish. When random aliens begin appearing too, it's all Topper can do not to turn the entire town into donkeys so she can give birth in peace. Something has to give. 

What's a pregnant witch to do? Solve Magic's problems, that's what. But it's easier said than done.

Topper feels ill-equipped to be a mother, even if the child rapidly growing inside her obviously doesn't agree. Growing at twice the rate of a normal baby, her daughter will arrive sooner than she can say Blessed Be.

But why in the heck hasn't she known all this time that her alien husband, Stark, has a twin sister? Men never tell you the important stuff, no matter which planet they hail from. Whatever…

With her daughter on the way and the town in peril, Topper will sprint to the rescue once again… or waddle. 

Goddess help everyone when she figures out what in her purple-haired glory days is going on.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Donna McDonald
• Release date: Jul 31, 2018
• ISBN: 9781939988911

Donna McDonald

USA Today Bestselling Author Donna McDonald published her first novel in March of 2011. Many multi-genre novels later, she admits to living her own happily ever after as a full-time author. Addicted to making readers laugh, she includes a good dose of comedy in every book. You can visit her at donnamcdonaldauthor.com.

Book preview

Prologue

It was a very strange place she’d come to and unbearably warm. Of course at her age, every place was unbearably warm, even when you lived on an ice planet. Cold flashes happened to her with frightening regularity these days. Usually they were annoying, but in Magic, New Mexico—a small Earth village in a desert, of all places—the quick bouts of freezing offered some momentary relief.

Ma’am? The gentleman at the table in the corner would like to buy you a drink. He says you look hot.

He is correct. I am hot, Rime said matter-of-factly, leaning around the young girl as she eyed the male openly staring at her. He looked quite the spectacle in his white shirt, red suspenders, and grey head covering. Earthlings had such a strange sense of style. What manner of creature is the gentleman?

That’s just Alfred. He’s harmless—in case you were worried, the girl said. He’s a fish, but hasn’t shifted to one in quite the while, at least not in public. You see, he was recently possessed by one of the green meanies from the alien planet we’re connected to… oops! She covered her mouth and widened her eyes. Sorry. I’m not supposed to talk about that. Can we just forget I mentioned anything about aliens? If Topper finds out I blurted it to a stranger, she’ll kick me out of the coven trainee program.

Now that we’ve met, I’m no longer a stranger. And I know you’re speaking of the dakkari that were rescued, Rime said, waving a hand. I know much about your aliens, child. You’ve revealed no secrets to me.

Yes, ma’am. So… about that drink?

I will accept his kind offer. Bring me two containers of ice and one with the essence of the Goddess.

"Uh… essence of the Goddess?"

Rime laughed. She searched her memories for what she’d learned. It was harder at her age to retain it all. Water, she said finally, happy she thought of the proper word. Looking vastly relieved, the girl scampered off to bring it to her. She looked over at the gentleman and waved. Thank you for being so kind.

Smiling at her, the fish man lifted his hat and let it fall back to his head. His actions made her laugh—something she hadn’t done much of in a good long while. Losing her life mate had sucked all joy from her, even though he’d been gone for nearly a hundred Earth years.

And her ardent suitor back on Glacier? Despite being one of the beings who helped rule her home planet, Director Quest only gave her the creeps. Thank Icela, she’d said yes to coming here. Desert heat or not, she was ready for a vacation from her normal life.

She smiled at the girl who brought her ice and water. Chanting a gratitude prayer, she poured the water over the ice. As she lifted the glass to drink, a pair of red suspenders appeared within touching distance.

May I join you? Alfred asked.

Rime smiled at the owner of the strange clothing. Of course.

My name is Alfred, he said as he sat.

Hello, Alfred. My name is Rime.

You’re very beautiful. Would you like to be my girlfriend? Alfred asked.

Rime laughed. Looking at your nearly wrinkle-free skin, I’m guessing that I’m old enough to be your great-great grandmother.

Judging from the way his eyes took on a sad look, Alfred didn’t mind her age. Rime sighed and braced herself to be both honest and kind.

"I’ve lost my mate, but still mourn him, so I am not available to be anyone’s girlfriend, which I assume means a female available for sexual relations. Since I am alone here, I would like to be just your friend, if that idea appeals to you, she countered. And I do find myself curious. Why is a charming man like yourself not with a mate already?"

Alfred sighed sadly. I have no mate because I spent too many years as a fish. It was a very simple, easy existence just swimming in a fishbowl all the time. Hardly any thought was required. But I see now that it was not necessarily the best way for a shifter to live. Or at least, that’s what my therapist tells me I should be thinking. She insists shifters shouldn’t retain their animal states for such extended periods of time.

I see. What is a therapist? Rime asked, not understanding.

Head Doctor, Alfred said, trying to see her point of confusion. You’re not from around here, are you? Yet you seem oddly familiar to me. You have the most interesting silver eyes.

Thank you. They’re a family trait—one I’ve always been quite proud of, Rime replied politely.

If you need a place to stay, you can stay with me. I have room. I sleep in a fish bowl so my bed rarely gets used. I won’t bother you now that you’ve established the boundary on our relationship. Maybe you could tell my therapist how well I’m doing in accepting boundaries.

Since I’ve turned down your offer of a more intimate relationship, I couldn’t sleep in your bed. It wouldn’t be fair, Rime said logically.

You wouldn’t be imposing on anything. I really do sleep in a fish bowl because I don’t like sleeping as human. Plus, I’d sincerely enjoy having some company. I need to practice my social skills, because apparently, I have none… well, at least none that are acceptable to my therapist.

Rime smiled. How could she not? It stopped his ramble, but only for a moment.

So now that we’ve established we’re not having sex, I think we should make small talk—or that’s what I think I’m supposed to do. Are you here to visit someone in Magic? Alfred asked, with an awkwardly practiced politeness that felt akin to constipation to him.

Rime had to think about how to answer. Was she there to visit? Or was she merely spying for the Goddess she loved while avoiding a too persistent male she loathed? I came to Magic for many reasons. Some are things I can’t talk about yet.

That’s okay. Everyone’s story is like that here, Alfred said with confidence. I’m sure you’ll fit right in with all the others who are keeping secrets.

Rime laughed. Perhaps. We’ll see.

So will you be my guest… until you make up your mind about visiting?

He looked so hopeful, Rime couldn’t bring herself to refuse. Very well. I accept your kind offer, Alfred. Perhaps at the very least, I can help with your social skills to repay your kindness. I read extensively about your language and etiquette before I came here. Not bragging, but I’m normally an outstanding learner.

How are you at teaching? Maybe you can be my Life Coach, Alfred suggested.

Life Coach, Rime repeated, feeling the term echo across her lips. I do like the sound of that.

Alfred held out a hand. Great. Let’s shake on it.

Rime arched a silver brow, but extended her fingers. Alfred squeezed her whole hand and moved her arm up and down. How odd these people were and yet…

Alfred smiled. I have an ice maker in my refrigerator. You can have all the ice water you want at my house.

Rime smiled at his understanding of her needs. You are very kind, Alfred. I understand you normally exchange personal service for currency here. Do you know where I might find such an arrangement?

Are you saying you need a job? Alfred asked.

Rime nodded, tucking the new word away. Job. That term did not sound as nice as Life Coach.

I’ll pay you to make me normal, Alfred offered. I’d rather talk to you than my therapist. You’re much prettier.

Would this job of yours allow me to buy clothing like the natives and food to sustain me?

Definitely, but I’ll feed you too… so long as you like vegetarian meals. You won’t have to pay me for staying. I really would appreciate the company. I’ve never really had a guest who stayed. I even have a guest room if you’d prefer your privacy.

Rime lifted her hand and extended her fingers as he had done. I would prefer that. Let us shake on that as well, Alfred. I am now in your service. I will do my best to improve your situation.

Can I call you Coach Rime? Alfred asked, briefly shaking her hand again.

Rime laughed softly. Yes. You may call me, Coach Rime.

This is going to be great. I just know it. I’ll be socially acceptable in no time with your help.

Rime wasn’t feeling quite that positive, but at least she’d solved her biggest problems of how to survive in the heat and not starve. Now she could focus on collecting information.

Alfred, who is this Topper person the girl working here talked about? Rime asked.

Alfred looked around, wincing. Let’s talk about Topper later. We shouldn’t really do it in public. She has amazing ears and they hear everything. You just can’t always see them under her purple hair.

Is she frightening then? Rime asked.

Not frightening… not really. Just… well, Topper has a temper. Sometimes she turns people into things. She turned her husband into a donkey before they were married. He had it put in the wedding vows that she was never allowed to do it again. Stark’s very smart for an alien.

I see, Rime said, but she didn’t. The female did not sound like a pleasant person—not at all.

Let’s go home and I’ll make us some stir-fried seaweed and carrots for dinner. It’s not too bad if you add in pine nuts. I’m a pretty good cook.

Rime rose as Alfred did. She found she towered over him.

Wow. You’re really tall for a woman, Alfred said.

Looking down at the top of his head, Rime smiled at the man she’d promised to help. Here’s my first Life Coach advice for you. Never let anyone know you find their size intimidating. Your fear of me is showing in your eyes, Alfred. People lose respect for anyone who does that.

Rime grinned when Alfred bobbed his head up and down and straightened his spine. He was nothing like the