The Void and the Womb: One Man’S Quest for Self-Realization

By Mysore Nataraja

Norman, an American living in California, experiences childhood trauma when his parents separate. As a teenager, he is deeply affected by the fear of socialism, communism, and the potential for a nuclear war between the US and the USSR. Norman is also unnerved by the racial tension in his country and devastated by the uncertainty of the future in a materialistic society.

Norman longs for a mental state devoid of confusion. He desires a complete understanding of the philosophical messages that he had only perceived as words and concepts before, but had never truly experienced. He leaves his motherland in search of spirituality and self-realization and settles in India where he encounters numerous holy men. Norman becomes confused by the countless paths and approaches available to him. Finally, he finds a Guru who shows him the path to enlightenment.

Norman attains spiritual status and assumes a new nameSwami Aniketananda. His prime disciple, Vinayananda becomes instrumental in building a large spiritual institution that attracts universal attention.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Apr 13, 2011
• ISBN: 9781462008315

Mysore Nataraja

MYSORE NATARAJA has published two collections of poems; three books containing six, one-act plays and a full-length play; and two collections of essays on his Internet column. A civil engineer, Nataraja works for the United States Nuclear Regulatory Commission and lives with wife in Potomac, Maryland. He has three children.

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Contents

Preface

Abstract

Acknowledgments

THE VOID AND THE WOMB

Glossary

The Author

The Translator

Preface

Man faces the challenging duality of complete psychological protection and its total absence. The mother’s womb, while providing warmth and psychological security, can also be a suffocating confinement. On the other hand, being delivered into the void of the open universe can create a sense of liberation and freedom, albeit temporary and illusory at times. In the vastness of the universe one can feel like a homeless orphan; however, boundless oblivion can open the gates to an abode of absolute nonbeing. Human history is nothing but the hide and seek he has been playing between these two states of mind – a journey back and forth between the void and the womb. The word void (bayalu in the original novel in Kannada) has a unique meaning that, for all practical purposes, is untranslatable.

Intellectuals tend to build imaginary amniotic sacs around their minds only to realize that the sense of protection remains, at best, only temporary. The illusion of the protective cover soon erodes, only to be replaced by yet another temporary sheath of a seemingly new thought process. The moment he starts believing that the old fear is gone, a new gloom sets in. Once more he experiences hopelessness, a sensation of hanging unsupported in boundless nothingness.

This novel is an artistic portrayal of man’s struggle to cope with this duality. The effort is heroic in its attempt and demands a sympathetic and attentive reader who can find wonder in his or her reading journey. In order to truly see the beauty and hear the voices implied here, one has to approach this book with the innocent eyes and ears of a baby. The English translation of the Kannada novel attempts to keep the original structure and narrative intact, to the fullest extent possible.

Abstract

Norman, an American, experiences childhood trauma because of the separation of his parents. As a teenager, he is deeply affected by his fear of socialism and communism and of the potential for nuclear war between the US and the USSR. He is also unnerved by the racial tension in his country and is devastated by an uncertain future in a materialistic society.

Norman leaves his motherland in search of spirituality and finds his way to India. Here he encounters numerous holy men and becomes confused by the countless paths and approaches arrayed before him. Finally, he finds a Guru who shows him the path to enlightenment.

The enlightened Norman becomes Swami Aniketananda. Vinayananda becomes a prominent disciple of Aniketananda and uses his astute techniques to build a large spiritual institution that attracts universal attention.

Does Norman find internal peace? The central theme of this novel revolves around Norman’s spiritual journey, the saga of his introspections and his attempts at self realization.

Acknowledgments

The translator is indebted to the original author Dr. Vasant Anant Divanaji (Kusumakar Devargennuru) for granting permission to translate into English his original work in Kannada Bayalu-Basiru and to publish it for the benefit of the English readers of the world. The translator thanks Mr. Prahlad Divanaji for his constant support and encouragement, Dr. G.S. Amur for his suggestions and valuable critique of the early draft, and Dr. H.S. Raghavendra Rao for his thorough review of the manuscript and most valuable and critical input. Fond and affectionate thanks are due to Anu Venkitaraman and Mayank Keshaviah for their insightful inputs on the prepublication draft. Final editing by my colleague and friend Dr. Janet Kotra has provided precision to the language in addition to making the translated text reader-friendly. I hope the book will be well received by the readers.

THE VOID AND THE WOMB

Sitting in his ashram, Swami Aniketananda listened to the morning news on the TV. In his mind, he experienced total pandemonium, —hardly able to believe what he was hearing, his body starting to shiver. With his eyes wide open, he saw all the pictures related to the news item. You must believe what you see even if you don’t believe what you hear. What kind of a wonder was this? The news reported on the upheaval that was taking place in the Soviet Union. That once mighty nation was collapsing like a house of cards. All sorts of wild thoughts went though his mind. It started to wander wherever it could…

********

Norman had read about the experiences of those who had attained eternal deliverance and ultimate liberation. He too had desired to experience total clarity of unstained thinking, uncolored vision and a state of changelessness and permanence. He had longed for a mental state devoid of confusion and a complete understanding of philosophical messages that he had only perceived as words and concepts but had never truly experienced. ‘I am not the ego, nor am I the will.’ ‘I am neither the intellect nor the mind nor the body; I am without an abode, a hometown or a country; I belong to nowhere and yet belong to everywhere.’

He had come all the way from America to India. He had visited countless ashrams and monasteries and met many swamis. He had questioned many saffron-robed holy men, yet had been unable to extract any satisfactory explanations.

Some nights he would wonder whether his life would end while he was still seeking answers to questions such as ‘why did I come to this country?’ ‘Why haven’t I seen the light after all these years?’ ‘Did I take the wrong course?’ ‘Why don’t I see the light?’ He would cry and grieve and feel sorry for himself. Under such conditions of disappointment and disillusionment, he even visited Tibet once.

Many that he met in India were suspicious of him; they felt that ‘after all he is a foreigner, how can he be trusted?’ During those days, there was much mistrust of Americans in India. Still, some were happy to meet him. They were full of praise that he had renounced the American life of plenty – ‘a heaven on earth’ – and had instead, accepted the ‘Indian way.’ Some even told him directly,

This is not a question of solitary human being; it is not even a question of an individual country. You have sacrificed all of those luxuries and opportunities of life that were easily and matter-of-factly available to you. You possess such a keen lack of desire. This is no ordinary quality in a human being. Do you realize what this establishes? This is the victory of the Indian spiritual power over the materialistic approach of the West. From now on, the Indian spiritualism will establish its superiority over the rest of world.

Such talk did not necessarily make him happy, but he needed a haven, a place to settle down. After all, he had left his motherland. He spent the next several days trying to find an answer to the question: ‘where do I find my final abode?’ First, he went and met several Westerners who had settled down in India to practice the spiritual life and become monks. Oh boy, how many different groups are there among the seekers in India? Which is really right among these and which is wrong and how does one find out? He tried by studying the scriptures, but he could not even begin to comprehend any of those he attempted to study.

He gathered some courage and approached a holy man who had come from the West and who was sufficiently trained in the tantric methods. One could see a tinge of arrogance in the holy man’s face and his voice was aggressively commanding. One could see a sense of stubbornness in his eyes. He bowed respectfully to the holy man. The holy man asked him, How did you get here? He replied matter-of-factly, sir, I am from the West, and when I was seeking light, someone told me about you.

The holy man’s face became a bit tight; it was not exactly anger on his face, but one could see that he was upset. The holy man said, Only those who have felt internal yearning may gain entry into my ashram. This ashram is not like other ashrams. Many people may not know this — Bhagawathi blesses only those who earn Her grace from the good deeds of their previous lives, and only those fortunate few receive a call and then they come to me.

There was no room for further dialogue. ‘You may go now’ was all the holy man said. Norman did not know what to do. He was exhausted. Forget about the thirst or hunger for knowledge, he was thirsty for water and hungry for food. He looked outside his window. There was a beautiful garden with a water fountain bubbling away enthusiastically. The very sight of that water calmed him. One of the disciples came to escort him off the premises. Even the disciple seemed to lack kindness in his heart or tenderness in his behavior, just like his guru. There were several disciples in the ashram, but none with a smile or enthusiasm on their faces. They all appeared to be carrying a huge burden.

‘What would be the arrangement for the night?’ Norman started worrying. He had visited many ashrams but had never experienced anything like this. This guru had also come from the West. The person who had referred Norman to him had explained about his eccentricity in great detail: when you speak to him, never, ever ask about his life prior to becoming a monk.

Norman came out and saw that there were many fruit-bearing trees. His hungry stomach naturally craved for some fruit. Finally, he opened his mouth and asked one of the disciples I am exhausted from traveling to this place, can you at least give me some water to drink? Norman was completely surprised by his own words; somehow the words had spilled from his mouth. Behind these words hid sorrow, hunger, thirst and many other emotions. The disciple brought him some drinking water without uttering a single word. Tears rolled down Norman’s cheeks. He looked at the trees with hanging fruits but somehow controlled himself. He drank a lot more water and filled his hungry belly. Would it be possible for me to stay here tonight, I am exhausted. Just this one night, if I can get some shelter…

Norman was speaking with total humility and he was feeling ashamed at his own helplessness and meekness. ‘Darn it, should I reach so low?’ he cursed himself for having spoken. The disciple spoke with no intimate feelings whatsoever. Without Guruji’s permission, not a straw will shake here.

Would you kindly go and get his permission?

Absolutely not, we do not have permission to seek his permission.

May I go and seek his permission?

Even for that, we need his permission.

Norman felt completely helpless, as there was no place other than the ashram in the vicinity. How does one go anywhere at this time, no town nearby and no transport either? he thought. The lights in the ashram were lit, and one by one, all the disciples entered the ashram like robots. As he was trying to enter, one of the disciples said to Norman, the rules and regulations of the ashram are rather harsh; this is no free shelter. Only the deserving may stay here. I think it is better you leave now.

Norman took a deep breath and dragged his feet slowly towards the gate of the ashram. He felt like going away, as far from the ashram as possible.