Cancer Is a Four-Letter Word: a Pilgrimage into the Emotional, Sexual, and Spiritual Aspects of Prostate Cancer.

By Larry Kreps and Marti Kreps

Prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in American men today, closely following lung cancer. About one man in six will be diagnosed with prostate cancer during his lifetime. But only one in 35 will die from it. More than two million men in the United States who have been diagnosed at some point are still alive today.

I am one of them.

My book, Cancer is a Four-Letter Word: A Pilgrimage into the Emotional, Sexual, and Spiritual Aspects of Prostate Cancer, chronicles my own experience with this terrible disease. From early diagnosis, fear, and panic, to shopping for the best treatment, to surgery and subsequent recovery, I trace not only the physical journey of getting my stamina and good health back, but also the psychological and sexual implications.

My format includes an interweaving of my own story of prostate cancer with other men's stories, along with open-ended questions at the end of each chapter to keep men and their partners talking late into the night. Theres also a resource list to provide support for a lifetime.

Although concise and easy to read, my book doesnt hold back any personal details. Readers will learn what to expect in regard to diapering oneself post-surgery, working through debilitating depression, and forging the uncharted territory of a different kind of sexual intimacy. More importantly, theyll hear about learning to accept support from loving friends and how to talk to God in a whole new way.

Rarely does a reader find an account of experiencing Gods overwhelming love and grace in the same chapter as explicit details on how to give oneself penile injections to overcome erectile dysfunction!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 16, 2009
• ISBN: 9781449061289

Larry Kreps

Larry Kreps was diagnosed with prostate cancer at age 53. Many times as a pastor, huddled with a family in a hospital waiting room, he heard the word cancer when a doctor shared with the family the outcome of a biopsy. These experiences did not protect him from the same shock and fear of hearing his own diagnosis: CANCER. The cancer came toward the end of a four- teen year pastorate at John Wesley United Methodist in Cincinnati, the building of a church addition, the last child leaving home and general tiredness. The cancer capsized his emotional, physical and spiritual well- being. He became depressed. He searched for ways to regain a satisfying sex life with his wife, wandering through a maze of pumps, pills and needle pricks. The love of God that held him up preceding and during surgery seemed to drop him in the midst of recovery. Worn out, he stepped out of his career and responsibilities for a years sabbatical. The depression proved to be situational. A new way of relating sexually as a couple delightfully emerged. The sense of Gods presence erupted in color on a gorge path in October. Larry now serves St. Andrews United Methodist Church in Findlay, Ohio. He actively pursues his sooner than later list, those things he wants to do with his gift of renewed life. They include hiking down and up the Grand Canyon with his family, playing golf on what use to be the family farm, writing, and his new ministry goal: show up and have fun.

Book preview

CANCER IS A FOUR-LETTER WORD:

A PILGRIMAGE INTO THE EMOTIONAL, SEXUAL, AND

SPIRITUAL ASPECTS OF PROSTATE CANCER.

LARRY KREPS

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MARTI KREPS

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2009 Larry Kreps. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 12/14/2009

ISBN: 978-1-4490-6128-9 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4490-6127-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4490-6126-5 (hc)’

Library of Congress Control Number: 2009913472

Markers for the Journey

Foreword And Acknowledgments

Chapter 1   Fear

Chapter 2   Love

Chapter 3   Pick

Chapter 4   Pain

Chapter 5   Hope

Chapter 6   Loss

Chapter 7   Room

Chapter 8   Hear

Resources For The Pilgrimage

About The Author

This book can be read in a short time, or by pausing to consider and discuss the questions at the end of each Chapter. The questions can prompt helpful conversation with a partner or support group.

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FOREWORD AND ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

You were the one we would have voted, ‘Least likely to write an x-rated book, said a few of my old high school buddies after they’d read the first draft of my experiences with prostate cancer. My vocation is parish ministry, and it was obvious to them even as adolescents that is what I would eventually do. But prostate cancer is a very intimate disease, affecting men’s private areas in ways that they’d never dream of talking about openly.

I am grateful to the men and their partners who shared their very intimate stories with me as I explored my own journey with the emotional, spiritual, and sexual aspects of prostate cancer. As I felt my way through the darkness of depression, fumbled for new expressions of sexuality, and lost my way with God, these men and women were lifelines leading me into a new and whole life. Their names have been changed to honor their vulnerability in sharing.

I am grateful to God’s movement in the lives of men and women in the medical community who have researched and practiced lifesaving and life-giving skills, particularly our family doctor Barry Webb.

I am grateful to the family, friends, and congregation members of John Wesley United Methodist Church, who surrounded me with so much love that I could trust being honest with them and myself about what the experience of prostate cancer has meant for me. One gift of my cancer is the deepening appreciation and love for my wife Marti, our three children, and their spouses.

I am grateful to God, who enjoys arguments, questions, and doubts. Through better or worse, we are in life and death together.

I am grateful to the many who read this material and offered wonderful suggestions to increase the depth, accuracy, and clarity. Betsa Marsh and Coleen Armstrong provided editorial help and great encouragement. They pointed out things I should have remembered from eighth grade English. And, like all school English papers, I am the one finally responsible for the completed work.

I am grateful to my wife Marti, who held my hand at all the right times. We were at The Glen Workshop in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where I offered my first soul-baring draft of the book for critique. Before dinner one evening, a woman in my group came up and exclaimed, I loved your writing. Thanks for sharing so personally.

I introduced her to Marti, and the woman turned red and was temporarily rendered speechless. Then she recovered. I guess I know more about you, she laughed, than you may want me to know!

I am grateful Marti shares this vulnerable journey with me.

CHAPTER 1

FEAR

Twenty-five years ago I visited my grandfather in the hospital. Over the years I had listened to his stories of moving across France with the Marines and stopping the German advance at Belleau Woods, having a bomb drop into their campfire, and losing his hearing in one ear from a bullet. Now I sat beside his bed, waiting to hear whatever he chose to share before his upcoming surgery. He leaned his head back on the pillow and focused past the ceiling. Finally, he spoke: The thing I feared most in World War I was having my balls shot off.

This statement came back to me this year as I recovered from the same surgery he’d had over two decades earlier. I am in my early fifties. He was in his early eighties. My cancer was detected early. His late. Mine was contained to the prostate. His escaped. My life expectancy did not change. His life ended within a couple of years.

While grateful for my early diagnosis and treatment, I was surprised during my recovery by depression and a deep sense of loss. As I journaled one day, Grandpa’s story came