Finding Someone

By Susan Reabuck

Tracy was just beginning to find herself after the loss of her husband five years ago when tragedy struck again. Reeling from her son's near-fatal car accident the last thing she thought she would find was Kurt. 
Kurt moved his son from California to Pennsylvania to start a fresh life away from the horrors of his old life. When he almost loses him in a car accident. The last thing he expects is to meet Tracy. 
Can a shared trauma bring these two lost souls together? Or will it just end in more heartache for both of them?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Susan Reabuck
• Release date: Jul 8, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386319719

Book preview

Chapter 1

Tracy sat back on the couch and closed her eyes. Everything had just been too much lately. She was trying to keep everything in balance in her life, but lately it seemed like she was losing an uphill battle. She knew she needed to get her butt up off this couch and throw some more laundry in. Then she needed to wash the dishes in the sink and she should probably run the vacuum cleaner too. It all seemed like too much right now though. She just wanted a break. A little time to herself to get her thoughts together and find the peace in her life.

She sat there for a minute and took a few deep breaths. It was no good and she knew it. Her mind wouldn’t let her rest. She knew that there were things that she needed to get done and until they were done she wouldn’t find her peace. Might as well just do them then. She got up off the couch her knees and back protesting the action and meandered down into the basement and threw in some laundry.

It wasn’t that Tracy wasn’t happy with her life. Quite the opposite. She had a nice house two great kids and a job that she loved. She knew that she had more than most and that she should just be happy. At forty years old she was doing good. Not to say that life hadn’t thrown her a whole pile of curve balls because it had, but she had trudged through them and was a stronger person for it.

She switched the laundry from the washer to the dryer and added new laundry to the washer. Then picked up the clean basket and took it upstairs. She pulled out a pair of her son’s jeans and looked at them. When had her two boys grown up so much? They were now fifteen and sixteen and it seemed like they were babies just yesterday. Jared and Mark had grown right before her eyes into these magnificent young men and she couldn’t be prouder. Not that she saw them very much anymore. Between school activities, sports and their friends (oh and their best friends their cell phones) she rarely spent quality time with them except for Sunday’s which she insisted that they spend together no matter what.

Jared was the older of the two boys and was very handsome. He played football, baseball and basketball and was very popular. He always had friends over until this year when he started driving and now he was out with them a lot of the time. He did good in school and was very responsible, so she was okay with him going out most nights. He knew that if his school work slipped that car she had bought him would be gone in a New York minute. He was tall like his father had been and had his dark hair. He looked so much like him sometimes that it made Tracy want to cry. Especially when he smiled. He had his father’s dimple on one side and a smile that made it very, very hard to say no to him or be mad at him when he flashed it at you.

Mark was his brother’s opposite even though they were extremely close. He had her lighter brown hair and even though he was almost as tall as his brother he did not have the muscular physique of Jared. He was tall and lanky. He had been playing baseball since he was five but was more into his music anymore. He had taken trombone earlier in school but had given that up for drums in sixth grade. Drums suited him better as he was always moving and could never sit still. Tracy had always loved music, so she had encouraged him from little to learn an instrument even if his constant drumming on things drove her insane at times. Who was she to complain? Their father had been a guitarist when they met. Had he not been playing at the bar she worked at in college she may never have met him. Mark had good grades too. He loved to read, and school came easy for him. He had a bright future if he kept on this path.

She got lost in her memories as she put away their clothes. She knew that they should probably be doing it themselves, but she wanted them to enjoy life and the truth was she didn’t mind taking care of them. She knew all too soon they would be out on their own and she would miss this.

She stood in front of her dresser putting away her own clothes and looked at herself in the mirror. The years had taken their toll. Especially the tough ones, but she wasn’t too bad off. Her hair was a nice chestnut color thanks to a half hour and a box every six week and still hung just below her shoulders in nice waves when it was down. Right now, it was up in a messy bun that went well with her yoga pants and tank top that were a welcome comfort after a pencil skirt and heels all day at work. Her body was not that of a twenty-year-old anymore. She had stretch marks and cellulite, but she was still trim not too much extra baggage. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that she now ate alone most nights and didn’t really cook much because cooking for one is just depressing. Her breasts were still a nice D cup although without a bra they were not what you might call perky anymore. Not that there was anyone to see them but her anyway. She sighed and resumed putting away the laundry. She wasn’t totally happy with the way she looked, but then again what woman was?

That task being done she went back downstairs and started washing the dishes. Tracy has a dishwasher a nice one, but she still prefers to do the dishes by hand. There is something almost therapeutic about standing at the sink looking out the window into the yard and watching the birds at her bird feeder or sometimes the deer that come into the yard. The best part is that it gives her time to think and reflect. She loves this house. It’s not big by any standards. It is a three-bedroom two story that her and Mike built right before Jared was born. They had saved and saved living in a tiny studio apartment, living off Ramen and canned soup most of the time so that they could build a home for their family. They had found the perfect piece of land on the outskirts of town in small town not too far from Allentown, Pennsylvania where Tracy worked as a teacher and Mike had a job in construction.

The neighborhood was just starting when they built, in fact they were only the second house on their street bordering onto farmland. There were now only a dozen houses on their road and so far, they had been lucky, and her view was still rolling hills of corn and hay. The house was only about a five-minute drive into town, but it felt like they lived in the middle of nowhere. It was a perfect place to raise a family. She knew all her neighbors and got along with all but one. You know the crazy old lady that lives down the block that always yelled at the kids to get off her lawn. Yeah her.

The house had a descent sized kitchen with a dining room off to the side. A huge family room that was always filled with comfortable furniture. The kind of family room that just asked to be filled with fun and laughter. The basement had been converted into a man cave of sorts. Leather furniture, big screen TV, Video games, a punching bag and of course the drum kit. Oh, and the washer and dryer were off in the corner along with a tiny bathroom. This was added when she found one of the boys peeing in the wash sink next to the washer one day. The upstairs was the three bedrooms and the main bathroom. The outside was done in half brick half white siding, but her favorite place was the patio out back. It was half covered so that she could sit out there in the summer and keep an eye on the boys playing and now she enjoyed going out there with her cup of coffee and a book and just drinking in the beauty of it all. Her kids used to call her favorite chaise lounge Mom’s Throne they probably still did. It was this heavy metal chaise that was on its fifth or sixth cushion and it was just the most comfortable piece of furniture that Tracy had ever owned. In fact, she had slept on it a few times after Mike’s death when she thought she couldn’t handle being in the house anymore.

Looking out over the fields always made her think of Mike. How they had stood there after they had bought the property and before they had built the house. They had just found out that Tracy was pregnant and although they had been planning to wait until they were slightly more established they were over the moon excited to raise their family here. She thought of all the nights she had spent standing right here at this very window washing these very same dishes while she watched Mike play with the boys in the backyard. He had been a great father. Even though he worked hard at work, he always made sure to come home and spend time with them. He coached their games when they were younger. Watched football with them. Took them hiking and camping. It always brought a tear to her eye to think about it. He was such a good father and husband. It wasn’t fair that he died so young.

Tracy was almost finished putting the dishes away when Mark came flying through the door.

Hey Mom.

Hi Mark. How was school and band practice?

Good.

Hungry?

Yup, is there still lasagna?

Yes, would you like me to heat it up for you?

Sounds good Mom. I gotta go do my homework the guys are coming over to practice in a bit.

With that Mark was gone disappeared into his room and Tracy was alone again. She pulled a container of lasagna out of the fridge and threw it in the microwave. She had started just cooking twice a week and then portioning everything out for the boys to eat whenever they were hungry. It was just not practical to cook a hot meal for them when she never knew for certain when they would be home. She waited until it was hot and grabbed a fork and took it up to him. He opened the door and took his food thanking her and then retreated to his space again.

Tracy went back downstairs. She had wanted to vacuum, but it would wait if Mark was doing his homework. She didn’t want to bother him, so she finished cleaning up the kitchen and grabbed the book she was reading and settled in the living room to take a break. She needed to grade papers for school, but she would have time when Mark’s friends showed up and made too much noises for her to read anymore.

A little while later she was brought out of her book when the doorbell rang, and Mark came barreling down the stairs to greet his friends. They waved to her as they grabbed sodas out of the fridge and went down to the basement. They had started a band called The Wild Childs. Their music was a sort of emo rock that she could have done without, but they weren’t half bad and truthfully, she was just happy that Mark had these friends. He had always tended to be more of a bookworm and kept to himself. This was good for him.

Knowing that reading was a futile task at this point, she put her book away and grabbed her work bag turning on the TV and settled in. She was a third-grade teacher at the local elementary school and loved every minute of it. Grading papers was not exactly her favorite thing, but while watching one of her shows that she recorded on the DVR it wasn’t so bad.

It was just about nine o’clock when Jared rolled in. He threw her a wave as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed himself some food and threw it in the microwave. Then, he grabbed a water out of the fridge and brought his food and water and sat next to her on the couch. Jared always made time to talk to her no matter how busy he was. She felt bad sometimes. He had become the man of the house the day Mike died, and he worried about her. She had great kids. She had finished her work and put it aside pausing the TV. They talked about their day as Jared ate his dinner. She told him some funny stories about the kids in her class and he told her about football practice and his plans for the weekend. She suspected that there was a girl in his life lately. She had noticed that he was dressing differently when he went out with his friends and he had started wearing cologne. She wouldn’t ask because she didn’t want to embarrass him, and she knew that he would be respectful of any girl he dated. He was just that kind of guy. He would tell her when he was ready. She respected his privacy, he confided in her about most things in his life and he knew that he could come her with anything he needed.

She smiled as he sat there falling asleep on the couch. This poor kid. She let him finish complaining to her about his Economics teacher and then smiled and told him to go to bed. He yawned for the hundredth time and got up putting his dishes in the sink and headed upstairs where she heard the shower turn on almost immediately. Soon after, Mark and his friends emerged from the basement and waved to her as they all left. Mark walked over and gave her a hug (he was good like that) and told her he was going to his room to watch Netflix and go to bed. She wished him a good night and decided it she might as well get to bed too.

She made sure that the house was all locked up and the lights turned out. Then she walked up the stairs to her room. This was the worst time of the day for her. Even after five years she still missed Mike. It was lonely sleeping by herself. She missed having someone to talk to. Someone to confide in. Her sons were great, but they weren’t a man and she couldn’t share her loss with them. She had to be the strong one. The one who held them together and took care of everything. Most days now she was fine. She had learned to be single again. She had learned how to fix things and how to take care of everything, but it wasn’t easy it was never easy, even though she only cried occasionally now. Some nights seemed to go on forever. She settled in with her mystery. They had become her new favorite. She had always enjoyed romance novels, but sometimes they were still too hard to read.

Chapter 2

Mornings were not Tracy’s favorite. Never had been. She hated those people that woke up at the crack of dawn all perky and happy. She was not one of those people and neither were her sons. Her morning routine was pretty much. Crawl out of bed after the second snooze. Reluctantly get showered and dressed then yell at the boys to get up. Jared usually was pretty good about not giving her too much trouble, but Mark was a hot mess. Everyone was pretty much on their own for breakfast at this point. Jared usually made himself a smoothie and bowl of cereal. Mark usually didn’t appear until Jared was ready to leave and since he got a ride with Jared it was usually an argument followed by Mark grabbing a granola bar and Jared threatening bodily harm if any crumbs were left in his car. Tracy had a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee before ushering the boys out the door with a kiss on the cheek (much to their chagrin).

Tracy left almost the same time as the boys. Elementary School didn’t start until an hour after high school, but she always had a ton of things to do in the morning and if she didn’t get there early she spent the entire day trying to catch up. Her drive was very short. The schools were located only about a mile from her house and when the weather was nice she rode her bike to school. The boys often walked home before Jared started driving. Mark still did when he couldn’t get a ride from his friends.

Soon, Tracy was in her classroom getting organized for the day. Her best friend Sheila popped in to say Hi. She taught Kindergarten and Tracy told her she was a Goddess for being able to do it. Kindergarteners were so cute, obviously, but it took the patience of a Saint to deal with them all day. It was not an easy job any way you looked at it. All the crying, fighting, pants peeing it was wayyyy more than Tracy wanted to handle on a daily basis, but Sheila loved it and she was good at it.

So, the girls are going out Friday night are you coming? Sheila asked like she did every third Friday.

No, I don’t think so. I have tests to grade this weekend. Plus, Jared has a game on Saturday.

Come on Tracy. Come out with us. You always have fun.

No, you guys always have fun. I sit there and have one or two drinks and then go home. I love you Sheila, but it’s just not my thing.

Sheila sat down on one of the desks and gives her a look.

You know what I’m going to say.

Yes, I do. So, don’t. Tracy says, she is really not in the mood for the lecture this early in the morning. She knows that Sheila is just concerned about her and coming from a good place, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Sheila gets up and grabs her by the shoulders.

Tracy, it’s been five years. It’s time to start living again. It’s time to find someone else.

Tracy pulls away.

I am living Sheila. I have my job. My boys and I know exactly how long it has been. It’s not that I am avoiding anything. I am not. I just want things simple in my life right now. I am forty years old and I like my boring existence. I really, really do. I am not unhappy like everyone thinks I am. I am good right now. Please just let it go.

Sheila takes a deep breath and lets it out.

We are all just worried about you. Me especially. I want you to be happy and I know that you say you are happy and maybe even have convinced yourself that it is true, but I don’t think it is. I think that you are lonely, and I worry. What is going to happen in two years when the boys are away at college and you are all alone in that house? Are you still going to be happy then?

Tracy felt the tears threaten her eyes. She really didn’t need to be crying right before class. Sheila saw this and immediately hugged her.

Tracy. I am not trying to upset you. I just want you to come out with us and have fun. I just want you to do more things for yourself. I miss you. I miss the fun old you. I miss sitting around drinking beers until all hours while our kids passed out in front of the TV. I miss picnics, road trips, camping. We used to do all of those things and now you don’t do any of them.

Tracy stepped back and wiped her eyes.

I know. We used to do those things as families. I have gotten better, but it is still hard for me to watch everyone with their husbands laughing and carrying on. It’s like I can see Mike there sitting with Henry and Jack making off color jokes and talking sports. I still haven’t gotten used to being the only single person there. I miss being married. I loved being married and it’s not that I don’t want to find someone else. I think I am ready for that. It’s just that dating sucks.

Sheila smiled. I think that is the first time I have heard you admit that you are ready.

Well, everyone keeps pushing me. You, my sister, my Mom. You know I went out on a couple of dates. I went out with that horrible guy my Mom set me up with. The one that took me to that foreign film and I slept through most of it. Then there was that guy my sister set me up with that took me to a model train meet and I spent six hours listening to him go on and on about trains. Then let’s not forget the guy you talked me into going out with from the bar. You know the one that fell in love with me that night and stalked me for the next six months. Showing up everywhere I went. Asking me to marry him. I just don’t feel like doing all of that right now. I’d rather spend the night with my books than with some creep if I have the choice. They are much better company.

Sheila just shook her head. I get it. I really do. We all just want to see you happy and sometimes you have to sort through the thorns to find the rose.

Well this girl isn’t ready to keep pricking her fingers.

Fair enough. I will leave you alone for now. Have a great day sorry if I upset you and think about Friday night. I promise I won’t try and set you up. Just come out and have fun.

Tracy waved to her as she left. She knew that she would have to join the girls from school one of these Friday’s or they would