Phoenix

By Y'hnoree' Foster

From a young age Alivia Cane dreamed big and wanted more out of life. Fighting the influence of a drug addicted mother and yearning for the love and attention she never had, she leaves her hellish life behind for a new one beyond Reno, Nevada. After years of searching she finally finds a healthy escape from the craziness that surrounds her- acting. Turning to the bright lights of Hollywood Alivia and her family move to the suburbs of Sherman Oaks, California so she can pursue acting professionally. She becomes successful and soon starts to rise to the top of the industry. Her rise becomes her fall. The more successful she becomes, the more she is haunted by the emotions and fears of the past shes tried to leave behind. She makes some devastating choices which lead her down a path of self-destruction that spirals downward to sex, drugs and a secret life that leads to an early death. This is Alivia Canes story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 17, 2011
• ISBN: 9781452091969

Y'hnoree' Foster

Y'hnoree' Foster is a Southern girl from Houston, Texas with a big smile and an even bigger heart. She has always used her writing as an escape from the stress and drama of her own life. Writing is her passion. She is especially excited to finally publish some of her work and share it with the world. She counts it as her greatest accomplishment to date.

Book preview

Contents

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Acknowledgements

I would like to take a moment to thank a few special people in my life who were particularly helpful and encouraging while I was on the road to making this dream a reality.

First and foremost, my support system: Brandy Greenway, Sandy Hill, Dzigbodi Djugba, and Deana Greenway. The four of you have helped me through so much, even more than you know. I can not thank you enough for encouraging me, and being there for me the way you all have, and never letting me give up on myself.

My Bernadine Stevenson. I love you grandma, more than mere words could ever say. I will never forget all you have done for me, and I hope you know how grateful I have always been to have you in my life. I only have 1 Bernadine!

Yalanda Pearl Stevenson. Yes, I went there. Don’t kill me mom. LOL! Thank you for giving me life, and the freedom to live that life on my own terms, and be who I want to be. You’ve never tried to stop me from chasing my dreams, and for that, I am truly forever grateful.

Lisa Neff. I have no clue how to thank you for all you’ve done for me. Your support means the world, and the way that you believe in me helps me to believe in myself. You are so far beyond awesome, it’s ridiculous! Thank you for being you, and thank you in advance for the Lisa PR I know is coming.

AuthorHouse Publishing. Thank you all for being so patient with me throughout this process, and for being so instrumental in making this happen.

Chris Hill. Thank you for your amazing artwork for my cover.

Last, but certainly not least, thank you Janet Morales and Frances Hicks for the editing, and the kind words about the story.

Chapter 1

Simone gave one, final, big push then laid back on the hospital bed. Sweat ran down her face and through her long, stringy, dark brown hair. She closed her dull, brown eyes with relief when she heard the infant’s cries. Labor was finally over.

It’s a girl, the doctor said. He cut the cord and brought the baby toward her mother.

I don’t want to see her. Don’t bring her over here, Simone said.

I’ll take her. Give her to me, said Tommy, the baby’s father.

Tommy was a silver fox with his thick dimples, short dark grey hair, and chiseled face. The baby looked almost exactly like him. The only differences were that she had Simone’s eyes, although hers weren’t so dull, and her hair was jet black. Tommy loved her from the moment she was put into his arms. He was more than willing to hold her since Simone would not. He also named her since Simone could not be bothered.

He named her Alivia Marie Cane to make sure her initials were A.M.C. just like her 12 year old brother, Alijah Michael Cane, and her 7 year old sister, Alissa Michelle Cane, so she would not feel any different or less important than them. Simone, however, went out of her way to make sure Alivia did feel less important. She resented Alivia. No one knew why exactly. Maybe it was because Alivia was the one that was not planned, or because Tommy was gone so much during the pregnancy. Perhaps it was because Tommy had also just had a baby with Tori, his 30 something year old mistress. Whatever was the reason, Simone hated Alivia and made no attempt to hide it. Some would even say that she wanted Alivia to die since she would not feed her when Tommy was not home. Alijah, the skinny boy with short dark hair and dark eyes, witnessed Simone going so far as to pump out her breast milk just to pour it down the sink.

Tommy was not around much. He ran his own business, a trucking company, and he spent a lot of time on the road. He left Alijah to be the man of the house which made Alijah feel compelled to help Alivia. He could have called Tommy and told him what he had seen but he was not sure Tommy would believe him. Plus he did not want to be on Simone’s bad side since she was the parent they spent the most time with. Instead, he snuck out to the nearest store that sold baby formula and bought all he could afford with his allowance. Then he snuck back in and fed his baby sister. Luckily for Alijah and Alivia, the coming and going was easy because Simone was always drunk, getting drunk, or about to get drunk. Two-thirds of the day she was passed out or had her head buried in the toilet. If she had not spent so much time unconscious Alivia might not have made it to her 2nd birthday.

Alijah was amazing. He made sure Alivia was fed, changed, and otherwise looked after when Tommy was gone. He even stayed up with her until she started sleeping through the night. As he cradled her in his arms he would pace the floor slowly and promise he would never leave her, even though he did. He was at school half the day. Eventually he started sneaking out at night and on weekends too to get away from Simone. Be careful whose promises you trust, especially when they are only 12 years old; that was Alivia’s very first lesson in life.

Simone’s alcohol abuse had began a couple of years back when Tommy first admitted to his affair with Tori. She decided to stay with him for Alijah and Alissa, but their relationship was never the same. They were miserable together, which was why Tommy started throwing himself into his work and Simone started throwing herself into the bottle. It did not help her drinking problem any that Tommy was bringing Brandy, his and Tori’s love child, home with him every chance he got. Simone claimed to be fine with it, but she obviously was not, because her drinking only got more severe every time she saw Brandy. On top of the drinking she eventually started doing drugs, which made her children so miserable they avoided her any way possible. Alijah constantly snuck out, Alissa- the spitting image of Simone before the drugs and alcohol, stayed locked in her room, and Alivia spent all her time wishing she was anywhere else. She learned her second life lesson, be careful what you wish for, the hard way thanks to her uncle David.

Right after Alivia turned 4 years old, David, Simone’s little brother, came home to Reno, Nevada from traveling the world finding himself. He was in his early 30’s but had a much younger appearance with his cut up jeans, diamond studs in both ears, and hair that he always kept in a short neat ponytail. He came back to help Simone take care of their parents who were very sick at the time. He was always happy to baby-sit his nieces and nephew, especially when he saw the shape Simone was in, but it was usually just Alivia he watched because she was the one Simone enjoyed getting rid of the most.

David was basically raising Alivia on his own. She was practically always with him when Tommy was not home. He taught her all the important things, like how to read, write, and pray. She was a very bright girl for her age who learned very quickly. David was an incredible man with a wonderful personality. She loved to be around him, until he lost his parents. They died a couple of months apart about two years after he came home. He did not take it well at all. He became just like his big sister, losing himself in alcohol and drugs, only he preferred whiskey and cocaine to her vodka and heroin. Still, the kids loved him, especially Alivia. They wanted to believe this behavior was only temporary for him. Unfortunately it was not. He got worse as he dove deeper into the bottle everyday until the night he became too far gone for redemption.

This particular Friday night he had drank two full bottles of his whiskey and was very high on his cocaine, which was normal for him by this point, but he seemed different. He was smiling, which he had not done in a while. He spent most of the night just sitting, smiling, and staring at Alivia. It was just the two of them that night and he was making her nervous so she decided to call Simone and ask to go home. Simone told her to stop being a little bitch and grow up. Then she hung up the phone. There was no one else to come get her so she decided to go to bed early and pray Simone would be there when she woke up. That was the first time she ever prayed on her own. At about 2 a.m. David came into her room and woke her up, telling her how beautiful she was and stroking her hair. He started putting his hands all over her body. She told him to stop, but he would not listen.

Just relax and you’ll start to like it like all the big girls do, he said.

David pinned her down and climbed on top of her. He would not get off no matter how much she screamed and cried. She fought as hard as she could to keep him from getting her clothes off. She scratched him, bit him, pushed him, and even punched him a couple of times. She found out the hard way a few seconds later that he could punch a lot harder. He hit her three times, once in the rib cage and twice in the chest. Then he spread her legs and forced his way inside of her. Just like that, at barely 6 years old, Alivia had her virginity stolen by her uncle. She spent the rest of the night crying and praying that Simone would come and get her until she finally cried herself back to sleep. In the morning David fixed her breakfast and sat her in front of the TV to watch cartoons like nothing had happened, but she was not hungry, and she damn sure was not in the mood for Looney Tunes. She sat in the living room too mortified to move or make a sound until Simone finally came. When she and Simone got home she told Simone what David had done to the best of her ability.

Uncle David hurt me. He took off my clothes and he went between my legs and it hurt really bad, she said.

Simone stopped what she was doing and stared at Alivia without a word. She walked over to her and slapped her so hard she fell to the floor.

You good for nothing lying little bitch! she shouted.

I’m not lying, mommy, Alivia said tearfully.

Yes you are. I know you are! David would never do anything like that, and if you ever say that about my brother again I’ll kill you, Simone said. Needless to say Alivia was too scared to mention it to anyone else, even though she was raped again every time she went back to David’s house alone.

Tommy noticed something different about her almost right away. So did her teachers. She was quieter, sadder, and kept to herself a lot more. They all kept asking her what was wrong, but she was too afraid to tell again so she lied. She told them all she was fine. No matter how many times they asked, no matter how many times it happened, she never said a word. Even 7 months later when she was raped by Jeremy, the 14 year old next door neighbor, she still kept it to herself. She went home, scrubbed herself in a bath, and cried herself to sleep. That was how she dealt with it.

The one time Jeremy raped Alivia was nothing to her compared to David, who raped her countless times for about a year until she could not take it anymore. She came home from his house one day and decided she had to get the hell away from him and Simone once and for all. She found one of Tommy’s old suitcases and filled it with as much as it could hold and then bolted for the door. Tommy and Alijah were both gone and Simone and Alissa did not care enough to stop her so she was free and clear to leave, but she saw something on her way out that stopped her in her tracks.

Alissa was in her room sitting on her bed popping her wrist lightly with a rubber band. After a few pops she stopped and took the rubber band off. She picked up a razor blade that was sitting next to her and cut her wrist. Alivia was so shocked that she forgot she was not supposed to see what she had just seen. She let her curiosity get the best of her and burst into Alissa’s room demanding an explanation.

What did you do that for? she asked.

Get out of my room, Alissa said.

Not until you tell me why you did that.

It’s no big deal. I’m just stressed out. I hate school. I hate dad for not being here. I hate mom for always being drunk, and a bunch of other crap in my life is screwed up too. I just cut myself to make me feel better, ok? Now get the hell out, said Alissa.

Alivia paused for a second as she thought about her own problems and decided that maybe cutting her wrist would make her feel better too.

I’m not leaving until you show me how to do it, she said.

Don’t be stupid. You can’t cut yourself. You’re only seven, Alissa said.

So what. You’re only fourteen. You better show me or I’ll go tell on you right now!

Fine, I’ll show you, you little brat, but you better not tell! Get over here, Alissa said.

She wrapped her own wrist to stop the bleeding. She picked up her rubber band and put it on Alivia. She started popping it just like she had done to herself. After a few pops she took it off and showed Alivia how to cut herself. They stood there staring at each other in awkward silence as Alivia bled, feeling like sisters for the first time in their lives. From then on that was how they bonded. Whenever Alivia came from David’s, when Alissa had a bad day at school, or sometimes just for the hell of it they would cut themselves. Alissa even bought Alivia her own set of razor blades as a secret birthday present when she turned 8. They perfected the art of hiding their scars with makeup, which they easily stole from Simone who hardly ever used hers. The girls went a whole year without getting caught, until Tommy told the family they were moving.

His business was doing so well he wanted to expand it. They were moving to New York. Alivia was ecstatic, she could not wait to get the hell out of Reno so she could be far away from David, but Alissa was not happy at all. She hated school, but she loved Nevada. Her friends and her whole life were there. Needless to say her first instinct was to cut herself. She started popping the rubber band that was always on her wrist, thinking no one was paying attention. Simone and Tommy did not notice, but Alijah did. He realized what she was doing right away. He followed her to her room. He was furious when he saw her cut herself. She told him Alivia was doing it too, thinking that would take the heat off herself, but that only made him angrier at her for teaching that to Alivia. He stayed in her room for about 3 hours yelling at the both of them for being so stupid and careless with their lives and telling them how one screw up was all it would take for them to kill themselves. It all went in one ear and out the other for both of them. When he threatened to tell Tommy if he ever caught either one of them cutting themselves again, that was enough to grab their attention and make them stop.

Chapter 2

About a month later the whole family was packed up and headed east to a new home, new schools, and new lives. Alivia could not have been more excited. She was in awe of and in love with New York from the second they hit JFK. Her anticipation only grew as they got closer to Manhattan. As soon as they got to their new home Tommy, Alijah, and Alivia started unpacking right away, but Simone and Alissa refused to unpack, as if leaving their things in boxes would somehow get them back to Reno. Eventually they started moving on with their lives just like the rest of the family. The kids all loved their new schools, Tommy loved his new office, and Simone actually got herself a job. She became a massage therapist, although to no one’s surprise she was fired after about 4 weeks because she could not stay sober. By this point she was not even trying to hide her drinking because she knew Tommy would not leave her. If he would have left she would have made him leave Alijah, Alissa, and Alivia with her just like he had to leave Brandy with Tori back in Reno. He could not bear the thought of Simone cutting him out of his children’s lives, or putting them through a nasty custody battle, so he ignored her addictions.

Meanwhile, while Tommy pretended to not see his wife’s drinking and drug problem, Alissa decided to be more proactive about finding a solution. She stole Simone’s drugs and alcohol when she passed out. She buried the heroin in the backyard and rationed out the alcohol to Alivia. Alivia had no idea what it was at the time but she was young and it was liquid and her big sister told her to drink it, so she did. Alissa was very careful, she figured out just how much to give Alivia so she would not pass out or get sick like Simone, but she still got her pretty drunk. No one noticed Alivia’s drunken behavior because Alissa gave her the alcohol when no one was around. One day Simone smelled the vodka on Alivia’s breath and she was livid. Alivia was in deep shit, but the funny part was Alissa had gotten her so drunk that she did not care. Even when Simone stripped her down and beat her, Alivia barely felt it thanks to the alcohol. She still had no idea what she was drinking, but now she understood why Simone liked the clear juice so much. It tasted awful, but it made her feel invincible. Mommy Dearest could not hurt her anymore no matter how many times she hit her, no matter how hard she swung. Even when she left her bleeding on the floor, Alivia didn’t feel the pain for too long after she had some more clear juice.

After a while Simone realized that it was really Alissa stealing her stash, and why she was doing it, so she started drinking her vodka and doing her heroin right outside the place she got it from.

Since Simone had found a new way to keep her drugs and liquor to herself, Alivia had to find a new way to pass the time outside of school without being drunk. She was reading one of Alissa’s magazines one day when she saw an ad for a modeling agency looking for new faces ages 10 years old and younger. Auditions were being held in New York in 2 weeks. She ran to Simone and Tommy and tried to talk them into taking her, but Simone said no right away.

You’re too damn ugly to be a model and you don’t stand a chance in hell of getting picked. I’m not wasting my time with that, she said.

Thank God for fathers like Tommy. He had a very different opinion. Don’t listen to her, Livi. You’re beautiful, and you have every chance of getting picked. I’ll take you to that audition myself, he said.

Tommy did take her, and not only did she get picked to be one of the new models, she was being booked for print ads and commercials within a week. It is true when they say the best revenge you can get on someone who has told you you cannot do something is to prove them wrong. Alivia did just that to Simone and was damn proud of it. She went in and filmed her very first cereal commercial. As soon as it was done the director started talking to Tommy about getting her into more serious acting.

Hell no. She’s not going down that road, Tommy said.

His mind was made up. He did not want any of his kids getting sucked into the notorious Hollywood scene, especially at such a young age, but after 2 weeks of constant badgering and begging Alivia convinced him to let her have a chance. Her first audition was for the part of young Nala in a Broadway production of THE LION KING. She got the part and spent every weeknight of the summer performing. Once summer was over Tommy decided it would be best for her to leave the show and concentrate on school, but when summer rolled around again he let her audition for another play. This time it was Annie. The 2nd director cast her as little orphan Pepper but when the 1st director saw her performance she personally bumped her up to the lead. She received her very first rave reviews on opening night and caught the eye of one man imparticular, Malcolm Layton, a very famous actor/writer/director/producer from Hollywood.

Malcolm was almost the same age as Tommy. He looked a bit like him too, only taller, leaner, and he only had a few strands of grey in his wavy hair. He had a new series in the works called Brat Brigade which required young actors and actresses to play orphans. He was very impressed with Alivia’s acting and told Tommy she was exactly what he was looking for. He spent about 3 hours trying to convince Tommy to let Alivia go to California for a screen test, but again it was only Alivia’s persistence that made him cave. The screen test went excellently and Alivia was officially offered a part. Tommy reluctantly let her accept.

So there it was; Alivia, who had just turned 10 years old, had been discovered. It was eating Simone alive that so many people loved Alivia instead of her precious princess Alissa. Tommy found someone he trusted to run his New York office and the family packed up again to move to California, except for Alijah who was 22 years old now and living on his own. He chose to stay in New York with his girlfriend Kyra.

When Alivia, Tommy, Simone, and Alissa arrived at LAX they were greeted by the driver Malcolm hired. He took them to the 5 star hotel penthouse suites Malcolm rented for them until they found a place.

Alivia loved Hollywood even more than she loved Manhattan. From the time she saw the sign she felt like she belonged there, and she was determined to prove that she did.

About a month later, a week before Brat Brigade started filming, Tommy and his family found a house in Sherman Oaks. They all liked their new home and started settling in. Malcolm took Alivia under his wing, which made her a little nervous at first because that was what David had done, but Malcolm turned out to be a very different man, much to Alivia’s relief. He became like another father to her in the absence of Tommy, who was very busy trying to start a new L.A. office for his business. She was able to call Malcolm whenever Tommy was gone and Simone got to be too much to bear. He was a happily married man too, so Alivia never worried about him coming into her room at night. His wife Vanessa, the natural beauty with a very simple flair, kept him very satisfied.

Alivia’s personal closeness to Malcolm made it that much easier when they worked together on screen since the