Toughest Battle

By Regina Pride

At eighteen, Brian Clark is ready to leave Akron Ohio and attend college at Ohio State. But when his parents are killed, he stays to raise his younger brother Tommy. Two years later, he falls in love with Pamela Carlyle. But when she becomes pregnant four years later, Brian can't put his life on hold again. He goes to school in LA, leaves Pam behind, and guilt drives him to drink and self-destruct. After he pulls himself together, he wonders if he can reclaim his family.

So begins Brian's story is Small Sacrifices. Now, in Toughest Battle, Brian has come home. It's five years later, and Brian is broke, homeless, and fighting to stay sober. But he also loves his family, and he will do anything to be worthy of them again.

Each day he fears he is too late. Tommy is now a grown man, who doesn't need or trust him anymore. Pam is engaged to another man, and fears giving her heart to Brian again. And Brian's daughter LaToya is a confused little girl who sees him as a stranger. But as Brian rebuilds his life, he tears down those walls and becomes a man they can believe in again. And to his utter joy, he believes Pam will finally let them have a new beginning.

But Pam's fiance, Greg Austin, and her scheming sister, Patricia Carlyle, are digging into Brian's past. And what they discover could destroy Brian's reunion with his family for good ...

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: May 31, 2001
• ISBN: 9781469706801

Regina Pride

Regina Pride lives in Cleveland Ohio, where she has been writing for over 20 years. Small Sacrifices is her first novel, and she is currently working on its two sequels.

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All Rights Reserved © 2001 by Regina Pride

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the publisher.

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CONTENTS

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER NINETEEN

CHAPTER TWENTY

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

EPILOGUE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

PROLOGUE

He shouldn’t be in a hotel room. It didn’t look like the Orchid, but it didn’t have to. The image of it and what it represented was forever etched in his mind. The loneliness. The cramped space. His body on the floor. The fifteen empty beer cans surrounding him, still not remembering he had drunk that many. He could do it again. The refrigerator wasn’t stocked with booze, but he could easily get it if Michael didn’t hurry and make the goddamn call…

Brian leaped from the bed and started pacing. He had to stop thinking about that. He’d almost died, and he still had the disease, but he didn’t want to drink anymore. It was just strange being back in Akron, so close and still so far away from his family. He wanted to go to them now, but it was impossible. Pam wouldn’t see him, and he couldn’t risk running into LaToya now. And he didn’t know where the hell Tommy was. He may not even be in Akron anymore, but Brian’s instinct said he was. But he wouldn’t know for sure until Michael Grant called him.

Brian glanced at his watch impatiently. It read three o’clock, but it was really six. He had forgotten to change it from LA’s time. He’d only been back in Akron three hours, and Michael had said it would take an hour to get to his mother’s apartment. Linda Grant was probably treating her son to a home cooked meal now. Brian saw them at the dinner table, reminiscing over the past, with Linda beaming proudly at the man Michael had become. Brian envied Michael that luxury. He had a right to bask in it, and he could hardly ask his mom for Tommy’s address the minute he walked through the door. But Michael had promised he’d do it tonight, and call Brian with the information. After all, Michael had listened to Brian’s story, helped him find a hotel, and driven him there when it had cost him time away from his mother. A boy that nice wouldn’t do all that and leave Brian hanging. Brian had sensed that kindness in Michael when they’d first met in college. What a miracle it had been to run into his old roommate in Los Angeles that Saturday morning. They’d barely exchanged five words in four years, but five minutes at an airport had revealed so much. Linda Grant had been Pam’s father’s mistress, and was now Pam’s best friend. And that bond with Pam could give Linda a connection to Tommy. It was a long shot, but it was all Brian had. And somehow his goal to find Tommy had to go right.

Thinking about drinking wouldn’t help, but Brian assumed that was normal. This was only his first day out of Wellington. He had the number of the sponsors Dr. Adams had given him, but the temptation wasn’t that great. He was reacting to all he had to do, and the devastation he’d face if he failed. Then, Brian knew he would need those numbers. Maybe even before then, because facing Tommy, then Pam, and then LaToya wouldn’t be easy. He wanted it more than anything in his life, but until Michael called he didn’t know where to begin. Pacing the room, watching the time, and imagining a cold beer was all he had now. But as he stopped mid-step, he realized that wasn’t so. He had the photo albums. Four books of memories of his loved ones, but none he’d ever allowed himself to share. For now, it was the only way he got to see them.

He had a separate suitcase for them. Brian picked it up, sat it on the bed, flipped it open, and pulled out the first book. He ran his hand over the vinyl cover, tearing slightly from his constant handling. He started to open it, but his hand shook, then he sat on the bed and clutched it to his chest. He treasured every picture Tommy had sent him, but he couldn’t look at them now. He couldn’t look and remember once again he wasn’t in a single one. He wanted to make new memories, and fill up more albums that would be even more precious than these. But God, what if he couldn’t? What if he couldn’t find Tommy? What if Tommy refused to see him if he did? What if Pam couldn’t love him again, and he lost LaToya before he even had her? How would he handle that? How would he go on? The thoughts swam in his head, and he didn’t have the strength to stop them. Maybe he could go to the bar downstairs. He just needed one brandy to calm his nerves.

Brian jumped at the first ring. He almost dropped the photo album, but he set it beside him as he answered the phone. Hello?

Hey Brian, it’s Michael, Michael said cheerfully, as if he had to identify himself. For now, he was the only person who would call Brian. Are you hanging in there?

Barely, Brian admitted. It’s been hell waiting, but I knew you had to take your time. I even thought about getting drunk, but you just saved me.

Thank God for that. Michael’s concern sounded sincere, and Brian suddenly had the desire not to disappoint him along with his estranged family. I can’t imagine what you’re going through now. I would’ve called earlier, but Mom wasn’t home when I got here. I tried searching her desk for an address book, but she keeps it in her purse. I didn’t want to call until I had exactly what you wanted.

Thanks, Michael, Brian said, amazed he would invade his mother’s privacy for him. You didn’t have to do anything at all.

Of course I did. I promised, remember? Anyway, it was an hour before Mom came home, and I didn’t bring up Tommy until dinner. She thought nothing of my interest since we’re the same age, and even gave me his number and address without my asking. You got pen and paper?

Right here. Brian grabbed them from the table and wrote them down. There it was. Finally. In black and white. He knew Michael would hear his voice break, but he didn’t care.

Thank you, Michael. I owe you one.

No you don’t. You owe it to yourself. Do you want me to stay on the line, if you need to talk?

He remembered Brian’s confession, and Brian smiled gratefully. No thanks. I’m okay now. You gave me exactly what I needed.

I’m glad. Good luck, Brian. I really think you deserve it. Michael hung up and left him alone with his thoughts.

Brian stared at Tommy’s new residence on the paper. The fear was still there, but all thoughts of booze were gone. He could begin now. He wasn’t going to stall. He had already done that for five years.

And if his little brother hung up on him, Brian would make him see he was finished running away.

CHAPTER ONE

Hello, Brian. Come on in.

Tommy barely looked at him as Brian entered the apartment. Brian stood in the hall expectantly, but Tommy closed the door and walked away, as if he didn’t care if Brian followed him. Brian wasn’t surprised by the cool reception, but it still hurt beyond meaning. He wanted to run to Tommy, and beg him to turn around to see how much he’d changed. But Brian was in no position to make demands. What could he demand of a little brother he’d refused to see in five years?

He’d asked himself the same question when he called Tommy last night. Brian was almost sorry he hadn’t waited an hour, like Michael had for his mother. Not because he was afraid to face Tommy, but it would have hinted his brother had some form of social life. After all this time, Brian hoped that was so, but Tommy had answered on the first ring.

Hello?

Hearing his voice was magical. It was the same joy Brian had felt when he’d called Pam and LaToya before Christmas last year. But this time, he finally had the strength to say something back.

Still, Tommy was growing impatient. Hello? Is anyone there?

Yeah, Tommy. It’s me. Brian.

This time Tommy was silent. Brian barely heard him breathing. Then, after the shock wore off, confusion settled in. How did you get my number?

It’s a long story, Tommy. I’ll tell you if you’re willing to see me.

You expect me to fly to LA just like that? Or are you living somewhere else now?

Yes, Tommy. I’m back home. In Akron.

Brian heard Tommy gasp, but to his credit, his voice was level. I see. When did you get back?

A few hours ago.

Where are you staying?

At a hotel. I’m not stranded out here.

Did I ask if you were?

There it was. The first bitter punch. Brian took it and prayed he was as strong as he thought.

You don’t owe me a thing, Tommy. That’s why I didn’t camp out on your doorstep. But we’re still brothers, and we need to talk. Can I come to your place tomorrow? There’s so much I need to explain, and make up for.

Tommy wanted to tell him no. The pleasure he would have gotten from that scared him. And he didn’t want to disappoint LaToya, whom he’d promised to take to the zoo tomorrow. But he hadn’t seen his brother in five years. He hadn’t heard from him in exactly a year, when he thought his need for revenge had driven Brian away for good. But apparently it hadn’t, and despite all the anger and pain, Tommy had to know if Brian was okay.

He also had to know what Brian was planning. You have my address? he asked, though he figured it was a stupid question.

Yeah. I recognize the street. I know how to get there.

Fine. Come by after breakfast. You remember what time we used to have it, don’t you?

Of course. I’ll be there by nine. I’ll have to take a bus, so I might be later.

Whatever. We’ll see how much we have to talk about.

But now Tommy wasn’t talking at all. Brian found him watering assorted plants in the window when he entered the living room. He had never known Tommy to have a green thumb, but so many things could happen over time. Like Tommy being able to afford an apartment as spacious as this. Brian recognized the furniture from their first one, where they had lived so lavishly with their parents. It looked better in a place where they could breathe in, than in the cramped dump he’d raised Tommy after they’d died. God, Brian had hated that place, and he was glad he didn’t have to go back…but Pam had made them a family there again. If it had had any worth, it had definitely been that. And Brian had been foolish enough to throw it away.

Tommy was close to drowning a spider. Brian decided to speak up, to build his courage as much as to distract Tommy. Thanks for letting me come here today. You could have easily refused.

Tommy laughed bitterly as he switched to a fern. Did I really have a choice, Brian? You always did whatever the hell you wanted.

That’s not true, and you know it. That stopped the day our parents were killed.

Tommy’s hand froze. Water splashed on the floor. He finally set the pitcher on the sill and crossed the room to the stereo. Brian still only saw a profile of his face, but even that told him how his remark had stung. It hadn’t been fair, but Brian decided it was best to ignore the damage for now.

Again, thanks for letting me come. I hope you didn’t have important plans today.

I did. I was going to take LaToya to the zoo. She was looking forward to it, but I can take her next week. It seemed better to get this out of the way first.

Brian’s heart lurched at LaToya’s name. Again, the little girl suffered because of him, without knowing he was the cause. You must’ve called Pam last night, he said softly. Was LaToya disappointed?

I didn’t talk to her. It’s her bedtime at that hour. Tommy pretended to be engrossed in his CD collection. I told Pam I was coming down with the flu. She wanted to come by today to check up on me, and though it took some doing, I convinced her I’d be fine.

Thank God for that. Brian couldn’t see Pam yet, but he would soon. And maybe one day he’d get a chance to take LaToya to the zoo himself.

An awkward silence stretched as Brian paced around the sofa. This is some place, he announced, to start conversation again. I would’ve killed for one like this when I was your age. How long you been here?

Almost a year. I moved soon after you called the night of our graduations. I thought I wouldn’t hear from you again, so I saw no reason to hold on to the old place.

Brian nodded, understanding his need to move on. How can you afford it? Do you still work at the Wagner store?

No. I put my degree to use and got a job at a bank. I’ve been there nine months. I started out as a teller, but now I open accounts for new customers and so forth.

That’s great. Brian felt genuine pride. I’m glad you’re doing so well. I remember Pam’s tutoring made you excellent with numbers.

Tommy shrugged. I do okay. The boss hasn’t thrown me out yet. What about you, Brian? Did you get the big future you were looking for in Los Angeles?

Brian told him the truth. No. It wasn’t there. What I wanted was here all along.

Brian saw his back stiffen. Tommy’s hand reached for the switch, but he didn’t turn on the stereo. Brian had had enough.

This is ridiculous, Tommy. I didn’t come all this way to talk to your back. Either turn around or I’ll jerk you away from that damn stereo.

Tommy remained still in need of defiance, then sighed and finally stopped avoiding his brother. Suddenly Brian wished he would turn back around. He didn’t know this man before him. His awkward, gangly little brother was gone, as he should’ve been after five years. In his place was a tall, nice-looking man with a build almost as broad as Brian’s. His gray eyes were no longer innocent or admiring, but hard and cool as they expressed their resentment of Brian. Brian felt another sad loss, when he didn’t get a chance to say good-bye to that boy. But somehow he would find a way to earn the respect of the man.

Tommy frowned at his scrutiny. What’s the matter? Do I fall short or something?

Of course not, Brian said. You look terrific. But you’re so different. A grown man. I’m not sure I would’ve recognized you.

There’s a big difference between eighteen and twenty-three. Nature works that way. You haven’t changed a bit, though. But that wasn’t exactly true. The maturity of Brian’s looks was there. Tommy searched for signs of any hard drinking: blood shot eyes, incoherency, a bloating stomach. But he was still as handsome as ever, and crazily, that made Tommy angrier.

Brian didn’t notice his brother’s inspection. I guess I haven’t physically, he responded to his comment. But there’s a big difference inside, as I’m sure it is for you. Can’t we sit down so we can talk about it?

I prefer you standing.

So I don’t get too comfortable?

Maybe. What the hell are you doing here, Brian?

Tommy asked it tiredly, as if he’d wondered about the answer all night. Brian wanted to be truthful, but where did he start? The fifteen beers? Wellington? He wasn’t ready for that yet. But he stared Tommy down and told him the most crucial part.

It’s simple. I want to live in Akron again. I want your and Pam’s forgiveness. And I want to be a father to LaToya.

Tommy’s hands gripped the back of a chair. Tall order, Brian. And just like that? After all this time?

No. It’s what I’ve wanted since I stepped on the plane to LA five years ago.

Then why did you get on it in the first place?

Because I was selfish. And scared. I thought I had to. You were eighteen. You could finally take care of yourself. But there was no way I could provide for Pam and our child. Not with two jobs at minimum wage and an occasional singing gig. Pam could with her trust fund, but I didn’t have a damn thing. Then when Candance and Matt lost our college funds, I snapped. I was afraid if I didn’t go to college somehow I would never make something of myself.

And that’s supposed to make it all better? All the pain and destruction you caused?

No. I’m just trying to explain how I was. That was how I thought then. I thought it was best to leave when I had nothing to offer my child anyway.

So what’s changed now? Is there some fancy job waiting to impress us all with?

Brian lowered his head, then looked at Tommy again. No. There’s no job. And very little money. I haven’t worked at all since I graduated, Tommy.

Tommy couldn’t hide his surprise. Then what have you been doing all year?

Again, Brian told half-truths. Thinking about the past. Having regrets. And wondering how I can make amends.

Their eyes locked. Tommy saw Brian’s pain, but he was far from ready to respond to it.

He sighed as he sat on the arm of the chair. You never said how you knew where to find me. I didn’t leave a clue in your post office box.

No, you didn’t, Brian said as he rubbed his neck. He saw Tommy wasn’t going to offer his couch, so he started pacing again. I tried to call you last Christmas, and discovered the phone was disconnected. For what it’s worth, I think I know how you felt when you came home and found my good-bye letter.

No you don’t. I didn’t deceive you. You left first. Go on.

Fine. Anyway, I couldn’t stand not knowing where you were, and I had to take care of something in LA before I could try to find you. I figured I’d ask around the old place as I waited for the plane. Then, I ran into my dorm roommate, Michael, and something incredible happened. Brian revealed who Michael was, along with how Michael had helped him with his plans.

Oh my God, Tommy hissed. I’ve heard Linda mention Michael once or twice. I knew he was in California, but not Los Angeles. It never fails how lucky you are.

I don’t think it was luck. Maybe it was fate. It was time for us to reunite, little brother.

Yeah, right. You probably knew who Michael was all along, and looked him up when you saw fit.

You’re wrong. I barely knew him in college, and I almost didn’t place him when I saw him at the airport. If you don’t believe me, call him at Linda’s. You’ll see then he’s no liar.

Then I don’t get it. Why would he help you? He’s got to understand how we feel about you.

He’s a good kid. He hasn’t taken sides. And he saw I really wanted to make amends.

Then he doesn’t know you like I do.

Shit, Tommy, is it that hard to believe? Brian sighed as he balled his fist. You know I never really let them go. I begged you for the pictures, and you sent all my gifts. You know in your heart I never stopped loving Pam and LaToya.

"I would’ve said that until a year ago. A year ago yesterday, in fact. That was the last time I heard from you until this miraculous visit. You

didn’t even say good-bye as I recall, and you made it clear you no longer needed to keep in touch with me."

The opposite is true in my memory. I told you I desperately wanted to come home. I told you I’d be on the next plane if Pam had the slightest hope for us. But you destroyed that dream by springing Greg Austin’s name on me.

She had a right to a life, Brian. She couldn’t wait for you forever. But she wasn’t even engaged to Greg then. You could have come back if you had really wanted to.

So Tommy hadn’t said Pam married Greg Austin. Brian’s brain had been so soaked that night that he had misinterpreted Tommy’s words. At least now he finally knew, but was it too late now? And how would he get through telling Tommy the reason he hadn’t returned?

If I could have, I swear to you I would have, he began. He kept his fist closed to keep it from shaking. But that was a very crucial time in my life. Something was happening to me that I couldn’t accept. I had to come to terms with it before I could consider coming home.

Tommy still wasn’t moved. And this was so earth shattering you had to wait another year? Bullshit, Brian. You didn’t get your way, and you got mad. You couldn’t stand the thought of Pam being with another man, instead of pining and mourning for you. You didn’t care for the competition, so you said the hell with it. But it doesn’t explain why you blew me off. It doesn’t explain why you didn’t answer my last note, or called Christmas and waited six months to find me. What’s your answer to that since you were so anxious to reunite?

Try a rehab center. I was drying out. I wasn’t released until yesterday morning.

Tommy flew off the chair’s arm. What did you say?

You heard me. I was in a rehab center. A place called Wellington. It wasn’t Betty Ford, but it was quite effective.

So there it was. Tommy finally knew. He knew Brian’s greatest weakness, and Tommy saw it was true. He saw Brian’s pain and shame, and the acceptance it must’ve taken Brian months to reach. As all that sank in, Tommy only thought of one thing to say.

So you finally know you’re an alcoholic.

This time Brian whirled around. Tommy was shocked by Wellington, but not by the disease. He had known way before Brian had, even by hearing him on the phone. Brian shook his head at his stupidity.

I shouldn’t be surprised you knew. Everyone knows before the drunk himself. I’m not sure if I ever called you before I was half lit.

Not after I told you about LaToya, Tommy said softly. That she was born two months early, and we almost lost her. You were never the brother I remembered again.

Brian’s chin shivered. How he remembered that day. And he would never forget his child wouldn’t have suffered if he had been there to protect her.

Tommy knew Brian was back in time. Suddenly it seemed foolish to keep him on guard. You look tired. Go ahead and sit down.

It was a small victory, and