If Only Regrets Were a Good Thing

By C.L. Thompson

The main character of the story begins her story at age three and goes to the present day. She has lived through, devastation, molestation, brutality, but applys humor to most of her greif, misery, tradgedy, hopelesness, perversion. Faith and Hope are the end result. All of the experiences in the Book are true as she remembers.The Book offers hope, for someone who might think life is to harsh or has been hopeless. She goes through many stages of her life and adds a flash of humor all through the Book and remains an optomist to the end, with a few detours in between!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 29, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456761592

C.L. Thompson

She is a women who has had quite a life. it seemed as an adult that no matter what kind of decision she made it was almost always wrong. She has spent her life seeking "Joy and Happiness" as most people do but was to trusting and believed anything and everything. Now she still see's life as a wonderful thing but has much more caution in mind when making decisions.She loves to be around children especially her many grandkids. Her main objective in life is to love and be loved, to be generous to those in need and give comfort to those who are heartbroken.

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© 2011 C.L. Thompson. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 4/27/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4567-6159-2 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4567-6160-8 (dj)

ISBN: 978-1-4567-6161-5 (sc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011906597

Printed in the United States of America

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Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty Two

Chapter Twenty Three

Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty Five

Chapter Twenty Seven

Chapter twenty Eight

Chapter Twenty Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty One

Chapter Thirty Two

Chapter Thirty Three

Chapter Thirty Four

Chapter One

I was born in a small Town as poor as everyone else in my surroundings, it was 1938. I was born number four out of five, four girls and one boy. i was Born at Home!

Life was not something I was keenly aware of yet, until the day my mother took me to a place that stayed with me like wet sand between my toes. Mom was crying as she led me to her destination, why I was the only child of her five that she decided to take with her is beyond my comprehension, I could not imagine (today) anyone taking a three year old to such a place without realizing the impact it would have for the rest of a Childs life. The place we went to was quiet and somber, to say the least. There was a giant box and it was covered with Lavender Netting, like a Baby Bassinet but grown up size. As my Mom sobbed and sobbed I knew this was not good. When I tugged at mom’s dress to see why she was crying she just sobbed and said that Ora had died. My memory was jogged, I knew a lady named Ora, and we used to go to her house to visit. She had a thing in her sink with a handle, that you could pump up and down and water would come out of it, there was One in her back yard but bigger. Ora had a metal cup that you put the water in. I loved to drink from that Cup and taste the cold water in my mouth.

Mom decided to lift me up to see Ora as she laid in her Lavender Coffin. I was sure she was asleep and of course she was the forever kind!

My next memory was with my dad. I loved my daddy with every Heartstring that could come from a loving attachment. He was so fun and always playing with his kids. He was strict for sure but fair as fair could be. We were in a house and I remember being on a roof looking out at lot’s of houses. There were no sides on the roof. I knew that was not a place I had ever been. I was not alone I was with my little Sister April and Mable, Mable was supposed to be my dad’s housekeeper. I know she did housekeeping because I remember her hanging cloths on the rooftop. My mom stood on the ground in our yard when she hung her cloths. One day Mable told me to stay in the house and take care of my little Sister so she could go on the Roof. She went up some very steep stairs and disappeared. The next thing I remember is after pouring the detergent on my Sisters head and adding a little water, she started to scream. Mable was there so fast and reassuring both of us that everything was going to be all right. I never felt guilt for that day because I had no idea why my sister was crying or what I had done.

One morning I came to my dad’s room and wanted to get in bed with daddy and Mable, they lifted me up and I saw nakedness! They were warm and cozy and so was I. They stayed covered as much as possible but I saw the bare skin. When we went home to my mom she questioned me about my visit. I told her what I thought happened, the best I knew how. I was Washing Sissy’s hair and she cried, and of Course I told her that daddy and Mable were naked in the bed. Well! My mom came unglued, it wasn’t that long ago that they had separated (my dad’s choice) and since Mable was supposed to be The Housekeeper it didn’t set well with mother. She kept me and the rest of my siblings from seeing our daddy for a long time! Well! It seemed like a long time, it was probably just a few weeks.

Once my mommy and I were visiting a friend of my mom’s’ she had lots of friends and never ever forgot any of them, until the day she died. On this day I suppose it was warm weather because I was outside but then I always wanted to be outside, rain or shine (as my mother use to say). I just loved everything about the outside world. On this particular day I heard a sound that I never remembered hearing before. There was a truck coming up the dirt road and it had music in it, it was such pretty music, ( it reminded me of something I had heard before) Suddenly my mom’s friend came bounding through her door hollering and yelling to the Music Box Car...Stop! Stop! She yelled but it just kept on going. She gave me a Nickel and told me to run as fast as I could to catch the truck, and the man inside would give me an Ice Cream, well… even at my age I knew what that meant, so away I went running after the Truck as fast as any child could at almost four years old. The truck finally stopped... just before I almost choked to death on dust, the man gave me a Popsicle and I gave him the Nickel. The Ice Cream had eight sides, two sticks and was Orange. I had never seen a Popsicle before so I ran back to the house and to my surprise my Mom broke it in half and now I had two! I remember sitting on the big porch and enjoying life to the fullest for a child. Mom was back inside chatting - her favorite thing to do. It cost her, her marriage, all that talking, along with the lack of caring about the family needs, like cooking and cleaning. My Dad was use to having things running smooth at home when he was a child. As for Mom she was from a nice Home ran well by a housekeeper and my dotting grandmother. I suppose Mom was a bit pampered and never had the desire to keep up with a house full of kids (screaming Kids as she use to say,) and a tired and hungry husband!

…So he left her…

He tried to get his Children (as letters would someday tell) but Mom said, no way! In the forties there wasn’t a man on the Planet (unless he had millions) who could get custody of his children even if his wife had died! This is when the Housekeeper story came into the picture. Dad had found another women and they moved to The Bay area, where the House with the flat Roof came into my World. Of course Mable was her name, wonderful sweet, loving Mable. She was the perfect replacement for my daddy, and a darnn good Housekeep! It must have been after my daddy married our new mom, that we shared a home with my Aunt, she was my daddy’s sister.

The House was on X Street. For some reason the Street always stuck with me and the two Story House we lived in now and again. We lived upstairs! There were six of us and it was still in the early forties, so things were tough everywhere, at least in our world. I suppose Mom had to let our Dad keep us but only until she had a place of her own,

I remember once when our family was sitting in the front room that someone said Look Daddy a Man is looking in the Window. My Dad shot up like a Streak of Lightening he then opened the window and shoved the Ladder backwards then ran outside to pursue the intruder. The man was cold and hungry and trying to find something to eat...even if he had to break in. I imagine he had no idea that anyone was home. My Dad had mercy on him and let him go. I know he let him go because we were all looking out of the Window to see the commotion. My daddy scolded all of us including my daddy’s new wife, Mable. He said what if the man had a Gun we could have gotten shot. Kids never think of that, they only want to see what is happening. My new mom was just as curious.

The next time I had a striking memory was in a House near a Park and Zoo. My Daddy was building the House and we were living in it as he built it. My brother Alvin and my Sister Snooker use to take a gallon Jug to neighbors to get drinking water for us. I never got to get the water because I was too small. I really wanted to go because my brother always bragged about the Fruit the people gave him. Of course he wouldn’t bring anything back...just the Banana peel. I suppose I begged and begged one day so daddy let me try to get the Water. I did it and the People gave me a Big Yellow Fruit and of course I wanted to show everyone! My Daddy and Mable were real pleased at my strength and determination. I sat down to eat my Pear and my Daddy said (and I will never forget it,) are you going to share your Pear and of course I said no! My Brother never shared and so I felt in my little mind that it was mine and mine alone. Well! Daddy sat me on the table (right in the middle) and had everyone gather around, and then he said the words that tore my Heart out, go ahead and eat your fruit. All Eyes were on me and of course I just couldn’t eat a bite. I remember crying and crying and then my Daddy asks if I was ready to share. The fruit was split up evenly but I could hardly swallow. To this day I just have to share; I can barely eat in front of anyone...even if they aren’t hungry.

In that same place there were wild Horses behind an Electric Barb Wire Fence. The Park kept them there for training purposes. They had a Stable and Riding Trails. My Tiny sister toddled off one day and suddenly she was under the Fence. She always loved Horses! As the Story goes, she was standing under one of the Horses and it did not try to hurt her in any way. We were all calling her to come back but why should she; little Girls don’t listen, not when a Horse is near. We all had a hand in coaxing her back and I’m sure a few years were taken off of my Dad’s life.

I know all of us Kid’s were moved around a lot from family member to family member as the War of Custody and Support wore on. My Mom had no work skills and had no intention of getting any. She did land a seasonal Job once, at the local Almond Growers. She often bragged about being the best Nut scanner they had! It was for six weeks. Mom had a picture of herself at that Job, she often brought it out to show anyone who would listen. Why she never returned is a mystery to me…It was a great place to work! I know because I was there for a Season myself.

Chapter Two

We moved to a place where my Mom did get a very small part-time evening Job (mopping floors) across the street, from a dump we were dumped in. My Grandmother and Grandfather found it for us. It was nine dollars a month. Mom had pretty much decided to make my daddy pay in every respect for leaving her. She decided we could not see him anymore, unless he paid Child support. She had him Jailed several times for non support. Once we moved into our Dungeon of a House He was afraid to come anywhere near that House or us for fear of some sort of vengeful act from my mom.

Mom always kept a Diary. After she died it was apparent just how vengeful she was on the whole subject. Dad had given her money many, many times but she told us he never gave her a single dime! She had marked in that Diary in the back, the many times he had given her Cash and how much! For the time I thought it was a lot of Cash!

Anyhow we had real hard times in that place or so I’m told. Myself I never remember being hungry, painfully hungry, but my older sister and my brother ... to this day are Hoarders and can painfully recall starvation. They always have food and plenty of it these days.

In that dwelling (place to stay, dump, rats nest, temporary harbor, etc.) on sixteenth and C Street, we lived near and like Hobos. There was a Railroad Track about twenty feet from our house. Bum’s were near our Shack a lot of the time, walking right down our Street…(aka) Alley. They always walked by our place and down the Railroad Tracks. At night Mom would say, Grant… It is time for bed. She always talked real loud. I use to wander why she said that since my Daddy was not there. She later said it was to scare any intruders off.

One day our mom called us in from play. She said we had to be punished for playing nasty. It seemed that our older Sister Trudy had told mom that me, Snooky and Alvin plus Delbert (our neighbor) were doing some naughty things. My moms’ punishment was harsh; she spread our legs open and sprinkled Pepper in the cracks...that...hurt...Ouch!! My brother got the same treatment but he had a different organ so she pulled the skin back. What in the world was she thinking? Anyhow we screamed and screamed and I remember her feeling much remorse. She grabbed some pans of water and had us sit in them. What else could she do, we didn’t have any kind of Bathtub? I do remember the burning. I never did understand what she meant by Playing Nasty. My older Sister Trudy was snickering in the background, but I don’t think she new either.

We use to get taken to our grandparents house and our Aunts and Uncles Homes often, but not my Daddy’s. They knew just how desperate we were. I’m sure Dad was able to see us from a distance. My Dad never stopped trying to get us from mom, well, that is until he re-married when I was twelve.

When we still lived in the Shack, We pretty much ran wild. Mom just didn’t seem to think we could be hurt. My brother, Alvin and sister Stooky use to cross over the Tracks…there was a City Dump there! Pretty sad that a Child has to look in a Dump site for food! Once I followed them and when I opened a small box… there were small puppies in that box but they were not alive. I have never forgotten that cruel act and have always wondered what kind of person would do such a thing!

There was a man that lived around the corner. He was Mr. Hood and his wife lived there. They were old! Mom said they were near their eighties. We use to ask Mrs. Hood for Cookies, she was so nice and gave us what she could. She would ask us to wash our hands first. That was the best thing that ever happened to me at that time. The soap was salmon color and smelled like nothing I had ever smelled. It was called ‘Life Boy!’ They also had a Bing Cherry Tree. It was right by the Kitchen door. I ate a lot of Fruit from that Tree, and any other Tree I could find.

One day I went to see the Hoods and as I came near Mr. Hood came out the backdoor, I was alone! He had his Penis out and very erect as he came towards me, I had no idea what was going on. I know my brother use to go Pee, Pee from that place in his pants, but I had never seen anything like this before. He checked his mail and then went back in his house. Another time when I knocked on the door he let me in. He sat down in his easy Chair pulled out his Penis and began to say the F.... word over and over again, as he waved it around. I was still clueless and ask if I could wash my hands with the wonderful salmon colored soap. He agreed and I did. When I came out of the bathroom he asks me to get up on his Bed. I did what he said. He pulled down my (I’m sure) dirty under ware. He then closed all the curtains in the room and then tried to penetrate me. Thank God for watching over me. Mr. Hood had no success so he asks me... (I swear), to promise to come back when I grew up and I said I would. What a perverted freak! I was four and a half! I never told my Mom or anyone else for that matter. I talked about it after I grew up but it was too late for his punishment, he was (already) dead. Again my Mom sent me on a mission... to the corner to get some Coal Oil. Mr. Hood owned the Service Station. Mom told me to take my baby sister with me. Mr. Hood tried to persuade me that if we would come into his (little hole in the wall office) that he would give us a Sucker...You guessed it! I took my Sister home in a hurry. I knew what he offered was not Candy. I never told my Mom about that either.

A whole lot of memories come from the trashy place on sixteenth and C Street. There was a Train Trestle