You Don't Have to Die to Be Free

By Linda L.

You Don't Have to Die to Be Free is an insightfully honest biographical account of the impact of an alcoholic's relapse. Told from the point of view of the wife of an alcoholic, this is the story of how she manages to maintain her sanity and come out ahead.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Aug 14, 2003
• ISBN: 9781412211307

Linda L.

Linda L. grew up and continues to reside in small town Oklahoma. She has been married to Tom for 39 years and has two grown daughters. She manages a successful business in Kansas, travels, and enjoys the many challenges of life.

Book preview

You Don’t Have to Die to Be Free—

One Al Anon’s Journey to Wholeness

Image3051.PNG

by

Linda L.

Trafford Publishing

© Copyright 2003 Linda L. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Email: [e-mail]

Cover design by Terry Prescott

Layout by The Right Type, Wichita, Kansas

National Library of Canada Cataloguing in Publication Data

L., Linda

 You don’t have to die to be free / Linda L.

ISBN 1-4120-0168-4

ISBN 978-1-4122-1130-7 (eboo)

 1. Recovering alcoholics—United States—Biography. I. Title.

179090.pdf

This book was published on-demand in cooperation with Trafford Publishing. On-demand publishing is a unique process and service of making a book available for retail sale to the public taking advantage of on-demand manufacturing and Internet marketing. On-demand publishing includes promotions, retail sales, manufacturing, order fulfilment, accounting and collecting royalties on behalf of the author.

10987654321

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1  Not Again!

Chapter 2   Growing Up Dysfunctional

Chapter 3   Growing Up Alcoholic

Chapter 4   Free At Last

Chapter 5   The Journey Begins

Chapter 6   Frightening Developments

Chapter 7   Seeking Help

Chapter 8   Change Begins With Me

Chapter 9  Growing Stronger

Chapter 10   The Good Years

Chapter 11   Nightfall

Chapter 12   Muddling Through

Chapter 13   Business Woman

Chapter 14   Wanting to Die

Chapter 15  Detaching

Chapter 16   Treatment Centers

DEDICATED TO

MY SHINING STARS

STACEY AND KIMBERLY

Each day is given to us,

Uncluttered, fresh and clean,

Yesterdays’ troubles are in the past,

Tomorrows may never be seen.

Preface

What you are about to read is one person’s story. My story. It is not intended to be an instruction book. Nothing is to be construed as saying that this is the way to do anything. Heaven knows I’m not the expert. Instead, it is to be a book of inspiration. As you read about my life’s journey as an Al Anon (family member of an alcoholic) perhaps you will glean a tip or an idea or a bit of inspiration that may make your own journey a little easier.

Having been active in Al Anon for a number of years now, I have seen the new ones come in hurt, bewildered, confused, angry and at the brink of giving up. Some will come to one meeting and never come back. It may be because their alcoholic demands that they stop coming. (Many alcoholics fear for family members to received aid in recovery. Change is a threat to them.) Others fail to return because they expect Al Anon to tell them how to make their alcoholic stop drinking. (That’s what I looked for on my first visit—someone to help me solve the alcoholic’s problem.)

Those who come to Al Anon and give it a reasonable time to take effect, and those who actually work the Twelve Step Program will be delightfully surprised. At any Al Anon meeting anywhere in the world, you will find a wide variety of men, women, and children. They represent a wide range of age, occupation, ethnic background and social-economic levels. All of them have one thing in common. A loved one, or an acquaintance is an alcoholic and life with that alcoholic has spun out of control. All the things they have been attempting to do to help the situation have failed: pleading, cajoling, pampering, scolding, punishing, bargaining. It’s not until they come to Al Anon that they begin to understand why it fails.

Alcoholism is an insidious, and baffling disease. It may start out with our casually accepting unacceptable behavior. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the behavior become almost totally intolerable, and yet we continue to accept the behavior and it gradually becomes the norm in the home.

Because it develops so slowly, it never occurs to us to reach out for help. In fact, we spend a great deal of time and energy protecting our alcoholic. We learn to play games of pretend in order to cover up for the intolerable behavior. In doing so, we in essence enable the alcoholic to

continue in a downward spiral and never once suspect that we are not helping at all, but rather making matters worse. But because that is all we know, and control is all we have to cling to, it is frightening to let it go. But what will happen to our alcoholic? we ask. What happens if I stop doing all of these things that I have done all these years to help? The question is, has it helped? If so, why is life still spinning out of control? Why is the problem not solved?

It was only through Al Anon that I met people who understood how I hurt and yet did not placate or give me misguided advice. I met people who faced the truth, spoke the truth, and were unafraid of the truth. Only another Al Anon who has spent years covering up and lying, can appreciate how difficult speaking truth can be.

Many of the Al Anons I met had been walking the lonesome road much longer than I had, and their wisdom and insight was of inestimable value to me. Al Anons learn how to have joy and hope in the midst of impossible circumstances. They know how to be realistic and optimistic at the same time. They move out of denial, face the truth, and then deal with their own problems, allowing their Higher Power to take care of the alcoholic.

It took me a very long time to learn to detach and "let go and let God handle things in my life. Once I did learn, everything changed. I too learned to face truth and embrace it. Because of it I was set free to enjoy a life of serenity.

It is my hope that as you read my story, your own journey will be made a little easier. If my book has helped you in any way, please let me hear from you.

Linda L.

Chapter 1

Not Again!

I Have Something To Tell You

I could tell when Kimberly came into the kitchen that day that something was wrong. My seventeen-year-old high-school senior has always been pretty easy to read—open and honest. We lived on an acreage outside a small town in Kansas and Kimberly’s greatest love at that time in her life was for her horse and the sheep that she raised as a 4-H project. She’d just come from the barn where she’d been working with her horse and into the room with her she brought the aromas of leather and hay. Looking uncomfortable, she muddled about for a moment before she was able to come to